A troubled mind - 2
The female mind in me, recently in the limelight for wrong reasons
It took about twenty years of twice-married life
And about seventeen years of widowhood
For me to understand
That the femininity in me
Is still dormant and has the
Potential to strike me
Not that I remained free of
Physical intimacy with men
But, I was on the look out of a person
Who will be a good father
Of my only teenaged son
I exercised all cautions in deciding
The so-called life partner
It is also my understanding and felt-experience
That sexual desire gets kindled in me
By the looks and gait of the men I used to come across
And at times I was driven to physical pleasure
It is also my understanding that
Physical involvement and actions thereupon
Lead to a momentary satisfaction
Only to turn vinegary later
Further, the advancing age of my partners
Does not allow them to demonstrate an involved
Performance towards fulfillment of
The desires mooted in me
I feel that the sexual attraction in me
Is not abated
But sustained at the same level
As it was when I first realized that
I was physically matured
The turbulence of this quality of mine
Disturbs me so much that
I am weakly drawn to
The path of understanding myself
All my managing skills
And other human relation experience
Fail me
To see reasoning
When it comes to an attractive
Opposite gender
Till recently I was in peace and comfort
With my ways of living under the cover of widowhood
[...] Read more
poem by Bashyam Narayanan
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