THE MAN WHO POISONED HIMSELF BY MISTAKE [as told by his ghost]
There was a man alot like me
Who'd sit around and watch TV
He liked to drink and think alot
And bet, but never win alot
He was a curious winsome fella
Who always carried an umbrella
In sunshine and in showers
He'd stand under it for hours
Avoided walking under ladders
He waved at magpipes and
Revered cats
He'd cross the road at every turning
Spurning the man of little learning
And fat ladies in turned up hats!
His name was Derek my name was too
When I was alive we stuck like glue
Derek Fingleby believed in Fate
And was careful to inspect his plate
Convinced that his time was short
He cooked fresh food nothing shop bought
What followed next leaves a big question
Was Derek killed by poor digestion?
So careful and cautious was he, in what he'd eat
How could such care meet such defeat?
But Derek missed important signs
His eyesight poor
Due to old glasses
He'd spent his money on elocution classes!
Wanted the best choice cuts of veal
He cooked exquisite gourmet meals
But still haunted by past mistakes
Derek baked 'a perfect cake'
A chocolate gateau stood two foot high
He did not know that he would die
One mouthful maybe, three or five
Would leave him gasping on the floor
And after Derek's final breath
Questions arose around his death
Some say the cake had fallen
Under his feet and tripped him up and that...
There was NO poison in the measuring cup
But Dereks life was ruled by fate
He didn' t think he'd die by cake
Was there a murderer in the attic?
His wife was called Bertha and was quite erratic
At the post mortem
On that fateful day a crumb that was swallowed went
Down the wrong way!
A primary cause was stated asphyxia
Though later signs showed an elixir
A poisonous cocktail was revealed
From the contents of that final meal
Was it the cake that killed poor Derek?
Who preffered to be addressed as Eric
In the larder stood a bottle of bleach
Next to vanilla and essence of peach
Though visible to the naked eye
Derek's eyes had lost their shine
Half blind he could not read the signs
If he'd gone to spec savers
He would not have met his fate
THE FINAL VERDICT
Self Poisoning by chocolate cake!
poem by Yvette Smith
Added by Poetry Lover
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