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Simples

Texting in oven gloves
Simples the meerkat says

Solving Sudoku submerged
Simples the meerkat says

Fixing humpty dumpty blindfold
Simples the meerkat says

Booking a cinema ticket through a call centre
Simples the meerkat says

Asking you if you have feelings for me
Your having a laugh the meerkat says

poem by Retro 308
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We Came From Outer Space

(lowe/tennant)
-----------------
Hi -i- (hello)
Hello? my name is -
- very complicated with the -
With the police?
Yes, all
Were, were just here
What is this? what is that?
- complication high of it -
Do you know the difference between the two genders? no.
Do you know the difference between the two genders? no.
We came from outer space to
To our parents parents, ... parents
Parents?
Hi -i- (hello)
Hello? my name is -
- very complicated with the -
Do you know the difference between the two genders?
Yes, all
What is this? what is that? no.
We came from outer space to
Somebody from california said something about men and women
Do you know the difference between the two genders? no.
Do you know anything about what -
We came from outer space to
(laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry)
(laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry)
(laugh, cry) dont leave me
(laugh, cry) dont leave me
(laugh, cry) dont leave me
(laugh, cry) I love you
Weve been having some problems with the communication now and then
Do you know the difference between the two genders?
- black rain -
Somethings not right, I cant work it out
Do you know the difference between the two genders?
Somethings not right, I cant work it out
Do you know the difference between the two genders? no.
Somethings not right, I cant work it out
We came from outer space to
Somethings not right, I cant work it out
Do you know the difference between the two genders? no.
We came from outer space to
Hi -i- (hello)
Hello? my name is -
(laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry)
(laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry)
(laugh, cry) dont leave me
(laugh, cry) dont leave me

[...] Read more

song performed by Pet Shop Boys
Added by Lucian Velea
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Some Of Their Laws Are Nothing But Farce

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty never did fall,
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Weren't needed to put Humpty together again.

Why was this I hear you all say,
It has always been that is the way,
By saying it's not you are causing affray,
I'ts the reason Humpty's alive today.

When Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
It couldn't be built more than four inches tall,
So if and when he decides to fall,
The kings men and their horses won't need a call.

When Jack and Jill went up the hill,
They didn't fetch a pail of water,
Jack didn't fall down or break his crown,
Nor did Jill come tumbling after.

What is this nonsense I hear you all ask,
Tell us the truth or we'll take you to task,
Well Jack and Jill get their water by stealth,
That way they both remain in good health.

To ask children to work you must be a rotter,
Especially your son and your daughter,
It's like putting lambs to the bloody slaughter,
For that you'll find yourself in very hot water.

When Simple Simon met the pieman,
On his way to the fair,
He said you think that you're a fly man,
So eat my food if you dare.

Simon said I can't because your pie is far too cold,
As it doesn't have a sell by date, I can't say how old,
I've afraid I've got to tell you that your business must now fold,
My gift gift of observation is a power to behold.

Food unheated you must never eat,
If it's went cold you must not reheat,
Especially when it's a type of meat.
Or for sure you'll end up on the toilet seat.

Ring a ring of rosies,
No need to carry posies,
Atishoo atishoo,
Nobody fell down.

[...] Read more

poem by Bri Mar
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tell me what am I?

Sometimes I get tired too
Asking some philosophical questions about
My existence, purpose, and life becomes like one
Security guard asking me a lot
As I am about to enter a building

What floor?
What for?
Whom would you want to see?
Your ID please
Leave it,

And I pretend I have a very important purpose in my life
A very important vision for a very important mission
And upon a certain arrival
On the topmost floor
I end up, so this is the floor,

what for?

What am I doing here?
Like a scratch paper I crumple myself
This is not my paper, I have not written the right thing
This is waste for a wastebasket
I crumple this scratch of scribblings without
Any real meaning,
She calls it cranky
I call this a nursery rhyme of my life

Questions which seem hard
But actually there are none of such
But playful stuff of

who am i?

Try these:

1) There was a girl in our town,
Silk an’ satin was her gown,
Silk an’ satin, gold an’ velvet,
Guess her name, three times I’ve told it.

2) As soft as silk, as white as milk,
As bitter as gall, a thick green wall,
And a green coat covers me all.
What am i?

