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Idiotic Idiom

The Anglo-Saxon idiom
Is a tax upon the brain
I mean, just what have cats and dogs
To do with heavy rain?
And if I'd like a cup of tea
(As often is my wish)
No problem, 'cause our kettle's
Never yet been full of fish.

Are people really 'all at sea'
When troubles they are braving?
And should men be commited
Just for laying crazy-paving?
You may have a funny feeling
Which can't be laughed about,
And how come something without legs,
Like money, can run out?

Yes English, to a foreign ear
Must seem a puzzling lingo,
And by the way, what kind of house
Do people win at bingo?
And don't go ringing 9 9 9
You'll only seem a liar
If adversaries now get on
Just like a house on fire.

I could go 'harping on'
At least until my pen 'ran out'
But you would get 'dog tired'
I haven't got the slightest doubt;
Suffice to say
This idiotic idiom on show
Is peculiarly English,
Well wouldn't you just know.

Written March 1996

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