I think I may have become an actor to hide from myself. You can escape into a character.
quote by John Candy
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
Comment! | Vote! | Copy! | In Romanian
Related quotes
Can't Escape The Getting Any
I think about you daily, baby.
And appreciate those days,
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
Yes I do.
More of you.
I think about you daily, baby.
And appreciate those days,
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
It's true.
Yes I do.
More of you...
I need.
And feed.
Bah...dah dah bahdah dah dah bahdah dah dah bahdah...bah.
Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo.
Bah...dah dah bahdah dah dah bahdah dah dah bahdah...bah.
Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo. Doo oooh boo.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
Yes I do.
More of you.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
More of you.
Yes I do.
More of you.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
Or the hold that has me pinned.
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
Or the hold that has me pinned.
Wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-wahhh-WAHHH.
I can't escape the way I'm feeling...
[...] Read more
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Added by Poetry Lover
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The Rosciad
Unknowing and unknown, the hardy Muse
Boldly defies all mean and partial views;
With honest freedom plays the critic's part,
And praises, as she censures, from the heart.
Roscius deceased, each high aspiring player
Push'd all his interest for the vacant chair.
The buskin'd heroes of the mimic stage
No longer whine in love, and rant in rage;
The monarch quits his throne, and condescends
Humbly to court the favour of his friends;
For pity's sake tells undeserved mishaps,
And, their applause to gain, recounts his claps.
Thus the victorious chiefs of ancient Rome,
To win the mob, a suppliant's form assume;
In pompous strain fight o'er the extinguish'd war,
And show where honour bled in every scar.
But though bare merit might in Rome appear
The strongest plea for favour, 'tis not here;
We form our judgment in another way;
And they will best succeed, who best can pay:
Those who would gain the votes of British tribes,
Must add to force of merit, force of bribes.
What can an actor give? In every age
Cash hath been rudely banish'd from the stage;
Monarchs themselves, to grief of every player,
Appear as often as their image there:
They can't, like candidate for other seat,
Pour seas of wine, and mountains raise of meat.
Wine! they could bribe you with the world as soon,
And of 'Roast Beef,' they only know the tune:
But what they have they give; could Clive do more,
Though for each million he had brought home four?
Shuter keeps open house at Southwark fair,
And hopes the friends of humour will be there;
In Smithfield, Yates prepares the rival treat
For those who laughter love, instead of meat;
Foote, at Old House,--for even Foote will be,
In self-conceit, an actor,--bribes with tea;
Which Wilkinson at second-hand receives,
And at the New, pours water on the leaves.
The town divided, each runs several ways,
As passion, humour, interest, party sways.
Things of no moment, colour of the hair,
Shape of a leg, complexion brown or fair,
A dress well chosen, or a patch misplaced,
Conciliate favour, or create distaste.
From galleries loud peals of laughter roll,
And thunder Shuter's praises; he's so droll.
Embox'd, the ladies must have something smart,
[...] Read more
poem by Charles Churchill
Added by Poetry Lover
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One Train May Hide Another
In a poem, one line may hide another line,
As at a crossing, one train may hide another train.
That is, if you are waiting to cross
The tracks, wait to do it for one moment at
Least after the first train is gone. And so when you read
Wait until you have read the next line--
Then it is safe to go on reading.
In a family one sister may conceal another,
So, when you are courting, it's best to have them all in view
Otherwise in coming to find one you may love another.
One father or one brother may hide the man,
If you are a woman, whom you have been waiting to love.
So always standing in front of something the other
As words stand in front of objects, feelings, and ideas.
One wish may hide another. And one person's reputation may hide
The reputation of another. One dog may conceal another
On a lawn, so if you escape the first one you're not necessarily safe;
One lilac may hide another and then a lot of lilacs and on the Appia
Antica one tomb
May hide a number of other tombs. In love, one reproach may hide another,
One small complaint may hide a great one.
One injustice may hide another--one colonial may hide another,
One blaring red uniform another, and another, a whole column. One bath
may hide another bath
As when, after bathing, one walks out into the rain.
One idea may hide another: Life is simple
Hide Life is incredibly complex, as in the prose of Gertrude Stein
One sentence hides another and is another as well. And in the laboratory
One invention may hide another invention,
One evening may hide another, one shadow, a nest of shadows.
One dark red, or one blue, or one purple--this is a painting
By someone after Matisse. One waits at the tracks until they pass,
These hidden doubles or, sometimes, likenesses. One identical twin
May hide the other. And there may be even more in there! The obstetrician
Gazes at the Valley of the Var. We used to live there, my wife and I, but
One life hid another life. And now she is gone and I am here.
