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I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

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Good News

Something to begin with
That's easy said than done
You'll see me rolling home
But I don't understand why
Still there's nothing at all
Time is on my side
But we mustn't let our disappointment show
But I will, and you will go on
All I need is some good news (some good news)
All I need is some good news (just some good news)
To put me on my feet (to put me on my feet)
To put me at my ease (at my ease)
All I need is some good news (all I need is some good news)
All I need is some good news (some good news)
To put me at my ease (to put me at my ease)
All I need is some good news
All I need is some good news (just gimme me some good news)
All I need is some good news (some good news)
To put me at my ease (to put me at my ease)
To put me on my feet (on my feet, on my feet)
All I need is some good news (all I need is some good news)
All I need is some good news (all I need is some good news)
All I need is some good news
All I need is some good news (all I need is good news)
To put me on my ease (to put me at my ease)
To put me on my feet (on my feet, on my feet)
All I need is some good news (good news)
All I need is some good news (some good news)
All I need is some good news (good news)
All I need is some good news
[Repeat to fade

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Mephisto And Kevin

In 1986, the University of Californa at Davis
saw two of its all-time brightest stars,
Dr. Alphonse Mephisto and Dr. Arnie Abesacraben.
Dr. Mephisto worked hard towards his thesis - his goal
was to genetically duplicate the DNA structure of Asparagus,
so that all Asparagus would grow to the same girth and length,
Giving Asparagus a much more pleasent presentation in the world's
supermarkter vegetable bins.
Dr. Abesacraben's goal was to genetically create the greatest
musical entertainer the world had ever seen.
Dr. Abesacraben knew that if he could assemble the right elements,
he could theoretically build a DNA structure that would ensure
his creation had talent far surpassing the average individual.
At the time, one subject of urban myth was the story that
Michael Jackson - in an effort to maintain his youthful look and
feminie vocal characteristics - had his testicles surgically removed,
thereby making him a modern-day castrato.
If such a rumor were true, Michael Jackson more that likely would have
had some of his semen preserved before the surgery, to ensure his the
future of his name and lineage.
Word came back to Dr. Abesacraben of a secret cold storage locker
deep within the bowels of the UCLA research center, that not only
contained four containers of frozen semen, but also held a pair of
testicles, each was labeled with the name "Jack Michaelson".
I once heard a noise,
In the night the most sensual voice.
Song of love from a eight year-old boy,
Stuck in my head.
And this is what he said:
I am gopher boy!
Pondering reality!
I am gopher boy!
Who will buy my raspberries?
This had to be the seed of the king of pop!
Dr. Abesacraben was able to use his charm and and chissled Greek
feature to woo a young lab technician by the name of Jennifer, who of
course happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a small vial
of the precious semen.
The search for the egg was a short one - Dr. Mephisto simply ran an ad
in the classified section of an airline music magazine.The ad read:
"Wanted: unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment.Donors must
have musical background."With a pleathera of young, eager wanna-be
music starlets willing to sell their eggs, the two doctors - after
rigorous
auditioning - picked... and purchased.
Dr. Abesacraben felt that it would be far less complicated legally if the
fetus were brought to term in the womb of a non-human.He had long since
secured the services of the University volleyball mascot, a llama by the
name of "Missy".
When the baby was ready, the child via cesarean.It was a healthy baby

