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However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea.

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In a Manner of Speaking

In a manner of speaking, I want to kill you,
said the drunk redneck to his wife,
In a manner of speaking, I don't love you,
said my ex (turned vegan) to me,
as I returned from a psych ward, hoping for
some sort of reconciliation,
And in a manner of speaking, the whole
world has gone to shit, that no mentally
unbalanced poet can improve upon,
In a manner of speaking, I was just a haiku
before I birthed an epic poem in 2008
and it went something like:
In a manner of speaking…

In a manner of speaking, there is plenty of
beer and loose women,
In a manner of speaking, there is plenty of
internet journals with useless information,
In a manner of speaking, there are plenty of
assholes writing about getting laid and anal sex
on MySpace,
In a manner of speaking, my friend got raped
a few years ago and now has occasional herpes
outbreaks, which are quite disturbing
to her husband,
In a manner of speaking, I'm losing faith in humanity
and love at times,
In a manner of speaking, we just go through the motions,
hoping for something to change or something
spectacular to happen.

But I don't really know any more,
trying to make sense of it all, screaming for some sort of
sanity that eludes me,
In a manner of speaking, I feel alone here,
unable to connect to what's around me-
I just told some guy at a bar that I was a Dallas Cowboys
fan and I don't even watch football,
and he told me to come in my 'gear' on Sunday,
In a manner of speaking, I feel somewhat liberated
because I have no clue as to what I'm doing,
knowing that there is really no escape.

January 8,2008
-Alexander Shaumyan

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You Were Only Talking...

It's four o'clock in the morning,
No sleep for me this night,
I sit on the cold verandah,
And watch for a chink of light;
The wind howls round about me
The moon's not raised its head,
And you are out there walking,
Walking,
Walking,
And you are out there walking,
When you should have been in bed!

I'm shivering in the darkness,
It's colder than the crypt,
The rain that passed right over
Left puddles, where it dripped
My mind sets off to wonder
Why life should be so grim…
You said that you were talking,
Talking,
Talking,
That you were only talking
When I saw you there with him.

I questioned you on Monday,
I questioned you, and then,
You said that he was funny,
You'd talk with him again.
I said I didn't like it,
It wasn't right somehow,
But you just sat there sulking
Sulking,
Sulking,
You sat and faced me sulking
With a crease across your brow.

You left the house at seven,
You said: 'I won't be late! '
You had to do some shopping
And be with your sister, Kate;
But when I phoned your sister
She said there was no trace,
And now the dawn is breaking
Breaking,
Breaking,
And now the dawn is breaking
Across my tear-lined face.

A sudden light at the corner,
I see he's brought you back,

[...] Read more

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Adversity

Adversity, adversity, how strange is your fate.
To most it’s loss and sorrow compounded by a spate
Of shallow glances, lost chances
Nourishing doubts and fears,
With ignominious ignorance,
Washed down by gushing tears.
For these sad souls adversity is a cruel happenstance.
Even before its advent they were afforded little chance.
Though adversity, intrinsically favors neither side,
Some souls advance… even enhance their dance,
While all others continue their downward slide.
This august group knows adversity by another name.
Adversity and opportunity to them sound much the same.
Travails, trauma, thunder clouds are all ways they learn.
Journeys unclear and dangers near they miss not a turn
In their effort to bestow good fortune they have received
So less fortunate souls may sense what it is to be relieved.

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I Will Over Come, With Adversity In Full Swing

I will overcome.
With adversity in full swing
I will rewrite it all.
Including who I am.
Destroying the victim
Becoming the savior.
There is just no victim here
Never again.

Listen to me a I scream.
My lungs are exploding.
No more mere whispers.
No more falling on deaf ears.
Killing every once of doubt.
Dedication with greatest sensation.
A fabulous celebration.

I will overcome.
With adversity in full swing
I will rewrite it all.
Including who I am.
Destroying the victim
Becoming the savior.
There is just no victim here
Never again.

