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Dave Barry

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

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I Can See For Miles

I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise
I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise
I know that you have 'cause there's magic in my eyes
I know that you have 'cause there's magic in my eyes
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
If you think that I don't know about the little tricks you've played
If you think that i don't know about the little tricks you've played
And never see you when deliberately you put things in my way
And never see you when deliberately you put things in my way
Well, here's a poke at you
Well, here's a poke at you
You're gonna choke on it too
You're gonna choke on it too
You're gonna lose that smile
You're gonna lose that smile
Beacuse all the while
Beacuse all the while
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
You took advantage of my trust in you when I was so far away
You took advantage of my trust in you when i was so far away
I saw you holding lots of other guys and now you've got the nerve to say
I saw you holding lots of other guys and now you've got the nerve to say
That you still want me
That you still want me
Well, that's as may be
Well, that's as may be
But you gotta stand trial
But you gotta stand trial
Because all the while
Because all the while
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise
I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise

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I Can See For Miles

I know youve deceived me, now heres a surprise
I know that you have cause theres magic in my eyes
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Oh yeah
If you think that I dont know about the little tricks youve played
And never see you when deliberately you put things in my way
Well, heres a poke at you
Youre gonna choke on it too
Youre gonna lose that smile
Beacuse all the while
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Oh yeah
You took advantage of my trust in you when I was so far away
I saw you holding lots of other guys and now youve got the nerve to say
That you still want me
Well, thats as may be
But you gotta stand trial
Because all the while
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Oh yeah
I know youve deceived me, now heres a surprise
I know that you have cause theres magic in my eyes
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Oh yeah
The eiffel tower and the taj mahal are mine to see on clear days
You thought that I would need a crystal ball to see right through the haze
Well, heres a poke at you
Youre gonna choke on it too
Youre gonna lose that smile
Beacuse all the while
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
And miles and miles and miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles

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Careful With That Melletron, Eugene

Be careful with that melletron, eugene
Careful with that melletron, eugene
Careful with that melletron, eugene
Be careful with that melletron, you dont know where its been
Careful with the melletron, eugene
Careful with the melletron, eugene
Careful with the melletron, eugene
Be careful with the melletron, you dont know where its been
Play I am the walrus, eugene
Play I am the walrus, eugene
Its I am the walrus, eugene
Play I am the walrus, you dont know where its been
Careful with the melletron, eugene
Careful with the melletron, eugene
Careful with the melletron, eugene
Be careful with the melletron, you dont know where its been
Be careful with the melletron, you dont know where its been
Be careful with the melletron, you dont know where its been

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University Of Central Florida Volleyball

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Pleasure Dome

Now I know none of this was planned, it all just kinda happened
I got more than I wanted, but how is still a mystery
Obsessed with this feeling, I trusted it, so I followed it
Im tripping and stumbling across the land, full of miracles
Into a world so far from home, miles and miles from nowhere
Rooms without doors open for me, oh no
Taking me miles and miles from nowhere
Oh (miles and miles), oh yeah
Lost in this pleasure dome, lost in my own pleasure dome
Oh man, I aint got a clue, how you get out, or how to find this place
I want my control back, but Im afraid, Ill lose that feeling
Lost in a world so far from home, Im miles and miles from nowhere
Falling inside my own pleasure dome, Im miles and miles from nowhere
Oh (miles and miles), oh yeah
Lost in this pleasure dome, lost inside my pleasure dome
(solo)
Lost in a world, cant find my way home, miles and miles from nowhere
Falling inside my own pleasure dome, miles and miles from nowhere
Millions of miles, oh no, miles and miles and miles from nowhere
Miles and miles and miles and miles, oh
Lost in this pleasure dome, lost inside my pleasure dome, yeah
Lost, lost

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Pleasure Dome / Drum Solo

Now I know none of this was planned, it all just kinda happened
I got more than I wanted, but how is still a mystery
Obsessed with this feeling, I trusted it, so I followed it
I'm tripping and stumbling across the land, full of miracles
Into a world so far from home, miles and miles from nowhere
Rooms without doors open for me, oh no
Taking me miles and miles from nowhere
Oh (miles and miles), oh yeah
Lost in this pleasure dome, lost in my own pleasure dome
Oh man, I ain't got a clue, how you get out, or how to find this place
I want my control back, but I'm afraid, I'll lose that feeling
Lost in a world so far from home, I'm miles and miles from nowhere
Falling inside my own pleasure dome, I'm miles and miles from nowhere
Oh (miles and miles), oh yeah
Lost in this pleasure dome, lost inside my pleasure dome
(Solo)
Lost in a world, can't find my way home, miles and miles from nowhere
Falling inside my own pleasure dome, miles and miles from nowhere
Millions of miles, oh no, miles and miles and miles from nowhere
Miles and miles and miles and miles, oh
Lost in this pleasure dome, lost inside my pleasure dome, yeah

