Totally Lost
I
With someone new to adore,
you are constantly
haunting me
as if at times you can penetrate through death
but sometimes I know that I am fabricating it
and for years you are out of my life
but sometimes I cannot get you out of my thoughts
before you jump into my heart again
as if you are not peaceful
on the other side
and in my sorrow and in life's coldness
I am stranded here
and you find no kind of relief
in the late night's big silence.
II
In the late night's big silence
my thoughts are at times with you,
while the big separation brings a chill
while I keep clinging to memories.
You are much too far from me
and your whole humanity
cannot stay here,
and it appears at times when I read your old letters,
when you are like a flower to me
that could grow in the earth of my soul
but death has divided us
and untimely you were pruned away in your prime
and still your absence cuts through me like a raw cry,
sometimes it's much better not to know about you.
III
Sometimes it's much better not to know about you,
to totally wipe out that which was between us
to forget the memories and passion
as if nothing had been
to cause your presence to eternally fade away,
to let each memory slowly pine away,
to stop me from daring in my dreams
to search for you to appear
and I am in a world where yours are divided from mine,
where I have got to keep to the here and now,
where I have to know that we are in separate places
and I am aware of this reality
that destiny cruelly rips lives apart with her claws;
my whole world was where you went
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poem by Gert Strydom
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