A vivacious mother hides a gawky daughter. The daughter hides
Her own vivacious daughter in turn. They are in
A railway station and the daughter is holding a bag
Bigger than her mother's bag and successfully hides it.
In offering to pick up the daughter's bag one finds oneself confronted by
the mother's
And has to carry that one, too. So one hitchhiker
May deliberately hide another and one cup of coffee
Another, too, until one is over-excited. One love may hide another love
or the same love
As when "I love you" suddenly rings false and one discovers
The better love lingering behind, as when "I'm full of doubts"
Hides "I'm certain about something and it is that"
And one dream may hide another as is well known, always, too. In the
[...] Read more
poem by Kenneth Koch
Added by Poetry Lover
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Escape.... The.... Fate....
She ran ran as running was to escape
escape escape went through her mind
escape escape she beg she ran she screams through out her lungs
ESCAPE! ! ! ! she screamed she ran ran
She tries tries she begs begs to escape escape
she screams through out her lungs
She ran ran she beg beg she screamed ESCAPE! ! ! !
escape escape ran through her mind
mind all over her future future of
the fate fate she ran ran to escape escape
she beg beg she screams through out her lungs
ESCAPE THE FATE! ! ! !
she ran ran till theirs no tomorrow
until the end of her fate
she beg beg she tries tries to escape escape
she screams through out her lungs
ESCAPE THE FATE! ! ! !
The end The end approaches to her
as fate fate is left behind
she escapes escapes
the fate fate she screams
she screams through out her lungs
ESCAPE THE FATE! ! ! !
poem by Linda Anguiano
Added by Poetry Lover
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Eye 4 An Eye (Silencer Mix)
Even now in heaven
There were angels carrying savage weapons
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
Is that room been fit to earth?
Doesn't help the ??? to grow sunshine?
Is this darkness all you'll take?
Have you'd passed through this life?
Run, run, run, but you sure can't hide...(hide, hide...)
Where you're going you're not coming back from
Run, run, run, but you sure can't hide...(hide, hide...)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
This grain evil
Where is it come from?
Had still the end of the world?
Who's doing this?
Who's killed us?
Marking us with the sign of the holy mighty man
Run, run, run...(run, run...)
Run, run, run...(run, run...)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run, but you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
An eye for an eye...(for an eye...)
A tooth for a tooth...(for a tooth...)
Run, run, run,
But you sure can't hide...(hide...hide)
(An eye for an eye...)
Are you righteous?
(A tooth for a tooth...)
Kind?
(Run, run, run but you sure can't hide...)
Does your confidence lie in this?
(An eye for an
song performed by Unkle
Added by Lucian Velea
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Escape
Paint on my cruel or happy face
I hide me behind it
It takes me inside another place where no-one can find it
Escape
I get out when I can
Escape
Anytime I can
Escape
I'm crying in my beer Escape
Just get me out of here
Don't get me wrong
Don't get me right
I'm not like you are
When I get home from work at night
I'm blacker and bluer
So I escape
I get out when I can
Escape
Anytime I can
Escape
I'm crying in my beer Escape
Just get me out of here
Where am I running to?
There's no place to go
Just put on my makeup and get me to the show
Yeah
Escape
My doctor said just come around
You'll be taken care of
And while he ran my problems down
I stole his mascara
That's how I escape
I get out when I can
Escape
Anytime I can
Escape
I'm crying in my beer Escape
Just get me out of here
Escape
song performed by Alice Cooper
Added by Lucian Velea
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Save Me
(with dave mason)
Save me...
Save me...
Shes not a star
But shell go far
So shes telling all her friends
Shes only young and just begun
To see clearly
In her eyes
Nothing turned out like she thought it would
(thought it would)
And I was waiting right there where she stood
She said: save me
From this wicked world Im livin in
She said: save me
I dont wanna lose, I wanna win
I cant run and I cant hide
(cant run, cant hide away)
I cant run and I cant hide
(cant run, cant hide away)
She said: save me
(save me, girl)
She said save me...
Ooh!
All on her own
Shes on the phone
So sincerely...
Ooh... makin a joke
Theres no reply
She wonders why
And pays the rent one more time
Everybodys out there on the take
(on the take)
And I was there when she began to brake
(she began to brake)
She said: save me
From this wicked world Im livin in
(save me, baby)
She said: save me
I dont wanna lose, I wanna win
I cant run and I cant hide
(cant run, cant hide away)
I cant run and I cant hide
(cant run, cant hide away)
She said: save me
(save me, girl)
She said save me...
Ooh!
Everybodys out there on the take
(on the take)
[...] Read more
song performed by Michael Jackson
Added by Lucian Velea
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Hide & Seek
When i'm looking here and there,
And i'm searchin' everywhere to find your love
But you play so hard to get
And i haven't found out yet where you are.
