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Christina Aguilera

I always wanted to have my own album released before I graduated from high school.

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Questions for Allen G.

You Howled in the fifties
Kaddished in the sixties
Sang your Plutonian Ode in the seventies
Told us what you were not in the eighties
And pushed us all to eat more grease in the nineties
You died the year I graduated from high school
And I hadn’t even heard of you

Why did you grow your long mad beard? Was it to
Give the appearance of a modern mad prophet who
Put his mad thoughts into unconventional verse?

Or was it to conceal your being gay? No, that doesn’t
Sound like you. You were always comfortable in
Your own skin. It seemed like another layer of clothing to you.

What did you mean by “reality sandwiches”? Was it reality
Unadorned, unadulterated, with no sweetening
From outside forces or people?

What does it mean to look for an angry fix?
Does “angelheaded hipsters” have anything to do with Kerouac’s
Meaning of the Beat Generation, that is, beatific?

I can understand your frequent comparison to Whitman. Both of
You clawed at the walls of the society in which you lived in the hopes
That the whole edifice would come crashing down.

I don’t think any one word can explain a man’s life, like Howl or
Kaddish or Sunflower Sutra. But your words left an impact that
Can’t be measured by any traditional standards.

Allen Ginsberg I wonder when your words will cease to move one’s soul.

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What About My Image?

But you've graduated from high school.
Why is it that you desire to go back?

'I felt safe in those days.
It was easy for me not to be accountable,
For anything.
And when I blamed someone else for something I did...
At least I could hide my deceit and was believed.
But today...
People are trying to make me responsible,
For my own actions.
And...
I have 'never' done that before!
I'm not use to having fingers pointed at me.'

Well...
You know eventually that is going to happen.

'I know.
I can't even blame 'them' for anything anymore.'

Just be prepared to fix everything you've done.

'Are you kidding?
Be responsible for my own actions?
Be accountable and admit my faults?
But...but...
What about my image? '

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That Terrifying Enemy

Two weeks after I graduated from high school,
I was in the Air Force.
Patriotic and eighteen.
Scared as hell during basic training...
But ready to kick plenty of ass!
And working hard during the week,
To receive a weekend pass!
Time seemed less urgent then!
We knew we would accomplish things!
And certain we were we would win!

Fourty-three years ago...
I wanted it known I wished to save souls then.
I wanted to be a pilot and fly,
But I became a poet with a pen!
And times have changed since then as well!
Now it is not clear,
Who is fighting for what and 'why' it should matter?
We have consciously let our treasured ideals...
Lose it's appeal to keep falsities,
In minds scattered!

And those with barely any military experience at all...
Have taken my home,
And given it away.
For a price we all now pay!

Greed has been that terrifying enemy,
That has brought upon us a failure.
Greed has been that terrifying enemy,
That has brought to us this grief!
Greed has been that terrifying enemy,
That brings us no relief...
To cease and/or free us!
Greed has been that terrifying enemy,
That has been camouflaging peace!
And the awareness of this has increased!

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6-11 (true Story)

A softball game,
With two 7th grade teams.
In a open grass field kids play,
In the hot sun.
Along the first base line, were the moms
Cheering their girls on.
It was the top of the 8th inning,
No outs and Centrals down by one.
Junction City is up to bat,
Central out in the field.

It took four pitches to get the batter out.
Gale Anders is up next, strike one.
Turning to terror in the next swing of the bat.
The ball goes flying over the fence,
Missis all the moms, all but one,
Nursing her baby she didn’t see the ball coming.
The ball hits the baby in the head whose life has just begun,
Just three weeks ago ReBecca Purkey was born.

ReBecca’s mom rushes her to the hospital.
Where the doctors told her,
That she could go home after the MRI.
If anything happened within 24 hours call.
They called ReBecca’s mom with the MRI results,
They told her the ball shattered her skull,
Into something like a spider web.
But the skull repairs itself,
So not to be alarmed.

ReBecca lasted 23 hours then,
Her little brain just couldn’t take it anymore,
She started having seizures.
Taking her back to the doctor,
Her mom was scared and,
Didn’t understand what’s wrong with her baby,
That is perfect in every other way.

The doctors said that it’s unlikely,
ReBecca will ever walk, talk, or feed herself,
She will be a veggie.
If this child was to live.
Because she has a traumatic brain injury,
Which lead to the seizures,
And she has epilepsy.
Hard pill to swallow for her family.
One minute this baby was healthy and happy
The next doctors are telling them she will die.

P.S. My name is ReBecca Purkey this is the story of my life. we are not as medically advanced back then as we are today, We didn’t know as much about the brain that is why doctors sent me home. This shows you anyone can overcome anything. I am 18 and have now graduated from high school with a regular diploma and soon go to college, become an Autistic teacher. I will always have a brain injury and epilepsy but that doesn’t stop me from doing anything. I am ReBecca Purkey and this is my story, what’s yours?

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I wanted to go to sea when I graduated from high school but my folks talked me out of it.