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Runaround

Oh...
Oh...
Thats right...
She dont like it when its cut right
And dont like me makin future plans
And dont want me tryin to live it down
She aint about to give an inch of ground, no..
Well she can take me for is a little ride
Just as long as she drives me home
Around the block, maybe once or twice,
And then some lovin, wouldnt that be nice, yeah!
I want what I wanted
Oh, what a fool believes
I got er in my sights, but
Just out of reach.. oh-oh
Here we go around, (round, round, round)
Run-run-runaround, yeah! (round, round, round, round)
Here we go around, (round, round, round)
Shes given me the runaround, yeah, ow! (round, round, round, round)
I just love er keepin me hanging on,
She knows exactly what I need
And right down to the knick of time,
Im chasin love down a fine, fine line, ow!
I want what I wanted
Oh, what a fool believes
I got er in my sight, but
Just out of reach, oh-oh
Here we go around, (round, round, round)
Run-run-runaround, yeah! (round, round, round, round)
Here we go around, (round, round, round)
Shes given me the runaround, oh, ow! (round, round, round, round)
(solo)
Yeah, hey, yeah!!
Ooh, yeah....
Ooh, ahhh, goes like this
Listen baby... ooh, ow, ow, uhh....
Oh, man its hard enough, yeah..
And you make it harder..
Fill me up and then Im satisfied, own me
She owns the time.
Here we go around, (round, round, round)
Run-run-runaround, yeah! (round, round, round, round)
Here we go around, (round, round, round)
Shes given me the runaround, oh, ow! (round, round, round, round)
Here we go around, (round, round, round)
Run-run-runaround, yeah! (round, round, round, round)
Here we go around, (round, round, round)
Shes given me the runaround, oh, ow! (round, round, round, round)
Oh!
Whoa, yeah around,

[...] Read more

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Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Courtship of Miles Standish, The

I
MILES STANDISH

In the Old Colony days, in Plymouth the land of the Pilgrims
To and fro in a room of his simple and primitive dwelling,
Clad in doublet and hose, and boots of Cordovan leather,
Strode, with a martial air, Miles Standish the Puritan Captain.
Buried in thought he seemed, with his hands behind him, and pausing
Ever and anon to behold his glittering weapons of warfare,
Hanging in shining array along the walls of the chamber, --
Cutlass and corselet of steel, and his trusty sword of Damascus,
Curved at the point and inscribed with its mystical Arabic sentence,
While underneath, in a corner, were fowling-piece, musket, and matchlock.
Short of stature he was, but strongly built and athletic,
Broad in the shoulders, deep-chested, with muscles and sinews of iron;
Brown as a nut was his face, but his russet beard was already
Flaked with patches of snow, as hedges sometimes in November.
Near him was seated John Alden, his friend and household companion,
Writing with diligent speed at a table of pine by the window:
Fair-haired, azure-eyed, with delicate Saxon complexion,
Having the dew of his youth, and the beauty thereof, as the captives
Whom Saint Gregory saw, and exclaimed, "Not Angles, but Angels."
Youngest of all was he of the men who came in the Mayflower.

Suddenly breaking the silence, the diligent scribe interrupting,
Spake, in the pride of his heart, Miles Standish the Captain of Plymouth.
"Look at these arms," he said, "the war-like weapons that hang here
Burnished and bright and clean, as if for parade or inspection!
This is the sword of Damascus I fought with in Flanders; this breastplate,
Well I remember the day! once save my life in a skirmish;
Here in front you can see the very dint of the bullet
Fired point-blank at my heart by a Spanish arcabucero.
Had it not been of sheer steel, the forgotten bones of Miles Standish
Would at this moment be mould, in their grave in the Flemish morasses."
Thereupon answered John Alden, but looked not up from his writing:
"Truly the breath of the Lord hath slackened the speed of the bullet;
He in his mercy preserved you, to be our shield and our weapon!"
Still the Captain continued, unheeding the words of the stripling:
"See, how bright they are burnished, as if in an arsenal hanging;
That is because I have done it myself, and not left it to others.
Serve yourself, would you be well served, is an excellent adage;
So I take care of my arms, as you of your pens and your inkhorn.
Then, too, there are my soldiers, my great, invincible army,
Twelve men, all equipped, having each his rest and his matchlock,
Eighteen shillings a month, together with diet and pillage,
And, like Caesar, I know the name of each of my soldiers!"
This he said with a smile, that danced in his eyes, as the sunbeams
Dance on the waves of the sea, and vanish again in a moment.
Alden laughed as he wrote, and still the Captain continued:
"Look! you can see from this window my brazen howitzer planted

