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Louisa May Alcott

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

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911 Is A Joke

Now I dialed nine one one a long time ago
Dont you see how late theyre reactin
They only come, and they come when they wanna
So get the morgue truck em back the goner
They dont care cause they stay paid anyway
They treat you like an ace that cant be betrayed
I know you stumble with no use people
If your life is on the line, then youre dead today
Late comings with the late comin stretcher -
Thats a body bag in disguise - yall Ill betcha
I call em body snatchers
Quick they come to fetch you -
With an autopsy ambulance just to dissect ya
They are the kings cos they swing amputation
Lose your arms your legs the famous compilation
I can prove it to you watch the rotation
It all adds up to a funky situation
Get up, get get down
911 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get get down
Late 911 wears the late crown
(chorus)
(ow)
911 is a joke , 911 is a joke
Everyday they dont never come correct
You can ask my man right here with the broken neck
Hes a witness to the job never bein done
He wouldve been in full effect , 911
Is a joke because their always jokin
They the token to your life when its croakin
They need to be in a pawn shop on a 911 -
Is a joke we dont want em
I call a cab cause a cab will come quicker
The doctors huddle up and call a flea flicker
The reason that I say that cause they
Flick you off like fleas
They be laughin at ya while youre crawlin on our knees
And to the strength, so go the length
Thinkin you are first when you really are tenth
You better wake up and smell the real flavor
Cause 911 is a fake life saver
(chorus) (chorus)
Ow, ow 911 is a joke
911 is a joke,
911 is a joke,
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke.
(get up, get get down)
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke, 911 is a joke
(get up, get get down)
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke, 911 is a joke

[...] Read more

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Lies

Baby
What do I do
Playing my tune for you
Just to get you in the mood
Everybodys going to hollywood
Youre driving me mad
But Im smiling to the crowd instead
A lot of money is at stake, this is a hit and thats a fake
This is what you mean to me
This is what they all should see
Make a make up in a foolish style
Telling the truth by making a big lie
When I come, I come but nothings at ease
Breaking up the whole is a modern disease
Maybe you think tomorrows just a joke
Its a joke after joke after joke after joke
My love
Everythings an interview
And nothings really new
And everybodys looking for clues and you know what to do with a clue
My love
Get ready for the show
Theyre waiting and they will never go
This night is just a go
And its only for show
Dig that deal and be a millionaire
Drinking cocktails in the stratosphere
Getting jetlagged with my business friends in these supersonic wonderlands
Theres a flicker on the graphic display, first hes smiling then hes fading away
Maybe he thinks tomorrows just a joke
Its a joke after joke after joke after joke
Gold/1984

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You Think Its A Joke

You thinks its a joke, i find no reason,
Why i should laugh at you.
You think its a joke to take advantage
Of the life that supports you.
Push and push. suppress the weaker ones
You find two words, with emotions you are numb.
You think the world revolves around the things you buy.
I think of lonliness that you will die.
I want to defend defenseless, let the meek inherit the earth.
And your intelligence give you nothing to mask your ignorance.
If theres a god above to judge whats right and wrong.
Your careless attitude will soon be gone.
You thinks its a joke, i find no reason,
Why i should laugh at you.
You think its a joke to take advantage
Of the life that supports you.
You think its a joke
You think its a joke
I want to defend defenseless, let the meek inherit the earth.
And your intelligence give you nothing to mask your ignorance.
If theres a god above to judge whats right and wrong.
Your careless attitude will soon be gone.
You think the world revolves around the things you buy.
I think of lonliness that you will die. you will...
You thinks its a joke, i find no reason,
Why i should laugh at you.
You think its a joke to take advantage
Of the life that supports you.
'cause i find no reason.
Why i should laugh at you.
You think its a joke!

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The Joke's On Me

The old days were no fun
Im not sorry that they're gone
I don't miss them and I won't miss them
and it was always wrong
Everything I've ever done
From the beginning and to the ending
and things never got better, it seems like forever
Since we had fun or maybe I never have fun
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me
You were always lame, a headache and a pain
I don't miss you and I won't miss you
I tried not to get bitter but I was such a quitter
Oh yeah I had dreams but they were only ever bad dreams
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me, The joke's on me...
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
How everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
That everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
[2x]
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me...

