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Invisible

I am invisible
No one can see me
Nothing I do affects anyone
No one can hear
I look into a mirror
I can’t see myself look back
It’s like I don’t exist
I’m trapped

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I Can Only Blame Myself

I can only blame myself for my lack of success
The I am not good enough on myself I impress
In my mind of self doubt I have planted the seed
With my attitude at anything how can I succeed
And it does seem you are not that different to me
Since the frailties in others in our own selves we see
If you see yourself as not worthy not worthy you will be
It is self defeatist to think negatively
For my lack of success I only have myself to blame
And though to be self defeatist is not a cause for shame
Negativity is the mental rock that keeps dragging one down
Your barrier to financial success and renown
And sad to say our type have never been rare
There are plenty like us in the big World out there.

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I Can See Myself

i can see myself being a police officer saving lives of others because this is me.
i can see myself taking care of babies and making sure there safe because this is me.
i can see myself singing in a church filled with holliness because this is me.
i can see myself putting a smile on your face when your days are sad because this is me.
i can see myself talking to teens and youth to understand the purpose in life becuase this is me.
i can see myself blessing the old in hospitals and retirement homes because this is me.
i can see myself making a change in different communities to have positive moments because this is me.
i can see myself at a funeral talking to sad ones to let them know that its going to be all right because this is me.
i can see myself stopping others from doing suicide and homicide because this is me.
i can see myself putting happy thought in your mind and take away the negative because this is me.
i can see myself helping a pregnant women deliver her baby because this is me.
i can see myself putting teens and youth on the right path and show them the right way to llive life because this is me.
i can see myself to help you look in the mirror and say im beautiful and yes i can because this is me.

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Loyal Faith

Doesn't it appear easy for some,
To tell others...
How to deal with their pain?
What to do with their feelings,
As if they can feel the same?

Someone told me they knew how I felt,
Once.
Because I 'told' them so!
But they heard words...
Not the depth of my torment,
Felt!
Or the heartbreak I carried and towed,
Inside my heart for decades!

And I am 'not' one of those,
Who announces agonies with glee!
Like some folks can not say hello...
Before they share every misery invisible,
No one sees when they are forced to leave...
These grieving leeches!

These are the people I don't need around me,
At all!
I know my journey has not been an easy one.
And I see very few skipping through their sorrows.
And that is why God and I are team-mates!
We've been close since my birth!
When I get tired and stressed,
With any old or fresh lingering mess?
I confess it.
Getting it off my chest!
I tell God right then...
It's Your turn to deal with the rest!
I've done my best.
And I am aware of my limitations!

I am 'not' going to try to impress.
With an understanding I wish to address.
Oh no!
Been there! Done that!

'I'll be right here working on my happiness.
If it is necessary for me to be disturbed...
Overwhelm me with guilt,
To quicken acts...
Of my begging for Your forgiveness, Father! '

My relationship with God is well deserved.
And known to be one of devoted loyal faith!

'Father...
I thank You for keeping me,
From being mentally malnourished! '

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How Can I Knowing Myself Inside

How can I
Knowing myself inside
Knowing my lust and envy and fear and distrust
Knowing my weakneses,
How can I expect of G-d
To keep alive forever
The problematic being I am?

I idealize those I love
And do not try to know them
As I know myself

They too being human
Are also not perfectly worthy
They too being human
Know sin within themselves-

And yet I try
I pray
I would not abandon those I love-

I ask God why to let die
Those who have such beauty and goodness
Those each one of which is a unique person-

I try –
Knowing God has not promised
To keep each of us alive forever –

I try –
Asking G-d to do what G-d has never promised –

And who am I
And what am I
To dare to ask?

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See Myself In You

IF I MET YOU, ON THE CORNER,
WOULD I KNOW YOU, AS YOU ARE
WOULD I TAKE YOU, FOR A STRANGER,
AND BRUSH PAST YOU IN THE DOOR
IF YOU CALLED ME, WOULD I HEAR YOU,
OR WOULD I WALK AWAY TOO SOON
IF I LINGERD FOR A MOMENT, WOULD I SEE MYSELF IN YOU
IF I FOUGHT YOU, LIKE A SOLDIER,
IF I HAD YOU, IN MY SIGHTS
WOULD YOU ASK ME, TO REMEMBER,
WHO IMAGINED, I WAS RIGHT
IF YOU WITNESSED, MY SURRENDER,
DO I KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO
IF YOU HELD ME, LIKE MY BROTHER,
WOULD I SEE MYSELF IN YOU
WELL I DREAMED MY END WAS NEAR,
I WAS ALMOST GONE
IF I DREAM THAT DREAM FROM HERE,
CAN I STILL COME HOME
IF YOU CALLED ME, WOULD I HEAR YOU,
WOULD I KNOW, WHAT I WOULD DO
IF YOU HELD ME, LIKE MY FATHER,
WOULD I SEE MYSELF IN YOU
IF YOU HELD ME, LIKE MY MOTHER,
WOULD I SEE MYSELF IN YOU