3) Make three fourths of a cross,

[...] Read more

poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Fruitcakes

Fruitcakes
By: jimmy buffett, amy lee
1994
--spoken:
You know I was talking to my friend desdemona the other day she
Runs this space station and bake shop down near boomtown. she told
Me that human beings are flawed individuals. the cosmic bakers
Took us out of the oven a little too early. and thats the
Reason were as crazy as we are and I believe it.
Take for example when you go to the movies these days, you know.
They try to sell you this jumbo drink, 8 extra ounces of watered
Down cherry coke for an extra 25 cents. I dont want it.
I dont want that much organziation in my life.
I dont want other people thinking for me.
I want my junior mints. where did the junior mints go in the
Movies. I dont want a 12 lb. nestles crunch for 25 dollars. i
Want junior mints.
We need more fruitcakes in this world and less bakers!
We need people that care! Im mad as hell! and I dont want to
Take it anymore!
Chorus:
Fruitcakes in the kitchen (fruitcakes in the kitchen)
Fruitcakes on the street (fruitcakes on the street)
Struttin naked through the crosswalk
In the middle of the week
Half-baked cookies in the oven (cookies in the oven)
Half-baked people on the bus (people on the bus)
Theres a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
Paradise, lost and found
Paradise, take a look around
I was out in california where I hear they have it all
They got riots, fires, mud slides
Theyve got sushi in the mall
Water bars, brontasaurs, chinese modern lust
Shake and bake life with the quake
The secrets in the crust
Chorus:
Fruitcakes in the kitchen (fruitcakes in the kitchen)
Fruitcakes on the street (fruitcakes on the street)
Struttin naked through the crosswalk
In the middle of the week
Half-baked cookies in the oven (cookies in the oven)
Half-baked people on the bus (people on the bus)
Theres a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
--spoken:
Speakin of fruitcakes, how bout the government?
Your tax dollars at work.
We lost our martian rocket ship
The high paid spokesman said
Looks like that silly rocket ship

[...] Read more

song performed by Jimmy Buffett
Added by Lucian Velea
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Fixin To Die

(first releasebooker t. washington (bukka) white)
Feeling funny in my mind, lord,
I believe Im fixing to die
Feeling funny in my mind, lord
I believe Im fixing to die
Well, I dont mind dying
But I hate to leave my children crying
Well, I look over yonder to that burying ground
Look over yonder to that burying ground
Sure seems lonesome, lord, when the sun goes down
Feeling funny in my eyes, lord,
I believe Im fixing to die, fixing to die
Feeling funny in my eyes, lord
I believe Im fixing to die
Well, I dont mind dying but
I hate to leave my children crying
Theres a black smoke rising, lord
Its rising up above my head, up above my head
Its rising up above my head, up above my head
And tell jesus make up my dying bed.
Im walking kind of funny, lord
I believe Im fixing to die, fixing to die
Yes Im walking kind of funny, lord
I believe Im fixing to die
Fixing to die, fixing to die
Well, I dont mind dying
But I hate to leave my children crying.

song performed by Bob Dylan
Added by Lucian Velea
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Ticket On A Ferry Ride

By jeff barry and bobby bloom
I got a ticket on a ferry ride.
I got a ticket and it hurts inside.
I wonder if she knows
That I dont really want to go, oh no
I still love her so.
I got a ticket on a ferry ride.
I got a ticket and it hurts inside.
I never though the day
Would come when I would say good bye this way
Wanted so to stay.
I got a ticket on a ferry ride.
I still love her so.
Dont really wanna go.
I got a ticket on a ferry ride.
I got a ticket and it hurts inside.
I wonder if she knows
That I dont really have to go, oh no
I still love her so.
I got a ticket on a ferry ride.
I got a ticket and it hurts inside.
I got a ticket on a ferry ride.
I got a ticket and it hurts inside.
I got a ticket on a ferry ride, ah.
I got a ticket on a ferry ride (repeat).

song performed by Monkees
Added by Lucian Velea
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An Irreverent Look At Some Favorite Nursery Rhymes

Hickory dickory dock
I'd run around the block
For just one kiss
Oh my, what bliss!
Hickory dickory dock

JACK BE NIMBLE

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over
The candlestick
He burned his butt
The lad's a nut
Now he cannot sit

MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY

Mary, Mary
Quite contrary
Whats your garden grow?
"A row of tulips,
And one magic rose,
Guarded by a fairy"

HUMPTY DUMPTY

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall;
(Dejected)
After his cell dropped her call
AT&T, with all its repair men,
Couldn't connect Humpty Dumpty again

LITTLE BO PEEP

Little Bo Peep lost all her sheep,
And didn't know where to find them
She left 'em alone,
hoping they'd come home;
But finally gave up at 7: 00 a.m.

