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The average comedian is kind of an observer looking at everyday things that everyone could relate to and then trying to find the exaggeration in those things.

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Average Guy

I aint no christian or no born again saint
I aint no cowboy or marxist d.a.
I aint no criminal or reverend cripple from the right
I am just your average guy, trying to do whats right
Im just your average guy
An average guy
I am just your average guy
Im just an average guy
Average guy, Im just your average guy
Im average looking and Im average inside
Im an average lover and I live in an average place
You wouldnt know me if you met me face to face
Im just your average guy
Average guy
Average guy
Im just an average guy
I worry about money and taxes and such
I worry that my livers big and it hurts to the touch
I worry about my health and bowels
And the crime waves in the street
Im really just your average guy
Trying to stand on his own two feet
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Average guy
Average looks, average taste
Average height, an average waist
Average in everything I do
My temperature is 98.2
Im just your average guy
An average guy
Average guy
Im just an average guy
Average guy
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Average

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Im Housin

Coolin on the scene like a horse in a stable
A brother got ill and tried to snatch a fat cable
I stepped back, like it wasnt no thing
I punched him in the jaw with the fat gold ring
I had an ace in the hole when it came to that
Yo z you was packin? you know was strapped
Posse kept rollin it was hard to get with em
So I stepped back, and unbuttoned my lee denim
They kept coming, just like I figured
So I stepped back, and started sprayin niggaz
What a way to go out, out like a sucker
But Im on track, like a long island train
That can head up your mission, suckers who be dissing
Always on my jock like a snake always hissing
Grabbing and tapping me like luther vandross
Take me to the bar for the drink and make a toast
Givin best wishes to the best mc
And when the spot is blown and yo you know its me
Because Im housin
cause Im housin
Because Im housin
cause Im housin
Because Im housin
Because Im housin
Relate to the matter as I drop the bomb
cause Im housin
Relate to the matter as I drop the bomb
cause Im housin
Relate to the matter as I drop the bomb
cause Im housin
Relate to the matter as I drop the bomb
Coolin at a party, no better yet disco
Head feelin mellow from a bottle of cisco
Move...
To crush and fry a sucker mc like crisco
Gimme the cue, check one two
Dont try to come off on me, because you doo-doo
You treatin me the z to the d, like a stepchild
Let me tell you homeboy youre livin foul
Mcs, you know who you are
On the bandwagon why z? cuz you a star
This is the year when the jokers are wild
When a fag cant hack it and try to bite your style
I get hip to the scheme, before it happens
If it gets wild, then I start cappin
But for now, since everythings calm
Relate to the matter as I drop the bomb
Because Im housin
cause Im housin
cause Im housin

[...] Read more

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Everyday Is A Winding Road

{written by sheryl crow, jeff trott and brian mcleod}
{additional vocal by larry graham}
Everyday is a winding road, is a winding road, is a winding road, oh
(is a winding road)
I hitched a ride with a crazyhorse showgirl
She says shes been down this road more than twice (time)
She wanted 2 know if I could tell the future (tell the future)
I said, Ive never been there before, but the brochure looks nice
Jump in, lets go (lets go, baby)
Lay back, enjoy the show
Everybody gets high (high), everybody gets low (low)
These r the days when anything goes
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer 2 feeling fine
(oh-oh)
(listen now)
Shes got a daughter she calls easter
She was born on a tuesday night
Im just wondering y people feel so all alone (all alone)
Feeling like a stranger in their own life
Jump in, lets go (lets go, baby)
Lay back (ooh-ooh), enjoy the show
Everybody gets high (high), everybody gets low (low)
These r the days (days) when anything goes
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer 2 feeling fine
(jump in)
(everyday is a winding road, is a winding road)
Ive been swimming in a sea of anarchy
Ive been living on compliments and herbal tea
Ive been wondering if all the things Ive ever seen
Were ever real (were ever real, were ever real ...)
Were ever really happening
Jump in, lets go ([...] lets go, baby)
Lay back, enjoy the show
Everybody gets high, everybody gets low
These r the days when anything goes
Everyday is a winding road (come on, come on)
I get a little bit closer (get closer baby)
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer 2 feeling fine
Everyday is a winding road (is a winding road, is a winding road)
Everyday is a faded sign (faded sign, lets go)
Da-da, da-da
Everyday, everyday
(da-da, da-da)

