I'd rather go to the dentist... but I'm going.
quote by Phil Gramm
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Dentist Chair (Fun Poem 99)
Everyone hates the dentist
some much more than me.
Just the thought of the drill
and the light in your eyes
puts the chills up me.
One of my worst encounters
of the dentist chair came in the 1960’s
when a cold in a tooth made my face swell
on one side like a melon
and I could only drink through a straw.
They knocked me out to remove the tooth.
Having no recovery room
they put me back in the waiting room
and sat me in a chair out there.
It was the dawn of the plastic moulded ones
and the one I sat on was so slippery
I kept slipping down.
I mumbled aloud about the dentist being no good.
Some of his patients took one look at me
and decided I was right, then made a hasty exit
from the waiting room.
With the side of my face swollen to the size of a melon
I can understand why.
Another encounter with a dentist
was quite a few years later.
A different dentist with a wholly different approach.
He was having his waiting room decorated
and I was the only one there.
He came in with a Cheshire grin across his face.
“Mr Harris, do you mind if this gentleman
takes out your teeth today? ”
Being I and thinking it was a student,
I said I didn’t mind.
The dentist then said, “He is my interior decorator.”
The smile still implanted on his face.
I nearly ran out of there.
Now the third tale concerns my wife
and she fears the dentist even more than me.
She had an appointment
and when we arrived,
the surgery was closed for lunch.
We went for a little walk
and all the cars we passed had dents in the side.
“See that.” I said.
“Yes.” She replied.
“That’s what the dentist does
when he can’t get his own way.”
[...] Read more
poem by David Harris
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Crocodile's Toothache
Oh the Crocodile
Went to the dentist
And sat down in the chair,
And the dentist said, 'Now tell me, sir,
Why does it hurt and where?'
And the Crocodile said, 'I'll tell you the truth.
I have a terrible ache in my tooth.'
And he opened his jaws so wide, so wide,
That the dentist he climbed right inside,
And the dentist laughed, 'Oh, isn't this fun?'
As he pulled the teeth out, one by one.
And the Crocodile cried, 'You're hurting me so!
Please put down your pliers and let me go.'
But the dentist just laughed with a Ho Ho Ho,
And he said, 'I still have twelve to go --
Oops, that's the wrong one, I confess.
But what's one crocodile's tooth, more or less?'
Then suddenly the jaws went snap,
And the dentist was gone right off the map.
And where he went one could only guess...
To North or South or East or West...
He left no forwarding address.
But what's one dentist more or less?
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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The Dentist Appointment
On Thursday morning, I have to see the Dentist;
Cancelling the appointment, I am trying to resist.
I just don't know if I will be able to do it;
I don't know if I can put myself through it.
To help myself relax, and help allay my fears.
I am planning to plug my iPod into my ears
If, with my favourite music, my ears are filled,
It will drown out the sound of the dreaded drill.
Whenever I think about it, I feel extremely tense.
The relief I'll feel, when it's over, will be immense.
In the pit of my stomach, I get bouts of butterflies;
A few times, in secret, I've even had a little cry.
On my last trip to the Dentist, my eyes sprung a leak,
And my fingers gripped tightly to the edge of my seat.
The needle which they use, feels me with such fright,
So I'll lie there tomorrow, and shut my eyes really tight.
On Thursday morning, I'm the first one in the chair;
I'm hoping that this will make it a tad easier to bear.
But what if, the situation, I really just cannot face?
What if, away from the surgery, I then quickly race?
My Dentist does his real best to put me at ease;
He is really friendly, and looks slightly Chinese.
But, if I keep myself calm, and be really brave,
My teeth, my Dentist, will then be able to save.
poem by Angela Wybrow
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The Pillage Hangman - Parody LONGFELLOW - The Village Blacksmith
Under a spreading chestnut tree
The village smithy stands;
The Smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.
His hair is crisp, and black, and long,
His face is like the tan;
His brow is wet with honest sweat,
He earns whate'er he can
And looks the whole world in the face
For he owes not any man.
Week in, week out, from morn till night,
You can hear his bellows blow;
You can hear him swing his heavy sledge,
With measured beat and slow,
Like a sexton ringing the village bell,
When the evening sun is low.
And children coming home from school
Look in at the open door;
They love to see the flaming furge,
And hear the bellows roar,
And catch the burning sparks that fly
Like chaff from a threshing floor.
He goes on Sunday to the church
and sits among his boys;
He hears the parson pray and preach.
He hears his daughter's voice
singing in the village choir,
And it makes his heart rejoice.
It sounds to him like her mother's voice,
Singing in Paradise!
He needs must think of her once more,
How in the grave she lies;
And with his hard, rough hand he wipes
A tear out of his eyes.
Toiling, -rejoicing, -sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close;
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.
Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend
[...] Read more
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Doctor Junk
Dr. junk the dentist man
Fills your teeth with what he can
Airplane wings and corset stays
And when hes done hell let you pay
In paper clips or inner tubes
Or anything thats slightly used
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
Dr. junk the dentist has
An office full of colored glass
A garden with a paddle wheel
And funny plants for eye appeal
And though he watches them with care
Ive never seen them growing there
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
Eccentric things
Dr. junk the dentist built
A junky castle up on stilts
Junk within and junk throughout
And tv in the chimney spout
And fourteen levels to each floor
And now hes adding fourteen more
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
song performed by Joni Mitchell
Added by Lucian Velea
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Just My Luck (Fun Poem 73)
I went to the dentist
for the first time in twenty years.
Sat in the waiting room
waiting to get my call.
Finally, it came
and I reluctantly went in,
hand shaking and nervous as can be
and was surprised to find
the dentist looked
like she had just walked out of the centrefold
of a Playboy magazine.
She was blonde
and dropp dead gorgeous.
Instead of a man looking like,
he had just walked out of a rugby scrum.
Trust little old me to gets this beauty.
I sat in the chair
took out my false teeth
knowing she wouldn’t want to see them
and opened my mouth wider
so she could have a peek inside.
“I’m going to have to take an X-ray at those.”
“No problem.” I replied.
After the X-rays were taken,
she asked me what pills I was on.
“The one you put in your shoe to make you go limp.”
I replied jokingly.
Sadly she didn’t get the joke I’m afraid.
However, because of the pills, I was on
and the way the tooth
was embedded in my gum.
I have to go to the hospital
to have the darn thing out.
Just my luck.
Here I get the prettiest dentist
to fool around with my teeth
and she then refers me to the hospital.
Doesn’t that just take the cake.
Just my luck.
There is a small consolation when I go.
They will knock me out
and I won’t see who is pulling out my teeth.
25 April 2008
poem by David Harris
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The dentist thing
I. The evening that I bite right through a molar
The evening that I bite right through a molar
with the nerve lying open,
in a thousand years I do not want over again
and then suddenly I am without an appetite
it feels as if I am loosing my senses,
to put it mildly
while I neatly put down my eating utensils
and the next morning I go without breakfast
but that night that thing
pains and beats
and no clove oil, Syndols or R10’s help
to stop that pain
and it feels as if I can jump up and down
and I am overwhelmed with pain.
II. I cannot close a eye
I cannot close an eye
even if I do anything to lie down
or do whatever to be sleeping
and far too slowly the minutes and hours tick past.
Then I sit in front of the computer and stare
and write a poem
where the devil tells me not to spare God
and I have no humility
but I write a song of praise
a poem that I call early spring
letting my pain, my song, my life there cling to Him
where I glorify the awesomeness of His creation and salvation
and send that dark might on its way,
waiting right through the night on the morning light.
III. At daylight I find no opening at a dentist
At daylight I find no opening at a dentist,
everyone is booked full,
and I drive to and thro
and my molar is broken right through.
Even the dentistry department
of the community clinic is closed
[...] Read more
poem by Gert Strydom
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Theses officers were good friends, so it must have been a terrible argument, because the one who played chess with my father was so angry that he walked over to the dentist's house and got the dentist out of bed and shot him.
quote by Bruno Schulz
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Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.
quote by Tim Vine
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Put you energy into music. If it fails you, you can become an accountant or a dentist. And then if you become a dentist or an accountant, it's too late to become a musician afterwards.
quote by Peter Tork
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Cindy Perl, Thanks for Nothing
Thanks for nothing, Cindy Perl.
After five long years of dating-
Movies, concerts, masticating-
You decided David Tepper’s not for you.
You needed one who'd make you smile
And provide for your lifestyle.
So you went and wed a dentist-
Good for you.
All that Tepper’s managed since
is Four Billion more or le$$.
He has a mansion in the Hamptons
by the shore.
Cindy, you backed the wrong horse-
But don’t go getting a divorce.
Your dentist fills your cavities
For you
poem by John F. McCullagh
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A dentist's assistant named Jule
saw a blister appear on his tool.
Said the dentist 'don't fret
it's the girl that you met
from the Queensland Venereal School.'
limerick by Herbert Nehrlich
Added by Dan Costinaş
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Expert Dentist Dr Joseph
There is a dentist on Palm Beach,
who really knows how to fix your teeth.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph is his name,
your teeth will never be the same,
because 'Expert Dentistry' is his game.
His Star treatment makes you feel grand,
when his office picks you up in a limousine not a van,
driving you to his dentist office by ocean and sand.
Photos of Dr. Josephs, family and staff I did take,
to display past patients smiles real great.
By promoting his business in Palm Beach Today.
showing how he can prevent tooth decay.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph also is a generous soul,
he gave me a big tip at the Italian Bistro.
Just one more thing you should know,
he is an expert so listen his “Tooth Talk” radio show.
Written on Feb.16th 2011 by Christina Sunrise
poem by Christina Sunrise
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In the Waiting Room
In Worcester, Massachusetts,
I went with Aunt Consuelo
to keep her dentist's appointment
and sat and waited for her
in the dentist's waiting room.
It was winter. It got dark
early. The waiting room
was full of grown-up people,
arctics and overcoats,
lamps and magazines.
My aunt was inside
what seemed like a long time
and while I waited and read
the National Geographic
(I could read) and carefully
studied the photographs:
the inside of a volcano,
black, and full of ashes;
then it was spilling over
in rivulets of fire.
