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A Preference For Distance

It is not that I am controlling.
I am self assured.
It is not that I 'think' I know everything.
I've been made aware of watching my own back.
And being accountable for my own actions.

I was extremely young,
When I was introduced to independence.
Even younger than that...
When I discovered I was emotionally alone.
You see...
I was raised not to be babied.
I don't recall being hugged or cuddled.
And the young women that I married...
Were younger still in their minds.

I guess during those days,
We all were trying hard to find roles to play.
Somewhere to feel comfortable enough to stay.

It is not that I am controlling.
I am self assured.
It is not that I 'think' I know everything.
I've been made aware of watching my own back.
And being accountable for my own actions.

My tolerance level sometimes is nonexistent.
And most times I realize I have a preference for distance.
I was not always this way.
It developed with a consciousness,
That became increasingly disgusted...
With the acceptance of deception.

Some may call this 'standoffish' behavior anti-social.
I call it surviving a dysfunctional past I care not to revisit.
And today...
That's all people want to do.
Discuss a past as if those times were the best times lived.
And I already know those are lies!
Why should I live to outdo those who choose to lie?

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