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Always Wanted To Wear Your Shoes

o sister o sister

my beautiful and powerful big sister;

i wish i knew you like i once did

o sister o sister

my wise and worldly big sister;

i wish i knew the remedy for what has rent itself between us

a thousand hateful things i've said to you;

wish i knew how to soften those words

I don't know what you mean by formal, not sure how to be formal

I miss you

and dare I say you were right in many ways

are there amends for my intolerance of your menopause

which is when know that things began to really fall apart

and now, as i swallow black cohosh capsules

and find myself yet again in a back against the wall situation;

i'm wishing i'd ever learned to do things like you

learned to make the best of things,

find and develop my own creative spark

& now there is no you to run to

and i've yet again made choices without a backup plan.

this seems to have become the pattern of my life

never really finishing anything

testing the waters here and there

often trying to live up to you

there were times when i wished u were my mother

and even felt u were

and now as tears begin to well

i can't help wanting to reverse the clock

though I'm I'd just react the same way

so many little moments come flooding in

I sat,8ish months pregnant, at my midwife visit

staring at words on a memo she'd held in her hand

sister called, requests that we urge mother to consider adoption,

doesn't think she can handle motherhood

or is ready for mother hood

I don't remember the exact words.

I numbly said no, I didn't want adoption info

feeling very sad

feeling somehow rejected

and so it seems I couldn't handle motherhood

one of those midwives asked me, later, on my 6 week visit

'Are you starting to adjust to motherhood? '

What?

F*** no! I don't know what that means.

but i said neither, wanly exhaustedly said, yes.

no further questions.

And 12 years later, I've still not adjusted

and that doesn't mean I am not madly in love with my son.

But I know you know that

sister.

My heart feels so lost and yet there are moments

when I feel more powerful than I ever have.

I still keep feeling like I'm struggling to live up to you

still see your face when someone speaks of heroes

though I despise the word – and perhaps i've lived the reason why

I see other faces but yours the brightest

if not of late only because of my bitter anger

my self torturing sense of betrayal

just my feelings - not necessarily truth

Im sorry that I always wanted to be you

so much maybe that I even wanted to stamp you out.


©December 2008

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What You Always Wanted

Sometimes you want something
and you work hard to get it.
Thinking it will change your life forever
into something better than it is.
Finally, you get what you want,
that dream has finally come true
and you then become something you never wanted to be.
You then begin to wonder
if you wanted it at all.
Self-doubt creeps into your mind
and starts torturing you,
but you cannot go back out now.
You have what you always wanted
like it or not.
You have to live with it
for better or for worse.


21 November 2008

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Life On Your Own

Winter is approaching
Theres snow upon the ground
Its good of you to visit me
Im glad you came around
I dont know how you found me
I didnt let you know
I only moved to this address
About a week ago
I guess you think I ran out
But thats not true
Other people settle down
I never do
I always have to move on
Just have to go
Ive often wondered why that is
Id like to say but I just dont know
I guess you always wanted
Life on your own
I guess you always wanted
Life on your own
Up here the summers shorter
And winters very cold
Im looking forward to the peace
My lonely life will hold
Im really glad you came here
Thank you for the talk
Its funny how my problem stopped
When we went for a walk
Standing here together
Means so much
I wont forget your confidence
I wont forget your touch
You know Ill come to see you
Passing through
Well always be a world apart
Ill travel on but I will be true
I guess you always wanted
Life on your own
I guess you always wanted
Life on your own
I guess you always wanted
Life on your own
I guess you always wanted
Life on your own

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O' Snail.. You Have Your Own Home

Everywhere cultivating fields are plotted,
I hope you know there wouldn't be land!
O' snail..you have your own home.

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I Always Wanted

I always wanted
To be something
But didn't know what
Now that I am older
I realize
All I ever wanted
Is to be me
For me is
The best that I
Can be

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Diana Ross

I majored in fashion design in school, and I have always wanted to design my own line of clothing, jewelry, and stuff like that; so this was just a step for me in that direction.

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I Wanted to Have a New Hair Style

I went to the barber this morning
To get a hair cut
Because my hair was too long
And I had decided
That I wanted to have a new hair style
I know it seems a little crazy
Maybe I lost my mind
Or I got a little carried away

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To have your own wheels

When I was a young man
I drove a blue Suzuki motorbike
and went down Marrion hill
at 180 over a speed trap
and I still remember to this day
how the speed cops cold only show signs at me
while I disappeared away from them.

Its years later and a 900 Honda
roars under me
and it’s wonderful
to feel the power of the iron horse
under me
and the sun and the wind cherishes me,
but to have my own wheels
is the best of all.

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Always Wanted

Your love I always wanted and your love was also my dream. See, you were the light of my life. How can I say that you were not sweet to me? You were so loving to me and I can never thank you enough. The sweet angel you were who gave me so much of love. Thinking of you is something which I often do sometimes although my love will never be sufficient for you. Someone else you love and some other person you care about more than you ever did for me. Love, I feel for you although how can I even think of you?

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The Kid Just Wanted To have The Candy

The kid was alone
had promised her mother
not to let
any stranger in.