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(I Remember) When Suicide Was Just a Joke

Do you know what I’d give
What I got, what I’d give to go back?
Do you know that I’d give
Up my life just as easy as anything?
And we pass and your voice
Like a death grip on my heart attack
It’s so superficial
Such a f**king w***e don’t care about anything

[Chorus]
Hate is a word that describes what this
In a hall emptied up I’m a name on a list
Of a laundry bag filled with glass I punch with my fist
I remember
When suicide was just a joke

I believed what you said
You believed that I’d always be clean
A fresh slate of my arms
Couldn’t take the days that I hurt for you
Maybe if you weren’t so cruel
I wouldn’t ‘ve had to feel the pain
And if you weren’t so good lookin’
Maybe I wouldn’t want to die

[Chorus]
When suicide was just a joke [X2]

Well everybody knows you’re the one to call
When the girls get ugly on the back of the wall
You’re a polysaccharidal leaching germ to my brain
The camera sees the one thing leaving

Do you know what it is
To make stop dropp offs of misery?
And when I tell you I feel
Do you know that I’d really rather go?
A mixed media chart
Tracing cold hard lies of my history
Yes I scream in the night
Because of you, I’ve never felt so low

[Chorus]

When suicide was just a joke
(I remember)
When suicide was just a joke
(I remember)
When suicide was just a joke
[Spoken: This life was so funny]

[...] Read more

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Impossible To Tell

to Robert Hass and in memory of Elliot Gilbert

Slow dulcimer, gavotte and bow, in autumn,
Bashõ and his friends go out to view the moon;
In summer, gasoline rainbow in the gutter,

The secret courtesy that courses like ichor
Through the old form of the rude, full-scale joke,
Impossible to tell in writing. 'Bashõ'

He named himself, 'Banana Tree': banana
After the plant some grateful students gave him,
Maybe in appreciation of his guidance

Threading a long night through the rules and channels
Of their collaborative linking-poem
Scored in their teacher's heart: live, rigid, fluid

Like passages etched in a microscopic cicuit.
Elliot had in his memory so many jokes
They seemed to breed like microbes in a culture

Inside his brain, one so much making another
It was impossible to tell them all:
In the court-culture of jokes, a top banana.

Imagine a court of one: the queen a young mother,
Unhappy, alone all day with her firstborn child
And her new baby in a squalid apartment

Of too few rooms, a different race from her neighbors.
She tells the child she's going to kill herself.
She broods, she rages. Hoping to distract her,

The child cuts capers, he sings, he does imitations
Of different people in the building, he jokes,
He feels if he keeps her alive until the father

Gets home from work, they'll be okay till morning.
It's laughter versus the bedroom and the pills.
What is he in his efforts but a courtier?

Impossible to tell his whole delusion.
In the first months when I had moved back East
From California and had to leave a message

On Bob's machine, I used to make a habit
Of telling the tape a joke; and part-way through,
I would pretend that I forgot the punchline,

[...] Read more

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Nobody Spoke (for Karen)

Nobody spoke to Lucy,
nobody spoke at all,
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
nobody spoke
for five long years
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.

Lucy withdrew
without a clue
why nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years,
nobody spoke
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke!

Lucy went mad
she went crazy!
She screamed
she cried, she sobbed,
but nobody spoke,
for five long years
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.

Many years later
she saw them,
those people she wanted
to be her friends.
but ain't no joke
nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years.
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.

Lucy left a note
in daddy's drawer,
put on her very best dress.
Did her hair in a very fine way
and walked into the hall as a guest.
She walked up to the folk
that never spoke,
said hello in an ordinary way,
then she pulled out a gun
and opened fire.
Yes she shot all those folk
on that day.

[...] Read more

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I Started A Joke

I started a joke
Which started the whole world crying
Oh but I didnt see
That the joke was on me...oh no..
And I started to cry
Which started the whole world laughing
Oh if Id only seen
That the joke was on me
And I looked at the skies
Running my hands
Over my eyes
And I fell out of bed
Cursing my head
For things that Ive said
Till I finally died
Which started the whole world living
Oh if Id only seen
That the joke was on me
And I looked at the skies
Running my hands
Over my eyes
And I fell out of bed
Cursing my head
For things that Ive said
Till I finally died
Which started the whole world living
Oh if Id only seen
That the joke was on me
That the joke was on me.........me.........

