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There was an old granny named Flo
she came down with gangrene on her toe,
so she went to the dentist
who was known as adventist
and he said 'it's a tooth for a toe.'

limerick by Herbert Nehrlich
Added by Dan Costinaş
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The Little Old Lady From Pasadena

Its the little old lady from pasadena
Its the little old lady from pasadena
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
Got a pretty little flower bed of white gardenias
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
But parked in her rickety old garage
Is a brand new shiny red super-stock dodge
And everybodys saying theres nobody meaner
Than the little old lady from pasadena
She drives real fast and she drives real hard
Shes a terror out on colorado boulevard
Its the little old lady from pasadena
You can see her on the street just gettin her kicks now
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
With her four speed stick and her four-twenty-six now
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
Shes gonna get a ticket now sooner or later
cause she cant keep her foot off the accelerator
And everybodys saying theres nobody meaner
Than the little old lady from pasadena
She drives real fast and she drives real hard
Shes a terror out on colorado boulevard
And everybodys saying theres nobody meaner
Than the little old lady from pasadena
She drives real fast and she drives real hard
Shes a terror out on coloradooulevard
Its the little old lady from pasadena
If you see her on the street dont try to choose her
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
You may have a goer but youll never lose her
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
The guys come to race her from miles around
But shell them a length and shell shut em down
And everybodys saying theres nobody meaner
Than the little old lady from pasadena
She drives real fast and she drives real hard
Shes a terror out on colorado boulevard
Its the little old lady from pasadena
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
Granny go
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
Granny go
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
Granny go
Go granny, go granny, go granny go
Granny go

song performed by Beach Boys
Added by Lucian Velea
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Foma Bobrov And His Spouse

GRANNY Bobrov (Playing patience) Now that's the card. Oh, it's all coming out topsy-turvy! A king. And where am I supposed to put that? Just when you want one, there's never a five around. Oh, I could do with a five! Now it'll be the five. Oh, sod it, another king!

She flings the cards on to the table with such force that a porcelain vase falls off the table and smashes.

GRANNY Oh! Oh! My Gawd! These bloody cards! (She crawls under the table and picks up the pieces). This'll never glue back together again. And it was a good vase, too. You can't get them like that any more. This bit's right over there! (Stretches for the piece. BOBROV enters the room).
BOBROV Granny! Is that you clambering about under the table?
GRANNY Yes, okay, okay. What do you want?
BOBROV I just came to ask you: you wouldn't happen to have a chest of tea?
GRANNY Come on then, give me a hand up from under the table.
BOBROV What have you done, dropped something? Oh, you've broken the vase!
GRANNY (Mimicking him) You've broken the vase!
(BOBROV helps GRANNY up. But as soon as he lets go of her, GRANNY sits back down on the floor).
BOBROV Oh, you're down again!
GRANNY Down, so now what?
BOBROV Let me help you up (Pulls GRANNY up).
GRANNY The cards were going badly. I tried this and that... But don't pull me by the arms, get hold of me under the armpits. All I got, you know, was king after king. I need a five and all the kings keep turning up.
BOBROV lets go of GRANNY and GRANNY again sprawls on the floor.
GRANNY Akh!
BOBROV Oh, Lord! You're down again.
GRANNY What are you on about: down, down! What are you after, anyway?
BOBROV I came to ask if you've a chest of tea.
GRANNY I know that. You've already told me. I don't like listening to the same tale twenty times. The thing is: akh, I'm down again! and a chest of tea. Well, what are you looking at! Get me up, I'm telling you.
BOBROV (Pulling GRANNY up) I'll just, excuse me, put you in the armchair.
GRANNY You'd do better to prattle on a bit less and pull me up in a proper fashion. I meant to tell you, and it almost slipped my mind: you know, that door in my bedroom isn't shutting properly again. No doubt you messed the whole thing up.
BOBROV No, I put a staple on with fillister-head screws.
GRANNY Do you think I know anything about staples and fillister heads? I don't care about all that. I just want the door to shut.
BOBROV It doesn't shut properly because the fillister heads won't stay in the woodwork.
GRANNY That'll do, that'll do. That's your business. I just need to... Akh! (She again sprawls on the floor).
BOBROV Oh, Lord!
GRANNY Have you decided to fling me to the floor deliberately? Decided to have a bit of fun? Oh you useless devil! You're just a useless devil and you might as well clear off!
BOBROV No, Granny, 'onest injun, I just meant to put you in the armchair.
GRANNY Did you hear what I said? I told you to clear out! So why aren't you going? Well, why aren't you going? Do you hear? Clear off out of it! Well? Bugger off! (exits BOBROV)
GRANNY Off! Go on! Away! Bugger off! Talk about a reprobate! (Gets up from the floor and sits in the armchair). And his wife is simply an indecent madam. The madam walks about absolutely starkers and doesn't bat an eyelid, even in front of me, an old woman. She covers her indecent patch with the palm of her hand, and that's the way she walks around. And then she touches bread with that hand at lunchtime. It's simply revolting to watch. She thinks that if she's young and pretty, then she can do anything she likes. And as for herself, the trollop, she never washes herself properly just where she should do. I, she says, like a whiff of woman to come from a woman! And as for me, as soon as I see her coming, I'm straight into the bathroom with the eau de Cologne to my nose. Perhaps it may be nice for men, but as for me, you can spare me that. The shameless hussy! She goes around naked without the slightest embarrassment. And when she sits down she doesn't even keep her legs together properly, so that everything's on show. And -- there, she's well just always wet. She's leaking like that all the time. If you tell her she should go and wash herself, she will say you shouldn't wash there too often and she'll take a handkerchief and just wipe herself. And you're lucky if it's a handkerchief, because just with her hand she smears it all over the place. I never give her my hand, as there's perpetually an indecent smell from her hands. And her breasts are indecent. It's true, they are very fine and bouncy, but they are so big that, in my opinion, they're simply indecent. That's the wife that Foma found for himself! How she ever got round him is beyond me.

