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I Am Ready to Jump

My body trembles;
I am ready to jump,
my entire body moves slowly as I take a few steps back,
I run- my arms feel like lead.

As I reach the edge,
I realize this wasn't so smart.
Now as I fall down, down, down,
through the air, I start to cry.

Salty tears slide up into my hair,
the vast body of water looms ever closer;
should I close my eyes?

Surely when I hit the water
I will die instantly.
Or will I find nothing but frothing water
and agonizing pain?

In an instant, I plunge into the icy water,
I'm not dead, I don't feel any pain.
But something keeps pulling me down,
and so I sink into the icy water.

'I'm not ready to die! ' screams a voice in
the back of my head.
And so I try to swim upward,
moving my arms that feel like lead.

No longer am I in a sea of salt and water,
but of porridge;
thick like mud.
So I stoke harder, faster;
going nowhere.

Exausted with fatigue I look for a shore line,
there is nothing but water.
As far as my eyes can see,
there is nothing but water.

And so I give up,
no more trying.
I fall back into the water;
eyes still open, stinging.

I fade into the depths of the water,
praying silently to my God;
singing my last song,
as I start to drift and nod.

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