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I Started A Joke

I started a joke which started the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me
I started to cry which started the whole world laughing
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me
I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
Till I finally died which started the whole world living
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me
I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
I finally died which started the whole world living
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me
That the joke was on me

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I Started A Joke

I started a joke. Which started the whole world crying.
But I didn't see that the joke was on me.
Oh, no, I started to cry. Which started the whole world laughing.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies. Running my hands over my eyes.
And I fell out of bed. Hurting my heads from things that I said.
Till I finally died. Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies. Running my hands over my eyes.
And I fell out of bed. Hurting my head from things that I said.
Till I finally died. Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
Oh, no, that the joke was on me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

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I Started A Joke

I started a joke. Which started the whole world crying.
But I didn't see that the joke was on me.
Oh, no, I started to cry. Which started the whole world laughing.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies. Running my hands over my eyes.
And I fell out of bed. Hurting my heads from things that I said.
Till I finally died. Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies. Running my hands over my eyes.
And I fell out of bed. Hurting my head from things that I said.
Till I finally died. Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
Oh, no, that the joke was on me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

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A Tavern feast

Gay Bacchus liking B---s wine
A noble meal bespoke
& for ye guests that were to dine
Brought Comus Love & Joke
The God near Cupid drew his chair
& Joke by Comus plact
Thus wine makes Love forget his care
& Mirth exalts a feast
To make it more deserve ye God
Each sweet engaging Grace
Put on some cloaths to come abroad
& took a waiters place
Then Cupid namd for ev'ry glass
A Lady of ye sky
& Bacchus swore he'd drink ye ye Lass
& had it bumper high
Fat Comus tossd his brimmers o're
& allways gott ye most
For Joke took care to fill him more
When ere he missd ye toast
They calld & drunk at evry touch
& calld & drunk again
& if ye Gods can take too much
Tis said they did so then
Free Jests ran all the table round
& with ye wine conspire
While they by sly reflections wound
To Set their heads afire
Plump Bacchus little Cupid stung
By reckning his deceits
& Cupid mockd his stammring tongue
& all his stagg'ring gates
Joke drolld on Comus Greedy ways
& tales without a Jest
& Comus calld his witty plays
But waggerys at best
such talking sett them all at odds
& had I Homers pen
Ide sing you how they drunk like Gods
& how they fought like men
To part ye fray the Graces fly
Who make them soon agree
& had ye furys selves been nigh
They still were three to three
Bacchus appeasd letts Cupid up
& gave him back his bow
But kept some darts to stirr ye Cup
Where Sack & Sugar flow
Joke taking Comus rosy crown
In triumph wore ye prize

[...] Read more

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Anacreontick I

Gay Bacchus liking Estcourt's Wine,
A noble Meal bespoke;
And for the Guests that were to Dine,
Brought Comus, Love, and Joke.
The God near Cupid drew his Chair,
And Joke near Comus plac'd;
Thus Wine makes Love forget its Care,
And Mirth exalts a Feast.
The more to please the sprightly God,
Each sweet engaging Grace
Put on some Cloaths to come abroad,
And took a Waiters Place.
Then Cupid nam'd at every Glass
A Lady of the Sky;
While Bacchus swore he'd Drink the Lass,
And had it Bumper high.
Fat Comus tost his Brimmers o're,
And always got the most;
For Joke took care to fill him more,
When-e'er he mist the Toast.
They call'd, and drank at every Touch,
Then fill'd, and drank again;
And if the Gods can take too much,
'Tis said, they did so then.
Free Jests run all the Table round,
And with the Wine conspire,
(While they by sly Reflection wound,)
To set their Heads on Fire.
Gay Bacchus little Cupid stung,
By reck'ning his Deceits;
And Cupid mock'd his stammering Tongue,
With all his staggering Gaits.
Joke droll'd on Comus' greedy Ways,
And Tales without a Jest;
While Comus call'd his witty Plays,
But Waggeries at Best.
Such Talk soon set 'em all at Odds;
And, had I Homer's Pen,
I'd sing ye, how they drunk, like Gods,
And how they fought, like Men.
To part the Fray, the Graces fly,
Who make 'em soon agree;
And had the Furies selves been nigh,
They still were Three to Three.
Bacchus appeas'd, rais'd Cupid up,
And gave him back his Bow;
But kept some Darts to stir the Cup,
Where Sack and Sugar flow.
Joke taking Comus' rosie Crown,
In Triumph wore the Prize,