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Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Courtship of Miles Standish

I
MILES STANDISH

In the Old Colony days, in Plymouth the land of the Pilgrims
To and fro in a room of his simple and primitive dwelling,
Clad in doublet and hose, and boots of Cordovan leather,
Strode, with a martial air, Miles Standish the Puritan Captain.
Buried in thought he seemed, with his hands behind him, and pausing
Ever and anon to behold his glittering weapons of warfare,
Hanging in shining array along the walls of the chamber, --
Cutlass and corselet of steel, and his trusty sword of Damascus,
Curved at the point and inscribed with its mystical Arabic sentence,
While underneath, in a corner, were fowling-piece, musket, and matchlock.
Short of stature he was, but strongly built and athletic,
Broad in the shoulders, deep-chested, with muscles and sinews of iron;
Brown as a nut was his face, but his russet beard was already
Flaked with patches of snow, as hedges sometimes in November.
Near him was seated John Alden, his friend and household companion,
Writing with diligent speed at a table of pine by the window:
Fair-haired, azure-eyed, with delicate Saxon complexion,
Having the dew of his youth, and the beauty thereof, as the captives
Whom Saint Gregory saw, and exclaimed, "Not Angles, but Angels."
Youngest of all was he of the men who came in the Mayflower.

Suddenly breaking the silence, the diligent scribe interrupting,
Spake, in the pride of his heart, Miles Standish the Captain of Plymouth.
"Look at these arms," he said, "the war-like weapons that hang here
Burnished and bright and clean, as if for parade or inspection!
This is the sword of Damascus I fought with in Flanders; this breastplate,
Well I remember the day! once save my life in a skirmish;
Here in front you can see the very dint of the bullet
Fired point-blank at my heart by a Spanish arcabucero.
Had it not been of sheer steel, the forgotten bones of Miles Standish
Would at this moment be mould, in their grave in the Flemish morasses."
Thereupon answered John Alden, but looked not up from his writing:
"Truly the breath of the Lord hath slackened the speed of the bullet;
He in his mercy preserved you, to be our shield and our weapon!"
Still the Captain continued, unheeding the words of the stripling:
"See, how bright they are burnished, as if in an arsenal hanging;
That is because I have done it myself, and not left it to others.
Serve yourself, would you be well served, is an excellent adage;
So I take care of my arms, as you of your pens and your inkhorn.
Then, too, there are my soldiers, my great, invincible army,
Twelve men, all equipped, having each his rest and his matchlock,
Eighteen shillings a month, together with diet and pillage,
And, like Caesar, I know the name of each of my soldiers!"
This he said with a smile, that danced in his eyes, as the sunbeams
Dance on the waves of the sea, and vanish again in a moment.
Alden laughed as he wrote, and still the Captain continued:
"Look! you can see from this window my brazen howitzer planted

[...] Read more

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Out Gunned By A Single Cell DNA Rocker

Amoebia Dubia approximately
200 times more DNA than a human
being of ego essential character.
Genome human 3.2 billion base pairs.
The largest sequenced genome known?
At present a one celled animal traveller.
Counting up in genome base pairs we have
E. coli 4.1 million, baker’s yeast 12 million,
a worm 97 million, a fruit fly 120 million base pairs.

Continuing with our count up define
a flower arabidopsis (Arabidopsis thaliana) 157 million,
a bat (Rhinolophus ferrumequinum) 1.9 billion,
a snake (Boa constrictor) 2.1 billion
an Asian barking deer (Muntiacus muntjak vaginalis) 2.5 billion
us humankind (Homo sapien) 3.2 billion
a frog (Bufo bufo) 6.9 billion
amoebia (Amoebia proteus) 290 billion
amoebia (Amoebia dubia) 670 billion base pairs.

Amoebia Dubia approximately
200 times more DNA than a human
when the human genome was
recorded as 2.9 million base pairs.

