With us, it's a very specific audience. If you like steak, this is it for you.
quote by Jerry Only
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Steak Number 3
[parody of mistake no. 3 by culture club]
The first steak I ordered,
It wasnt very hot.
I had to send it back,
Let em have one more shot.
But the second steak I ordered,
Well it was lousy too.
Now I really hate to say it,
But theres one thing that you gotta do.
Make me steak number three, yeah.
Make me steak number three.
Make me steak number three, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make me steak number three.
song performed by Weird Al Yankovic
Added by Lucian Velea
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I Am The Audience
I am the audience
Theres no doubt, no consequence
I could make the morning papers
If I use my capers
Lets be the audience
I might lose my patience
Polite applause excepted
To the ones selected, as the audience...
Oh I ... am the audience
No doubt, no consequence
Cause Im the audience
Lets be the audience
I might lose my patience
Polite applause excepted
To the ones selected
I am the audience
Breakdown the pretence
No longer be silent
Lets turn to violence
I am the audience
song performed by Xtc
Added by Lucian Velea
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I Am The Audience
I am the audience
Theres no doubt, no consequence
I could make the morning papers
If I use my capers
Lets be the audience
I might lose my patience
Polite applause excepted
To the ones selected, as the audience...
Oh I ... am the audience
No doubt, no consequence
Cause Im the audience
Lets be the audience
I might lose my patience
Polite applause excepted
To the ones selected
I am the audience
Breakdown the pretence
No longer be silent
Lets turn to violence
I am the audience
song performed by Xtc
Added by Lucian Velea
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The ten commandments of communication
The ten commandments of communication
Verify your ideas before clarification, as to whether the contents of your
communication will really serve the purpose of your communication. Consult others, where appropriate, the communication plan. This will help you decide the audience-based right content, flow, duration and location.
Make clear to the audience the true purpose of communication. Make it known to the audience as to what you want them to do after receiving the inputs from you. It can be just an act, can be an attitudinal change, can be drawing a strategy or plan of action.
Ensure you are in the right set of environment for the communication.
Communication is not effected just by words and gestures, but also by the quality of place where you communicate.
Take into confidence your audience. Encourage them to come out with their experience in the subject of communication. Accordingly polish your ways.
Be sure where to emphasize and where to dilute. Check yourself the
overtones and emphasis on messages conveyed, as audience may not notice.
Avoid being theoretical all through. Give practical examples. Enthuse
audience to come out with problems, connected with the subject and offer, if possible, practical solutions.
Follow up with what you communicate. Ensure audience is with you through the entire communication. Give no impression that you are evaluating their ability to absorb.
Demonstrate that you practice what you preach. Your past experiences may come handy.
Communicate for tomorrow, based on previous learning, enabling the audience visualize new horizons on the subject of communication.
Last, but not the least, seek not to be understood, but to understand. Be a good listener too.
poem by Bashyam Narayanan
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Beans Taste Fine
Now a friend of mine, way back in Chicago
You know, he finally made his pile.
Well he got himself a mansion on Butler and Sheff
An' he was livin' in the latest style;
But I run into him, he was eatin' in a greasy spoon
While parkled in front was his big limousine.
I said, 'Buddy, you've got so much money
How come youre in here, eatin' beans?'
An' he said
'After you've been havin' steak for a long time,
Beans, beans taste fine.
An' after you've been drinkin' champagne and brandy
You gonna settle for wine.'
He said 'The world is funny, and people are strange,
And man is a creature of constant change, and
After you've been havin' steak for a long time
Beans, beans taste fine.'
Now, you know I ran into another friend of mine
In a rowdy old Clark Street Bar.
I said, 'Friend, is it true what I heard about you?
I heard you married a beautiful 18-year-old shapely movie star,
Yet here you sit, tryin' to make out with some barfly
Who's too old and ugly to be true.'
He said, 'Shelley, you're still a very young man
So sit down. I'll explain it all to you.
He said
'After you've been havin' steak for a long time
Beans, beans taste fine.
An' after you've been drinkin' champagne and Chivas Regal
You gonna settle for Thunderbird wine.'
He said 'The world is funny, and people are strange,
And man is a creature of constant change, and
After you've been havin' steak for a long time
Beans, beans taste fine.'