[...] Read more

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David Bowie

Looking for Water

Still the leaves are spinning 'round
Take my hand as we go down, and down, and down
Looking for water
Well, our light's gone in a New York minute
Don't know about you, but my heart's not in it
(Looking, looking, looking)
I'm looking for water
I'm looking for water
(Looking, looking, looking)
I can't breathe the air, can't raise a fact
'Cause all we've got left is a beat in the night, and I'm
(Looking for water)
Looking for water
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
Take my hand as we go down, and down
Leave it all behind, nothing could be found
(I'm, looking for water)
I'm looking for water
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
(I, looking for water)
Looking everywhere
(Looking for water)
Looking here and there
(I'm looking for water)
I'm looking for water
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
I can't live in this cage, I can't eat this candy
The edge of the earth to the spin in my head
The look in your eyes and never means never
The dawn's early light, baby, dark is forever
(Looking, looking)
(Looking, looking)
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
I
(Looking for water)
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
I
(Looking for water)
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
I
(Looking for water)
(Looking for watter)
Looking, looking)
I

[...] Read more

song performed by David Bowie, music by David Bowie, lyrics by from RealityReport problemRelated quotes
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Too Too 'Fisticated

You're sophisticated!
So sophisticated.
Too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

You're sophisticated!
So sophisticated.
Too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

I want to hold you in my arms,
But...
You're too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

I want to feel all your charms,
But...
You're too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

You're sophisticated!
So sophisticated.
Too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

You're sophisticated!
So sophisticated.
Too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

I want to hold you in my arms,
But...
You're too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

I want to feel all your charms,
But...
You're too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

You're sophisticated!
So sophisticated.
Too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

You're sophisticated!
So sophisticated.
Too too 'fisticated'
That you can't relate..

[...] Read more

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Everydays The Same

It doesnt seem so long ago
That I was sitting at the edge of the desk
And now Im looking back with a smile
As I turn my back to success
And I laugh and I cry and ask myself why
Everyday they do the same
And I stop and I think for a minute each week
Do they always catch the train
Everyday, everyday, everyday seems to end this way
{ }
Everyday, everyday, everyday seems to end this way
{everday just seems the same}
It seems like only yesterday
That I was sitting at the edge of the desk
And now Im looking back with a smile
As I turn my back to success
And I laugh and I cry and ask myself why
Everyday they do the same
And I stop and I think for a minute each week
Do they always catch the train
Everyday, everyday, everyday seems to end this way
{ }
Everyday, everyday, everyday seems to end this way
{everday just seems the same}
Everyday, everyday, everyday seems to end this way
{ }
Everyday, everyday, everyday seems to end this way
{everday just seems the same}
Everyday, everyday, everyday seems to end this way
{ }
Everyday, everyday, everyday seems to end this way
{everday just seems the same}

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Everyday

Pick me up, love!
(pick me up, love)
Hey, come on come on come on (everyday)
Everyday, ah
Pick me up, oh, from the bottom
Up to the top, love, everyday
Pay no mind to taunts or advances
I take my chances on everyday
Left to right
Up and down, love
I push up love, love everyday
Jump in the mud, oh
Get your hands dirty with
Love it up on everyday
All you need is
All you want is
All you need is love.
All you need is
What you want is
All you need is love.
Everyday
Everyday
Oh, everyday...
Pick me up, love, from the bottom
Up onto the top, love, everyday
Pay no mind to taunts or advances
Im gonna take my chances on everyday
Left to right
Up and up and inside out right
Good love fight for everyday
Jump in the mud, mud
Get your hands filthy, love
Give it up, love
Everyday
All you need is
All you want is
All you need is love.
All you need is
What you want is
All you need is love.
Oh...
What youve got
Lay it down on me
What youve got
Lay it down on me
All you need is
All you want is
All you need is love.
All you need is
What you want is

[...] Read more

song performed by Dave Matthews BandReport problemRelated quotes
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Song: An Average Cyber Hero

I'm your average cyber hero;
I don't exist in space.
My algorithm's zero.
I lack all human grace.
I'm your average cyber hero;
And I know my cyber place.
But my wheels are real and turning,
And burning up apace.

I'm your average cyber hero,
Writ in glyph of lower case.
An avatar of Nero,
With a second life and face.
I'm your average cyber hero,
With a cryptic clue to trace;
And I'll out-google Google,
With an engine cued to chase.

