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A Quiet Evening at the Pub

'It's my opinion, ' the stranger said,
Though nobody'd asked for his point of view,
'That a pint of this Scottish Export
Is best followed up by a chaser or two! '

But the other drinkers simply ignored him,
He obviously had had a few,
Perhaps he was a travelling salesman,
At any rate, he was 'passing through'.

So they continued to talk about football
As people in pubs quite often do,
Their little hobby was so important
And why he had spoken they hadn't a clue.

'Well whats the matter with you b*stards?
Don't you realise that I'm talking to you?
You've got no manners but you'll regret it,
Do you know what I am going to do? '

He took a gun from inside his jacket,
Three shot rang out, then another two,
Three regulars lay dead on the carpet,
The barman collapsed, he was wounded too.

'Pay attention, you stupid b*stards!
When a stranger gives you his point of view,
Just remember that a pint of Export
Is best followed up by a chaser or two! '

It's not that I'm being superstitious
But I'll tell you something between me and you,
The events of that evening have given me nightmares
That only recede when I've had quite a few.

Wherever I travel since that awful night,
To Tipperary or to Timbuctoo,
I solemnly drink that Scottish Export,
And follow it up with a chaser or two! !

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