JACK N' JILL

Jack n' Jill went up the hill
To fetch a six pack of beer

[...] Read more

poem by Ray Lucero
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Same Song

[Chorus: repeat 2X]
All around the world same song
All all around the world same song
[Shock G]
I came for the party to get naughty get my rocks on
eat popcorn watch you move your body to the pop song
that I'm singing dinga linging funky beats ringing
everybody's swinging in the place
as I kick the J A Z Z Y is my style
R&B mixing it with the hip hop swing beat
Champagne in my hand, it wont be long till I'm gone
It's just the same old song
[Humpty Hump]
It's just a freestyle, meanwhile, we keep the beat kickin
sweat drippin, girlies in the limo eatin chicken
oops don't get the grease on your pantyhose
I love ya Rover, move over, I gotta blow my nose
Sneezin, but still I'm pleasin to all the slimmies
Pull out my jimmie, time to get busy wit a Jenny
if it's good and plenty, dont you know
there I go, there I go, there I go
But I dont go nowhere without my jim hat
If I'm rappin, cause she's clappin
then I'm strappin cause I'm smarter than that
then girlie maybe we can get along
Cutie after cutie, it's just the same old song
[Chorus: repeat 3X]
[Money B]
Money B, the freaky deaky, the sqeaky meaky up and down
as a matter of fact ill be right back i gotta take a leak
So I'm drainin entertainin, but I got fame
and the bases I touch to much for me tryin to be namin
Aiyyo, you saw me on cable and gip
I busted in and I was goin legit
Clark Gable back in Pakland its the same old song
sport these shorties, same freckles and hat
drinkin the same 40's
[Humpty Hump]
hypothetical, political, lyrical, miracle whip
just like butter, my ryhmes are legit
Cause I'm the humpty. not humpty dumpty, but humpty hump
here a hump, there a hump, everywhere a hump
[Shock G]
ah shut up and just listen
not dissin dont get me wrong
but to me its just the same old song
so just watch, my name is shock, and i like to rock
and you cant stop this
2Pac go ahead and rock this
[2Pac]

[...] Read more

song performed by 2 Pac
Added by Lucian Velea
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Ticket To Ride

I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today, yeah
The girl that's drivin' me mad is goin' away
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care
She says that livin' with me is bringin' her down, yeah
That she won't ever be free while I was around
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care
I don't know why she's ridin' so high
She oughtta think twice
She oughtta do right by me
Before she gets to sayin' goodbye
She oughtta think twice
She oughtta do right by me
I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today, yeah
The girl that's drivin' me mad is goin' away
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care
I don't know why she's ridin' so high
She oughtta think twice
She oughtta do right by me
Before she gets to sayin' goodbye
She oughtta think twice
She oughtta do right by me
I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today, yeah
The girl that's drivin' me mad is goin' away
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care
My baby don't care
My baby don't care
My baby don't care
My baby don't care

song performed by Bee Gees
Added by Lucian Velea
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A meerkat in the lounge

With great speed a thing runs
into the lounge
and braids past a bookcase
with aunt Leen behind it.

“Your cats are too useless
to catch the rats, ”
she says without breath

but they are chased out,
having to stay outside
and one sleeps at night
in a room at the garage
and the other I smuggle
into my study, my bedroom
and of this fact till now
she luckily bares no knowledge.

I go and fetch the black and white housecat Felix
from the outside,
who is a great mouse hunter,
but he isn’t interested and walks out
and this makes her angrier still
and I find it very amusing
and start to wonder
what kind of beast we are dealing with
that is now hiding behind the bookcase?

I get the striped ginger Persian cat Musso,
who sometimes brings big grasshoppers, mice,
rats, lizards, birds and even snakes
as tokens of love
to get a turn
and he sniffs around at the bookcase
but although he is curious
he doesn’t want to fetch the thing
that is hiding there

and I carry him to one side
to stop it or to catch it
when it passes
and stir behind the bookcase with a broom
to drive it out.