[...] Read more

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Mephisto & Kevin

In 1986, the university of californa at davis
Saw two of its all-time brightest stars,
Dr. alphonse mephisto and dr. arnie abesacraben.
Dr. mephisto worked hard towards his thesis - his goal
Was to genetically duplicate the dna structure of asparagus,
So that all asparagus would grow to the same girth and length,
Giving asparagus a much more pleasent presentation in the worlds
Supermarkter vegetable bins.
Dr. abesacrabens goal was to genetically create the greatest
Musical entertainer the world had ever seen.
Dr. abesacraben knew that if he could assemble the right elements,
He could theoretically build a dna structure that would ensure
His creation had talent far surpassing the average individual.
At the time, one subject of urban myth was the story that
Michael jackson - in an effort to maintain his youthful look and
Feminie vocal characteristics - had his testicles surgically removed,
Thereby making him a modern-day castrato.
If such a rumor were true, michael jackson more that likely would have
Had some of his semen preserved before the surgery, to ensure his the
Future of his name and lineage.
Word came back to dr. abesacraben of a secret cold storage locker
Deep within the bowels of the ucla research center, that not only
Contained four containers of frozen semen, but also held a pair of
Testicles, each was labeled with the name jack michaelson.
I once heard a noise,
In the night the most sensual voice.
Song of love from a eight year-old boy,
Stuck in my head.
And this is what he said:
I am gopher boy!
Pondering reality!
I am gopher boy!
Who will buy my raspberries?
This had to be the seed of the king of pop!
Dr. abesacraben was able to use his charm and and chissled greek
Feature to woo a young lab technician by the name of jennifer, who of
Course happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a small vial
Of the precious semen.
The search for the egg was a short one - dr. mephisto simply ran an ad
In the classified section of an airline music magazine. the ad read:
Wanted: unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment. donors must
Have musical background. with a pleathera of young, eager wanna-be
Music starlets willing to sell their eggs, the two doctors - after
Rigorous
Auditioning - picked... and purchased.
Dr. abesacraben felt that it would be far less complicated legally if the
Fetus were brought to term in the womb of a non-human. he had long since
Secured the services of the university volleyball mascot, a llama by the
Name of missy.
When the baby was ready, the child via cesarean. it was a healthy baby

[...] Read more

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Good News- Bad News

Bad news-I am driving along and a car is bearing down me from the rear.
It keeps coming.

Bad news-The car hits my little car at 60 miles an hour-bam!

Good news-I keep control of the car for a second or two
then the car begins to skid.

Bad news-The car skids, swerves and overturns, flipping, flipping.
The world outside the wind shield revolves upside down.

Bad news-Things go blank and I see water coming into the car;
I had landed in the river.

Good news-I am sinking but not yet under water.

Bad news- The water starts to come in faster and faster.

Bad news- The water keeps coming in the car. It is sinking.
It is over my head.
I am drowning.

Bad news- I hold my breath for 30 seconds and decide that I will die here.
I regret that it has to be in the mud and silt of the river. Undignified. I take a deep breath ready to go.

Good news, The car suddenly bobs to the surface from an air bubble
inside just as I take that breath.

Bad news-I look around and notice that the car is sinking again
this time even faster.

Bad news- I look around to try to open a door. But the door won't open.

Good news- I hear voices above. Someone saw me go in.

Bad news- The water is rising so fast I am sure they won't get me in time.

Bad news- I bang on the wind shield but it does not break

Good news- Someone from the outside breaks the wind shield and asks
if I can get out.

Bad news- I drag myself out over the cut glass-
blood in the water, gasoline and mud.,

Good news-Outside, there are men with a floating flat board and they float me to the shore.

Bad news-They ask me who is President and what is today's date.
And they are my rescuers, I think, and don't know this stuff?

[...] Read more

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Here Is The News

Here is the news
Coming to you every hour on the hour
(here is the news)
The weathers fine but there may be a meteor shower.
Here is the news
A cures been found for good old rocket lag
(here is the news)
Someone left their life behind in a plastic bag.
Here is the news
Here is the news
Here is the news.
(spaceworkers dispute in london today.
A lightning strike by air shuttle officers
Led to over 2,000 passengers being held up
For up to 10 hours to board flights...)
(ten eurotechnicians were today sentenced
By the justice computer to be banished for life
To the prison satellite penal one...)
Here is the news
Another action filled adventure
(here is the news)
All the worst from the world convention.
Here is the news (the very latest)
Here is the news
Here is the news
Here is the news
(... shares of roboko development are now climbing...)
(... a very great friend of mine...)
(... our regular scheduled programs...)
(... the latest report from the people down there...)
(... a tiny little detail...)
(... Id like to say hello to everybody...)
Here is the news
I wanna go home, I want my baby back
(here is the news)
I wanna go back!
Here is the news
Somebody has broken out of satellite two
(here is the news....)
Look very carefully, it may be you, you, you, you...
(... the energy counsel today announced...)
(... the archbishop is waving to the crowds...)
(... the world broadcasting authority today announced...)
(... I think thats going to be alright, youll have to wait & see...)
(... Ill call you back later...)
Here is the news.