[...] Read more

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II. Half-Rome

What, you, Sir, come too? (Just the man I'd meet.)
Be ruled by me and have a care o' the crowd:
This way, while fresh folk go and get their gaze:
I'll tell you like a book and save your shins.
Fie, what a roaring day we've had! Whose fault?
Lorenzo in Lucina,—here's a church
To hold a crowd at need, accommodate
All comers from the Corso! If this crush
Make not its priests ashamed of what they show
For temple-room, don't prick them to draw purse
And down with bricks and mortar, eke us out
The beggarly transept with its bit of apse
Into a decent space for Christian ease,
Why, to-day's lucky pearl is cast to swine.
Listen and estimate the luck they've had!
(The right man, and I hold him.)

Sir, do you see,
They laid both bodies in the church, this morn
The first thing, on the chancel two steps up,
Behind the little marble balustrade;
Disposed them, Pietro the old murdered fool
To the right of the altar, and his wretched wife
On the other side. In trying to count stabs,
People supposed Violante showed the most,
Till somebody explained us that mistake;
His wounds had been dealt out indifferent where,
But she took all her stabbings in the face,
Since punished thus solely for honour's sake,
Honoris causâ, that's the proper term.
A delicacy there is, our gallants hold,
When you avenge your honour and only then,
That you disfigure the subject, fray the face,
Not just take life and end, in clownish guise.
It was Violante gave the first offence,
Got therefore the conspicuous punishment:
While Pietro, who helped merely, his mere death
Answered the purpose, so his face went free.
We fancied even, free as you please, that face
Showed itself still intolerably wronged;
Was wrinkled over with resentment yet,
Nor calm at all, as murdered faces use,
Once the worst ended: an indignant air
O' the head there was—'t is said the body turned
Round and away, rolled from Violante's side
Where they had laid it loving-husband-like.
If so, if corpses can be sensitive,
Why did not he roll right down altar-step,
Roll on through nave, roll fairly out of church,
Deprive Lorenzo of the spectacle,

[...] Read more

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Thomas Hardy

The Ghost of the Past

We two kept house, the Past and I,
The Past and I;
I tended while it hovered nigh,
Leaving me never alone.
It was a spectral housekeeping
Where fell no jarring tone,
As strange, as still a housekeeping
As ever has been known.

As daily I went up the stair,
And down the stair,
I did not mind the Bygone there --
The Present once to me;
Its moving meek companionship
I wished might ever be,
There was in that companionship
Something of ecstasy.

It dwelt with me just as it was,
Just as it was
When first its prospects gave me pause
In wayward wanderings,
Before the years had torn old troths
As they tear all sweet things,
Before gaunt griefs had torn old troths
And dulled old rapturings.

And then its form began to fade,
Began to fade,
Its gentle echoes faintlier played
At eves upon my ear
Than when the autumn's look embrowned
The lonely chambers here,
The autumn's settling shades embrowned
Nooks that it haunted near.

And so with time my vision less,
Yea, less and less
Makes of that Past my housemistress,
It dwindles in my eye;
It looms a far-off skeleton
And not a comrade nigh,
A fitful far-off skeleton
Dimming as days draw by.

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It Is A Joke

it is a joke
and it will always be
a joke

that how it is,
it is a joke, my own joke, and i laugh
when i remember it,

i send it to you and you send it back
like a ping-pong ball
it bounces and i see it coming
back to me

it hits me right in my eyes
got double vision, cross-eyed

i am hurt. It is not a joke anymore.
it is here beside
a tear, a bruise, stained and scarred.