My soul burns as never before
This is my new heaven
This is my new hell.
And all I want is more.
An undying hunger as the clock strikes eleven
This is no longer my dirty dusty old shell.

I will overcome.
With adversity in full swing
I will rewrite it all.
Including who I am.
Destroying the victim
Becoming the savior.
There is just no victim here
Never again.

I'm no longer a man in hiding
I am a man now confiding
With every secret we go deeper
The mountain is now getting steeper
So I tie my boot
And I ready my rifle to shoot

I will overcome.

[...] Read more

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Double Ballade Of Primitive Man

He lived in a cave by the seas,
He lived upon oysters and foes,
But his list of forbidden degrees,
An extensive morality shows;
Geological evidence goes
To prove he had never a pan,
But he shaved with a shell when he chose, -
'Twas the manner of Primitive Man.

He worshipp'd the rain and the breeze,
He worshipp'd the river that flows,
And the Dawn, and the Moon, and the trees,
And bogies, and serpents, and crows;
He buried his dead with their toes
Tucked-up, an original plan,
Till their knees came right under their nose, -
'Twas the manner of Primitive Man.

His communal wives, at his ease,
He would curb with occasional blows;
Or his State had a queen, like the bees
(As another philosopher trows):
When he spoke, it was never in prose,
But he sang in a strain that would scan,
For (to doubt it, perchance, were morose)
'Twas the manner of Primitive Man!

On the coasts that incessantly freeze,
With his stones, and his bones, and his bows;
On luxuriant tropical leas,
Where the summer eternally glows,
He is found, and his habits disclose
(Let theology say what she can)
That he lived in the long, long agos,
'Twas the manner of Primitive Man!

From a status like that of the Crees,
Our society's fabric arose, -
Develop'd, evolved, if you please,
But deluded chronologists chose,
In a fancied accordance with Mos
es, 4000 B. C. for the span
When he rushed on the world and its woes, -
'Twas the manner of Primitive Man!

But the mild anthropologist,--HE'S
Not RECENT inclined to suppose
Flints Palaeolithic like these,
Quaternary bones such as those!
In Rhinoceros, Mammoth and Co.'s,

[...] Read more

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K... I Lost

I lost... She lost... We lost and our heart lost.
Oh’ Society at your social and traditional cost.

Now our face will be considered as a culprit in love.
A strain is on our character with a defame shove.
How the rain will happen at my territory...
How a bud will blossom at a contrary...
My love ruined the society, people made that prove
Blaming us become their fashion and groove
at every lane and street we became the hated most.
I lost... She lost... We lost and our heart lost.
Oh’ Society at your social and traditional cost.

All are mortal; we can never be immortal
but... Our love will become for lovers’ portal
In future our successor will follow my shadow path
now may not the time for the spring... but it will be a heath
Defame has became our own fatal
we are blamed and going to die, but love is immortal
Love is spontaneous and the earth is its host
I lost... She lost... We lost and our heart lost.
Oh’ Society at your social and traditional cost.

I saw her love and felt me in her eye.
She is there always for me; Where is the “but & why”?
You are mistreating us and blaming us today
for you, our lives, we are going to pay.
We expressed our feeling with no shy.
Nothing is there what I have to post.
I lost... She lost... We lost and our heart lost.
Oh’ Society at your social and traditional cost.