Human immunodeficiency
virus type, only 119,750 thousand?
A virus usually contains
less base pairs than a bacterium.
“Duplications are probably
fundamental to the creation
of genetic novelty.”

“Horizontal gene transfer is a highly
significant phenomenon and amongst
single-celled organisms perhaps
the dominant form of genetic transfer.”

“Horizontal gene transfer is invoked
to explain how there is often extreme
similarity between small portions
of the genomes of two organisms
that are otherwise very distantly related.”

The words probably, perhaps and invoked
were used to indicate that we are not as knowledgeable
nor smart as collective public perceptions.

Artificial horizontal gene transfer
is a form of genetic engineering

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Now You're Here

No, we don’t care where you come from
Now you’re here
No, we don’t care where you come from
Have a beer
We don’t care if you are black or white or
Of another hue
Now you’re here in Western Sydney
Now you’re part of Western Sydney
Now all over Western Sydney
We love you.

We are very proud of our diversity
Out on the streets it’s very clear to see
We don’t care if you’re a Christian or a Jew
Or a Bhuddist or Islamic or Hindu
‘Cos we don’t care where you come from
We don’t care where you come from
We don’t care where you come from
Now you’re here.

We’re very proud of long history
And we pay respect to Aborigines
And there’s just one thing I’ll tell ya
Yes, to you and other fellas
That we don’t care where you come from
Now you’re here.

No, we don’t care where you come from
Now you’re here
No, we don’t care where you come from
Have a beer
We don’t care if you are black or white or
Of another hue
Now you’re here in Western Sydney
Now you’re part of Western Sydney
Now all over Western Sydney
We love you.

We’re proud of where we are going
You can see
We’re using all our creativity
To build a better future
And we’ll get there soon we betcha
‘Cos we don’t care where you come from
Now you’re here.

No, we don’t care where you come from
Have a beer
We don’t care if you are black or white or
Another hue

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Ambrose Bierce

A Man

Pennoyer, Governor of Oregon,
Casting to South his eye across the bourne
Of his dominion (where the Palmiped,
With leathers 'twixt his toes, paddles his marsh,
Amphibious) saw a rising cloud of hats,
And heard a faint, far sound of distant cheers
Below the swell of the horizon. 'Lo,'
Cried one, 'the President! the President!'
All footed webwise then took up the word-
The hill tribes and the tribes lacustrine and
The folk riparian and littoral,
Cried with one voice: 'The President! He comes!'
And some there were who flung their headgear up
In emulation of the Southern mob;
While some, more soberly disposed, stood still
And silently had fits; and others made
Such reverent genuflexions as they could,
Having that climate in their bones. Then spake
The Court Dunce, humbly, as became him: 'Sire,
If thou, as heretofore thou hast, wilt deign
To reap advantage of a fool's advice
By action ordered after nature's way,
As in thy people manifest (for still
Stupidity's the only wisdom) thou
Wilt get thee straight unto to the border land
To mark the President's approach with such
Due, decent courtesy as it shall seem
We have in custom the best warrant for.'

Pennoyer, Governor of Oregon,
Eyeing the storm of hats which darkened all
The Southern sky, and hearing far hurrahs
Of an exulting people, answered not.
Then some there were who fell upon their knees,
And some upon their Governor, and sought
Each in his way, by blandishment or force,
To gain his action to their end. 'Behold,'
They said, 'thy brother Governor to South
Met him even at the gateway of his realm,
Crook-kneed, magnetic-handed and agrin,
Backed like a rainbow-all things done in form
Of due observance and respect. Shall we
Alone of all his servitors refuse
Swift welcome to our master and our lord?'

Pennoyer, Governor of Oregon,
Answered them not, but turned his back to them
And as if speaking to himself, the while
He started to retire, said: 'He be damned!'

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Using Boot Camp

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Veterinary Camps

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Lonely Days

Girl i can't abide
By the rules you laid down in this game
'cause now i've gone and lost myself in you
One time you catch a ride
And it takes you miles away
There's a chance of never feeling blue
And those lonely days will be long time forgotten
If we could find another way
Now let's contemplate is this time of passion
Strong enough to make you stay
Because i do believe in forever
And forever i will stay
And those lonely days will remain
Miles and miles away
Emotional exile
Is the safest way to play
Gotta take a chance every now and then
Irresistible change of heart
I will guide your way
We could share a life again
And those lonely days will be long time forgotten
If we could find another way
Now let's contemplate is this time of passion
Strong enough to make you stay
Because i do believe in forever
And forever i will stay
And those lonely days will remain
Miles and miles away
Miles and miles away
Miles and miles away
Miles and miles away
Miles and miles away....
(repeat)
Girl i can't abide
By the rules you laid down in this game

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Four Billion Years

Four Billion Years
Four billion years of evolution,
Maybe more,
And we've come to this:
Abstractly desiring an intangible wad of green paper
That holds no intrinsic value—
Other than perhaps as a modicum of power and influence.