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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The Wail of the Waiter
All day long, at Scott's or Menzies', I await the gorging crowd,
Panting, penned within a pantry, with the blowflies humming loud,
There at seven in the morning do I count my daily cash,
While the home-returning reveller calls for 'soda and a dash'.
And the weary hansom-cabbies set the blinking sqautters down,
Who, all night, in savage freedom, have been 'knocking round the town'.
Soon the breakfast gong resounding bids the festive meal begin,
And, with appetites like demons, come the gentle public in.
'Toast and butter!' 'Eggs and coffee!' 'Waiter, mutton cops for four!'
'Flatheads!' 'Ham!' 'Beef!' 'Where's the mustard?' 'Steak and onions!' 'Shut the door!'
Here sits bandicoot, the broker, eating in a desparate hurry,
Scowling at his left-hand neighbour, Cornstalk from the Upper Murray,
Who with brandy-nose enpurpled, and with blue lips cracked and dry,
In incipient delirium shoves the eggspoon in his eye.
'Bloater paste!' 'Some tender steak, sir?' 'Here, confound you, where's my chop?'
'Waiter!' 'Yessir!' 'Waiter!' 'Yessir!!' - running till I'm fit to drop.
Then at lunch time - fearful crisis! In by shoals the gorgers pour,
Gobbling, crunching, swilling, munching - ten times hungrier than before.
'Glass of porter!' 'Ale for me, John!' 'Where's my stick?' 'And where's my hat!'
'Oxtal soup!' 'I asked for curry!' 'Cold boiled beef, and cut it fat!'
'Irish stew!' 'Some pickled cabbage!' 'What, no beans?' 'Bring me some pork!'
'Soup, sir?' 'Yes. You grinning idiot, can I eat it with a FORK?'
'Take care, waiter!' 'Beg your pardon.' 'Curse you, have you two left legs?'
'I asked for bread an hour ago, sir!' 'Now then, have you laid those eggs?'
'Sherry!' 'No, I called for beer - of all the fools I ever saw!'
'Waiter!' 'Yessir!' 'WAITER!!' 'Here, sir!' 'Damme, sir, this steak is RAW!'
Thus amid this hideous Babel do I live the livelong day,
While my memory is going, and my hair is turing grey.
All my soul is slowly melting, all my brain is softening fast,
And I know that I'll be taken to the Yarr bend at last.
For at night from fitful slumbers I awaken with a start,
Murmuring of steak and onions, babbling of apple-tart.
While to me the Poet's cloudland a gigantic kitchen seems,
And those mislaid table-napkins haunt me even in my dreams
Is this right? - Ye sages tell me! - Does a man live but to eat?
Is there nothing worth enjoying but one's miserable meat?
Is the mightiest task of genius but to swallow buttered beans,
And has man but been created to demolish pork and greens?
Is there no unfed Hereafter, where the round of chewing stops?
Is the atmosphere of heaven clammy with perpetual chops?
Do the friends of Mr Naylor sup on spirit-reared cow-heel?
Can the great Alexis Soyer really say 'Soyez tranquille?'
Or must I bring spirit beefsteak grilled in spirit regions hotter
For the spirit delectation of some spiritual squatter?
Shall I in a spirit kitchen hear the spirit blowflies humming,
Calming spiritual stomachs with a spiritual 'Coming!'?
Shall - but this is idle chatter, I have got my work to do.
'WAITER!!' 'Yessir.' 'Wake up, stupid! Boiled calves' feet for Number Two!'
poem by Marcus Clarke
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Too Specific
When one has asked for the truth,
And gets it heard to be delivered straight...
Why is it then they begin,
To accuse the one unafraid to speak it...
Of being mean and too specific.
Too Specific
'I did not offer to volunteer.
But that isn't mentioned by the one who fears.
I was appraoched to make things clear.
And with the doing of it,
The one seeking clarity chose me to distance.'
Too Specific
The choice one makes of being too specific,
May come to traumatize the one addicted to getting...
Delusional 'hits'.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Specific By Design
Lazy adults raised by irresponsible children,
Choosing to do what they please...
With the making of excuses encouraged as done,
Are not the ones to blame for their attitudes towards life.
Many do not accept transitions and think of them as painful.
Every example of a quality of life to value,
Has been degraded by those lazy who view mediocrity...
