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Song Of The Egg

One sunny morning in late june
I heard a strange and mournful tune
I looked around the empty room
And stood awhile feeling bemused
A strange hallucination came
Was it a dimming in the brain?
But louder still the cries were coming
Like a distant droning humming
And then I saw the egg box open
Inside a weeping egg was broken
'oh take me to the boiling pot, or fry me quick, or scramble me,
come quick and cook me, set me free!
The unbroken eggs were strangely silent
Being advocates of violence
Rounded on the broken egg
'Oh take him quick and smash his head! '
Unable to fulfil his wish
The portly consumer changed his dish
Leaving the eggs inside the box
He had some fish
And changed his socks
Then caught a number 7 bus
And contemplating all the fuss
Threw the egg box from the bus
Only the broken egg was taken
To fry up later with some bacon
Arriving home later in the day
He found the egg had slid away
Off the plate and down the drain
Never to be seen again
but every now and then a drone
Rattled the pipes inside his home
The plumber was called but nothing was done
' It's a humming egg that's on the run, too slippery to clean away'
The bleedin humming lasted all day! There's nothing more that can be done,
'You'll have to wait til the fat lady's sung'
He thought of hiring a singer, but every singer was getting thinner
Til he found a fat girl called doris walking her dog out in the forest
She agreed to sing and being FAT
He thought 'she put an end to that,.moaning droning from the drain'
But when she stopped it came again,
Much stronger, louder harsh and clearer
Until the man could barely hear her
He called the priest to exorcise it
He called the Doctor for some pills
The constant humming made him ill
Until one day he'd had enough
He made a bomb and blew it up!
Standing amidst the smoke and rubble
He felt relieved of all his troubles

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