The robber knew this
but he was wise
he stood up infront
of the glassed window of the house
where the kid could see him.

The kid saw the robber
and the robber gave him
a kind and gentle smile
while showing a candy
of orange and green colors.

The kid's eyes
opened big and wide
and the robber gave the kid
the sign to open the door.

Little by little
the kid
became closer and closer
to the door
and then...
he opened it!

The kid
just wanted to have
the candy.

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Just Like Silly André I Always Wanted To Be

Just like silly André I always wanted to be,
who was bold and straight with his number three haircut
that at times was blown skew
when he knocked at our backdoor,
and we in mischief
had to lookout for the principal
when he wanted to catch us in his peach orchard
and André continually played him the fool,

he sometimes setoff matchbox-bombs
while we stayed away from class.
I read 'the phantom' and he 'the horseman in black'
and we disappeared into the hillocks and bushes
until the stars appeared,
without the chaos that today is present
we were without fear,
just like silly André I always wanted to be.

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Let me have my own cross! ! !

Let me carry my own cross,
on thy shoulder, not pause,
Let me have my own crown,
Lord, enough of that frown,
I am a soul, full of Karma,
on thy stage, no more drama,
everything visible very apt,
my ignorance and pride,
my evilness and wickedness.

I am a coward to pass it on,
I am a fool to believe it fun,
I am not innocent,
when my heart is dark,
I am not good,
when my mind is full of fog,
I am not sincere,
when my actions are deceitful,
I am a traitor,
when I betray thy rules.

Let me carry my own cross,
cross of my actions false.
Let me have my own crown,
an arrogant crown, full of poking iron,
Let me drink the soured acid,
acid to neutralize my weak base,
Let me have my own cross,
which is made of feather and floss.

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As If They Have Their Own Identity

All of the Autumn leaves that fall from their mother tree
Are shaped so very differently
As if each has their own identity
At least that's how they seem to me.

In the cool gusts of the freshening winds they blow
Along the footpath fast and then quite slow
As if searching for a final resting place
On the Nature strip or in stormwater drain for to hide their wrinkled face.

Their span of time is brief so quick to meet decay
And in Nature's bosom within weeks they rot away
And off of their compost insects and beetles will live
When Nature takes in other ways she give.

Leaves too have life despite what some might say
And all things of life return to earth one day
And though they have life cells they do not have a mind
But they serve some purpose just like human kind.

I hear them rustle on their invisible feet
The dead dry leaves that are blown down the street
All of different shapes and sizes though from the one mother tree
As if they have their own identity.

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Its You

(tiffany/phillip damien/kevin grady)
Its you
That I really want in my life
Youre the one that loves me so right
Its you
You always stop the beat in my heart
Ill love you to my death! please dont stop
I never had a love that felt right
Until you came into my life
I always wanted to have someone
Who I could call my own and make love fun
I remember when I was all alone
My heart cried and cried just to be with you
Then into my life you came like a storm
Then I realized that youre here for me...and
I hope to make our love grow stronger
cause I want you dont need no other
I know this love will last forever
So wont you stay with me dont go away
I just cant believe that youre here with me
Youre a dream come true baby cant you see
And forever more Ill be by your side
Just one kiss from you Im in paradise...cause
I hope to make our love grow stronger
cause I want you dont need no other
I know this love will last forever
So wont you stay with me dont go away
Rap:
Its you I want, want in my life
cause youre the one that loves me right
And through my heart from high above
I give you my life please take my love
Youre a dream come true, baby cant you see
Let the rain come down, just stay here with me
Just one kiss from you Im in paradise
And forever more Ill be by your side...cause

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Defending My Right To Exist

Defending my right to exist...
Didn't leave too much time,
To feel insecurities.
Or get emotional about them.
I was always reminded that I wasn't who I was!

I looked like so and so,
And spoke like someone else.
And living in a place where nicknames were preferred,
It was rather difficult to maintain an identity.
Since being clownish and down to Earth,
Was a lesson taught.
And to be ignorant was the main objective.
Few people dared to express knowledge of anything.

Hey,
What can I say?
Even today...
This is not an exaggeration.

Needless to say,
Folks still living in that same mindset...
Seem not to be able to understand,
Why their visits to jails and prisons...
Are more frequent and have more of a priority,
Than when their 'children' were misbehaving in schools.
And teachers are blamed for this?

Defending my right to exist,
Didn't leave too much time,
To feel insecurities.
Or get emotional about them.
I was always reminded that I wasn't who I was!

However...
I was told I 'thought' I was better than everyone else,
Because I spoke as if I was 'intelligent'.
You know,
Clear and not like a...well...
Bunny rabbit!
And I had more than being a 'bad' little boy,
With going to jail on my mind.
I wanted to have my own identity for some reason.
With a wish to be successful at whatever I chose to do!

And there are those who try to convince others,
My accomplishments do not mean a thing!
And to them,
I wouldn't expect that they would.
Since I've lived to witness...
What many of them regard as important.
And hearing the children who brag,
About how much jail time they have served.

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