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Shameful Soldier

Look at me –
Besmirching the whites,
And tainting myself eruditely,
Adeptly, with black – or something somber
I am morose with my pen,
And never logical
Never witty nor a blissful man
I am a wounded soldier,
With my pen and pen alone,
Shall I dine with,
Sleep with,
With poetry, I make love to
And that is all about
The creeping despair that I hold
And embellish with my pen
-
Look at you –
You are never a ruptured soldier
Apart from I, ostracized –
You are a saintly fellow
Guised in the skin of a human
With no worries,
You do not sulk in defeat as much
As I am
You do not grieve for the loss of love
In the middle of the meddlesome warfare
How downtrodden I am, I do not know,
But one thing is for sure, sordidly,
I do not look pleasant with my pen,
For when I write words,
My skin aches
My heart twinges and syncs with misery
Despairing with my pen,
And my pen alone, slinging like a soldier
With an ardent rifle
The time is ripe,
But mine body is not – my innocence,
Where is it? I fathom to regain a part of it
In the time of my writing, like a soldier of redemption
And lose it once I felt the sudden urge
To write again in contemplation
-
And so, as you find life in these words
From a fainted poet who’s not even adequate
To be called a writer or a soldier,
I die once more – and then
With one more word from a lost lover,
I am revivified only to find
That as a soldier is dispersed into battle,
I face my demise over, and over

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