I'm your average cyber hero;
But you may think me more.
In the binaries of Zeno,
I'm both paradox and law.
I am the master gatekeeper,
I open many doors
Of perception, in this nano
World, of educated spores.

I'm your average cyber hero.
And I have no warming breath.
I endure a kind of limbo,
That's near to living death.
I'm your average cyber hero,
And I'll dive your hidden depths,
To the clearest seas I've seen below,
Your permafrost and steppes.

I'm your average cyber hero,
Who explores the world within.
A giant, not a minnow,
But a true leviathan.
I'm your average cyber hero,
And I'll plumb your secret well,
To plunge like Captain Nemo,
From a fate not unlike hell.

I'm your average cyber hero.
I'm the ghost in your machine.
Both as sleuth and dogged shadow,
You'll not escape unseen.
I'm your average cyber hero,

[...] Read more

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Extraordinary

You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me
Yeah, I'd drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To you, to make you love me
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?
So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho

song performed by Liz PhairReport problemRelated quotes
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The Ballade Of The Average Reader

I try to touch the public taste,
For thus I earn my daily bread.
I try to write what folks will paste
In scrap books after I am dead.
By Public Craving I am led.
(I' sooth, a most despotic leader)
Yet, though I write for Tom and Ned,
I've never seen an average reader.

The Editor is good and chaste,
But says: (Above the public's head;
This is _too_ good; 'twill go to waste.
Write something commonplacer-
Ed.)
Write for the average reader, fed
By pre-digested near-food's feeder,
But though my high ideals have fled,
I've never _seen_ an average reader.

How many lines have been erased!
How many fancies have been shed!
How many failures might be traced
To this-this average-reader dread!
I've seen an average single bed;
I've seen an average garden-weeder;
I've seen an average cotton thread-
I've _never_ seen an average _reader_.


L'ENVOI


Most read of readers, if you've read
The works of any old succeeder,
You know that he, too, must have said:
'I've never seen an Average Reader.'

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Rock & Roll All Nite (live)

You show us everything you've got
You keep on dancin' and the room gets hot
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You say you wanna go for a spin
The party's just begun, we'll let you in
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
You keep on saying you'll be mine for a while
You're lookin' fancy and I like your style
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You show us everything you've got
Baby, baby that's quite a lot
And you drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party everyday
I wanna rock and roll all nite

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Looking Up

Looking up, again
Im coming back to life
Im coming back to life
Looking up, to you
If was really up to you
You had to pull me through
Looking up
Looking up, a change is
Coming over me
I know now that Im free
Looking up, I find
Im walking tall and proud
And happy all the time
Looking up
Im looking up
Looking up
I see my troubles far behind
Looking up
(Im looking up)
Looking up
I feel Im rising to the top
Looking up
Looking up, a change is
Coming over me
I know now that Im free
Looking up, I find
Im walking tall and proud
And happy all the time
Looking up
Im looking up
Looking up
I see my troubles far behind
Looking up
(Im looking up)
Looking up
I feel Im rising to the top
Looking up
Someone that understands
Is there until the end
To hold the light for me
The light that help me see
And in my darkest hours
Will come with sunny showers
To help me to forget
Oh I so glad we met
And since that rainy day
The clouds just stay away
You chase them with your love
The greatest love Ive known
cause in the darkest hour

[...] Read more

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Video

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I dont
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I wont
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
Im not the average girl from your video
And I aint built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
Im not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what Im wearing I will always be india aria
When I look in the mirror the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where its supposed to be
And I know our creator didnt make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; Im lovin what I see
Im not the average girl from your video
And I aint built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
Im not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what Im wearing I will always be india aria
Am I less of a lady if I dont wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady aint what she wears but, what she knows
But, Ive drawn a conclusion, its all an illusion, confusions the name of the
Game
A misconception, a vast deception
Somethings gotta change
Dont be offended this is all my opinion
Aint nothing that Im sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share wit
Yall
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Free your mind, nows the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
cuz everythings gonna be all right
Im not the average girl from your video
And I aint built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
Im not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what Im wearing I will always be india aria
Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I dont need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your crisp style and your pistol
Id rather have a pretty piece of crystal