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Money Can't Buy You Love

Money can buy everything for you
Except to make someone to really love you

If you go out to buy love with your money
You better know, money is the reason, she is selling her body

She may like you for your money
But, when it comes to the real love, she could be someone else’s honey

As long as you got the money, she will stick with you
But when you run out of money, she comes up with excuse to leave you

It doesn’t matter you dead or alive
Money is the one that let you have her “love”

Dont get confused between word love and like
They don't mean the same, even though they sound alike

Remember, money just buys her physical body, not her mind
If you want to win her heart, you better treat her nice and be kind

Let’s hope money will never buy the love
Otherwise, that’s end of the romance and nice feeling and all the songs and movies will be made and all the books will be written about story of the love

Sam Arjomandi

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I Can't Help Myself

Oh sugar pie, honey bunch
You know that i love you
I can't help myself
I love you and nobody else
In and out my life
You come and you go
Leaving just your picture behind
And i've kissed it a thousand times
When you snap your fingers or wink your eye
I come a running to you
Tied to you like a ball-and-chain
And there's nothing that i can do
Can't help myself
No, i can't help myself
Sugar pie, honey bunch
I'm weaker than a girl should be
I can't help myself
I'm a fool in love you see
I wanna tell you i don't love you
Tell you that we're through
And i've tried
But every time i see your face
I get all choked up inside
When i call your name
Boy it starts the flame
Burning in my heart
Tearin' it all apart
No matter how i try
My love i cannot hide
Sugar pie, honey bunch
You now that i'm weak for you
I can't help myself
I love you and nobody else
Ooh sugar pie honey bunch
I'll do anything you ask me to
I can't help myself
I want you and nobody else
Sugar pie, honey bunch
You know that i love you
I can't help myself
No no no, i can't help myself

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I Can't Control Myself

I can't stand still cause you've got me goin'
Your slacks are low and your hips are showin'
I take you girl as you're standin' there
Your low cut slacks and your long black hair
Don't want you goin' round with no one else
'cause when I'm with you I can't control myself

Defenses down and you got me shakin'
You got me so that my nerves are breakin'
If you knew me like I know you girl
Your knees would bend and your hair would curl
You make me move yea like no one else
'cause when I'm with you I can't control myself

I've got this feeling that's inside of me
It makes me think of how things used to be
It makes me feel alright
When I'm with you at night and we love
And we love

You thrill me so with this big temptation
This kind of feelin' could move a nation
And I'm okay when I'm here with you
I do the things that you want me to
I do these things for no one else
'cause when I'm with you I can't control myself
I can't control myself
I can't control myself
I can't control myself
I can't control myself
I can't control myself

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I Can't Help Myself

I been lost in the darkness for so long,
I can't see the life.
I been strung out, burned out, left out,
An' hung out to dry.
So I say to myself that I wanna get better:
Hidin' from the truth, I can't last forever.
Jesus, help me;
Obviously, I can't help myself:
I've got nobody else.
Send me an angel: someone to strangle,
That old demon that's hauntin' me there on the shelf.
I can't help myself.
An' my excuses are so old an' tired:
Hell, I forget 'em.
I keep fallin', an' crawlin', an' drownin'
Down here on the bottom.
Yeah, I've pushed back my brothers, said goodbye to my friends:
When you get in this deep, the hell never ends.
Jesus, help me;
Obviously, I can't help myself:
I've got nobody else.
Send me an angel: someone to strangle,
That old demon that's hauntin' me there on the shelf.
I can't help myself.
Gimme a reason to live an' show me a sign.
I'm on the edge goin' out of my mind.
I'm down on my knees: I'm beggin' you please,
Make me somebody else: I can't help myself.
Instrumental Break.
(No!)
I need something stronger:
Pour it all over me.
Send me an angel: someone to strangle,
That old demon:
'Cause you know that I never will.
I can't help myself.
Lord, I can't help myself.