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Dont Nobody Bring Me No Bad News

(charlie smalls)
When I wake up in the afternoon
Which it pleases me to do
Dont nobody bring me no bad news
cause I wake up already negative
And Ive wired up my fuse
So dont nobody bring me no bad news
If were going to be buddies
Better bone up on the rules
cause dont nobody bring me no bad news
You can be my best of friends
As opposed to payin dues
But dont nobody bring me no bad news
No bad news
No bad news
Dont you ever bring me no bad news
cause Ill make you an offer, child
That you cannot refuse
So dont nobody bring me no bad news
When youre talking to me
Dont be cryin the blues
cause dont nobody bring me no bad news
You can verbalize and vocalize
But just bring me the clues
But dont nobody bring me no bad news
Bring some message in your head
Or in something you cant lose
But dont you ever bring me no bad news
If youre gonna bring me something
Bring me, something I can use
But dont you bring me no bad news

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On Hearing Of The Death Of Kevin Hickey

Sad news a news that travels far and wide
And I was told of how young Kevin Hickey died
On the Shannaknock road of his car he lost control
And the reaper claimed his body not his soul.

He was pre-deceased by his Mother Kathleen
And his better days in life he had not seen
And his father John is left to bear sorrow's cross
And grieve the tragedy of his heart-breaking loss.

And though the accident that claimed young Kevin's life happened a few years ago
The scars of grief to heal are always slow
And the pain at the loss of his son in such a tragic way
With John Hickey till his own end will stay.

At the spot where Kevin died John erected a grotto as a memorial to his son
And it would seem that is as much as anyone could have done
To honour some one that they loved so dear
Such stories of love are heartening to hear.

I have heard of how young Kevin Hickey died
And such sad news does travel far and wide
And his remains will rest in peace forever more
But his soul lives on the soul has wings to soar.

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Dog Gone

I could not pray
I felt so dog gone
Couldnt get no witness but I did not know
Then a voice in a whisper said youve got to carry it on
And the news is gonna break
The news is gonna break
The news is gonna break that I am here
Out along the way I got so bogged down
I had some business there I did not slow
And a boy in the world said youve got to carry it on
And the news is gonna break
The news is gonna break
The news is gonna break that I am here
Im not a messenger
Im not the passenger
Got some business there but you did not know
And the point of my visit, well sir, thats to carry me on
And the news ig gonna break
And the news is gonna break
Yeah, your noose is gonna break when I am there
No paris
No nepal
No barstow
Wont be none of them at all
No congo
No kish or kishangargh
No memphis
It doesnt matter who you are
Im on my way
I feel so dog gone
Go bout your business but you did not know
And the point if there is one, well sir
Thats to carry me on
And the news is gonna break
(your noose is gonna break)
The news is gonna break that I am here)
The news is gonna break that I am here
And your noose is gonna break when I am there

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Bury Me With It

We were shootin' at a mound of dirt.
Well nothing was broken, nothing was hurt.
But I probably really should have been at work.
But if my freetime's gone, would you promise me this?
That you will please bury me with it?
Please bury me with it!
Well sure as planets come, I know that they end.
And if I'm here when that happens, will you promise me this my friend?
Please bury me with it!
I just don't need none of that Mad Max bullshit.
Well the suit got tight and it split at the seams.
But I kept it out of habit and I kept it really clean.
But if it's getting' faded, if it's runnin' outta thread,
Could you just do this for me my friend?
And please just please bury me with it?
Please bury me with it!
Well we moved to the left and moved to the right.
And sure as hell we stayed out almost every single night.
But if the party's over, if the fun has to end,
could you do this for me my friend?
Would you just please bury me with it?
Please bury me with it!
Good news for people who love bad news.
We've lost the plot and we just can't choose.
We are hummingbirds who are just not willing to move.
And there's good news for people who love bad news.
We are hummingbirds who've lost the plot and we will not move.
We have good news for anyone who loves bad news.
We were aiming for the moon. We were shooting at the stars.
But the kids were just shooting at the busses and the cars.
So don't drink the water, don't you breathe the air.
If it's gotten to that point then I have to declare:
That you please bury me with it!
Please bury me with it!
Well fads they come and fads they go.
And God I love that rock and roll!
Well the point was fast but it was too blunt to miss.
Life handed us a paycheck, we said, "We worked harder than this!"
Please bury me with it!
Please bury me with it!
We are hummingbirds who are just not going to move.
And there's good news for people who love bad news.
We are hummingbirds who've lost the plot and we well not move.
We have great news for anyone who loves bad news.