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Homer

The Iliad: Book 13

Now when Jove had thus brought Hector and the Trojans to the
ships, he left them to their never-ending toil, and turned his keen
eyes away, looking elsewhither towards the horse-breeders of Thrace,
the Mysians, fighters at close quarters, the noble Hippemolgi, who
live on milk, and the Abians, justest of mankind. He no longer
turned so much as a glance towards Troy, for he did not think that any
of the immortals would go and help either Trojans or Danaans.
But King Neptune had kept no blind look-out; he had been looking
admiringly on the battle from his seat on the topmost crests of wooded
Samothrace, whence he could see all Ida, with the city of Priam and
the ships of the Achaeans. He had come from under the sea and taken
his place here, for he pitied the Achaeans who were being overcome
by the Trojans; and he was furiously angry with Jove.
Presently he came down from his post on the mountain top, and as
he strode swiftly onwards the high hills and the forest quaked beneath
the tread of his immortal feet. Three strides he took, and with the
fourth he reached his goal- Aegae, where is his glittering golden
palace, imperishable, in the depths of the sea. When he got there,
he yoked his fleet brazen-footed steeds with their manes of gold all
flying in the wind; he clothed himself in raiment of gold, grasped his
gold whip, and took his stand upon his chariot. As he went his way
over the waves the sea-monsters left their lairs, for they knew
their lord, and came gambolling round him from every quarter of the
deep, while the sea in her gladness opened a path before his
chariot. So lightly did the horses fly that the bronze axle of the car
was not even wet beneath it; and thus his bounding steeds took him
to the ships of the Achaeans.
Now there is a certain huge cavern in the depths of the sea midway
between Tenedos and rocky Imbrus; here Neptune lord of the
earthquake stayed his horses, unyoked them, and set before them
their ambrosial forage. He hobbled their feet with hobbles of gold
which none could either unloose or break, so that they might stay
there in that place until their lord should return. This done he
went his way to the host of the Achaeans.
Now the Trojans followed Hector son of Priam in close array like a
storm-cloud or flame of fire, fighting with might and main and raising
the cry battle; for they deemed that they should take the ships of the
Achaeans and kill all their chiefest heroes then and there.
Meanwhile earth-encircling Neptune lord of the earthquake cheered on
the Argives, for he had come up out of the sea and had assumed the
form and voice of Calchas.
First he spoke to the two Ajaxes, who were doing their best already,
and said, "Ajaxes, you two can be the saving of the Achaeans if you
will put out all your strength and not let yourselves be daunted. I am
not afraid that the Trojans, who have got over the wall in force, will
be victorious in any other part, for the Achaeans can hold all of them
in check, but I much fear that some evil will befall us here where
furious Hector, who boasts himself the son of great Jove himself, is
leading them on like a pillar of flame. May some god, then, put it
into your hearts to make a firm stand here, and to incite others to do

[...] Read more

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Tale XXI

The Learned Boy

An honest man was Farmer Jones, and true;
He did by all as all by him should do;
Grave, cautious, careful, fond of gain was he,
Yet famed for rustic hospitality:
Left with his children in a widow'd state,
The quiet man submitted to his fate;
Though prudent matrons waited for his call,
With cool forbearance he avoided all;
Though each profess'd a pure maternal joy,
By kind attention to his feeble boy;
And though a friendly Widow knew no rest,
Whilst neighbour Jones was lonely and distress'd;
Nay, though the maidens spoke in tender tone
Their hearts' concern to see him left alone,
Jones still persisted in that cheerless life,
As if 'twere sin to take a second wife.
Oh! 'tis a precious thing, when wives are dead,
To find such numbers who will serve instead;
And in whatever state a man be thrown,
'Tis that precisely they would wish their own;
Left the departed infants--then their joy
Is to sustain each lovely girl and boy:
Whatever calling his, whatever trade,
To that their chief attention has been paid;
His happy taste in all things they approve,
His friends they honour, and his food they love;
His wish for order, prudence in affairs,
An equal temper (thank their stars!), are theirs;
In fact, it seem'd to be a thing decreed,
And fix'd as fate, that marriage must succeed:
Yet some, like Jones, with stubborn hearts and

hard,
Can hear such claims and show them no regard.
Soon as our Farmer, like a general, found
By what strong foes he was encompass'd round,
Engage he dared not, and he could not fly,
But saw his hope in gentle parley lie;
With looks of kindness then, and trembling heart,
He met the foe, and art opposed to art.
Now spoke that foe insidious--gentle tones,
And gentle looks, assumed for Farmer Jones:
'Three girls,' the Widow cried, 'a lively three
To govern well--indeed it cannot be.'
'Yes,' he replied, 'it calls for pains and care:
But I must bear it.'--'Sir, you cannot bear;
Your son is weak, and asks a mother's eye:'
'That, my kind friend, a father's may supply.'