As too much of a struggle to achieve,
With an escaping from a hopelessness and self pity.
And the evidence of their influence is too obvious to avoid.
And they are left trapped in sadness patterns.
With their touches of guilt to add to a quilt...
Specific by design.
Left trapped in sadness patterns.
With their touches of guilt to add to a quilt...
Specific by design.
And the evidence that is knitted in,
Becomes too obvious to avoid.
Left trapped in sadness patterns.
With their touches of guilt to add to a quilt...
Specific by design.
And the evidence that is knitted in,
Becomes too obvious to avoid.
And they are left trapped in sadness patterns.
With their touches of guilt to add to a quilt...
Specific by design.
And the evidence that sits,
Becomes too obvious to avoid.
Or can anyone conscious excuse the limits of it!
And the purpose with intentions to confine...
Those of shallow and unused minds.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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No gain without pain
Christmas shopping.
Again, the pain,
a thought so stark
will I even get
into the car park?
I only needed
to nip in,
a quick purchase
to make.
T'was deer steak
I wanted.
Oh dear, it's raining.
So I made a quick dash
oh, that was rash,
no deer steak
just rain
and a beef steak
to boot.
So I'll stay mute
about Christmas shopping.
poem by George BernardBloodyShaw
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Wrapped In Plastic
Guilt is a snake we beat with a rake
To grow in our kitchen in the pies we bake
Feed it to us to squirm in our bellies
Twisting our guts make our spines to jelly
Stay, don't want to go now
Drove the children from their chores
Handcrafted housewives into whores
Fear of the beast is calling it near
Creating what we're hating, it's only fear that is here
Stay, don't want to go now
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
I'm only as deep as the self that i dig
I'm only as sick as the stick in the pig
Thin and so white, thin and so white
Daddy tells the daughter
While mommy's sleeping at night
To wash away sin you must take off your skin
The righteous father wears the yellowest grin
Don't wanna go now
Stay, don't wanna go now, stay, don't wanna go now
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
song performed by Marilyn Manson
Added by Lucian Velea
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Click Your Heels Until Your Feet Numbs
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'Pretend it's steak.'
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'Pretend that and vegetables,
Are on your plate.'
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'Now 'see' yourself not homeless.
See yourself in a mansion,
High upon the hill!
Dance among the flowers scenting.
Go ahead,
Pick a few of those blooming daffodils.
Don't be discouraged,
By your sightings of those who have not!
Look upon them as the true victims.
And ignoring them will speed up your visions.
To forget you are jobless,
Helpless and your teeth rot!
Remember this,
Keep your need to greed wished.
Click your heels until your feet numbs.
And your deceit and thieving ways...
On this land 'will' return.
And those days of gluttony,
For you and everyone...
Will finally to all,
Someday come.
Close your eyes...
Repeat.
And pass me the pepper,
Gravy.
And salt to throw over my shoulder to toss!
Repeat,
With me...
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
[...] Read more
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Pick It Up Or Be Gone
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Don't try to imitate,
Homemade cake.
Oh no.
And don't ever try to duplicate,
A delicious taste.
Or...
Butter up faked mashed potatos.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Pick it up or be gone.
Oooow.
Pick it up or be gone.
Yeah.
Pick it up or be gone.
Now...
Pick it up or be gone!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The Great Stealth-burger Caper
A head cold had settled in with a vengeance.
After a couple of days at home I felt stir crazy.
Was it time to go somewhere, maybe a movie?
A quick glance at Arts & Entertainment section
and we made our choice of movies playing at our
favorite theater.
We jumped in the car and headed to the cinema.
“Haven’t eaten all day lets get a burger” I said.
“We don’t have enough time to stop to eat, lets
get something at the theater” Laureen replied.
“Nope, too expensive and the food is crappy anyway.
Let’s get some burgers to go and sneak them into the theater”
“What? ” You know they don’t let people take in food”
“Yeah, so they don’t need to know, right? ”
We wheeled into “Cruisers” a 50’s throwback diner.
You know the kind with old pictures of Elvis and Marilyn,
hanging on the walls and black & white checkerboard floors.
Cruisers make great burgers cheap (volume...Over a zillion sold) .