You'll never find
Just what you got.
Here i come.
Ready or not.
Hide and seek.
It's just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear i gotta find you.
Sneakin' up behind you.
Hide and seek.
When i tried so hard to see
How you keep this mystery around our love
Every simple breath you take
Always makes the love we make seem so new
You're up to your
Old tricks again.
I close my eyes
And count to ten.
Hide and seek.
It's just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear i gotta find you.
Sneakin' up behind you.
Hide and seek.
Hi hi hi hide.
You'll never find just what you got.
Here i come.
Ready or not.
Hide and seek.
It's just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear i gotta find you.
Sneakin' up behind you.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
It's just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear i gotta find you.
Sneakin' up behind you.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Swear i gotta find you.
[...] Read more
song performed by New Edition
Added by Lucian Velea
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Hide And Seek
When I'm looking here and there,
And I'm searchin' everywhere to find your LOVE
But you play so hard to get
And I haven't found out yet where you are.
You'll never find
Just what you got.
Here I come.
Ready or not.
Hide and seek.
It's just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
Sneakin' up behind you.
Hide and seek.
When I tried so hard to see
How you keep this mystery around our LOVE
Every simple breath you take
Always makes the love we make seem so new
You're up to your
Old tricks again.
I close my eyes
And count to ten.
Hide and seek.
It's just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
Sneakin' up behind you.
Hide and seek.
Hi hi hi hide.
You'll never find just what you got.
Here I come.
Ready or not.
Hide and seek.
It's just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
Sneakin' up behind you.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
It's just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
Sneakin' up behind you.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
[...] Read more
song performed by New Edition
Added by Lucian Velea
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Hide & Seek
When Im looking here and there,
And Im searchin everywhere to find your love
But you play so hard to get
And I havent found out yet where you are.
Youll never find
Just what you got.
Here I come.
Ready or not.
Hide and seek.
Its just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
Sneakin up behind you.
Hide and seek.
When I tried so hard to see
How you keep this mystery around our love
Every simple breath you take
Always makes the love we make seem so new
Youre up to your
Old tricks again.
I close my eyes
And count to ten.
Hide and seek.
Its just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
Sneakin up behind you.
Hide and seek.
Hi hi hi hide.
Youll never find just what you got.
Here I come.
Ready or not.
Hide and seek.
Its just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
Sneakin up behind you.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Its just a game we play.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
Sneakin up behind you.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Hide and seek.
Swear I gotta find you.
[...] Read more
song performed by New Edition
Added by Lucian Velea
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Hide Away Folk Family
Hide away folk family
Or else someones gonna get ya (someones gonna get ya)
Someones gonna get ya
Hide away folk family
Better hide away
Better hide away
Tippy-toe to the front door, mother,
cause theres a guy with a long, long fuse
And the one thing you cant hide is all the fear you feel inside
As the fuse is spelling out these words
Hide away folk family
Or else someones gonna get ya (someones gonna get ya)
Someones gonna get ya
Hide away folk family
Better hide away
Better hide away
Tippy-toe to the flat-bed, father,
Because theyre pouring out our gasoline
And sadly the cross-eyed bears been put to sleep behind the stairs
And his shoes are laced with irony
Hide away folk family
Or else someones gonna get ya (someones gonna get ya)
Someones gonna get ya
Hide away folk family
Better hide away
Better hide away
Hello. this is leslie down with the daily home astrology report.
Taurus: contemplate domestic turmoil.
Aquarius: abandon hope for future plans.
Hide away folk family
Or else someones gonna get ya (someones gonna get ya)
Someones gonna get ya
Hide away folk family
Better hide away
Better hide away (hide away)
Hide away (folk family) folk family (or else someones gonna get ya)
Someones gonna get ya
Hide away
Hide away
song performed by They Might Be Giants
Added by Lucian Velea
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Nature
Weather constantly changes.
No character, only dynamic.
Dull and dreary,
Or bitter and cold,
Or bright and shiny.
This is mother nature.
She is of this world.
She dictates the mood.
She affects mine.
Emotions, constantly changing.
Personality has dynamic,
But lacks character.
It is constantly changing.
Bitter and resentful,
Frustrated and annoyed
Happy & joyous.
This is human nature.
It is of this world.
It dictates our mood.
It affects another.
Mother nature cannot be controlled.
For she is not ours.
Yet mother nature controls me,
Though I am not hers.
Together, we must exist.
We must accept each as we both are.
Though one affects the other.
Based on emotion, not character.
During the storm,
The sky is still the sky,
The ground, is still the ground
The sun is still the sun.
This is the character of mother nature.
