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A bullet, a bomb, a boy

You were a brief irrationality.
Nothing more than a cheap
and poorly thought-out romance.
I was the gullible one
treading unsafe waters
while the tides were controlled
by a deceitful man.

It was a Saturday.
You left me alone
in a dark and dingy place.
That is when I realized
I am simply not beautiful enough
to be loved by someone
with such an ugly heart.
I have never been more masochistic
for a man.
Begging like a little girl with a handful of plucked petals
to be loved.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves to pretend that we share a romance
and as quickly as I fall for him
he pulls the ground from under me
and I remain suspended in the air
with no one to catch me.
This freefall is endless.
You and I are hopeless.
You should have let the wind take you with it,
relocate to some foreign place
and visit me occasionally
on humid summer days
when I need you most.
Sneak up on me
mid-winter as I brave through the cold,
be the breeze that knocks the warmth
out of me.
Just please
show me that you're here,
that you cared.
We were foolish to think
we could unfold ourselves
like newborn caterpillars.
We were not destined for metamorphosis.
I was too much
because I believe the only thing that can save us
is love.
And you sat in your coward corner
materializing your cynicism,
pretending that the world is too cold
for you to ever love it.
Well god damnit
if you wanted to remember
what it feels like to trust someone
all you had to do
was look into my eyes.

My heart is big
and it has surely been broken
but that has never stopped me from believing
that there is something greater
than all of this pain.
I have stood on mountain tops
yelling out words of healing to the names
of the broken
hoping that these verses will reverberate strongly enough
to reach them.

Darling,
you were one of them.

But I have grown tired of this.
Making love to you
feels a lot like
walking through a museum
that showcases all of the things
I hate most about myself.
And I may be flawed
but at least I have the courage
to press my luck against the wind
and live this life
with love.

poem by Vanessa Grixti
Added by Poetry Lover
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