Thin patties, shredded lettuce, onions, tomatoes, pickles
and fresh sesame buns. Burgers better than the guys
with the “Golden Arches” or “flame broiled” belly busters.
It was 30 minutes before show time, but we were in luck.
Things were going well because we arrived 15 minutes before noon.
The movie gods were with us…
Just as we placed our order, people started lining up behind us.
“Two regular burgers with the works and mustard dressing please”
“Want fries with your burgers”
“Nope” I said hurriedly.
Laureen placed her order,
“One regular burger with everything except onions and an order of fries.”
“Do you want curly, regular, tatter tots or steak fries? ”
“Uh, I’ll take the steak fries please”
“Anything to drink? ”
“No thanks, just a cup for water (she wasn’t about to let me drink from her water bottle) .
We looked at each other as we sat down holding
our plastic tent with a black number 3 on it.
“Uh, how are we going to smuggle in that much food”, laureen asked.
“In your purse” I answered with a clueless grin on my face.
“Are you kidding, it’s already full and besides my water bottle is in it”
“I’ll put the water bottle in my back pocket”
[...] Read more
poem by Ray Lucero
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Be Audience Rare
do not write
to fickle audience
be audience rare
write what
themes
flow choose
most
rarely read
rhymes
no time to waste
on audience present
will eternity wait?
do not write
to audience
be audience rare
poem by Terence George Craddock
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The Edinburgh Military Tattoo
An August evening, and people make their way to
Edinburgh Castle for the world famous Military Tattoo.
Once everyone has arrived and taken their seats,
From the battlements, sounds a steady drum beat.
Soon, a large corps of drummers appears,
To the audience’s applause and rousing cheers.
Each of the soldiers, dressed in their smart uniforms,
Has been up, rehearsing, since the first break of dawn.
The drummer’s skills are most highly rated:
They perform all kinds of rhythms, including syncopated.
The sound of the big bass drum, through my body, resonates;
Its booming beat similar to that of my own pulsing heart rate.
The drummers are replaced by another military band;
No drums this time, but they have bagpipes in hand.
The whole event is a real feast for ears and eyes.
Some of the tunes played, I instantly recognise.
During the show, the arena is constantly filled,
With military personnel demonstrating their skills.
Soldiers stand to attention in a long regimented, straight line,
Then, as one, move their feet, as they stand there marking time.
The spectacle of the Massed Band of The Royal Air Force,
Makes the blood in my veins race and excitedly course.
You can’t help but be moved by the sights and the sounds,
Of one of the world’s most famous military displays around.
The audience of some seven thousand people strong,
Sit enraptured, taping their feet and clapping along.
The Esplanade, where the action all takes place, sits
In front of the impressive stone castle which is floodlit.
This stunning pageant has a truly international flavour.
Talents from around the world, the audience can savour.
To a Scottish fiddle, traditional dancers swirl.
Regimental flags are ceremoniously unfurled.
And, just as all this action has made the audience rather hyper,
They are calmed down again by the lament of the lone piper.
To the ramparts, where the piper is stood, all eyes are drawn,
As the pipes play a haunting melody, traditionally, used to mourn.
Near the end, my neighbours link their arms with mine,
As, together, we sing a rousing chorus of ‘Auld Lang Syne.’
The audience make their way home, and soon, a hush falls.
I stroll back to my hotel, feeling glad to have been a part of it all.
poem by Angela Wybrow
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You've Got Magic!
'America - You've Got Magic! '
Ran the sign on the Glitzy Floor,
For this was the latest Reality Show
To consume consumers with awe;
Some Boffin, deep in a Think-Tank
Had been racking his brain for weeks,
And this was the format he gave them;
Home Magicians! - with tricks and treats!
The Show was into the knockout stage,
The Advertisers were rapt,
None of your Song and Dancing here,
Nobody shedding Fat,
No-one stuck in a boring House
With brains the size of a pea,
But plenty of age-old magic tricks
For the rest of the world to see.
The Judges sat in their glory
Each equipped with a magic wand,
The first of them, Benjamin Glowery
Played his part, in a deep despond,
He hated the Hatted Rabbits
And the Doves that flew over the stage,
While contestants that showed him a Card Trick
Bore the brunt of his fearful rage.