The snow may cover the ground,
But the ground remains.
The clouds may cover the sun,
But the sun remains.
Character is always constant.
Nature affects character.
Character is patience, kindness,
Compassion, empathy, forgiving.
Plain and simple,
Our character is love.
Human nature covers human character,
Although it might not be seen,
It still remains.
[...] Read more
poem by Ryan Lee Morris
Added by Poetry Lover
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Nowhere To Run
Dont know whats been going on in your head, no
When you knew that his love was through
You closed your eyes instead
I was there with a shoulder to lean on
Its not gonna happen twice
If you go I just want you to know
Its alright
Nowhere to run, nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run, nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to hide
Did you think it would open up in the night, yeah
Just pretend Im only a friend and disappear from sight
One day youre gonna be lonely, wishing I was by your side
And one day youll think of me only
But girl, you gotta take the ride
Well too bad, now that the damage is done
Nowhere to run, nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run, nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run, nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run, nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to hide
Little girl, gonna make your bed in the night, yeah
Now you say youre going away
But I will keep your heart
And you will cry when you realize you were wrong
Run on, run on
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run, no
Nowhere to run, nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run, nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide, no
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run, no
song performed by Kiss
Added by Lucian Velea
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I Cant Escape
This song appears on two albums, and was first released on the one world album. it has also been released on the country roads collection album.
Funny thing about this little heart of mine
All the ways that it can say
(I love you)
Longer than forever
Till the end of time
No matter baby come what may
(I love you)
Look at me now sittin all by myself
Face another sleepless night all alone
All I look forward to is lying here living this song
I cant escape thinking every day about you
Cant escape wishing dear you were still mine
Cant escape thinking maybe I still love you
Cant escape caring for you all of the time
Listen to the music on the radio
Top forty hits of yesterday
(I love you)
Leavin on a jet plane
Blowin in the wind
The silly games that people play
(I love you)
Each of them carries your memory still
I can still see that look in your eyes
The one that preceded your kisses and followed your sighs
I cant escape thinking every day about you
Cant escape wishing dear you were still mine
Cant escape thinking maybe I still love you
Cant escape caring for you all of the time
Every rain in the morning reminds me of you
Every night when its cold outside
Every time that I ache inside
(I love you)
(I love you)
Sometimes I wish it was ten years ago
We were starting all over again
Yet the way that I feel is much more than just remembering when
I cant escape thinking every day about you
Cant escape wishing dear you were still mine
Cant escape thinking maybe I still love you
Cant escape caring for you all of the time
All of the time
All of the time
Words and music by john denver
song performed by John Denver
Added by Lucian Velea
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Actor Of Love
Hold on
I have found something I longing for
To fill the hollowness of my heart
But why I'm feeling more of sorrow
Before
I am the one who said: 'Oh, I'll control'
But now I realize you are my world
And it's waiting to break apart
I'm an actor of love
I'm trying to perfect
But I'm just fooling around
I'm an actor of love
I want to be your hero
But I've made myself a clown
I'm an actor of love
I need you by my side
But now you leave me alone
I'm an actor of love
I beg your forgiveness
But you refuse me so cold
Sometimes
We wonder why we should be together
Do we really dream of love forever?
Or we afraid to be alone
I'm an actor of love
I want to protect you
But I always hurt you bad
I'm an actor of love
I want to be your shield
But may turn someone you hate
I'm an actor of love
We kiss in the morning
But in night we have a war
I'm an actor of love
We care for each other
But we only circle round
If this love only makes me crazy
Take the story and just let it be
Tragedy or comedy
[...] Read more
poem by Maria Sudibyo
Added by Poetry Lover
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The Cenci : A Tragedy In Five Acts
DRAMATIS PERSONÆ
Count Francesco Cenci.
Giacomo, his Son.
Bernardo, his Son.
Cardinal Camillo.
Orsino, a Prelate.
Savella, the Pope's Legate.
Olimpio, Assassin.
Marzio, Assassin.
Andrea, Servant to Cenci.
Nobles, Judges, Guards, Servants.
Lucretia, Wife of Cenci, and Step-mother of his children.
Beatrice, his Daughter.
The Scene lies principally in Rome, but changes during the Fourth Act to Petrella, a castle among the Apulian Apennines.
Time. During the Pontificate of Clement VIII.
ACT I
Scene I.
-An Apartment in the Cenci Palace.
Enter Count Cenci, and Cardinal Camillo.
Camillo.