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Patrick White

Musing In The Aftermath

Everything sings, the shadows of the winter branches against the streetlamp
laced on the windowpane ribboned by dirt, backddoors and rooftops
and yet I am enveloped in this silence without wings, this voice
that valleys the universe like a dropp of water down the spine of a leaf
to the root of no flower, no heart, no simple mystery of the night
maturing into stars. Im in a room with books, paintings, lamps,
plants, computers, easels and cats. Things are neither right nor wrong
though I flatter myself that I have grown from mistake to mistake,
defeat to defeat and cloak the sum of all my failures
in the unconvincing authority of experience.
Its rude to take your masks off in the light.
I try to see myself in the darkness like a star
with too much to say that loves to give its hiding place away. Forgive
this indiscretion of my solitude, but my name has obligations
and there’s nothing in the house to eat but swans.
Soon enough there’ll be a term to all these spectral visions
that add their shadows to the lead migrations of my thought
and traverse the motionless deserts of the skull-faced moon.
And what can I say to the pilgrims who come to visit my heart,
all these lean feelings without deceit or art
who crowd around the miracle like damaged mystics and moths
hoping their agony will be immolated in the serene ferocity of the void?
Space is only the rough draft of my emptiness
and ghosts confer in the wings like uninspired actors or lie detectors trying to interpret the crimes of my last passion play. Before I was born
to cross the sky in a blue coffin with a black rose
among all these islands of light, I was the ashes of a bird
in the cold furnace of my life, a jest of the indifferent wind
that toys with the lamp and candle of my seeing.
Now, in every word, among a hundred million burning stars,
its enough to watch a vagrant firefly, a constellation of one
blind the universe in a single flash with marvel
as I slide down the helical bannisters of every descending starwell
toward the dark by which the dark is known.
Together with everyone I heed the mystery alone
and I dont know how I got this way
or if Im a shadow or a wing, the gesture of anything,
but when the moon is in my window, the night arrayed,
musing in the aftermath of life’s homely escapade,
a little afraid, I feel someone dying, and I sing.

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Patrick White

I See Myself Happening

I see myself happening
in the flight of a bird across the moon,
in the appearance of the leaves
and the leftover flowers
that have gone on blooming
in the corner of the yard
longer than anyone ever thought
and in the light of the star
through the branches of a tree
that's rooted in me like an emotion
that's grown beyond its rings.
For a moment the moon
holds the spring leaves up before her
like the cards of a new hand
to make sails and water of their shadows
and I am all arrivals and tides and departures,
the skeleton of a battered ark
scuttled in the mountains of the moon
after the flood receded
and everything was land
and I was the two of every kind
that disembarked like a mind
to elaborate itself through a bloodline
that wound many threads
into one strong rope
that might bind me like a spinal cord
to a place in an empty lifeboat.
We all have our protean myths of origin.
The wounded lies we use to exempt
our intimate extinctions
from the obvious suicides
who trusted death not to judge.
One voice says it's merely a witness
while another tries to interpret
the meaning of the life that's going on
without consultation
and another scoffs at them all
as if bitterness could save you from being a fool.
And tired of having my teachers
interrupt my truancy
with rational voices
that always knew better,
I suspended the school
with an unfinished loveletter
that got things off my chest
like baby crows in a nest.
No rule, no fool. And now I'm free
to taste the moon for myself
and know it tastes like scars.
And there are commotions of life in the grass
that don't violate
the incredible privacy of creation
by trying to assert what they are
to the secret that gave them birth.
What child was ever of no worth
in the scales of a grieving mother?
The moment you affirm you exist, you don't;
and denying you do won't do either.
In a single scale of the fish,
the whole ocean
and in a feather, the sky.
Sometimes reality hangs
like a tear from an eyelash
or a dropp of water from the tip of your nose,
reflecting the entirety of the world
and sometimes it's a grain of dust
that humbles the mountains.
The moment you go looking
for the meaning of things
you pry the jewel out of the ring
and all that's left is the eye-socket
of a skull full of fire ants.
No exit, no entrance,
no inside, no out,
isn't it obvious by now
there's no theshold, no door,
no far shore
no road to follow or not
no passage to anywhere
no aspiration or desire
no sage or liar
no mirage on the moon
or shadow born again
in the fires of the sun at midnight
pouring itself into forms
to ensnare you like love and war?
There's no need to air
your private or public ordeals.
Just realize your formlessness,
your lack of beginnings and ends.
Mind is space. What's to liberate?
Nothing gained, nothing lost,
nothing large or small,
nothing wounded or healed,
full or empty, bound or free,
and yet nothing is ever missing
because time and mind and space
are three echoes of you in the same empty well.
Why struggle exhaustively
like a wave that takes up arms
against the sea
or a light at odds with its lamp,
a flame that sobs in the ashes of its fire,
or a breath that holds itself aloof from the wind
stringing yourself out like beads
along the spinal thread
of your hydra-headed rosary,
trying to pry the pearl of the moon
out of every dropp of water
that falls from the tip of your tongue?
If you think your life was attained at birth
then surely you will lose it when you die,
but when you realize
that origins and ends
are both eyes
of the one seeing,
the same breath
on the threshold of now
without an eyelash in between
like the moon on water,
everything you've ever looked for
asks you
where you have been,
and what, if anything,
among the inexhaustible answers
you might possibly mean.
You'll finally realize
though you've looked everywhere
on worlds as numerous as grains of sand
and plunged through the darkness
like the only fish in an infinite, eyeless sea,
and cobbled the road
you hoped would lead you home
with the prophetic skulls
of all your past lives,
and pondered your purposeless beginning
like a funeral bell that never knew you well,
the source of the mind you look for
is as close as the lamp in your hand
and everywhere your eyes inspire the light to dare,
you see the black squirrel in the blue patch of grape hyacinth
watching you watching it
and thought-years beyond the exhibits of meaning,
you understand.