poem by Daniil Ivanovich Kharms
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Granny dreamt what Granny liked

she thought she was in some kind of Paris
some kind of Venice or a Granade
but OMG this poor Granny
was walking in a dying beauty shade
still Granny dreamt what Granny liked

and there she wore the clothes so smarty
a lot of make up and accessoir
and there she went to a botox party
she took a cab it was too far
'coz Granny dreamt what Granny liked

this absent minded little resident
with shoes expensive but mind in rags
granny voted all smiling presidents
i guess for too many colourful flags
'coz Granny dreamt what Granny liked

she had fruits to chew and meat to mince
a lover's smile and artficial teeth
preserved for her fairy tale prince
who'll take her to see a coral reef
'coz Granny dreamt what Granny liked

look at the beauty in latest outfit
listen to Granny sing hit of hits
psychology biology re-mix released
if you wanna know what it's all about
get ready for an elderly feast
and follow the Granny leave all doubt
in a dream extreme or so it seems
'coz Granny dreams what Granny likes

(no charge no blame if you do the same
I only wonder why you'd been told
it's not ok to be old...
let Granny dream what Granny likes)

poem by Miroslava Odalovic
Added by Poetry Lover
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Boomin' Granny

Yea..
Ah yea...
Agh yea this one's dedicated to all
the ladies in the front , the back
All the older ladies out there
lookin' nice, you know who you are
whoo...
I need you, boomin' granny
I said I want you, boomin' granny
Boomin' granny, boomin' granny
Boomin' granny, good and plenty
Well it might sound odd, it might sound corny
But here's some sex rhymes for those that are horny
For your boomin' granny with the boomin' system
Said I love ya won't leave ya so you got to listen
See I'm talkin' about the way that I'm feeling
You're so lovely lengthy and so appealing
A sassy sophisticated sexy lady
Well I'm 26 and you're 80
The clock is ticking so you better not front
We can go downtown and we could smoke some blunt
Well you're a lovely girlgolden girl, just like Bea Arthur
Just turn down the lights so we can go farther
Boomin' granny, boomin' granny
Boomin' granny, good and plenty
Because I saw ya at the check out line
You dropped your coupons and you were looking fine
Sophisticated, and so mature
I couldn't really care if you're 50 or 74
Because I want ya, and I need ya
Hey boomin' granny you could be my teacher
And I could be your pet, bet
Listen old lady I'm gonna make ya sweat!
I know I'm younger, and your much older
You look so nice on my Chevy Nova
I'm gonna take her to the low rider show, and flaunt ya
I gotta tell ya lady I said I want ya, boomin' granny
Because I need you boomin' granny
Boomin' granny, boomin' fanny
Boomin' granny, good and plenty

song performed by Beastie Boys
Added by Lucian Velea
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Eye 4 An Eye (Silencer Mix)

