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Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

quote by Dan Castellaneta
Added by Lucian Velea
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Trial by Jury

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

THE LEARNED JUDGE
THE PLAINTIFF
THE DEFENDANT
COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF
USHER
FOREMAN OF THE JURY
ASSOCIATE
FIRST BRIDESMAID

SCENE - A Court of Justice, Barristers, Attorney, and Jurymen
discovered.

CHORUS

Hark, the hour of ten is sounding:
Hearts with anxious fears are bounding,
Hall of Justice, crowds surrounding,
Breathing hope and fear--
For to-day in this arena,
Summoned by a stern subpoena,
Edwin, sued by Angelina,
Shortly will appear.

Enter Usher

SOLO - USHER

Now, Jurymen, hear my advice--
All kinds of vulgar prejudice
I pray you set aside:
With stern, judicial frame of mind
From bias free of every kind,
This trial must be tried.

CHORUS

From bias free of every kind,
This trial must be tried.

[During Chorus, Usher sings fortissimo, "Silence in Court!"]

USHER Oh, listen to the plaintiff's case:
Observe the features of her face--
The broken-hearted bride.
Condole with her distress of mind:
From bias free of every kind,
This trial must be tried!

[...] Read more

poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
Added by Poetry Lover
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Easy Skanking

Easy skanking (skankin it easy);
Easy skanking (skankin it slow);
Easy skanking (skankin it easy);
Easy skanking (skankin it slow).
Excuse me while I light my spliff; (spliff)
Good god, I gotta take a lift: (lift)
From reality I just cant drift; (drift)
Thats why I am staying with this riff. (riff)
Take it easy (easy skankin);
Lord, I take it easy! (easy skankin);
Take it easy (easy skankin);
Got to take it easy (easy skankin).
See: were takin it easy (ooh-wah-da da-da)
We taking it slow, (ooh-wah-da da-da)
Takin it easy (easy);
Got to take it slow (slow-slow)
So take it easy (easy skankin - da-da-da-da-da-da)
Wo-oh, take it easy (easy skankin)
Take it easy (easy skankin - da-da-da-da-da-da)
Take it easy. (easy skankin)
Excuse me while I light my spliff; (spliff)
Oh, god, I gotta take a lift: (lift)
From reality I just cant drift; (drift)
Thats why I am staying with this riff. (riff)
Take it easy (takin it easy);
Got to take it easy (takin it slow);
Take it easy (takin it easy);
Skanky, take it easy (takin it slow).
Tell you what:
Herb for my wine; (ooh-wa-da-da-da)
Honey for my strong drink; (ooh-wa-da-da-da)
Herb for my wine; (ooh-wa-da-da-da)
Honey for my strong drink.
I shake it easy (takin it easy);
Skanky, take it easy (skankin it slow);
Take it (takin it easy) easy;
Take it (skankin it slow) easy;
Take it easy (takin it easy);
Oh-oh-ooh! (skankin it slow);
Little bit easier (takin it easy);
Skanky, take it easy (skankin it slow).
Take it easy! take it easy! take it easy! /fadeout/

song performed by Bob Marley
Added by Lucian Velea
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One-trick Pony

Hes a one trick pony
One trick is all that horse can do
He does one trick only
Its the principal source of his revenue
And when he steps into the spotlight
You can feel the heat of his heart
Come rising through
See how he dances
See how he loops from side to side
See how he prances
The way his hooves just seem to glide
Hes just a one trick pony (thats all he is)
But he turns that trick with pride
He makes it look so easy
He looks so clean
He moves like gods
Immaculate machine
He makes me think about
All of these extra movements I make
And all of this herky-jerky motion
And the bag of tricks it takes
To get me through my working day
One-trick pony
Hes a one trick pony
He either fails or he succeeds
He gives his testimony
Then he relaxes in the weeds
Hes got one trick to last a lifetime
But thats all a pony needs
(thats all he needs)
He looks so easy
He looks so clean
He moves like gods
Immaculate machine
He makes me think about
All of these extra movements I make
And all of this herky-jerky motion
And the bag of tricks it takes
To get me through my working day
One-trick pony, one trick pony
One-trick pony, one trick pony
One-trick pony (take me for a ride)
One trick pony

song performed by Paul Simon
Added by Lucian Velea
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Easy Thing