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Dig Your Grave

We were shootin' at a mound of dirt.
Well nothing was broken, nothing was hurt.
But I probably really should have been at work.
But if my freetime's gone, would you promise me this?
That you will please bury me with it?
Please bury me with it!
Well sure as planets come, I know that they end.
And if I'm here when that happens, will you promise me this my friend?
Please bury me with it!
I just don't need none of that Mad Max bullshit.
Well the suit got tight and it split at the seams.
But I kept it out of habit and I kept it really clean.
But if it's getting' faded, if it's runnin' outta thread,
Could you just do this for me my friend?
And please just please bury me with it?
Please bury me with it!
Well we moved to the left and moved to the right.
And sure as hell we stayed out almost every single night.
But if the party's over, if the fun has to end,
could you do this for me my friend?
Would you just please bury me with it?
Please bury me with it!
Good news for people who love bad news.
We've lost the plot and we just can't choose.
We are hummingbirds who are just not willing to move.
And there's good news for people who love bad news.
We are hummingbirds who've lost the plot and we will not move.
We have good news for anyone who loves bad news.
We were aiming for the moon. We were shooting at the stars.
But the kids were just shooting at the busses and the cars.
So don't drink the water, don't you breathe the air.
If it's gotten to that point then I have to declare:
That you please bury me with it!
Please bury me with it!
Well fads they come and fads they go.
And God I love that rock and roll!
Well the point was fast but it was too blunt to miss.
Life handed us a paycheck, we said, "We worked harder than this!"
Please bury me with it!
Please bury me with it!
We are hummingbirds who are just not going to move.
And there's good news for people who love bad news.
We are hummingbirds who've lost the plot and we well not move.
We have great news for anyone who loves bad news.

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All The Young Dudes (live 2001-06-05)

Written by David Bowie
Billy rapped all night about his suicide
How he kick it in the head when he was twenty-five
Speed jive don't want to stay alive
When you're twenty-five
Wendy's stealing clothes from Marks and Sparks
And Freedy's got spots from ripping off the stars from his face
Funky little boat race
Now television man is crazy saying we're juvenile deliquent wrecks
Oh man I need TV when I got T Rex
I'm a dude dad
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news
Now Jimmy looks sweet though he dresses like a queen
But he can kick like a mule it's a real mean team
But we can love we can love
And my brother's back at home with his Beatles and his Stones
We never got it off on that revolution stuff
It was such a drag too many snags
Well I've drunk a lot of wine and I'm feeling fine
Got to race some cat to bed
Is there concrete all around me
Or is it in my head
Yeah
I'm a dude dad
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news

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Most effective tools

It is high tension drama with lots of worries
When any new channels are in air with full of stories
Makes great impact when something special in head lines it carries
It is news almost in leading papers and in all the dailies

Now the dailies are with full news of scandals, robberies and murders
Some prominence might be shown at the shooting down of intruders
The suicidal attacks and bomb blasts are prime news for circulation
Welfare and other works find hardly mention or indication

Medias has always occupied highest position and is considered as mirror
Enough care is taken to report it precisely without any error
The sanctity of news report is maintained very strictly
It is weighed deeply and thought over before reported correctly

It is one of the powerful medium for reporting news
Its impartiality and credibility is expressed with views
Normally no dirty game is played so far as the news are concerned
But of late it has involved in the race where some dignitaries are cornered

It is nice to report about the gloomy side of the ailing society
It may be takes as awareness drive with some what news as variety
It has one of the strongest arms to report even what is not reported
We have seen the effectiveness of reports when even mighty is deported