Even now in heaven
There were angels carrying savage weapons
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
Is that room been fit to earth?
Doesn't help the ??? to grow sunshine?
Is this darkness all you'll take?
Have you'd passed through this life?
Run, run, run, but you sure can't hide...(hide, hide...)
Where you're going you're not coming back from
Run, run, run, but you sure can't hide...(hide, hide...)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
This grain evil
Where is it come from?
Had still the end of the world?
Who's doing this?
Who's killed us?
Marking us with the sign of the holy mighty man
Run, run, run...(run, run...)
Run, run, run...(run, run...)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run, but you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
(An eye for an eye...)
Are you righteous?
(A tooth for a tooth...)
Kind?
(Run, run, run but you sure can't hide...)
Does your confidence lie in this?
(An eye for an

song performed by Unkle
Added by Lucian Velea
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Old Granny Sullivan

A pleasant shady place it is, a pleasant place and cool -
The township folk go up and down, the children pass to school.
Along the river lies my world, a dear sweet world to me:
I sit and learn - I cannot go; there is so much to see.

But Granny she has seen the world, and often by her side
I sit and listen while she speaks of youthful days of pride;
Old Granny's hands are clasped; she wears her favourite faded shawl -
I ask her this, I ask her that: she says, 'I mind it all.'

The boys and girls that Granny knew, far o'er the seas are they,
But there's no love like the old love, and the old world far away;
Her talk is all of wakes and fairs - or how, when night would fall,
''Twas many a quare thing crept and came,' and Granny 'minds them all.'

The day she first met Sullivan - she tells it all to me -
How she was hardly twenty-one and he was twenty-three.
The courting days! the kissing days! - but bitter things befall
The bravest hearts that plan and dream. Old Granny 'minds it all.'

Her wedding-dress I know by heart; yes! every flounce and frill;
And the little home they lived in first, with the garden on the hill.
'Twas there her baby boy was born; and neighbours came to call,
But none had seen a boy like Jim - and Granny 'minds it all.'

They had their fights in those old days; but Sullivan was strong,
A smart quick man at anything; 'twas hard to put him wrong…
One day they brought him from the mine… (The big salt tears will fall)…
''Twas long ago, God rest his soul!' Poor Granny 'minds it all.'

The first dark days of widowhood, the weary days and slow,
The grim, disheartening, uphill fight, then Granny lived to know.
'The childer,' ah! they grew and grew - sound, rosy-cheeked and tall:
'The childer' still they are to her. Old Granny 'minds them all.'

How well she loved her little brood! Oh, Granny's heart was brave!
She gave to them her love and faith - all that the good God have.
They change not with the changing years; as babies just the same
She feels for them, though some, alas! have brought her grief and shame:

The big world called them here and there, and many a mile away:
They cannot come - she cannot go - the darkness haunts the day;
And I, no flesh and blood of hers, sit here while shadows fall -
I sit and listen - Granny talks; for Granny 'minds them all.'

Just fancy Granny Sullivan at seventeen or so,
In all the floating fin

poem by John Shaw Neilson
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Dentist Chair (Fun Poem 99)

Everyone hates the dentist
some much more than me.
Just the thought of the drill
and the light in your eyes
puts the chills up me.

One of my worst encounters
of the dentist chair came in the 1960’s
when a cold in a tooth made my face swell
on one side like a melon
and I could only drink through a straw.
They knocked me out to remove the tooth.
Having no recovery room
they put me back in the waiting room
and sat me in a chair out there.
It was the dawn of the plastic moulded ones
and the one I sat on was so slippery
I kept slipping down.
I mumbled aloud about the dentist being no good.
Some of his patients took one look at me
and decided I was right, then made a hasty exit
from the waiting room.
With the side of my face swollen to the size of a melon
I can understand why.