Love, love is so hard
Love is so hard to find
When love, such an easy thing
Such an easy thing
Such an easy thing to lose, yeah
Words, words are so hard
Words are so hard to find
When love, such an easy thing
Such an easy thing
Such an easy thing to lose, yeah
When you find your love
Will you know its real
When you lose it all
Will you really feel love
Love, love is so hard
Love is so hard to find
cause loves such an easy thing
Such an easy thing
Such an easy thing to lose, yeah
When you find your love
Will you know its real
When you lose it all
Will you really feel love
Love, love is so hard
Love is so hard to find
cause love (love) such an easy thing (so easy)
Such an easy thing (love is so easy)
Such an easy thing to lose, yeah (love)
Love (love) such an easy thing (so easy)
Such an easy thing (love is so easy)
Such an easy thing to lose, yeah (love, love is so easy to lose)
Love (love) such an easy thing (so easy)
Such an easy thing (love is so easy)
Such an easy thing to lose, yeah (love)
Love (love) such an easy thing (so easy)
Such an easy thing (love is so easy)
Such an easy thing to lose, (love, love is so easy to lose)

song performed by Kiss
Added by Lucian Velea
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Backdoor Medley

I. backdoor love affair
Got to have you, baby, even
Though you say that you dont care.
Got to have you, baby, even
Though you say that you dont care.
Any way you want it,
Settle for a backdoor love affair.
Ii. mellow down easy
Jump, jump here, jump, jump there,
Jump, jump, baby, everywhere.
Dont you mellow down easy,
Babe, you got to mellow down easy.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Got to mellow down easy.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Got to mellow down easy, babe.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Got to mellow down easy.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Mellow down easy when you really wanna blow your top.
Shake, shake here, shake, shake there,
Shake, shake, baby, everywhere.
Dont you mellow down easy,
Babe, you got to mellow down easy.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Got to mellow down easy.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Got to mellow down easy, babe.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Got to mellow down easy.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Mellow down easy when you really wanna blow your top.
Shake, shake here, shake, shake there,
Shake, shake, baby, everywhere.
Dont you mellow down easy,
Babe, you got to mellow down easy.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Got to mellow down easy.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Got to mellow down easy, babe.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Got to mellow down easy.
Dont you mellow down easy.
Mellow down easy when you really wanna blow your top.
Iii. backdoor love affair no.2
Baby baby baby baby, dont you want a man like me?
Uh-huh uh-huh, yes I do, yes I do.
Oh, baby baby baby baby, dont you want a man like me?
Uh-huh uh-huh, uh-huh uh-huh, uh-huh uh-huh.
Oh, I give you lovin by the daytime,

[...] Read more

song performed by ZZ Top
Added by Lucian Velea
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Take Love Easy

Easy
Easy
Take love easy, easy easy
Never let your feelings show
Make it breezy, breezy breezy
Easy come and easy go
Never smile too brightly brightly
When your heart is riding high
Let your heart break, oh so slightly
When your baby says goodbye
That well known flame is mighty hot
As all of us have learned
So handle it with velvet gloves
And you wont get your fingers burned
Take love easy, easy
On the free and easy plan
And if you cant take it easy
Take it easy as you can
Take love easy, easy
Never let your feelings show
Make it breezy, breezy, easy
Easy, easy come and easy go
Never smile too brightly brightly
When your heart is riding high
Let your heart break, oh so slightly
When your baby says goodbye
That well known flame is mighty hot
As all of us have learned
So handle it, handle it with velvet gloves
And you wont get your fingers burned
Take love easy, easy easy
On the free and easy plan
And if you cant take it easy
Take it easy as you can
Take it easy
Take it easy
Take it easy, take it easy, take it easy, take it easy

song performed by Ella Fitzgerald
Added by Lucian Velea
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XI. Guido