[...] Read more

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TV Guide

i was a television hosting a cartoon,
on early saturday mornings, to take away your blues,
i was your comedian on those rainy afternoons,
giving you a smile in a soothing room,
you were so young with your painted dreams,
an idealistic boy, you wanted to keep them,
i watched you grow and thought 'perhaps',
you'd be the sower with the perfect hem,

i was a television hosting an empty screen,
'cause you grew older and lost time for me,
i was your comedian without a jokes,
for you to hear under you counseling yoke,
you were so young with your textbooks,
stitching useless knowledge in place of your dreams,
i watched you learn and thought 'someday',
you'd have the time to finish sowing,

i was a television hosting a commercial,
while you slept to regain energy,
i was your comedian to help you,
have a laugh and become healthy,
you were so young curled up with your dreams,
in a remedy of blankets you fell asleep,
i watched you dream of a peace that was dead,
but you reconnected it with your needle and red thread,

i was a television hosting the 10 o'clock,
when you were wise and watched the newscaster,
no comedian could entice a smile,
on that evening when they televised the disaster,
you were so young, i saw it drip from your eyes,
sympathy spilled as you calmed your wife,
i watched you pack and thought 'of course',
you'd sacrifice a loom for a country at war,

i was a television hosting a cartoon,
to take away your grandchildren's blues,
i was the comedian on that rainy afternoon,
and enjoyed your smile in that old soothing room,
you looked so young dressed in wrinkles and gray hair,
everyone else grew up, but they wished....
i watched you age backwards, and thought 'you never did',
yeah, you still dream, yeah, your still that kid,
your still that kid.

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Everyday I Have To Cry

(arthur alexander)
Everyday I have to cry some
Everyday I have to cry some
Dry the water from my eyes some
Everyday I have to cry
There was a little boy I had planned to marry
This was my love I didnt want to share it
I thought that love would make my life bright and sunny
He said he couldnt love me cause he didnt have no money
So, everyday I have to cry some
Everyday I have to cry some
Dry the water from my eyes some
Everyday I have to cry
I got me a boy
I guess I really loved him
Every night now I was thinking of him
But you cant mix love with money
cause if you do its gonna hurt somebody
So, everyday I have to cry some
Everyday I have to cry some
Dry the water from my eyes some
Everyday I have to cry
Although I know that hes just a poor boy
Is it wrong to love cause hes not a rich boy?
Every time you mix love with money
Every time you hurt somebody
So, everyday I have to cry some
Everyday I have to cry some
Dry the water from my eyes some
Everyday I have to cry
Everyday I have to cry
Everyday I have to cry
Oh, oh

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As If To Digest in The Darkness

Everyday those same voices heard increase!
Everyday
And they
Don't go away

Everyday those same voices heard increase!
Everyday
And they
Don't go away.

It's not like I don't care for people.
But everyday
Their bickering stays.

Everyday those same voices heard increase!
Everyday
And they don't go away.

It's not like I don't care for people.
But everyday
Their bickering stays.

And I've got to get away to watch the Sunset,
To observe them as their silhouettes
Fade on the horizon digested by the darkness,
To get some quietness.

Everyday those same noisy bickering people.
Everyday
Everyday
Everyday those same noisy bickering people.
Everyday
Everyday

And I'm glad when the Sun gets ready to set
To take their bickering silhouettes
Delivering a quietness,
As if to digest in the darkness.

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To Have It And To Give

You need to feel it!
Everyday that special touch of love.
You should have it near...
Everyday that touch of love.

You need to feel it!
Everyday that special touch of love.
You should have it near...
Everyday that touch of love.

People need a benefit of it...
Everyday!
That touch of love.
To have it and to give,
That special touch of love.
You should have it near,
Everyday that touch of love.
No one should ever fear it,
The feeling and the touch of love.

No one...
Under the Sun,
And...
You need to feel it!
Everyday that special touch of love.
You should have it near...
Everyday that touch of love.
No one should ever fear it,
The feeling and the touch of love.
To have it and hold dear...
Supersized to hypnotize.

You need to feel it!
Everyday that special touch of love.
You should have it near...
Everyday that touch of love.
No one should ever fear it,
The feeling and the touch of love.
To have it and hold dear...
Supersized not analyzed!

People need a benefit of it...
Everyday that touch of love.
To have it and to give of it...
That special touch of love.
You should have it near...
Everyday that touch of love.
No one should ever fear it,
The feeling and the touch of love.