A big adult meerkat
runs out with speed
and the cat goes for it
and jumps with arched back
and swishing paws

[...] Read more

poem by Gert Strydom
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Gifted Ticket Taken

With a gifted ticket taken,
Anyone can go to places...
With a price already paid.

With a gifted ticket taken,
It becomes easier to get away.

And with a gifted ticket taken,
One will discover it's okay...
To get onboard,
And explore the unknown.

With a gifted ticket taken,
No one is bored.
Or feel they have ignored their trials.
Or chores expected to soothe with smiles,
Upon the faces awaiting to take full credit.

And with a gifted ticket taken,
All onboard...
Are ready to tour.
With a freeing off their backs,
Attractions carried that attacked.

And with a gifted ticket taken,
All onboard...
Are never bored,
With a freeing off their backs...
And with a sigh of satisfaction.

And with a gifted ticket taken,
Everyone can celebrate...
The patience,
It took...
To get that taste anyone can salivate.

And with a gifted ticket taken,
Everyone can celebrate...
The patience,
It took...
To get that taste anyone can salivate.

And with a gifted ticket taken,
Everyone can celebrate.
And with a gifted ticket taken,
Everyone can celebrate.
And with a gifted ticket taken,
Everyone can celebrate...
The patience,
It took...

[...] Read more

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The Rosciad

Unknowing and unknown, the hardy Muse
Boldly defies all mean and partial views;
With honest freedom plays the critic's part,
And praises, as she censures, from the heart.

Roscius deceased, each high aspiring player
Push'd all his interest for the vacant chair.
The buskin'd heroes of the mimic stage
No longer whine in love, and rant in rage;
The monarch quits his throne, and condescends
Humbly to court the favour of his friends;
For pity's sake tells undeserved mishaps,
And, their applause to gain, recounts his claps.
Thus the victorious chiefs of ancient Rome,
To win the mob, a suppliant's form assume;
In pompous strain fight o'er the extinguish'd war,
And show where honour bled in every scar.
But though bare merit might in Rome appear
The strongest plea for favour, 'tis not here;
We form our judgment in another way;
And they will best succeed, who best can pay:
Those who would gain the votes of British tribes,
Must add to force of merit, force of bribes.
What can an actor give? In every age
Cash hath been rudely banish'd from the stage;
Monarchs themselves, to grief of every player,
Appear as often as their image there:
They can't, like candidate for other seat,
Pour seas of wine, and mountains raise of meat.
Wine! they could bribe you with the world as soon,
And of 'Roast Beef,' they only know the tune:
But what they have they give; could Clive do more,
Though for each million he had brought home four?
Shuter keeps open house at Southwark fair,
And hopes the friends of humour will be there;
In Smithfield, Yates prepares the rival treat
For those who laughter love, instead of meat;
Foote, at Old House,--for even Foote will be,
In self-conceit, an actor,--bribes with tea;
Which Wilkinson at second-hand receives,
And at the New, pours water on the leaves.
The town divided, each runs several ways,
As passion, humour, interest, party sways.
Things of no moment, colour of the hair,
Shape of a leg, complexion brown or fair,
A dress well chosen, or a patch misplaced,
Conciliate favour, or create distaste.
From galleries loud peals of laughter roll,
And thunder Shuter's praises; he's so droll.
Embox'd, the ladies must have something smart,

[...] Read more

poem by Charles Churchill
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No No No (Can't Come Back)

Last night woke in bed
In a cold cold sweat so sweaty so funky
Dreamin of bad things to be or not to be
Haunting things like homelessness all the lonely people
Without a job car or food to eat
Leaves you a little bit paranoid well well
Can you spare a dime
But it reminds me how easily
We let our fears affect who we are
No no no cant come back
No bad feelings no no no
No sad feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no cant come back
No ill feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No ego trippin no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no cant come back
Had a friend in desperate need
Of a little attention compassion you see
Did I mention that friend was me nope
Whod just broken up from a love affair well well well well
I must admit I was truly hurt
And I couldnt change the facts and thats a fact
He loves her more than he loves me
And its truly just as simple as that
No no no cant come back
No bad feelings no no no
No sad feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no cant come back
No ill feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No ego trippin no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no cant come back
Dont care what other people say
Dont listen to them anyway
Cant let the evil get its way
Dont let bad feelings make you pay
Dont care what other people say
Dont listen to them anyway
Cant let the evil get its way
Dont let bad feelings make you pay
No bad feelings no no no
No sad feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no