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The vow of silence, that's the mind-blower. See, talking is what I do... i t's a real need with me, a craving, I'm like a word junkie. I never shut up. I talk to myself, I talk in my sleep. The idea of voluntarily turning off that tap, I can't imagine it It'd be like, I don't know, all the rivers in the world just slammed to a stop. No churning, no flowing, no white water, just stillness, crushing stillness. I don't think I could stand it, locked up like that in my own psyche. I'd collapse into myself, I'd implode

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Witchcraft: I See Myself Reflected

I see myself reflected in your green eyes,
in times of tears, also in times of joy
and wonder at the powers you employ
to bring light to me, to the darkest skies

and although your words hit deep without lies,
your smile at times may be but a decoy,
but your feelings comes without any ploy
as something quite strange where the self dies

where love becomes a kind of witchery,
that offers everything totally selfless
and gives without any hesitation
in everything that you do for me
bringing energy, a sweet kind of rest
when you are act without anticipation.

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Father

Oh father, what happened to you
Did you have more urgent affairs to attend to?
Did business press, or did you just get bored
Thrown half your life through a one way door?
Sometimes it scares me, look in the mirror
And see myself growing up looking like you
No I dont have much time to waste getting worried
Ive got more urgent affairs of my own to attend to
Father, what happened to you
Havent seen you in a whole decade
Did you ever learn, did you ever grow up
Are you still as weak, do I make you feel afraid?
Do you tell your friends theres a son somewhere?
Did you ever wonder how he looks?
Did anyone ever give you my number?
Say heres two pence cos my phones off the hook

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Father

Oh father, what happened to you
Did you have more urgent affairs to attend to?
Did business press, or did you just get bored
Thrown half your life through a one way door?
Sometimes it scares me, look in the mirror
And see myself growing up looking like you
No I dont have much time to waste getting worried
Ive got more urgent affairs of my own to attend to
Father, what happened to you
Havent seen you in a whole decade
Did you ever learn, did you ever grow up
Are you still as weak, do I make you feel afraid?
Do you tell your friends theres a son somewhere?
Did you ever wonder how he looks?
Did anyone ever give you my number?
Say heres two pence cos my phones off the hook

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Where Is Your Evidence?

Why are you slapping me around like this?

'I want to ensure you are awake.'

Would I not be talking to you,
If I was not awake?

'Hmmm...
You do have a point.
One I will take into consideration...
After I have satisfied myself.
It has taken me a long time to get here!
Do you have any idea,
As to how long I've been doing this? '

What difference does that make?
Stop doing it.
I am...
I am awake!
Stop.
I insist you stop this!

'I can't!
How do I know I am not hallucinating?
And you are pretending to be conscious?
I don't want to give up...
To then discover,
I have lost you...
With a slipping back into a darkened hole!
Gone forever.
Never to come out of a coma.