[...] Read more

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Making Sense Of Sound

SENSE OF SOUND

In Plato’s time fools used to say
there are no rules for music that you play.
Being law-abiding when you write
a piece of music often won’t excite
the fools who will demand of you to break
its laws, while claiming that the word mistake
doe not apply to music. It is pleasure
that’s their bottom line, every measure
composed in any manner the composer
may wish. I do not want to be imposer
of any law that may inhibit your
ability to write, but I feel sure
that ultimately it is only fools
who break in music, as in life, all rules.

In music as in life there’s right and wrong,
and both of them, in order to last long,
must follow norms, as Plato once declared.
a view that by this poet now is shared,
while hoping antinomians are not friendless,
like Wagner making melody that’s endless.
Music is a stock that never should be shorted.
Like any lover that you may have courted,
it follows rules on which you should go long,
avoiding dissonances that sound wrong,
except for all the ones that are resolved
like problems that in life that have been solved.
Only by preventing disappearance
of rules can life-like music reach coherence.

Inspired by Plato, cited in “Making Sense of Sound, ” by James F. Penrose in the WSJ, January 27,2010, reviewing Ruth Katz’s “A Language of Its Own, ” describing a grammar of music that evolved over the centuries without any overt instruction, giving an internal coherence to music and allowing it to adapt to cultural and social change, with a shared understanding between musicians and audiences. Penrose writes;

“Through foolishness they deceived themselves into thinking that there was no right or wrong way in music, that it was to be judged good or bad by the pleasure that it gave.” With these words Plato complained about the “promiscuous cleverness and a spirit of law-breaking” that characterized the music of the time—the fourth century B.C. Even then, it seems, music had a form and structure that guided its composition and performance, for “law-abiding” musicians anyway…. Beethoven, in Mr. Katz’s view, never damaged the system of harmonic tonality and “integrated” form, for all his iconoclasm. But a succession of composers––including Schumann, Liszt and, above all, Wagner––chipped away at coherence by preparing unprepared and unresolved chords, chromatic alterations, and above all modulations into remote keys. With his “unendlische Melodie (infinite melody) and other devices, Wagner savaged traditional musical structures even as he created astonishingly beautiful music. The gulf between past and present widened as the 20th century progressed––but there were pockets of resistance, Ms. Katz observes. Debussy joined the moderns in rebelling against the constraints of harmonic tonality but found coherence in modal forms and in melodic tonality. Composers like Bartok, Ravel and Janacek, though also pushing the boundaries of traditional harmony, appealed to the ear by retaining crucial elements of traditional tonality… [Ms Katz] is hopeful that musical tradition can regain its footing, perhaps by recreating the “abstracting” process that allowed Wesstern music, despite its inability to describe what it does, to beguile and fascinate us for so long.

1/27/10

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Mnner Des Westens - Any Kind Of Land