You are the Cardinal Acciaiuoli, and you,
Abate Panciatichi—two good Tuscan names:
Acciaiuoli—ah, your ancestor it was
Built the huge battlemented convent-block
Over the little forky flashing Greve
That takes the quick turn at the foot o' the hill
Just as one first sees Florence: oh those days!
'T is Ema, though, the other rivulet,
The one-arched brown brick bridge yawns over,—yes,
Gallop and go five minutes, and you gain
The Roman Gate from where the Ema's bridged:
Kingfishers fly there: how I see the bend
O'erturreted by Certosa which he built,
That Senescal (we styled him) of your House!
I do adjure you, help me, Sirs! My blood
Comes from as far a source: ought it to end
This way, by leakage through their scaffold-planks
Into Rome's sink where her red refuse runs?
Sirs, I beseech you by blood-sympathy,
If there be any vile experiment
In the air,—if this your visit simply prove,
When all's done, just a well-intentioned trick,
That tries for truth truer than truth itself,
By startling up a man, ere break of day,
To tell him he must die at sunset,—pshaw!
That man's a Franceschini; feel his pulse,
Laugh at your folly, and let's all go sleep!
You have my last word,—innocent am I
As Innocent my Pope and murderer,
Innocent as a babe, as Mary's own,
As Mary's self,—I said, say and repeat,—
And why, then, should I die twelve hours hence? I—
Whom, not twelve hours ago, the gaoler bade
Turn to my straw-truss, settle and sleep sound
That I might wake the sooner, promptlier pay
His due of meat-and-drink-indulgence, cross
His palm with fee of the good-hand, beside,
As gallants use who go at large again!
For why? All honest Rome approved my part;
Whoever owned wife, sister, daughter,—nay,
Mistress,—had any shadow of any right
That looks like right, and, all the more resolved,
Held it with tooth and nail,—these manly men
Approved! I being for Rome, Rome was for me.
Then, there's the point reserved, the subterfuge
My lawyers held by, kept for last resource,
Firm should all else,—the impossible fancy!—fail,
And sneaking burgess-spirit win the day.
The knaves! One plea at least would hold,—they laughed,—
One grappling-iron scratch the bottom-rock

[...] Read more

poem by Robert Browning from The Ring and the Book
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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VI. Giuseppe Caponsacchi

Answer you, Sirs? Do I understand aright?
Have patience! In this sudden smoke from hell,—
So things disguise themselves,—I cannot see
My own hand held thus broad before my face
And know it again. Answer you? Then that means
Tell over twice what I, the first time, told
Six months ago: 't was here, I do believe,
Fronting you same three in this very room,
I stood and told you: yet now no one laughs,
Who then … nay, dear my lords, but laugh you did,
As good as laugh, what in a judge we style
Laughter—no levity, nothing indecorous, lords!
Only,—I think I apprehend the mood:
There was the blameless shrug, permissible smirk,
The pen's pretence at play with the pursed mouth,
The titter stifled in the hollow palm
Which rubbed the eyebrow and caressed the nose,
When I first told my tale: they meant, you know,
"The sly one, all this we are bound believe!
"Well, he can say no other than what he says.
"We have been young, too,—come, there's greater guilt!
"Let him but decently disembroil himself,
"Scramble from out the scrape nor move the mud,—
"We solid ones may risk a finger-stretch!
And now you sit as grave, stare as aghast
As if I were a phantom: now 't is—"Friend,
"Collect yourself!"—no laughing matter more—
"Counsel the Court in this extremity,
"Tell us again!"—tell that, for telling which,
I got the jocular piece of punishment,
Was sent to lounge a little in the place
Whence now of a sudden here you summon me
To take the intelligence from just—your lips!
You, Judge Tommati, who then tittered most,—
That she I helped eight months since to escape
Her husband, was retaken by the same,
Three days ago, if I have seized your sense,—
(I being disallowed to interfere,
Meddle or make in a matter none of mine,
For you and law were guardians quite enough
O' the innocent, without a pert priest's help)—
And that he has butchered her accordingly,
As she foretold and as myself believed,—
And, so foretelling and believing so,
We were punished, both of us, the merry way:
Therefore, tell once again the tale! For what?
Pompilia is only dying while I speak!
Why does the mirth hang fire and miss the smile?
My masters, there's an old book, you should con
For strange adventures, applicable yet,

[...] Read more

poem by Robert Browning from The Ring and the Book
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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V. Count Guido Franceschini

