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To C

To Callista:

Your memory is with me
though you lay there smiling in dream.

I smell of the meal you cooked.
It is here, in the air, though it is long gone.
The sound of the music is in the walls;
Though it is silent but for your whispered breath.
Your sensitive eyes that, last night, looked on
With an invisible humor, are tight and smiling;

I remember those eyes and want them open now
Because they remind me of a home that I never knew.
There is a lovely pleasure in you,
That I do not even recognize;
It is all I can do to not hold you right now.

Though that is not enough.
And I can’t go back;
I don’t know what to do anymore.
Because you are sleeping and when you awake,
I lose my mind.

Even now, as you lay making a perfume of my life,
I see you walking, changed, with lavender flowers in your hand.
All joy and humor replaced by a reckless drive.

I miss you already,
Even as I watch you sleep and smile.

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