The rock is on
Es ist Tatbestand,
Daa dieses Abendland
Die Geschichte immer hat bestimmt
Es ist angesagt
Auch immer mehr gefragt
Wer die Manner dieses Westens sind
Daa die guten Krafte dieser Welt sich sammeln
Jener, der daran noch glaubt, der irrt
Ich habe nachgedacht
Die Nacht damit verbracht
It's gettin' more and more
It's gettin' weird
You got the wholy land
Got tomorrow land
You got a madhouse land
You got any, any, any kind of land
Manner des Westens sind so
Manner des Westens sind so
Manner des Westens sind so, sind so, sind sooh
Restlos intercool
Rock on Neo Rockers
Rock on
Come on, rock it, do it
You got Rockefeller
Got Kennedy
You got James Bond
Gotta Muhammed Ali
Got Frank Sinatra
You got classic coke
Andy Warhol
Gotta any kind of dope
You got Oppenheimer
And you got John Wayne
Mac Ronald's Circus drivin' us insane
You got Bob Beamon
Got the jumpin' Jack Flash
Beverly Cops they got a brandnew crash
Got the wholy land
Got tomorrow land
You got a madhouse land
You got any, any, any kind of land
Manner des Westens sind so
Fade out

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Rejoice And Be Happy

Rejoice & be happy when they revile you, just like the Savior told us to do.
Rejoice & be glad when for His name's sake, they speak all manner of evil and against you they hate.
Blessed are you who are persecuted too, for righteousness & the good that you do, if in the bread you put a little leaven, the Kingdom is yours & it's the Kingdom of Heaven.
Rejoice & be happy when they revile you, just like the Savior told us to do.
Rejoice & be glad when for His name's sake, they speak all manner of evil and against you they hate.
Ye are the salt of the earth, if you're not salty, what are you worth?
Rejoice & be ye exceedingly glad for great is the reward in Heaven to be had for the prophets they did persecute too, unjust though it was, they came way before you.
Rejoice & be happy when they revile you, just like the Savior told us to do.
Rejoice & be glad when for His name's sake, they speak all manner of evil and against you they hate.
We are the salt of the earth, if we're not salty, what are we worth?
Rejoice & be happy when they revile you, just like the Savior told us to do.
Rejoice & be glad when for His name's sake, they speak all manner of evil and against you they hate.
Rejoice & be happy when they revile you, just like the Savior told us to do.
Rejoice & be glad when for His name's sake, they speak all manner of evil and against you they hate.

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She Is Not In Her Mood

surprise surprise
Rachael is sulking
yes she is sulking...

her mother
does not
know why?

she does not
want to
take a photo

her mother
does not
know why?

you need to be still
and patient with her
she is not in her mood

Rachael lives
with her rules
not yours...


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Hi-Fi

Slipping through the city sliding train to train
Sulking on the subway music in our brain
She and me together in the city sounds
Me and mona lisa on the underground
Hi-fi in the white city yeah yeah
Hi-fi in the white city yeah yeah
Slipping through the city sliding brain to brain
Sulking on the subway listening to the train
She and me together speed through space and time
Grafitti in our eyes and music in our mind
Hi-fi in the white city yeah yeah
Hi-fi in the white city yeah yeah
Hi-fi in the white city yeah yeah
Hi-fi in the white city yeah yeah
Hi-fiHi-fiHi-fi in the white city yeah yeah

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True Confession

1
Today, recovering from influenza,
I begin, having nothing worse to do,
This autobiography that ends a
Half of my life I'm glad I'm through.
O Love, what a bloody hullaballoo
I look back at, shaken and sober,
When that intemperate life I view
From this temperate October.
To nineteen hundred and forty-seven
I pay the deepest of respects,
For during this year I was given
Some insight into the other sex.
I was a victim, till forty-six,
Of the rosy bed with bitches in it;
But now, in spite of all pretexts,
I never sleep a single minute.

O fellow sailor on the tossing sea,
O fleeting virgin in the night,
O privates, general in lechery,
Shun, shun the bedroom like a blight:
Evade, O amorous acolyte,
That pillow where your heart can bury -
For if the thing was stood upright
It would become a cemetery.

I start with this apostrophe
To all apostles of true love:
With your devotion visit me,
Give me the glory of the dove
That dies of dereliction. Give
True love to me, true love to me,
And in two shakes I will prove
It's false to you and false to me.