Four billion years—
And what have we accomplished?

We've burned down the rain forest
To make room for cattle farms
That are operated by colored people
That aren't paid enough to eat—
Yes, that's right, the white man still owns slaves—
So that we can grow morbidly obese,
Grease dripping from our mouths
Down the folds of fat that line our chins
To caress the curvature of our stomachs—
Circumference ever expanding.

We've made our children stupid,
Forcing them down the assembly line
Of public education; teaching them
To become disinterested in the world around them;
Telling them that what they like has no value
To society and that their lives lack meaning
If they lack surplus.
Our kids idolize the wealthy because they have things,
And things—I have been told—
Are more important than progress.

We're making oily bonfires in the desert
To illuminate upon our indifferences.
We destroy what we are told to destroy
Without considering the consequences,
Without realizing the dialectics we avoid,
The logic we could accrue from listening.
We believe a national identity
Is more essential than our relationship to species,
Thinking that we can only gain
Through our taking.

Four billion years,
Four billion years,
And we are looking at the end of the world,
Hoping for Rapture,
Praying that we go to heaven,
Granted a second life,

[...] Read more

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Eugene's Cool Blues

eugene's cool blues
Check it out here comes Eugene
with a hash smile on his face
He rolls around in his blue jeans
with a tooth brush in his guitar case
When I go with him,
then I don't know where I'm going.
Check it out here comes the evil
With him you could sing a song
Hey man, here comes the evil
I'm sure you could make a hell of a row
When I go with him,
then I don't know where I'm going.
Hey man, says the evil
I'm taking home my trusty steed
Hey man, says the evil stay high,
say hi to the night for me
When I go with him,
then I don't know where I'm going.
Check it out here comes Eugene
in a funky plastic form
Check it out here comes Eugene
and he's dying for a liquor store
When I go with him, t hen I don't know where I'm going.
Hey man, waddaya say
we drink a couple of hot shots of whatever.
Hey, and get a handle on that chick problem of yours.
Just sink me

song performed by QuimbyReport problemRelated quotes
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Get Miles

I love this island but this islands killing me
Sitting here in silence, man I dont get no peace
The waves upon my shore take me away piece by piece
Gonna leave everything I know gonna head out towards the sea
Jump off this island gonna head out towards the sea
I love this city man but this citys killing me
Sitting here in all this noise man I dont get no peace
The cars below my street take me away piece by piece
Gonna leave everything I know gonna head out towards the sea
Gonna leave this city man, gonna head out towards the sea
Get miles away, get miles away, get miles away
Get miles
I love this planet but this planets killin me
Sitting here in all this grass man I dont get no weed
The sweat comin from my pores take me away piece by piece
Gonna leave everything I know gonna head to the galaxy
Gonna leave this planet man, gonna head to the galaxy
Get miles away, get miles away, get miles away, get miles away, get miles away, get miles away, get miles away
Get miles

song performed by GomezReport problemRelated quotes
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This Month Messiah

I'm just a pilgrim here looking for holy ground
I'm just a body lost but my soul can be found
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
I don't know where to turn when answers all fade clear
But I must find a place there's only questions here
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
I feel...feel like I'm on trial
Who made a judge of you
Are you this month's messiah
I am a fightin' man tired of living under the gun
But am I looking for love or am I looking to run
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
I heard...I heard it on the wire
That it's all up to you
Are you this month's messiah
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon

song performed by NazarethReport problemRelated quotes
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This Months Messiah

Im just a pilgrim here looking for holy ground
Im just a body lost but my soul can be found
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
I dont know where to turn when answers all fade clear
But I must find a place theres only questions here
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
I feel...feel like Im on trial
Who made a judge of you
Are you this months messiah
I am a fightin man tired of living under the gun
But am I looking for love or am I looking to run
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
I heard...i heard it on the wire
That its all up to you
Are you this months messiah
How many miles to go
How many miles to babylon
(mccafferty, agnew, charlton, sweet)
1984 fool circle music

song performed by NazarethReport problemRelated quotes
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