0013 Sainthood via Automated Complaints
Living saints seem to be an endangered species
though nobody complains
so how about the ‘sustainable’ bit?
How To Be a Saint isn’t yet in that
expanding Idiot’s Guide series
however
there is a Path, a Way
right at the tips of your fingers
though have your blood pressure
checked first
automated complaints
and I’m sure I don’t need
to spell that out for you
the one that you can’t even get through to make;
the options that don’t include yours;
the hanging on, because
we value your call;
the background music
like that loop from
Mendelsohn’s violin concerto
like a continuously thwarted orgasm
without a climax
so here’s the perfect practice
run through a checklist
of the required virtues;
western religions tend to run to
quite a few; but Indians
love enumeration – they’ve been at it
for thousands of years; and now
they’re Call Centre International
it could be a growth industry
I’ve got a fine list here from the Jains
which is especially practical
since they don’t require subscribing
to a specific image of the god
who’s running all this, remember:
you could take one virtue a day to practice
or just have the checklist there beside
the telephone – I guess
if this catches on, there’ll be
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poem by Michael Shepherd
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