Osa and Martin Johnson
dressed in riding breeches,
laced boots, and pith helmets.
A dead man slung on a pole
"Long Pig," the caption said.
Babies with pointed heads
wound round and round with string;
black, naked women with necks
wound round and round with wire
like the necks of light bulbs.
Their breasts were horrifying.
I read it right straight through.
I was too shy to stop.
And then I looked at the cover:
the yellow margins, the date.
Suddenly, from inside,
came an oh! of pain
--Aunt Consuelo's voice--
not very loud or long.
I wasn't at all surprised;
even then I knew she was
a foolish, timid woman.
I might have been embarrassed,
but wasn't. What took me
completely by surprise
was that it was me:
my voice, in my mouth.
Without thinking at all
I was my foolish aunt,
I--we--were falling, falling,
[...] Read more
poem by Elizabeth Bishop
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You Say My Coco Broke Your Molar
You say my coco broke your molar.
Now you run from me gone.
And the dentist you say is expensive.
Now you run from me gone.
But you alone broke your own molar.
Now you run from me gone.
And you want me to moan and groan.
Now you run from me gone.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
You say my coco broke your molar.
Now you run from me gone.
And the dentist you say is expensive.
Now you run from me gone.
But you alone broke your own molar.
Now you run from me gone.
And you want me to moan and groan.
Now you run from me gone.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
Since you alone broke your own molar.
And you know that it was all wrong.
To blame my coco for your harm.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The Dentist’s
Your mouth hurts inside for the pain comes from the teeth,
Pain is destructive to the teeth, its gums are bleeding;
Must we learn further help and admiration, or just weep?
First, the aching stops and then the dentist stops,
We all feel murdered, but why?
Firstly, mouths are meant for munching, fully chomping
The food residing in the head, feeding the brain as fast as it can;
We are not dentists, but full doctors, but full nurses,
As hospitals go, we stand firm on our teeth chattering away in the cold.
We felt absurd knowing your teeth.
The main worry was when it made me squirm, and then burn,
Too late, the drill was performed, with too much work,
And that was purity and goodness in the process,
For me, for me, and for those who call themselves the dentist.
We do find teeth a chore, always to be restored.
poem by Naveed Akram
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Dentistry And Reflections
The dentist and Reflections
Up there in the continuous darkness of the universe
I saw a streak of light... a dying comets last hurrah.
Bedroom very dark couldn’t sleep too much death
for one night. Got up and read an article that plants
speak to each other. “Warning a heavy footed man
is coming your way.” “Duck a lawn mower is at large.”
Amputated roses and tulips chafes in a vase kept
alive for a few days... admire beauty in death agony.
Carrots screaming in distress when pulled from soil...
good for your health, dieticians says.
Everything we like, what we eat are, hurting plants
and animals. Which, reminds me I’ve an appointment
with my dentist tomorrow, gardener of my glum teeth,
he will speak softly as he pulls up out another tooth.
poem by Oskar Hansen
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My Dentist
Sitting in the dentist's chair,
Wishing that I wasn't there,
To forget and pass the time
I have made this bit of rhyme.
I had a rendez-vous at ten;
I rushed to get in line,
But found a lot of dames and men
Had waited there since nine;
I stared at them, then in an hour
Was blandly ushered in;
But though my face was grim and sour
He met me with a grin.
He told me of his horse of blood,
And how it "also ran",
He plans to own a racing stud -
(He seems a wealthy man.)
And then he left me there until
I growled: "At any rate,
I hope he'll not charge in his bill
For all the time I wait."
His wife has sables on her back,
With jewels she's ablaze;
She drives a stately Cadillac,
And I'm the mug who pays:
At least I'm one of those who peer
With pessimistic gloom
At magazines of yester-year
In his damn waiting room.
I am a Christian Scientist;
I don't believe in pain;
My dentist had a powerful wrist,
He tries and tries in vain
To make me grunt or groan or squeal
With probe or rasp or drill. . . .
But oh, what agony I feel
When HE PRESENTS HIS BILL!
Sitting in the dental chair,
Don't you wish you weren't there:
Well, your cup of woe to fill,
Just think of his infernal bill.
poem by Robert William Service
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Expert Dentist Dr Joseph
There is a dentist on Palm Beach,
who really knows how to fix your teeth.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph is his name,
your teeth will never be the same,
because 'Expert Dentistry' is his game.
His Star treatment makes you feel grand,
when his office picks you up in a limousine not a van,
driving you to his dentist office by ocean and sand.
Photos of Dr. Josephs, family and staff I did take,
to display past patients smiles real great.
By promoting his business in Palm Beach Today.
showing how he can prevent tooth decay.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph also is a generous soul,
he gave me a big tip at the Italian Bistro.
Just one more thing you should know,
he is an expert so listen his “Tooth Talk” radio show.
Written on Feb.16th 2011 by Christina Sunrise
poem by Suzae Chevalier
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When life is kicking others in the teeth, Become a dentist.
quote by Kevin Meyers
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