[...] Read more

song performed by En Vogue
Added by Lucian Velea
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No, No, No,

Last night woke in bed
In a cold cold sweat so sweaty so funky
Dreamin' of bad things to be or not to be
Haunting things like homelessness all the lonely people
Without a job car or food to eat
Leaves you a little bit paranoid well well
Can you spare a dime
But it reminds me how easily
We let our fears affect who we are
No no no can't come back
No bad feelings no no no
No sad feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
No ill feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No ego trippin' no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
Had a friend in desperate need
Of a little attention compassion you see
Did i mention that friend was me nope
Who'd just broken up from a love affair well well well well
I must admit i was truly hurt
And i couldn't change the facts and that's a fact
He loves her more than he loves me
And it's truly just as simple as that
No no no can't come back
No bad feelings no no no
No sad feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
No ill feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no
No ego trippin' no no no
No insecure feelings
No no no can't come back
Don't care what other people say
Don't listen to them anyway
Can't let the evil get it's way
Don't let bad feelings make you pay
Don't care what other people say
Don't listen to them anyway
Can't let the evil get it's way
Don't let bad feelings make you pay
No bad feelings no no no
No sad feelings no no no
No jealous feelings no no no

[...] Read more

song performed by En Vogue
Added by Lucian Velea
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Polka Your Eyes Out

Rock the cradle of love. rock the cradle of love
Yes, the cradle of love
Dont rock easy, its true
Rock the cradle of love
I rocked the cradle of love
Yes, the cradle of love
Dont rock easy, its true
Doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo
(doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo)
The love shack is a little old place where
We can get together
Love shack, baby
(love shack, baby, love shack)
Hey!
Pump up the jam (hey!). pump up the jam (hey!)
Pump up the jam, pump it up!
Thats me in the corner
Thats me in the spotlight, losing my religion
Trying to keep a view
And I dont know if I can to it
Oh no, Ive said too much
I havent said enough
The things you say
Your purple prose just gives you away
The things you say
Youre unbelieveable
(oh!)
Do me, baby. do me, baby
You can do me in the morning, you can do me in the night
You can do me when you wanna do me
Yodalodaladyhoo!
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land
The humpty dance is your chance to do the hump
Do me, baby
Do the humpty hump, do the humpty hump
Do me, baby
Do the humpty hump, come on and do the humpty hump
Shes my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Look so good, make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie-yi-yi
Woo!
Drum solo!
I miss you so much (m-o-i miss you so much)
I really miss you much (m-i-s-s you so much)
I miss you so much (m-o-i miss you so much)
I really miss you much

[...] Read more

song performed by Weird Al Yankovic
Added by Lucian Velea
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Kid Gloves

A world of difference
A world so out of touch
Overwhelmed by everything
But wanting more so much
Call it blind frustration
Call it blind mans bluff
Call each other names
Your voices rude,
Your voices rough
Then you learn the lesson
That its cool to be so tough
Handle with kid gloves
Handle with kid gloves
Then you learn the lessons
Taught in school wont be enough
Put on your kid gloves
Put on your kid gloves
Then you learn the lesson
That its cool to be so tough
A world of indifference
Heads and hearts too full
Careless of the consequence
Of constant push and pull
Anger got bare knuckles
Anger play the fool
Anger wear a crown of thorns
Reverse the golden rule
Then you learn the lesson
That its tough to be so cool
Handle with kid gloves
Handle with kid gloves
Then you learn the weapons
And the ways of hard-knock school
Put on your kid gloves
Put on your kid gloves
Then you learn the lesson
That its tough to be so cool

song performed by Rush
Added by Lucian Velea
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Pudding Time

You can have a lolly pop
A candy bar a jelly bean.
Ill buy you a rainbow
To hang above your door.
Its pudding time.
Laughter is a sweet
You cant put a price on.
When laughters all gone
Daddy wont buy you more.
Its pudding time.
Its pudding time children.
Money money money
To buy you things.
Daddys gonna buy you a
Diamond ring.
Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Couldnt put humpty together again.
San francisco bay the
Striped bass are dying.
But youre gonna get
That brand new bike
Oh joy
Its pudding time
Its pudding time children.

song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
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Whatever Humpty Use to Be

A bail out administered...
To end what?
An economy based upon temptation,
And lust that feeds unending greed?
A welcomed bail out will diminish,
Credit condoned on loans alone...
And this is going to be a return to prosperity?