Gone were the days when complete black out was to be imposed
It was taking enough of time even after trust was restored or reposed
Now with powerful print media and news, it has reached even remote
It has even proved powerful weapon to restore peace and also to promote

How effectively it can serve to the public interest?
What ingredient should be considered healthy or best?
This should be publicly debated and put to opinion
It can harm interest if resorted to as protesting union

So many disturbing news are now occupying prominent space
There is mad competition and even deadly and dangerous race
The news are reported only to highlight as first source to disclose
They have no interest whatsoever to take up the ordinary cause

We come across many shows which are nothing but gimmick
It involves nothing new but lack super talent and basic
They serve only limited interest with no broader prospective
Their activities may then be restricted and act as totally inactive

Since they are considered as one the most effective tools
It becomes their prerogative and goal not to act as fools
They may loose all the respect if confined to narrow interests
Nothing may come out from their reporting as extra ordinary or best

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Own Place Of The City

Kevin was born in his own place of the city,
The predators engaged in conversation.
This haunted land was joined with him,
An early enemy concerned him, wanting, waiting.
In this ruined city there lived a boy called Kevin,
Once his life gained momentum they engaged
In conversation, forcing him to concede his secret.
Those merchants of evil concealed their evil
And wandered into the city forming bands of evil.
Wanting, waiting, the vagabonds learnt what fresh news arose,
Learning yet again, the giants rode their fight to conversation.
Kevin was in a place of safety, as the giants rose
Like plants of goodness, roots strong,
And always like trees of old.
Kevin never gaped at their weapons and words,
For gigantic help forced him to recite the world.

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Good Rockin Tonight

Well, I heard the news, theres good rockin tonight.
Well, I heard the news
Evrybody rocking tonight.
I say, well, why dont you meet me behind the barn,
Dont you be worried, Ill do you no harm
I want you to bring along my rockin shoes,
cause tonight Im gonna rock away all my blues.
I heard the news, theres good rockin tonight.
Well, gonna rock, gonna rock,
Gonna rock, yeh gonna rock.
Gonna rock all our blues away.
Well, I heard the news theres good rockin tonight.
Well, I heard the news evrybody rocking tonight.
I say, well, why dont you meet me behind the barn,
Dont you be worried Ill do you no harm
I want you to bring along my rockin shoes,
cause tonight Im gonna rock away all my blues.
I heard the news, theres good rockin tonight.
Well, gonna rock, gonna rock,
Gonna rock, yeh gonna rock.
Gonna rock all our blues away.
Yeh, were gonna rock,
Gonna rock, lets rock,
Ah rock, gonna rock all our blues away.
Well, I heard the news theres good rockin tonight.
Well, I heard the news evrybody rocking tonight.
I say, well, why dont you meet me behind the barn,
Dont you be worried Ill do you no harm
I want you to bring along my rockin shoes,
cause tonight Im gonna rock away all my blues.
I heard the news, theres good rockin tonight.
Well, gonna rock, gonna rock,
Gonna rock, yeh gonna rock.
Gonna rock all our blues away.
Yeh, were gonna rock,
Gonna rock, lets rock,
Ah rock,
Gonna rock all our blues away.

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Tale XXI

The Learned Boy

An honest man was Farmer Jones, and true;
He did by all as all by him should do;
Grave, cautious, careful, fond of gain was he,
Yet famed for rustic hospitality:
Left with his children in a widow'd state,
The quiet man submitted to his fate;
Though prudent matrons waited for his call,
With cool forbearance he avoided all;
Though each profess'd a pure maternal joy,
By kind attention to his feeble boy;
And though a friendly Widow knew no rest,
Whilst neighbour Jones was lonely and distress'd;
Nay, though the maidens spoke in tender tone
Their hearts' concern to see him left alone,
Jones still persisted in that cheerless life,
As if 'twere sin to take a second wife.
Oh! 'tis a precious thing, when wives are dead,
To find such numbers who will serve instead;
And in whatever state a man be thrown,
'Tis that precisely they would wish their own;
Left the departed infants--then their joy
Is to sustain each lovely girl and boy:
Whatever calling his, whatever trade,
To that their chief attention has been paid;
His happy taste in all things they approve,
His friends they honour, and his food they love;
His wish for order, prudence in affairs,
An equal temper (thank their stars!), are theirs;
In fact, it seem'd to be a thing decreed,
And fix'd as fate, that marriage must succeed:
Yet some, like Jones, with stubborn hearts and