That matter of the murder is hushed up
If you consent to yield his Holiness
Your fief that lies beyond the Pincian gate.-
It needed all my interest in the conclave
To bend him to this point: he said that you
Bought perilous impunity with your gold;
That crimes like yours if once or twice compounded
Enriched the Church, and respited from hell
An erring soul which might repent and live:-
But that the glory and the interest
Of the high throne he fills, little consist
With making it a daily mart of guilt
As manifold and hideous as the deeds
Which you scarce hide from men's revolted eyes.
Cenci.
The third of my possessions-let it go!
Ay, I once heard the nephew of the Pope
Had sent his architect to view the ground,
Meaning to build a villa on my vines
The next time I compounded with his uncle:
I little thought he should outwit me so!
[...] Read more
poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley
Added by Poetry Lover
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Escape
Escape
Escape
That one word resonates in my mind
I need an escape a reprieve from
All this energy surrounding me
Escape
Escape
I want to be let out for awhile
To be free and alone
To do what I want without interference
Escape
Escape
I don't wanna hear arguing
Or little petty problems
I want to not have to do anything
Escape
Escape
I want to Escape
poem by Autumn Winds
Added by Poetry Lover
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Through the eyes of a Field Coronet (Epic)
Introduction
In the kaki coloured tent in Umbilo he writes
his life’s story while women, children and babies are dying,
slowly but surely are obliterated, he see how his nation is suffering
while the events are notched into his mind.
Lying even heavier on him is the treason
of some other Afrikaners who for own gain
have delivered him, to imprisonment in this place of hatred
and thoughts go through him to write a book.
Prologue
The Afrikaner nation sprouted
from Dutchmen,
who fought decades without defeat
against the super power Spain
mixed with French Huguenots
who left their homes and belongings,
with the revocation of the Edict of Nantes.
Associate this then with the fact
that these people fought formidable
for seven generations
against every onslaught that they got
from savages en wild animals
becoming marksmen, riding
and taming wild horses
with one bullet per day
to hunt a wild antelope,
who migrated right across the country
over hills in mass protest
and then you have
the most formidable adversary
and then let them fight
in a natural wilderness
where the hunter,
the sniper and horseman excels
and any enemy is at a lost.
Let them then also be patriotic
into their souls,
believe in and read
out of the word of God
[...] Read more
poem by Gert Strydom
Added by Poetry Lover
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Escape
{b-side of glam slam}
Snare drum pounds on the 2 and 4
All the party people get on the floor
All the party people get on the floor
Bass
Glam slam (glam slam)
Escape!
Glam slam
Free your mind from this rat race
Glam slam
Escape!
15 minutes aint long enough
To be out your mind in a world so tough
If u wanna escape and truly be
All the crack in compton wont set u free
Come on
Glam slam (slammin)
Free your mind from this rat race
Glam slam
Escape!
U got to be yourself, you gotta be aware
Cuz the ganster - man, he dont give a care
Whether u live, or whether u die
Glam slam escape, gotta give it a try
Glam slam
Free your mind from this rat race
Glam slam (slammin)
Escape!
(party baby) (party baby)
(party baby) (party baby)
(party baby) (party baby)
(where did I hear that before? )
(party baby) (party baby)
Glam slam
Escape!
Everybody trippin on the party bass
However higher u get, is a matter of taste
(party baby) (party baby)
Winner takes all in the hardest race
Dont get on the scale if u aint got the weight
Its more hard 2 love than it is 2 hate
Say
Its more hard 2 love than it is 2 hate
Come on
Its more hard 2 love than it is 2 hate
Yeah
Its more hard 2 love than it is 2 hate
One more
Its more hard 2 love than it is 2 hate
Escape!
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song performed by Prince
Added by Lucian Velea
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Berenice by edgar allan poe
MISERY is manifold. The wretchedness of earth is multiform. Overreaching the wide horizon as the rainbow, its hues are as various as the hues of that arch, -as distinct too, yet as intimately blended. Overreaching the wide horizon as the rainbow! How is it that from beauty I have derived a type of unloveliness? -from the covenant of peace a simile of sorrow? But as, in ethics, evil is a consequence of good, so, in fact, out of joy is sorrow born. Either the memory of past bliss is the anguish of to-day, or the agonies which are have their origin in the ecstasies which might have been.
My baptismal name is Egaeus; that of my family I will not mention. Yet there are no towers in the land more time-honored than my gloomy, gray, hereditary halls. Our line has been called a race of visionaries; and in many striking particulars -in the character of the family mansion -in the frescos of the chief saloon -in the tapestries of the dormitories -in the chiselling of some buttresses in the armory -but more especially in the gallery of antique paintings -in the fashion of the library chamber -and, lastly, in the very peculiar nature of the library's contents, there is more than sufficient evidence to warrant the belief.