Bright spawner, on your sandbank dwell
Coldblooded as a plumber's pipe -
The procreatory ocean swell
Warming, till they're over ripe,
The cockles of your cold heart, will
Teach us true love can instil
Temperature into any type.

Does not the oyster in its bed
Open a yearning yoni when
The full moon passes overhead
Feeling for pearls? O nothing, then,
Too low a form of life is, when
Love, abandoning the cloister,

[...] Read more

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Lines Written after Reading A Bulletin

O sweet Eve how pity of thee,
Acting like a simpleton lady;
When Adam adulation embrace thee,
Thou simply felt it is nauseated and gaudy.

What is wrong in being sweet,
When it is chaste and sincere;
Thy allegation is a tickling greet,
Not more than a vague prejudice mere.

O descendant of Eve let us be thy companions,
An ordained plea from Adam descendant;
Please bestow us if thou like with lust and compassion,
Or despise us if thou like with nausea abundant.

Would this inane note throw thy nausea away?
Thou are the only person who knows it;
Should we [Adam] throw our sweet whim away?
We are the only person await for thee [Eve] to permits it

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Supplements are replacements

Some would dread summer.
Once it sets in, they cope with it.
Some would dread winter.
Once it enters, they cope with it.
Loss of the dearest, you fear.
Once it occurs, you cope with it.
When you depart from the dear one
It would make him/her fit to cope with it,
And instead he/she would make someone dear
We endure what we cannot cur
With supplements and substitutes.
03.05.2001, Pmdi

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Mad Season

I feel stupid - but I know it wont last for long
Ive been guessing - I coulda been guessin wrong
You dont know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down
I feel stupid but its something that comes and goes
Ive been changin - think its funny how now one knows
We dont talk about - the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around
So why ya gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now
It seems to me - youd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im lost and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
I feel stupid - but I think I been catchin on
I feel ugly - but I know I still turn you on
You seem colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down
So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out
You need to be together now - I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im lost and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
Now Im cryin - isnt that what you want
Im tryin to live my life on my own
But I wont
At times - I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do i, i, I feel stupid
And I came undone
And I came undone
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im lost and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im a child and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
In this mad season
Theres been a mad season
Been a mad season

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Mad Season

I feel stupid - but I know it wont last for long
Ive been guessing - I coulda been guessin wrong
You dont know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down
I feel stupid but its something that comes and goes
Ive been changin - think its funny how now one knows
We dont talk about - the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around
So why ya gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now
It seems to me - youd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im lost and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
I feel stupid - but I think I been catchin on
I feel ugly - but I know I still turn you on
You seem colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down
So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out
You need to be together now - I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im lost and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
Now Im cryin - isnt that what you want
Im tryin to live my life on my own
But I wont
At times - I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do i, i, I feel stupid
And I came undone
And I came undone
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im lost and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - Im a child and Im hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though Ive never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
In this mad season
Theres been a mad season
Been a mad season

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I Am Needing What It Is You Have To Give!

I'm needing it.
I can't resist...
More time,
With you by my side.

I am needing it.
And I can't resist...
More time,
With you by my side.
And less time,
For you to decide...
How much time you're going to give,
To fulfill my need.
Or the time you've given is enough for me.

I'm needing it.
I can't resist...
More time,
With you by my side.

I'm needing it.
I can't resist...
More time,
With you by my side.

Hope?
I have and got it.
Hope?
I've never doubted.
Hope?
I do not mope.
Or cope,
With hope to scope.

Hope?
I have and got it.
Hope?
I've never doubted.
Hope?
I do not mope.
Or cope,
With hope to scope.

I am needing it.
And I can't resist...
More time,
With you by my side.
And less time,
For you to decide...
How much time you're going to give,

[...] Read more

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Seven and half years ago I began my own journey. For me and my family it was a time of adversity. But during that adversity I derived a deeper faith. And born out of that adversity was a commitment to devote myself to those people and to those issues that truly matter to me.

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