[...] Read more

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Looking At The Many People

Looking at the many people.
Looking at the many people,
Waiting to live a life they like.
The many people...
In a luxurized hype.

Looking at the people,
Waiting for a life they like.
The many people.
Looking at the many people.

Embittered and lamenting.
Looking at the many people.
Living venting and resenting.
Looking at the many people.

Condescending and offending.
Looking at the many people.
Expressing their sad sentiments...
And in their minds they're losing sense.

Looking at the many people.
Looking at the many people.
Waiting for a life they like.
The many people.
Looking at the many people.

Looking at the many people.
Waiting for a life they like.
The many people.
Looking at the many people.

Embittered and lamenting.
Looking at the many people.
Living venting and resenting.
Looking at the many people.

Condescending and offending.
Looking at the many people.
Expressing their sad sentiments...
And in their minds they're losing sense.

Looking at the many people.
Looking at the many people.
Expressing their sad sentiments...
And in their minds they're losing sense.

Looking at the many people.
Looking at the many people.
Expressing their sad sentiments...

[...] Read more

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Corpus Delicti

More germs are transferred
While shaking hands
Than are transferred during
Heavy passionate kissing

So if you don’t grab the hand
Of The next person you meet
And just kiss them instead,
just think of all the germs you’ll be missing

On average, women say
seven thousand words every day
while two thousand words
most men utter

That could be because
Women rarely pause
While most men’s minds
Are most oft in the gutter

The human eye blinks about
Twenty nine times a minute
That’s if your talking to
Your everyday schnook

Women blink about Four times a minute
When reading their average book
A man’s blinks can slow to one blink in ten minutes
While giving playboy a long leering look

There are approximately 550 hairs in one eyebrow
Humans lose 40-100 strands of hair each day
Men usually have full eyebrows and eyelashes
While their heads look like eggs in an unhairy way

The jawbone is the hardest bone in your body
the tongue is the muscle that’s the strongest
The average person spends 1/3 of their lifetime sleeping
And teenagers usually sleep the longest

A person in their lifetime will drink 16,000 gallons of water
While 10,000 gallons of saliva will go down
It only takes 17 muscles to make up a smile
While it takes 43 muscles to frown

In a lifetime the average person sheds 40 lbs of skin
100 mph plus is the speed of a sneeze
And your liver performs 500 functions within
Yet no one has yet timed the speed of a wheeze

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David

My thought, on views of admiration hung,
Intently ravish'd and depriv'd of tongue,
Now darts a while on earth, a while in air,
Here mov'd with praise and mov'd with glory there;
The joys entrancing and the mute surprize
Half fix the blood, and dim the moist'ning eyes;
Pleasure and praise on one another break,
And Exclamation longs at heart to speak;
When thus my Genius, on the work design'd
Awaiting closely, guides the wand'ring mind.

If while thy thanks wou'd in thy lays be wrought,
A bright astonishment involve the thought,
If yet thy temper wou'd attempt to sing,
Another's quill shall imp thy feebler wing;
Behold the name of royal David near,
Behold his musick and his measures here,
Whose harp Devotion in a rapture strung,
And left no state of pious souls unsung.

Him to the wond'ring world but newly shewn,
Celestial poetry pronounc'd her own;
A thousand hopes, on clouds adorn'd with rays,
Bent down their little beauteous forms to gaze;
Fair-blooming Innocence with tender years,
And native Sweetness for the ravish'd ears,
Prepar'd to smile within his early song,
And brought their rivers, groves, and plains along;
Majestick Honour at the palace bred,
Enrob'd in white, embroider'd o'er with red,
Reach'd forth the scepter of her royal state,
His forehead touch'd, and bid his lays be great;
Undaunted Courage deck'd with manly charms,
With waving-azure plumes, and gilded arms,
Displaid the glories, and the toils of fight,
Demanded fame, and call'd him forth to write.
To perfect these the sacred spirit came,
By mild infusion of celestial flame,
And mov'd with dove-like candour in his breast,
And breath'd his graces over all the rest.
Ah! where the daring flights of men aspire
To match his numbers with an equal fire;
In vain they strive to make proud Babel rise,
And with an earth-born labour touch the skies.
While I the glitt'ring page resolve to view,
That will the subject of my lines renew;
The Laurel wreath, my fames imagin'd shade,
Around my beating temples fears to fade;
My fainting fancy trembles on the brink,
And David's God must help or else I sink.

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