The recollections of my earliest years are connected with that chamber, and with its volumes -of which latter I will say no more. Here died my mother. Herein was I born. But it is mere idleness to say that I had not lived before -that the soul has no previous existence. You deny it? -let us not argue the matter. Convinced myself, I seek not to convince. There is, however, a remembrance of aerial forms -of spiritual and meaning eyes -of sounds, musical yet sad -a remembrance which will not be excluded; a memory like a shadow, vague, variable, indefinite, unsteady; and like a shadow, too, in the impossibility of my getting rid of it while the sunlight of my reason shall exist.
In that chamber was I born. Thus awaking from the long night of what seemed, but was not, nonentity, at once into the very regions of fairy-land -into a palace of imagination -into the wild dominions of monastic thought and erudition -it is not singular that I gazed around me with a startled and ardent eye -that I loitered away my boyhood in books, and dissipated my youth in reverie; but it is singular that as years rolled away, and the noon of manhood found me still in the mansion of my fathers -it is wonderful what stagnation there fell upon the springs of my life -wonderful how total an inversion took place in the character of my commonest thought. The realities of the world affected me as visions, and as visions only, while the wild ideas of the land of dreams became, in turn, -not the material of my every-day existence-but in very deed that existence utterly and solely in itself.
Berenice and I were cousins, and we grew up together in my paternal halls. Yet differently we grew -I ill of health, and buried in gloom -she agile, graceful, and overflowing with energy; hers the ramble on the hill-side -mine the studies of the cloister -I living within my own heart, and addicted body and soul to the most intense and painful meditation -she roaming carelessly through life with no thought of the shadows in her path, or the silent flight of the raven-winged hours. Berenice! -I call upon her name -Berenice! -and from the gray ruins of memory a thousand tumultuous recollections are startled at the sound! Ah! vividly is her image before me now, as in the early days of her light-heartedness and joy! Oh! gorgeous yet fantastic beauty! Oh! sylph amid the shrubberies of Arnheim! -Oh! Naiad among its fountains! -and then -then all is mystery and terror, and a tale which should not be told. Disease -a fatal disease -fell like the simoom upon her frame, and, even while I gazed upon her, the spirit of change swept, over her, pervading her mind, her habits, and her character, and, in a manner the most subtle and terrible, disturbing even the identity of her person! Alas! the destroyer came and went, and the victim -where was she, I knew her not -or knew her no longer as Berenice.
Among the numerous train of maladies superinduced by that fatal and primary one which effected a revolution of so horrible a kind in the moral and physical being of my cousin, may be mentioned as the most distressing and obstinate in its nature, a species of epilepsy not unfrequently terminating in trance itself -trance very nearly resembling positive dissolution, and from which her manner of recovery was in most instances, startlingly abrupt. In the mean time my own disease -for I have been told that I should call it by no other appelation -my own disease, then, grew rapidly upon me, and assumed finally a monomaniac character of a novel and extraordinary form -hourly and momently gaining vigor -and at length obtaining over me the most incomprehensible ascendancy. This monomania, if I must so term it, consisted in a morbid irritability of those properties of the mind in metaphysical science termed the attentive. It is more than probable that I am not understood; but I fear, indeed, that it is in no manner possible to convey to the mind of the merely general reader, an adequate idea of that nervous intensity of interest with which, in my case, the powers of meditation (not to speak technically) busied and buried themselves, in the contemplation of even the most ordinary objects of the universe.
To muse for long unwearied hours with my attention riveted to some frivolous device on the margin, or in the topography of a book; to become absorbed for the better part of a summer's day, in a quaint shadow falling aslant upon the tapestry, or upon the door; to lose myself for an entire night in watching the steady flame of a lamp, or the embers of a fire; to dream away whole days over the perfume of a flower; to repeat monotonously some common word, until the sound, by dint of frequent repetition, ceased to convey any idea whatever to the mind; to lose all sense of motion or physical existence, by means of absolute bodily quiescence long and obstinately persevered in; -such were a few of the most common and least pernicious vagaries induced by a condition of the mental faculties, not, indeed, altogether unparalleled, but certainly bidding defiance to anything like analysis or explanation.
Yet let me not be misapprehended. -The undue, earnest, and morbid attention thus excited by objects in their own nature frivolous, must not be confounded in character with that ruminating propensity common to all mankind, and more especially indulged in by persons of ardent imagination. It was not even, as might be at first supposed, an extreme condition or exaggeration of such propensity, but primarily and essentially distinct and different. In the one instance, the dreamer, or enthusiast, being interested by an object usually not frivolous, imperceptibly loses sight of this object in a wilderness of deductions and suggestions issuing therefrom, until, at the conclusion of a day dream often replete with luxury, he finds the incitamentum or first cause of his musings entirely vanished and forgotten. In my case the primary object was invariably frivolous, although assuming, through the medium of my distempered vision, a refracted and unreal importance. Few deductions, if any, were made; and those few pertinaciously returning in upon the original object as a centre. The meditations were never pleasurable; and, at the termination of the reverie, the first cause, so far from being out of sight, had attained that supernaturally exaggerated interest which was the prevailing feature of the disease. In a word, the powers of mind more particularly exercised were, with me, as I have said before, the attentive, and are, with the day-dreamer, the speculative.