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Joke Ya Mind

Joke ya mind...
Joker jumping joker sing
Joke ya mind...
Wicked clown is in the house
Wake up in my golden bed
Wicked thoughts inside my head
Step outside and glide away
Nothings wicked here today
I can breathe the magic mist
And excell your every wish
Juggla jump from cloud to cloud
Ring them bells, ring them loud
I can jump across the land
Wind up in the emerald sand
Swing the jewels of endless time
Take it all cuz its mine
Pour a bowl of chocolate soup
Serve it with the fruit loop
This is my world I am king
Joker sing, joker sing
Joke ya mind...
Joker jumping joker sing
Joke ya mind...
Wicked clown is in the house
I can fall in love like that
In my world she loves me back
If I chose, I chose alone
Freak is gone, boys is on
Cuz the homies watch your back
Life is over like that
Once its done, its done, its dead
Ticky-tocky-ticky-dead
If you feel the need to go
Go, go, wont ya go
They call you a freak show
Welcome to the carnival
Yes, ladies and gentlemen
The wicked clowns will arrive in your town soon
And believe me, it wont be pretty
Justice must be served
To the uncaring selfish wealthy ones
Be prepared and get ready
To catch 400 years of hell
And, oh, one last note to all
Wicked clown is in the house
Joke ya mind...
Welcome to the carnival
I can breathe the magic mist
And excell your every wish
Juggla jump from cloud to cloud

[...] Read more

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Slow Folks

Slow folks...
Seem to stir up all the troubles.
And they poke up...
To mope around hope.

The slow folks...
Would like to borrow buttered biscuits,
And then lick 'em...
Like their crackin' on dope!
Those slow folks...
Can getchu outta line!
Those slow folks...
I've seen that all the time!
Those slow folks...
Will get quick in your face.
But you gotta say,
Hell no!
I'm not that joke you want provoked.

Slow folks...
Seem to stir up all the troubles.
And they poke up...
To mope around hope.
Oh,
Slow folks...
Seem to stir up all the troubles.
And they poke up...
To mope around hope.
The slow folks...
Would like to borrow buttered biscuits,
And then lick 'em...
Like their crackin' on dope!
Those slow folks...
Will get quick in your face.
But you gotta say,
Hell no!
I'm not that joke you want provoked.

By those slow folks...
A butt end of a joke.
By those slow folks.
Provoked or demoted,
By those slow folks.
Or turn into a joke!
By those slow folks.

They can getchu outta line!
Those slow folks...
I've seen that all the time!
Those slow folks...

[...] Read more

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Life

First you're born - and I'll be bound you
Find a dozen strangers round you.
"Hallo," cries the new-born baby,
"Where's my parents? which may they be?"
Awkward silence - no reply -
Puzzled baby wonders why!
Father rises, bows politely -
Mother smiles (but not too brightly) -
Doctor mumbles like a dumb thing -
Nurse is busy mixing something. -
Every symptom tends to show
You're decidedly DE TROP -
Ho! ho! ho! ho! ho! he! ho! ho!
Time's teetotum,
If you spin it,
Give its quotum
Once a minute:
I'll go bail
You hit the nail,
And if you fail
The deuce is in it!

You grow up, and you discover
What it is to be a lover.
Some young lady is selected -
Poor, perhaps, but well-connected,
Whom you hail (for Love is blind
As the Queen of Fairy-kind.
Though she's plain - perhaps unsightly,
Makes her face up - laces tightly,
In her form your fancy traces
All the gifts of all the graces.
Rivals none the maiden woo,
So you take her and she takes you!
Ho! ho! ho! ho! ho! ho! ho! ho!
Joke beginning,
Never ceases,
Till your inning
Time releases;
On your way
You blindly stray,
And day by day
The joke increases!

Ten years later - Time progresses -
Sours your temper - thins your tresses;
Fancy, then, her chain relaxes;
Rates are facts and so are taxes.
Fairy Queen's no longer young -
Fairy Queen has such a tongue!

[...] Read more

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Damned

Don't smoke don't fight don't light no cigarettes
Or else you'll wind up in the can
No jokes no rights sit tight don't fool around
You are a guest of Uncle Sam
Stand up look right don't slouch and stand at ease
Allow no sex above the knees
When I snap you jump into the master plan
I'll be damned
Well I'll be damned

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
Damned if I do
Damned if I don't

Don't talk don't fool don't try to mess around
I'll make a monkey outta you
You sign your name right on that dotted line boy
I'll be damned

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
Damned if I do
And damned if I don't

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
I'm damned if I do
I'm damned if I don't

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
I'm damned if I do
I'm damned if I don't

I'll be damned (6x)


song performed by AC/DC from Stiff Upper LipReport problemRelated quotes
Added by Lucian Velea
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