Another encounter with a dentist
was quite a few years later.
A different dentist with a wholly different approach.
He was having his waiting room decorated
and I was the only one there.
He came in with a Cheshire grin across his face.
“Mr Harris, do you mind if this gentleman
takes out your teeth today? ”
Being I and thinking it was a student,
I said I didn’t mind.
The dentist then said, “He is my interior decorator.”
The smile still implanted on his face.
I nearly ran out of there.

Now the third tale concerns my wife
and she fears the dentist even more than me.
She had an appointment
and when we arrived,
the surgery was closed for lunch.
We went for a little walk
and all the cars we passed had dents in the side.
“See that.” I said.
“Yes.” She replied.
“That’s what the dentist does
when he can’t get his own way.”

[...] Read more

poem by David Harris
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A Girl Named Paige

A girl named Paige
With eyes and a face so bright
A girl named Paige
Came into my dreary life
My life, so dark
So full of strife

A girl named Paige
About her I was told
To keep me away until I was old
A girl named Paige
A lesson she did teach
For me to keep sight of my reach

A girl named Paige
Broke my heart
As my world fell apart
A girl named Paige
Perfectly took the part
While adding another fool to her cart

A girl named Paige
Shook my whole world
My eyes were on no other girl
A girl named Paige
Fooled me into loving her
While she secretly lusted another, and another

A girl named Paige
Caused me endless pain
Of this, I'm not ashamed
A girl named Paige
Made me go insane
This girl is love's bane

A girl named Paige
Caused me to do so much
To love her such
A girl named Paige
Made my heart bleed
The woe of pain it did heed

A girl named Paige
I'll never be the same
In that group, she came
A girl named Paige
I loved a whole whole lot
A feeling she returned, did not

A girl named Paige

[...] Read more

poem by Joseph Shofner
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Look At Granny Run Run

Look at granny run, run, and grandpa runnin close behind.
Look at granny run, run, theres something on grand-daddys mind.
He went to the doctor, got a brand new pill.
The doctor said, son, you aint over the hill.
Now he cant sit still.
Great, gosh, almighty, wont you ...
Look at granny go, go, faster than a greyhound bus.
Look at granny go, go, now grandpa gettin serious.
But he woke up in the middle of the night.
Said, lookie here baby, everythings alright.
It was such a fright.
Great, gosh, almighty, wont you ...
Look at granny run, run ...
Look at granny run, run, and grandpa gettin closer now.
No matter how she run, run, he gonna catch her anyhow.
He said, mama, quit your caryin on.
All I wants a little love before I am gone.
Aint nothin wrong.
Great, gosh, almighty, wont you ...
Look at granny run, run.
Look at granny run, run.
Yeah ...
Look at granny run, run.
Yeah ...
Look at granny run, run.
Yeah ...
Look at granny run, run.
Yeah ...
Look at granny run, run.
(to fade ...)

song performed by Grand Funk Railroad
Added by Lucian Velea
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Tooth And Nail

I'm tired of all this cheap talk
When you walk next to me
They say I ain't good enough for you
Why don't they come and tell me
When they see us out in the night
They can't wait to tear us apart
Now I hear them saying lovin' you ain't right
Well they'd better be ready 'cause honey I'll be there
I will fight tooth and nail
Count on me, I will not fail you
I will fight tooth and nail
They say I'm always breaking promises
And I'm just fooling with you
Then they try and come between the two of us
Man, that's a bad thing to do
I can say I had more than enough
But I ain't gonna take it too hard
I said hey, they want to play rough
Well let's see who backs down when the trouble starts
I will fight tooth and nail
Count on me, I will not fail you
I will fight tooth and nail
Come on try me, I won't give in
They take advantage, but they can't win
I'll be your man, baby, wait and see
Ain't nobody, nobody take your love from me
I will fight tooth and nail
I was wrong, I will not fail you
I will fight tooth and nail
I'll be your man, baby, wait and see
Ain't nobody, nowhere take your love away from me
I will fight tooth and nail
Count on me, I will not fail you
I will fight tooth and nail
Right now, tooth and nail
I am waiting for the fight
Tooth and nail
Right now, c'mon, tooth and nail
Right now, tooth and nail
C'mon, tooth and nail
Ah fight
Tooth and nail
Right now, c'mon, tooth and nail
C'mon, right now, tooth and nail

song performed by Foreigner
Added by Lucian Velea
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Tooth & Nail