My books, at this epoch, if they did not actually serve to irritate the disorder, partook, it will be perceived, largely, in their imaginative and inconsequential nature, of the characteristic qualities of the disorder itself. I well remember, among others, the treatise of the noble Italian Coelius Secundus Curio 'de Amplitudine Beati Regni dei'; St. Austin's great work, the 'City of God'; and Tertullian 'de Carne Christi, ' in which the paradoxical sentence 'Mortuus est Dei filius; credible est quia ineptum est: et sepultus resurrexit; certum est quia impossibile est' occupied my undivided time, for many weeks of laborious and fruitless investigation.
Thus it will appear that, shaken from its balance only by trivial things, my reason bore resemblance to that ocean-crag spoken of by Ptolemy Hephestion, which steadily resisting the attacks of human violence, and the fiercer fury of the waters and the winds, trembled only to the touch of the flower called Asphodel. And although, to a careless thinker, it might appear a matter beyond doubt, that the alteration produced by her unhappy malady, in the moral condition of Berenice, would afford me many objects for the exercise of that intense and abnormal meditation whose nature I have been at some trouble in explaining, yet such was not in any degree the case. In the lucid intervals of my infirmity, her calamity, indeed, gave me pain, and, taking deeply to heart that total wreck of her fair and gentle life, I did not fall to ponder frequently and bitterly upon the wonder-working means by which so strange a revolution had been so suddenly brought to pass. But these reflections partook not of the idiosyncrasy of my disease, and were such as would have occurred, under similar circumstances, to the ordinary mass of mankind. True to its own character, my disorder revelled in the less important but more startling changes wrought in the physical frame of Berenice -in the singular and most appalling distortion of her personal identity.
During the brightest days of her unparalleled beauty, most surely I had never loved her. In the strange anomaly of my existence, feelings with me, had never been of the heart, and my passions always were of the mind. Through the gray of the early morning -among the trellised shadows of the forest at noonday -and in the silence of my library at night, she had flitted by my eyes, and I had seen her -not as the living and breathing Berenice, but as the Berenice of a dream -not as a being of the earth, earthy, but as the abstraction of such a being-not as a thing to admire, but to analyze -not as an object of love, but as the theme of the most abstruse although desultory speculation. And now -now I shuddered in her presence, and grew pale at her approach; yet bitterly lamenting her fallen and desolate condition, I called to mind that she had loved me long, and, in an evil moment, I spoke to her of marriage.
And at length the period of our nuptials was approaching, when, upon an afternoon in the winter of the year, -one of those unseasonably warm, calm, and misty days which are the nurse of the beautiful Halcyon*, -I sat, (and sat, as I thought, alone,) in the inner apartment of the library. But uplifting my eyes I saw that Berenice stood before me.
*For as Jove, during the winter season, gives twice seven days of warmth, men have called this clement and temperate time the nurse of the beautiful Halcyon -Simonides.
Was it my own excited imagination -or the misty influence of the atmosphere -or the uncertain twilight of the chamber -or the gray draperies which fell around her figure -that caused in it so vacillating and indistinct an outline? I could not tell. She spoke no word, I -not for worlds could I have uttered a syllable. An icy chill ran through my frame; a sense of insufferable anxiety oppressed me; a consuming curiosity pervaded my soul; and sinking back upon the chair, I remained for some time breathless and motionless, with my eyes riveted upon her person. Alas! its emaciation was excessive, and not one vestige of the former being, lurked in any single line of the contour. My burning glances at length fell upon the face.
The forehead was high, and very pale, and singularly placid; and the once jetty hair fell partially over it, and overshadowed the hollow temples with innumerable ringlets now of a vivid yellow, and Jarring discordantly, in their fantastic character, with the reigning melancholy of the countenance. The eyes were lifeless, and lustreless, and seemingly pupil-less, and I shrank involuntarily from their glassy stare to the contemplation of the thin and shrunken lips. They parted; and in a smile of peculiar meaning, the teeth of the changed Berenice disclosed themselves slowly to my view. Would to God that I had never beheld them, or that, having done so, I had died!