Thanks, Sir, but, should it please the reverend Court,
I feel I can stand somehow, half sit down
Without help, make shift to even speak, you see,
Fortified by the sip of … why, 't is wine,
Velletri,—and not vinegar and gall,
So changed and good the times grow! Thanks, kind Sir!
Oh, but one sip's enough! I want my head
To save my neck, there's work awaits me still.
How cautious and considerate … aie, aie, aie,
Nor your fault, sweet Sir! Come, you take to heart
An ordinary matter. Law is law.
Noblemen were exempt, the vulgar thought,
From racking; but, since law thinks otherwise,
I have been put to the rack: all's over now,
And neither wrist—what men style, out of joint:
If any harm be, 't is the shoulder-blade,
The left one, that seems wrong i' the socket,—Sirs,
Much could not happen, I was quick to faint,
Being past my prime of life, and out of health.
In short, I thank you,—yes, and mean the word.
Needs must the Court be slow to understand
How this quite novel form of taking pain,
This getting tortured merely in the flesh,
Amounts to almost an agreeable change
In my case, me fastidious, plied too much
With opposite treatment, used (forgive the joke)
To the rasp-tooth toying with this brain of mine,
And, in and out my heart, the play o' the probe.
Four years have I been operated on
I' the soul, do you see—its tense or tremulous part—
My self-respect, my care for a good name,
Pride in an old one, love of kindred—just
A mother, brothers, sisters, and the like,
That looked up to my face when days were dim,
And fancied they found light there—no one spot,
Foppishly sensitive, but has paid its pang.
That, and not this you now oblige me with,
That was the Vigil-torment, if you please!
The poor old noble House that drew the rags
O' the Franceschini's once superb array
Close round her, hoped to slink unchallenged by,—
Pluck off these! Turn the drapery inside out
And teach the tittering town how scarlet wears!
Show men the lucklessness, the improvidence
Of the easy-natured Count before this Count,
The father I have some slight feeling for,
Who let the world slide, nor foresaw that friends
Then proud to cap and kiss their patron's shoe,
Would, when the purse he left held spider-webs,
Properly push his child to wall one day!

[...] Read more

poem by Robert Browning from The Ring and the Book
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Easy Come, Easy Go

(words & music by weisman / wayne)
Easy come, easy go
Here, there, everywhere, crazy love is in the air
Nightfall, mmm, day and nightfall
So many girls in every port
You gotta be a juggernaut
Full speed ahead or youll be caught
Oh yeah! oh yeah!
Easy come, easy go
Up, down, all around, kiss and kiss
And pound for pound, delicious
Mmm so nutritious
Sailor beware take it slow
Easy come, easy go
All right!
When you want love to keep you warm
Theres nothing like a uniform
You got a port in any storm
There she blows
Easy come, easy go
Up, down, all around, kiss and kiss
And pound for pound, delicious
Mmm so nutritious
Sailor beware take it slow
Easy come, easy go
Sailor beware take it slow
Easy come, easy go
Easy come, easy go
Easy come, easy go
Easy come, easy go
Easy come, easy go
Easy come, easy go

song performed by Elvis Presley
Added by Lucian Velea
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Thespis: Act II

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

GODS

Jupiter, Aged Diety
Apollo, Aged Diety
Mars, Aged Diety
Diana, Aged Diety
Mercury

THESPIANS

Thespis
Sillimon
TimidonTipseion
Preposteros
Stupidas
Sparkeio n
Nicemis
Pretteia
Daphne
Cymon

ACT II - The same Scene, with the Ruins Restored

SCENE-the same scene as in Act I with the exception that in place
of the ruins that filled the foreground of the stage, the
interior of a magnificent temple is seen showing the background
of the scene of Act I, through the columns of the portico at the
back. High throne. L.U.E. Low seats below it. All the substitute
gods and goddesses [that is to say, Thespians] are discovered
grouped in picturesque attitudes about the stage, eating and
drinking, and smoking and singing the following verses.

CHO. Of all symposia
The best by half
Upon Olympus, here await us.
We eat ambrosia.
And nectar quaff,
It cheers but don't inebriate us.
We know the fallacies,
Of human food
So please to pass Olympian rosy,
We built up palaces,
Where ruins stood,
And find them much more snug and cosy.