Im tired of all this cheap talk
When you walk next to me
They say I aint good enough for you
Why dont they come and tell me
When they see us out in the night
They cant wait to tear us apart
Now I hear them saying lovin you aint right
Well theyd better be ready cause honey Ill be there
I will fight tooth and nail
Count on me, I will not fail you
I will fight tooth and nail
They say Im always breaking promises
And Im just fooling with you
Then they try and come between the two of us
Man, thats a bad thing to do
I can say I had more than enough
But I aint gonna take it too hard
I said hey, they want to play rough
Well lets see who backs down when the trouble starts
I will fight tooth and nail
Count on me, I will not fail you
I will fight tooth and nail
Come on try me, I wont give in
They take advantage, but they cant win
Ill be your man, baby, wait and see
Aint nobody, nobody take your love from me
I will fight tooth and nail
I was wrong, I will not fail you
I will fight tooth and nail
Ill be your man, baby, wait and see
Aint nobody, nowhere take your love away from me
I will fight tooth and nail
Count on me, I will not fail you
I will fight tooth and nail
Right now, tooth and nail
I am waiting for the fight
Tooth and nail
Right now, cmon, tooth and nail
Right now, tooth and nail
Cmon, tooth and nail
Ah fight
Tooth and nail
Right now, cmon, tooth and nail
Cmon, right now, tooth and nail

song performed by Foreigner
Added by Lucian Velea
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Granny

You were always were so nice
When it came to problems you knew
I never did think twice about ever coming to you
So granny, what on earth can I do?
Granny, granny, what on earth can I do?
cause this little girl, this little girl, shes a driving me wild
Shes a driving me wild, so wild, so wild, so wild
You always straightened me out
When I was feeling rough
But this one I really doubt
Cause this ones really tough
Oh granny, what on earth can I do?
Granny, granny, what on earth can I do?
cause this little girl, this little girl, shes a driving me wild
Shes a driving me wild, so wild, so wild, so wild
So, granny, what on earth can I do?
Granny, granny, what on earth can I do?
cause this little girl, this little girl, shes a driving me wild
Shes a driving me wild, so wild, so wild, so wild

song performed by Cat Stevens
Added by Lucian Velea
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Granny Krendoll Brings Star To Life

Granny Krendoll with her sewing flair
sews Star doll and yarns her hair.
Granny Krendoll makes Star into a small doll
once Star is alive the two have a ball.
Star writes Granny Krendoll once in awhile
she likes writing her letters that make her smile.
Then Granny Krendoll does get sick
she is sent to Krendoll hospital to recover quick.
Star had to make sure Granny Krendoll was alright
in fact Granny Krendoll told the nurse, where is Star tonight?
Right then Star with Melodie soon arrived
to sit by friend Granny Krendoll's dear old side.
Now Granny Krendoll gets healthy and recovers real soon
she enjoys sewing new dolls and her new life too.
Thank you Granny Krendoll for raising the bar
if it wasn't for you, the world would not have Star.

Written by Suzae Chevalier on February 14,2012

poem by Christina Sunrise
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Granny Krendoll Brings Star To Life

Granny Krendoll with her sewing flair
sews Star doll and yarns her hair.
Granny Krendoll makes Star into a small doll
once Star is alive the two have a ball.
Star writes Granny Krendoll once in awhile
she likes writing her letters that make her smile.
Then Granny Krendoll does get sick
she is sent to Krendoll hospital to recover quick.
Star had to make sure Granny Krendoll was alright
in fact Granny Krendoll told the nurse, where is Star tonight?
Right then Star with Melodie soon arrived
to sit by friend Granny Krendoll's dear old side.
Now Granny Krendoll gets healthy and recovers real soon
she enjoys sewing new dolls and her new life too.
Thank you Granny Krendoll for raising the bar
if it wasn't for you, the world would not have Star.