The shutting of a door disturbed me, and, looking up, I found that my cousin had departed from the chamber. But from the disordered chamber of my brain, had not, alas! departed, and would not be driven away, the white and ghastly spectrum of the teeth. Not a speck on their surface -not a shade on their enamel -not an indenture in their edges -but what that period of her smile had sufficed to brand in upon my memory. I saw them now even more unequivocally than I beheld them then. The teeth! -the teeth! -they were here, and there, and everywhere, and visibly and palpably before me; long, narrow, and excessively white, with the pale lips writhing about them, as in the very moment of their first terrible development. Then came the full fury of my monomania, and I struggled in vain against its strange and irresistible influence. In the multiplied objects of the external world I had no thoughts but for the teeth. For these I longed with a phrenzied desire. All other matters and all different interests became absorbed in their single contemplation. They -they alone were present to the mental eye, and they, in their sole individuality, became the essence of my mental life. I held them in every light. I turned them in every attitude. I surveyed their characteristics. I dwelt upon their peculiarities. I pondered upon their conformation. I mused upon the alteration in their nature. I shuddered as I assigned to them in imagination a sensitive and sentient power, and even when unassisted by the lips, a capability of moral expression. Of Mad'selle Salle it has been well said, 'que tous ses pas etaient des sentiments, ' and of Berenice I more seriously believed que toutes ses dents etaient des idees. Des idees! -ah here was the idiotic thought that destroyed me! Des idees! -ah therefore it was that I coveted them so madly! I felt that their possession could alone ever restore me to peace, in giving me back to reason.
And the evening closed in upon me thus-and then the darkness came, and tarried, and went -and the day again dawned -and the mists of a second night were now gathering around -and still I sat motionless in that solitary room; and still I sat buried in meditation, and still the phantasma of the teeth maintained its terrible ascendancy as, with the most vivid hideous distinctness, it floated about amid the changing lights and shadows of the chamber. At length there broke in upon my dreams a cry as of horror and dismay; and thereunto, after a pause, succeeded the sound of troubled voices, intermingled with many low moanings of sorrow, or of pain. I arose from my seat and, throwing open one of the doors of the library, saw standing out in the antechamber a servant maiden, all in tears, who told me that Berenice was -no more. She had been seized with epilepsy in the early morning, and now, at the closing in of the night, the grave was ready for its tenant, and all the preparations for the burial were completed.
I found myself sitting in the library, and again sitting there alone. It seemed that I had newly awakened from a confused and exciting dream. I knew that it was now midnight, and I was well aware that since the setting of the sun Berenice had been interred. But of that dreary period which intervened I had no positive -at least no definite comprehension. Yet its memory was replete with horror -horror more horrible from being vague, and terror more terrible from ambiguity. It was a fearful page in the record my existence, written all over with dim, and hideous, and unintelligible recollections. I strived to decypher them, but in vain; while ever and anon, like the spirit of a departed sound, the shrill and piercing shriek of a female voice seemed to be ringing in my ears. I had done a deed -what was it? I asked myself the question aloud, and the whispering echoes of the chamber answered me, 'what was it? '
On the table beside me burned a lamp, and near it lay a little box. It was of no remarkable character, and I had seen it frequently before, for it was the property of the family physician; but how came it there, upon my table, and why did I shudder in regarding it? These things were in no manner to be accounted for, and my eyes at length dropped to the open pages of a book, and to a sentence underscored therein. The words were the singular but simple ones of the poet Ebn Zaiat, 'Dicebant mihi sodales si sepulchrum amicae visitarem, curas meas aliquantulum fore levatas.' Why then, as I perused them, did the hairs of my head erect themselves on end, and the blood of my body become congealed within my veins?
There came a light tap at the library door, and pale as the tenant of a tomb, a menial entered upon tiptoe. His looks were wild with terror, and he spoke to me in a voice tremulous, husky, and very low. What said he? -some broken sentences I heard. He told of a wild cry disturbing the silence of the night -of the gathering together of the household-of a search in the direction of the sound; -and then his tones grew thrillingly distinct as he whispered me of a violated grave -of a disfigured body enshrouded, yet still breathing, still palpitating, still alive!
He pointed to garments; -they were muddy and clotted with gore. I spoke not, and he took me gently by the hand; -it was indented with the impress of human nails. He directed my attention to some object against the wall; -I looked at it for some minutes; -it was a spade. With a shriek I bounded to the table, and grasped the box that lay upon it. But I could not force it open; and in my tremor it slipped from my hands, and fell heavily, and burst into pieces; and from it, with a rattling sound, there rolled out some instruments of dental surgery, intermingled with thirty-two small, white and ivory-looking substances that were scattered to and fro about the floor.
poem by Erie Morganmaples
Added by Poetry Lover
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