What nursery rhyme is this...
Wished upon unconscious minds,
To absorb and believe?

Wasn't it Humpty Dumpty who sat on a wall...
Falling off to crack?
Did he not break up into pieces...
Never able to crawl at all?
Never to come back?

Since pieces sitting into crumbling bits,
Would not allow any of it!
And whatever Humpty use to be,
Never again to fit...
As a Humpty Dumpty once perceived.
As reality arrives to stun and surprise.
While chunks of a falling wall is seized!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Look To You

Look to you
I sit and stare but my vision is blurry
I settle down to gaze but my eyes see not what's clear
They are drowned and drenched in the tears from deep within
Tears of the pain and sorrow of my broken heart
Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall
All the kings' horses and all the kings' men couldn't put humpty back together again
Ashley's heart sat on a wall, my heart in one lifetime took a great blow
No king's horses, no kings men but you alone ohh God put it back together again
So I know even a blind man can my eyes" I'll look to you

A friend loves at all times, a brother is born for adversity
If you hear not these words, let me say it again
A friend shows their love at all time, true relatives share the troubles
But who are my friends
When the ones who claim to love me leave as soon as trouble rings the door bell
Are we related ye scribes and Pharisees when you leave me on the road to die
Or maybe my blood is linked to the "sinner' who saved me, the Samaritan who came to help me
Not because I deserve it but because God loved me
So I'll live and say "ohh God I'll look to you"
 

I take a seat to reflect on life but it never seems to add up
I lie down to clear my head and hear my thoughts
But they sound like the nonsense I heard from people
Echoes and noisy gongs but empty sounds
I wish they made sense but they never do
Self centered, minds made up, hearts deceived
I'll shake my head for none of it makes sense but even when none of this makes
I'll open your word for I know it will make sense
So I'll look to you

poem by Sir T.A.E.P.S
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The Old Camp-Oven

WE DON’T keep a grand piano in our hut beside the creek,
And I’m pretty certain Hannah couldn’t bang it, anyhow,
But we’ve got one box of music, and I’d rather hear its squeak
Than the daisiest cantata that’s been fashioned up to now.
It’s an old camp-oven merely, with a handle made of wire,
But no organ built could nearly compensate to me for it
When I come off graft and find it playing tunes before the fire,
And I’m feeling sort of vacant, but just wonder fully fit.

In its sizzle, sizzle, sizzle,
There’s a thousand little airs,
And no man can sit and grizzle
’Bout his troubles and his cares
While the flames are gaily winding,
And the tea is down to brew,
And the old camp-oven’s grinding
All the reels he ever knew.

When the wet winds meet and whip me in the early winter nights,
And the hissing hailstones clip me all the way across the flat,
As I battle for’ards, water-logged, toward the beckoning lights,
There is always there a welcome to console a chap for that.
For my little wife is beaming brisk and bright beside the lamp,
And the old camp-oven’s going. Gosh! I feel just like a kid
As I peel and sluice so slippy, and I hear the storm winds vamp
To the singing of the oven when the missus lifts the lid.

There’s a sizzle and a splutter
And a whirr of many harps;
Where’s the instrument can utter
Such a maze of flats and sharps?
Not for me the great creations
When the old camp-oven plays
‘Home Sweet Home,’ with variations,
At the end of working days.

In the evenings dim and hazy, stretched outside along a butt,
Feeling reasonably lazy, blowing clouds that curl and climb,
I can hear the old camp-oven on the logs before the hut
Ripping out a mellow chorus that just suits the place and time.
If we strike it in the ranges, or The Windmill turns out well,
I suppose there’ll be some changes, and I’ll want to make things gee;
But the time will never happen when I’ll be so steep a swell
That the old camp-oven’s measure won’t be melody to me.

’Neath its bubble, bubble, bubble,
There’s the lilt of jigs and reels;
All the common kind of trouble
That the horney-handed feels
Is wiped out in half a minute

[...] Read more

poem by Edward George Dyson
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