hard,
Can hear such claims and show them no regard.
Soon as our Farmer, like a general, found
By what strong foes he was encompass'd round,
Engage he dared not, and he could not fly,
But saw his hope in gentle parley lie;
With looks of kindness then, and trembling heart,
He met the foe, and art opposed to art.
Now spoke that foe insidious--gentle tones,
And gentle looks, assumed for Farmer Jones:
'Three girls,' the Widow cried, 'a lively three
To govern well--indeed it cannot be.'
'Yes,' he replied, 'it calls for pains and care:
But I must bear it.'--'Sir, you cannot bear;
Your son is weak, and asks a mother's eye:'
'That, my kind friend, a father's may supply.'

[...] Read more

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All The Young Dudes

Now billy rapped all night bout his suicide
Kick it in the head when he was 25
All that speed jive
Dont wanna stay alive when youre 25
Lucys stealing clothes from unlocked cars
Freddys got zits from picking off the stars from his face
Funky little boat race
Oh the television man is crazy
Saying were juvenile delinquent wrecks
Oh man I need tv when I got t. rex
Brother you guessed
Im a dude yeah
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news
Now jimmy looks sweet cause he dresses like a queen
But he can kick like a mule
Its a real mean team
We can love
Oh yes, we can love
Brothers back at home
With his beatles and his stones
We never got if off on that revolution stuff
It was such a drag
Too many snags
Well I drunk a lot of wine
And Im feeling fine
Gonna race some cat to bed
Is there concrete all around
Or is it in my head
Brother you guessed
Well Im a dude yeah
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news

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Confused

Written by: lenny kravitz
Talking bout a woman
Talking bout a man
I just cant seem to get it together
Joining hands in hands
The clock it ticks and it tocks
But my heart is on the rocks
Im confused, so confused
And I got to tell you somethings wrong with the news
Yeah
Im confused, so confused
And I got to tell you somethings wrong with the news
I cant choose
Baby baby baby baby baby
Let me feel you no good inside
All I wanna do is love you, love you, love you
Instead of making you cry
But when I come about
I just met another woman the other side of town
Im confused, so confused
And I gotta tell you somethings wrong with the news
I cant choose
Im confused, so confused
And I gotta tell you somethings wrong with the news
I cant choose
You ask me if I love you baby
And I tell you that I do
But dont you ask me if youre the only woman
cause I cant say that its thru
Talking bout a woman
Talking bout a man
I just cant seem to get it together
Joining with a man, hand in hand
The clock it ticks and it tocks
But my heart is on the rocks
Im confused, so confused
And I gotta tell you somethings wrong with the news
I cant choose
Im confused, so confused
And I gotta tell you somethings wrong with the news
I cant choose
Im confused
Yes I am darling, so confused
And I gotta tell you somethings wrong with the news
I cant choose
Im confused, have mercey, so confused
And I gotta tell you somethings wrong with the news
I just cant, I just cant choose
Oh yeah baby

song performed by Lenny KravitzReport problemRelated quotes
Added by Lucian Velea
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Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star

Cast: Nick Swardson, Don Johnson, Christina Ricci, Stephen Dorff, Ido Mosseri, Kevin Nealon, Edward Herrmann, Miriam Flynn, Mario Joyner, Nicholas Turturro

trailer for Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, directed by Tom Brady (2011)Report problemRelated quotes
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star [Roommates]

Cast: Kevin Nealon, Nick Swardson, Christina Ricci

clip from Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, directed by Tom Brady (2011)Report problemRelated quotes
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Blended

Cast: Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Bella Thorne, Terry Crews, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Lauren Lapkus, Joel McHale, Kevin Nealon

trailer for Blended, directed by Frank Coraci (2014)Report problemRelated quotes
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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