Written by Suzae Chevalier on February 14,2012

poem by Suzae Chevalier
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Crocodile's Toothache

Oh the Crocodile
Went to the dentist
And sat down in the chair,
And the dentist said, 'Now tell me, sir,
Why does it hurt and where?'
And the Crocodile said, 'I'll tell you the truth.
I have a terrible ache in my tooth.'
And he opened his jaws so wide, so wide,
That the dentist he climbed right inside,
And the dentist laughed, 'Oh, isn't this fun?'
As he pulled the teeth out, one by one.
And the Crocodile cried, 'You're hurting me so!
Please put down your pliers and let me go.'
But the dentist just laughed with a Ho Ho Ho,
And he said, 'I still have twelve to go --
Oops, that's the wrong one, I confess.
But what's one crocodile's tooth, more or less?'
Then suddenly the jaws went snap,
And the dentist was gone right off the map.
And where he went one could only guess...
To North or South or East or West...
He left no forwarding address.
But what's one dentist more or less?

poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Granny Goodbye

Mom of my dad woman so sad
Oh grannys gonna sleep in peace
Grandmommy of children you love
Oh granny one more minute with me
Walk my granny back home to her house in the sky
Im gonna walk my granny back home
Buon giorn goodbye
Oh virgin of life widow and wife
My nanas heart was torn in two
Cause granddaddy died and he bleeds for his lonely bride
Oh nana I make a prayer for you
Walk my granny back home to her spouse in the sky
Im gonna walk my granny back home
Buon giorn goodbye
Walk my granny back home to her house in the sky
Im gonna walk my granny back home
Buon giorn goodbye
Buon giorn goodbye
Buon giorn goodbye
So long goodbye
Oh granny you gonna sleep in peace

song performed by Gino Vanelli
Added by Lucian Velea
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Look At Granny Run Run

(j. ragovoy/m. shuman)
Said, look at granny run, run
Grandpa runnin close behind.
Look at granny run, run, ah... theres something on grand-daddys mind.
Because he went to the doctor, got a brand new pill.
The doctor said, son, you aint over the hill.
He cant sit still.
Great, gosh, almighty, wont you...
Look at granny run, run, faster than a greyhound bus. [granny, you better run]
Look at granny run, run, now grandpa is gettin serious. [somebodys calling you]
Well, he woke up in the middle of the night.
Said, look-a here baby, everythings alright.
It was such a sight
Great, gosh, almighty, wont ya...
Well, look at granny run, run
Grandpa runnin closer now.
No matter how she run, run, he gonna catch her anyhow.
Well, he jumped up and he began to shout
Granny come a-running with the mouth poked out
Said, look here, pretty mama, stop your carrying on
All I wants a little loving just before Im gone
Aint nothing wrong
Hear my lord, singing
Great, gosh, almighty
[you better run]
[somebodys calling you]
Look at granny run, run.
Well, I feel like my time aint [long], time aint [long] time aint [long]

song performed by Ry Cooder
Added by Lucian Velea
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The Granny Grey, a Love Tale

DAME DOWSON, was a granny grey,
Who, three score years and ten,
Had pass'd her busy hours away,
In talking of the Men !
They were her theme, at home, abroad,
At wake, and by the winter fire,
Whether it froze, or blew, or thaw'd,
In sunshine or in shade, her ire
Was never calm'd; for still she made
Scandal her pleasure--and her trade!

A Grand-daughter DAME DOWSON had--
As fair, as fair could be!
Lovely enough to make Men mad;
For, on her cheek's soft downy rose
LOVE seem'd in dimples to repose;
Her clear blue eyes look'd mildly bright
Like ether drops of liquid light,
Or sapphire gems,--which VENUS bore,
When, for the silver-sanded shore,
She left her native Sea!