SILL. To work and think, my dear,
Up here would be,

[...] Read more

poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
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Girls It Aint Easy

(ronald dunbar / edith wayne)
Yeah, it aint easy
Girls it aint easy
To keep the man you love satisfied
It aint easy
Girls it aint easy
To keep the one you love by your side
A womans work is never done
Never stops, it goes on and on
You work your fingers to the bone
You gotta be home every time he phones
Sometimes the going gets a little tough
Seems like my best aint good enough
Keeps you losing sleep
Seven days a week, yeah
It aint easy
Girls it aint easy
To keep the man you love satisfied
It aint easy
Girls it aint easy
To keep the one you love by your side
To keep him happy
You must sacrifice
Be ready and willing
To spend lonely nights
Do what you can
Though he seems ungrateful
Love him so true
Even though he seems unfaithful
But when his hope is gone
And life gets him down
Thats when hell say
He needs you around
Hard to live with him
Hard to live without him
It aint easy, no
Oh, yeah, it aint easy
Girls it aint easy
It aint easy
Girls it aint easy
You got to favour him with understanding
When understanding is what he needs
We try hard to give them respect
All that we get is their regret
But when theyre in trouble
They need our love and care
No matter when we gotta be right there
In between the crying
Gotta keep trying
It aint easy

[...] Read more

song performed by Dusty Springfield
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Easy As It Seems

Ive been your lover for too many years, Im through with wastin my time
You been out runnin without any fear, tell me why, I wanna know the reason why
(its easy as it seems) cause its easy as it seems
I keep on hearin your road never bends, you aint committin no crime
I hear youre sleepin with one of my friends, tell me why
I wanna know the reason why
(its easy as it seems) cause its easy as it seems
When youre walkin out on your dreams, you just walk away
I played your boyfriend for too many years, you know its drivin me wild
Ive seen you cryin without any tears, like a child
You wonder all the reasons why
(its easy as it seems) and its easy as it seems
When youre walkin out on your dreams, you just walk away
If it takes forever, I dont mind, if it takes forever, Ive got time
All that I wanna know, can you lay it on the line
cause if it takes forever, you know Im gonna find out
(its easy as it seems) yeah its easy as it seems
When youre walkin out on your dreams, you just walk away, walk away
(its easy as it seems) oh its easy (easy), easy as it seems
Yeah its easy (easy), oh its easy as it seems
Oh its easy (easy), oh its easy as it seems
Yeah its easy (easy), easy as it seems... (to fade)

song performed by Kiss
Added by Lucian Velea
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Rent

(again... again... again... ooooh
(again... again... again... again... ...)
You dress me up, Im your puppet
You buy me things, I love it
You bring me food, I need it
You give me love, I feed it
And look at the two of us in sympathy
With everything we see
I never want anything, its easy
You buy whatever I need
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
You phone me in the evening on hearsay
And bought me caviar
You took me to a restaurant off broadway
To tell me who you are
We never-ever argue, we never calculate
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
Im your puppet
I love it
And look at the two of us in sympathy
And sometimes ecstasy
Words mean so little, and money less
When youre lying next to me
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent
(ooooh) ooh, I love you, you pay my rent
Look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent
Look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency weve spent
(ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent
(ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent (its easy, its so easy)
(ooooh) you pay my rent (its easy, its so easy)
(ooooh) you pay my rent (its easy, its so easy)
(ooooh) I love you (its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)
(its easy, its so easy)

[...] Read more

song performed by Pet Shop Boys
Added by Lucian Velea
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Easy and Difficult

Easy and Difficult

Easy to get a place in someone’s address book
Difficult is to get a place in someone’s heart
Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to control the tongue
Easy is to hurt someone who loves us
Difficult is to heal the wound
Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
Easy is to set rules
Difficult is to follow them
Easy is to dream every night
Difficult is to fight for a dream
Easy is to show victory
Difficult is to accommodate defeat with dignity
Easy is to admire a full moon
Difficult is to see the other side
Easy is to stumble on a stone
Difficult is to get up
Easy is to enjoy life every day
Difficult is to give its real value
Easy is to pray every night
Difficult is to find God in small things
Easy is to promise something to someone
Difficult is to fulfill the promise
Easy is to say we love
Difficult is to show it every day
Easy is to criticize others
Difficult is to improve oneself
Easy is to make mistakes
Difficult is to learn from them
Easy is to weep for lost love
Difficult is to take care of it so as not to lose it
Easy is to think about improving
Difficult is to stop thinking and putting it into action
Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of doubt
Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give

poem by Bashyam Narayanan
Added by Poetry Lover
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One-Trick Pony

