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Ellens' Story-Almost Dead

Suicide, will that happen to me? It is not I, who will
cause this final act in life, it is the dark side of
who I am. I want to live, however, the monster, who
resides inside me...wants to commit suicide.

Everything I do...everywhere I go, blackness, inevitable
doom, trails me. I hear his voice,
'Do it...commit suicide. You have nothing to live for...do it! '

Alone, I sob. 'What about the people that love me?
I don't want to hurt them.' His voice again...
'Do it. Kill yourself. You'll be doing them a favor.'

I stare at the bottle of sleeping pills. Suicide...suicide,
it seems a way to solve all my problems.
'YES! The voice blared! Suicide is the answer! '

Suicide? No. Yes.No...what...what to do?
I need to talk with someone. Who? No one!
God...if you're up there, help me. Give me
a sign. I wait...Nothing. No word. No sign.

Slowly, I move to the closet, remove my clothes
and slip on my favorite robe. Tears roll down
my cheeks, as I turn on some soft music.

The voice again: 'That's it. Make yourself comfortable,
then...do it! '

I move to the bed, sit down and reach for the glass
of water. With one hand, I snap off the cap on the
bottle of sleeping pills. Slowly, I move the bottle
toward my mouth.

''Ellen...Ellen? '
From outside my bedroom door, I can
hear my little brother calling me.
'Ellen....'

I hesitate, I don't want him to be the one
that finds me. Quickly, I place the pills
on the nightstand, and replace the cap.
I move to the door and open it.
My brother, is standing there, smiling at me.
'Ellen, watcha ya doin''

I couldn't say committing suicide.
'Just watching a little t.v.'
'Can I come in, ' he said.

I thought about how much he and my family
loved me. I thought about a bunch of other
things I had to be thankful for. I gave serious
about life, and I treasured it. Suicide?
Not tonight.

I look at my little brother and never loved
him more.

'Sure...come in, we'll watch t.v. together.'

poem by Joe Fazio
Added by Poetry Lover
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