He'd wave his wand in rejection
Like thumbs down, as they did in Rome,
And depending on Betty Abullbull
He would send them all packing, home,
While Betty paraded her implants
And her elegant, coiffured hair,
She was there for the sex attraction
As there wasn't much intellect there.
The third was a known Magician
Who had fallen on harder times,
He'd taken the job for the money
He was known as 'Impeccable' Grimes,
He spent more time on his fingernails
Than watching the acts begin,
He said that he knew all the magic tricks,
That nothing was new to him!
He waited to see how Glowery went
Then voted the other way,
So often it was up to Abullbull
Whether the act would go, or stay,
The audience cheered and hooted,
[...] Read more
poem by David Lewis Paget
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Why I Prefer To Live Alone
Give me a moment.
I want to find a specific way,
To tell you this.
Okay...
The reason why I prefer to live alone,
Is the company I sometimes can not avoid to keep.
Some people have a legitimate feeling,
That is sincerely felt as it is meant.
Some people need another presence,
To keep control of a conversation focused on themselves.
I have been in contact with these kinds of people,
On many occasion.
With a wish to exit as quick as possible.
And I was able to do that,
Because i was not in my own home.
Some people are just into themselves subconsiously.
With a unending 'Not-a-breath-to-take-zeal'
That creates an atmosphere squeezing the freshness,
Out of a peace that reduces a hospitality one ceases.
And...
This might be mistaken for boredom!
And i like to maintain a cordial presence one feels.
However,
Making no mistake of it at all...
I find sometimes your presence,
Leaves me with a headache.
And sometimes I can take it.
But on days like these that I want my peace.
You disturb that willingness I had to share it!
Give me a moment.
I want to find a specific way,
To tell you this.
I like to keep a flow of communication,
That is invitational.
You on the other hand,
Seek an audience to deliver devoted attention.
That kind of activity,
Wears me out.
Today...
I am feeling,
Less the member of an audience.
[...] Read more
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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There Is No Direction On These Fears
a trembling hand
shows to you that there is no specific
explanation for fear
the directions of the veins
bluish
do not give you the specific
symptom
for like fear
everything goes and spreads
you want to cite
a specific explanation
there is none
some let their bodies fall
at heights that will not warrant the hint of survival
but some knows the trick
the let fear pass
for all fears pass
and wait for the calming of the storm
wait for the boat
that takes you back home
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Breed Pigeon Lofts
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poem by Rwetewrt Erwtwer
Added by Poetry Lover
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The Peculiar Poetry Competition
The £10,000 prize attracted numerous contributions,
Some national and some as distant as Australia.
All poetry submitted by email for a specific purpose,
So that the emails could be filtered upon their arrival...
Folders had been created and incoming filters, too,
With keywords like God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit.
Other folders received names or places or events.
Other folders received specific topics or famous causes.
Other folders received swear words or hate words...
Then there were extra folders for specific spelling errors,
Punctuation queries or historical interpretations...
Finally, the hundreds left in the Inbox were considered...
One human judge had been selected to read these.
Usually, with his or her decision being final...
As a published poet, he was truly determined to do well.
This was his golden opportunity to find something precious.
Using his own poetry-reading filters as to what pleased him,
Vibrant themes, exquisite rhymes, rhythms and romance...
Dividing the surviving poets into men, women, boys and girls,
He searched for something profound beyond the norm...
Something that didn't involve the mere commonplace,
Something that didn't rewrite poems already done.
Twenty poems remained from the hundreds he'd read.
Each impossibly wonderful, yet there they were...
All by the same poet, with each meriting special regard.
The judge cautiously informed the competition organisers,
Who, at first, were amazed, for they couldn't believe it.
The winning poet lived in the same street as he did...
She had known the poetry judge for several years.
She was well aware of all his poetry preferences...
She'd written each rhyming poem as if for him alone,
Using time-tested sage advice to write-what-you-know.
He had no inkling of these actions behind the scenes,
He just knew her poetry was truly magical, wonderful...
The organisers heard him read these powerful poems out,
Nodding their immediate winsome approval at each one.
Without a single doubt, her poems were awesome, lovely.
But for the life of them, nobody could select a winner.
The poems were so special they enhanced each other.
They had to be joint winners, no other choice possible,
Each worthy, receiving its rightful share of the prize.
[...] Read more
poem by Denis Martindale
Added by Poetry Lover
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