I am not a one-trick pony
I am not a one-trick pony
I really feel no one can own me
I really feel nothing can hold me
Nobody can control me
Nobody can conform me
Nobody can disown me
Nobody can ignore me
So slow down
One-trick pony
I am not a one-trick pony
I am not a one-trick pony
For you i will not dance
For you i will not prance
And where I was last
I'll never be at
And After that
I've already passed
So slow down
And hear this sound
One-trick pony
Yeah, you do it for a price
I can see it in your eyes
See that role was never mine
I don't want to stand in line
See how that one-trick story goes
If she weren't on time you'd never know
cause a one-trick pony steals the show
You're just a pony
So back down
To the ground
And chill out
Girl, you better shape up, girl, you better shape up
Yeah the ride is so, so, so, so, so fast
Yeah, you better shape up
Yeah, just keep your chin up
No half ass...no half ass
One-trick pony
Just ride ride ride
Just ride ride ride
Ride ride ride

song performed by Nelly Furtado
Added by Lucian Velea
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Happiness Is An Option

It is not easy
It is not easy
Looking from a window
At the edge of a house
At the edge of a town
Its grey like the day
When I lost it
Clouds overhead
I talked to a flower
That was almost dead
My body a prison
Why did I do it
Someone want me not to
But I still went through it
(living it upside, you gotta remember, that happiness is an option)
It is not easy
But dont give up now
(so dont give up)
It is not easy
Happiness is an option
(but happiness is an option)
Needed somewhere to clear my head
Find some strength a warmer bed
Maximum love in a minimal world
Id never achieved it
But then I believed it
So when I lost it - how
Im not sure - now
It was a strange feeling
Like a law repealing itself
It is not easy
But dont give up now
(so dont give up)
It is not easy
Happiness is an option
(but happiness is an option)
It is not easy
But dont give up now
(so dont give up)
It is not easy
Happiness is an option
(giving it up, if you are giving it up, if you are giving it up)
I can wake up in the morning
And not believe what I see
Look in a mirror and think
If thats really me
I dont think I suit my face
Its not a catastrophe
Its more a philosophy
Like the russians wondering why

[...] Read more

song performed by Pet Shop Boys
Added by Lucian Velea
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Prince Hohenstiel-Schwangau, Saviour of Society

Epigraph

Υδραν φονεύσας, μυρίων τ᾽ ἄλλων πόνων
διῆλθον ἀγέλας . . .
τὸ λοίσθιον δὲ τόνδ᾽ ἔτλην τάλας πόνον,
. . . δῶμα θριγκῶσαι κακοῖς.

I slew the Hydra, and from labour pass'd
To labour — tribes of labours! Till, at last,
Attempting one more labour, in a trice,
Alack, with ills I crowned the edifice.

You have seen better days, dear? So have I —
And worse too, for they brought no such bud-mouth
As yours to lisp "You wish you knew me!" Well,
Wise men, 't is said, have sometimes wished the same,
And wished and had their trouble for their pains.
Suppose my Œdipus should lurk at last
Under a pork-pie hat and crinoline,
And, latish, pounce on Sphynx in Leicester Square?
Or likelier, what if Sphynx in wise old age,
Grown sick of snapping foolish people's heads,
And jealous for her riddle's proper rede, —
Jealous that the good trick which served the turn
Have justice rendered it, nor class one day
With friend Home's stilts and tongs and medium-ware,—
What if the once redoubted Sphynx, I say,
(Because night draws on, and the sands increase,
And desert-whispers grow a prophecy)
Tell all to Corinth of her own accord.
Bright Corinth, not dull Thebes, for Lais' sake,
Who finds me hardly grey, and likes my nose,
And thinks a man of sixty at the prime?
Good! It shall be! Revealment of myself!
But listen, for we must co-operate;
I don't drink tea: permit me the cigar!
First, how to make the matter plain, of course —
What was the law by which I lived. Let 's see:
Ay, we must take one instant of my life
Spent sitting by your side in this neat room:
Watch well the way I use it, and don't laugh!
Here's paper on the table, pen and ink:
Give me the soiled bit — not the pretty rose!
See! having sat an hour, I'm rested now,
Therefore want work: and spy no better work
For eye and hand and mind that guides them both,
During this instant, than to draw my pen
From blot One — thus — up, up to blot Two — thus —
Which I at last reach, thus, and here's my line
Five inches long and tolerably straight:

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poem by Robert Browning (1871)
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Damages, Two Hundred Pounds

Special Jurymen of England! who admire your country's laws,
And proclaim a British Jury worthy of the realm's applause;
Gayly compliment each other at the issue of a cause
Which was tried at Guildford 'sizes, this day week as ever was.