ANNETTA, was the damsel's name;
A pretty, soft, romantic sound;
Such as a lover's heart may wound;
And set his fancy in a flame:
For had the maid been christen'd JOAN,
Or DEBORAH, or HESTER,--
The little God had coldly prest her,
Or, let her quite alone!
For magic is the silver sound--
Which, often, in a NAME is found!

ANNETTA was belov'd; and She
To WILLIAM gave her vows;
For WILLIAM was as brave a Youth,
As ever claim'd the meed of truth,
And, to reward such constancy,
Nature that meed allows.
But Old DAME DOWSON could not bear
A Youth so brave--a Maid so fair.

The GRANNY GREY, with maxims grave
Oft to ANNETTA lessons gave:
And still the burthen of the Tale
Was, "Keep the wicked Men away,
"For should their wily arts prevail
"You'll surely rue the day!"
And credit was to GRANNY due,
The truth, she, by EXPERIENCE, knew!

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poem by Mary Darby Robinson
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Granny

1 Granny's come to our house,
2 And ho! my lawzy-daisy!
3 All the childern round the place
4 Is ist a-runnin' crazy!
5 Fetched a cake fer little Jake,
6 And fetched a pie fer Nanny,
7 And fetched a pear fer all the pack
8 That runs to kiss their Granny!

9 Lucy Ellen's in her lap,
10 And Wade and Silas Walker
11 Both's a-ridin' on her foot,
12 And 'Pollos on the rocker;
13 And Marthy's twins, from Aunt Marinn's,
14 And little Orphant Annie,
15 All's a-eatin' gingerbread
16 And giggle-un at Granny!

17 Tells us all the fairy tales
18 Ever thought er wundered --
19 And 'bundance o' other stories --
20 Bet she knows a hunderd! --
21 Bob's the one fer "Whittington,"
22 And "Golden Locks" fer Fanny!
23 Hear 'em laugh and clap their hands,
24 Listenin' at Granny!

25 "Jack the Giant-Killer" 's good;
26 And "Bean-Stalk" 's another! --
27 So's the one of "Cinderell'"
28 And her old godmother; --
29 That-un's best of all the rest --
30 Bestest one of any, --
31 Where the mices scampers home
32 Like we runs to Granny!

33 Granny's come to our house,
34 Ho! my lawzy-daisy!
35 All the childern round the place
36 Is ist a-runnin' crazy!
37 Fetched a cake fer little Jake,
38 And fetched a pie fer Nanny,
39 And fetched a pear fer all the pack
40 That runs to kiss their Granny!

poem by James Whitcomb Riley
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Attention please! Attention please!

'Attention please! Attention please!
Don't dare to talk! Don't dare to sneeze!
Don't doze or daydream! Stay awake!
Your health, your very life's at stake!
Ho–ho, you say, they can't mean me.
Ha–ha, we answer, wait and see.

Did any of you ever meet
A child called Goldie Pinklesweet?
Who on her seventh birthday went
To stay with Granny down in Kent.
At lunchtime on the second day
Of dearest little Goldie's stay,
Granny announced, 'I'm going down
To do some shopping in the town.'
(D'you know why Granny didn't tell
The child to come along as well?
She's going to the nearest inn
To buy herself a double gin.)

So out she creeps. She shuts the door.
And Goldie, after making sure
That she is really by herself,
Goes quickly to the medicine shelf,
And there, her little greedy eyes
See pills of every shape and size,
Such fascinating colours too ––
Some green, some pink, some brown, some blue.
'All right,' she says, 'let's try the brown,'
She takes one pill and gulps it down.
'Yum–yum!' she cries. 'Hooray! What fun!
They're chocolate–coated, every one!'
She gobbles five, she gobbles ten,
She stops her gobbling only when
The last pill's gone. There are no more.
Slowly she rises from the floor.
She stops. She hiccups. Dear, oh dear,
She starts to feel a trifle queer.

You see, how could young Goldie know,
For nobody had told her so,
That Grandmama, her old relation
Suffered from frightful constipation.
This meant that every night she'd give
Herself a powerful laxative,
And all the medicines that she'd bought
Were naturally of this sort.
The pink and red and blue and green
Were all extremely strong and mean.
But far more fierce and meaner still,

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poem by Roald Dahl
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