Where is your evidence?
Prove to me...
You have not driven me into insanity! '

Well...I...

'Shuddup.'

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Feeling Of A Flashback

it's that feeling you can't explain,
that sensation you hate,
like bugs crawling on your body,
and you can't get them off,
you try to tell yourself,
that the past can't hurt you,
but it feels like you are lying,
you are trapped,
there nowhere to go,
your palms gets sweaty,
it gets hard to breath,
your body start to shake,
and slowly your mind become fuzzy,
you not sure of what's real,
nothing makes sense,
all you can do is,
sit still and try to stay calm,
it feels like you losing sense of reality,
there nothing you can really do,
the smells trigger you,
to the past where you want to excape,
you remind yourself,
that what you experiencing,
is not real,
it just a flashback,
but your mind still don't understand,
you frozen in fear,
trapped in time,
all you want,
is for it all to end,
but your body remains in the past,
as your mind tries to pull through,
and just as it comes on,
it can easy disappear,
or comes back at a later time,
that is the feeling of a flashback.

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Getting A Horse

So here I am
15 and over weight
not especially pretty
but not bad;
but invisible
and I hide in gym
and the looks I get
keep me in my place.

I try for friends
but the other outcasts
like me
don't seem to want to
draw attention;
can't talk to anyone,
teachers think I'm dull
I talk to my pillow
only my cat understands me

And, of course,
I don't have a boy friend.

She:
'Ok, let go through all of this.
What do you think comes first.
Why don't you pretend that you are your best friend
What would you tell you best friend to do? '

Daughter:

'I don't know.
I would tell her to think about what she can do
or what she really likes.'
'And that is? '
'Horses'
'Horses'.
'I didn't know you liked horses.'
'They are neat.'
'Ok tell your friend what to do about liking horses.
What does she want to do? '
'She wants a horse.'
'Wants a horse
To get a horse what does she needs to do.'
'Get some money.'
'Well how? '
'Maybe babysitting? '
'Sure tell your friend I have someone who needs babysitting
and she can do it to make money.'
'So I did, took a year,
but I got my horse.
some friends along the way
and a boyfriend.

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No

No, no intentes disculparte
No juegues a insistir
Las excusas ya existan antes de ti
No, no me mires como antes
No hables en plural
La retrica es tu arma ms letal
Voy a pedirte que no vuelvas ms
Siento que me duelas todava aqu
Adentro
Y que a tu edad sepas bien lo que es
Romperle el corazn a alguien as
No se puede vivir con tanto veneno,
La esperanza que me dio tu amor
No me la dio ms nadie,
Te juro, no miento
No se puede vivir con tanto veneno
No se puede dedicar el alma
A acumular intentos
Pesa ms la rabia que el cemento
Espero que no esperes que te espere
Despus de mis 26
La paciencia se me ha ido hasta los pies
Y voy deshojando margaritas
Y mirando sin mirar
Para ver si as, te irritas y te vas
Voy a pedirte que no vuelvas ms
Siento que me duelas todava aqu
Adentro
Y que a tu edad sepas bien lo que es
Romperle el corazn a alguien as
No se puede vivir con tanto veneno
La esperanza que me dio tu amor
No me la dio ms nadie
Te juro, no miento
No se puede morir con tanto veneno
No se puede dedicar el alma
A acumular intentos
Pesa ms la rabia que el cemento
NO
No, don't try to apologize
Don't play the game of persistence
Excused existed before you did
No, dont look at me like before,
Don't talk in plural
Rhetoric is your most lethal weapon
I'm going to ask you to never come back again
I regret that you still can hurt me, here,
Inside
And that at your age you already know well
What its like to break someone's heart like this
No, one can't live with so mucn venom
The hope your love gave me
No one else has given me
I swear
No, one can't die with so much venom
One shouldn't devote the soul
To collecting attempts
Rage weighs more than cement
I expect that you dont expect that i expect you
After turning twenty six
Patience has sunk all the way down to my feet
So here i pluck daisy petals
While I'm looking without seeing
To find our if you'll get irritated and leave
I'm going to ask you not to come back ever again
I regret that you still can hurt me, here,
Inside
And that at your age you already know well
What is like to break someone's heart like this
No, one can't live with so much venom
The hope your love gave me
No one else has given me
I swear
No, one can't die with so much venom
One shouldn't devote the soul
To collecting attempts
Rage weighs more than cement

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I see myself and many artists like me as the torchbearers through these dark ages.

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