Unto that august tribunal comes a gentleman in grief,
(Special was the British Jury, and the Judge, the Baron Chief,)
Comes a British man and husband—asking of the law relief;
For his wife was stolen from him—he'd have vengeance on the thief.

Yes, his wife, the blessed treasure with the which his life was
crowned,
Wickedly was ravished from him by a hypocrite profound.
And he comes before twelve Britons, men for sense and truth renowned,
To award him for his damage, twenty hundred sterling pound.

He by counsel and attorney there at Guildford does appear,
Asking damage of the villain who seduced his lady dear:
But I can't help asking, though the lady's guilt was all too clear,
And though guilty the defendant, wasn't the plaintiff rather queer?

First the lady's mother spoke, and said she'd seen her daughter cry
But a fortnight after marriage: early times for piping eye.
Six months after, things were worse, and the piping eye was black,
And this gallant British husband caned his wife upon the back.

Three months after they were married, husband pushed her to the door,
Told her to be off and leave him, for he wanted her no more.
As she would not go, why HE went: thrice he left his lady dear;
Left her, too, without a penny, for more than a quarter of a year.

Mrs. Frances Duncan knew the parties very well indeed,
She had seen him pull his lady's nose and make her lip to bleed;
If he chanced to sit at home not a single word he said:
Once she saw him throw the cover of a dish at his lady's head.

Sarah Green, another witness, clear did to the jury note
How she saw this honest fellow seize his lady by the throat,
How he cursed her and abused her, beating her into a fit,
Till the pitying next-door neighbors crossed the wall and witnessed it.

Next door to this injured Briton Mr. Owers a butcher dwelt;
Mrs. Owers's foolish heart towards this erring dame did melt;
(Not that she had erred as yet, crime was not developed in her),
But being left without a penny, Mrs. Owers supplied her dinner—
God be merciful to Mrs. Owers, who was merciful to this sinner!

Caroline Naylor was their servant, said they led a wretched life,
Saw this most distinguished Briton fling a teacup at his wife;
He went out to balls and pleasures, and never once, in ten months'

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poem by William Makepeace Thackeray
Added by Poetry Lover
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Hudibras: Part 3 - Canto I

THE ARGUMENT

The Knight and Squire resolve, at once,
The one the other to renounce.
They both approach the Lady's Bower;
The Squire t'inform, the Knight to woo her.
She treats them with a Masquerade,
By Furies and Hobgoblins made;
From which the Squire conveys the Knight,
And steals him from himself, by Night.

'Tis true, no lover has that pow'r
T' enforce a desperate amour,
As he that has two strings t' his bow,
And burns for love and money too;
For then he's brave and resolute,
Disdains to render in his suit,
Has all his flames and raptures double,
And hangs or drowns with half the trouble,
While those who sillily pursue,
The simple, downright way, and true,
Make as unlucky applications,
And steer against the stream their passions.
Some forge their mistresses of stars,
And when the ladies prove averse,
And more untoward to be won
Than by CALIGULA the Moon,
Cry out upon the stars, for doing
Ill offices to cross their wooing;
When only by themselves they're hindred,
For trusting those they made her kindred;
And still, the harsher and hide-bounder
The damsels prove, become the fonder.
For what mad lover ever dy'd
To gain a soft and gentle bride?
Or for a lady tender-hearted,
In purling streams or hemp departed?
Leap'd headlong int' Elysium,
Through th' windows of a dazzling room?
But for some cross, ill-natur'd dame,
The am'rous fly burnt in his flame.
This to the Knight could be no news,
With all mankind so much in use;
Who therefore took the wiser course,
To make the most of his amours,
Resolv'd to try all sorts of ways,
As follows in due time and place

No sooner was the bloody fight,
Between the Wizard, and the Knight,

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poem by Samuel Butler
Added by Poetry Lover
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