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Separation

I

You have left and I am missing life
do miss sitting in the mornings or evenings on the porch
or under the old pepper tree
to hear doves coo, small birds calling each other
or to see you making food in the kitchen
where you fry feta cheese with spinach,
where your are involved in conversations with me,
where I see you busy making fruit salad
where I at times pour a glass of wine for you
but more to hold you tightly against me,
to see the stars shining against the heaven
when the day grows faint from blue to black,
to hear you play a song over and over again,
to share maybe a hundred times with me.

II

To share maybe a hundred times with me
that you really love me
or did I only imagine it?
Sometimes I try to understand
the meaning behind all of your words,
slowly I become aware of feelings,
as if something magical hides somewhere
in the loving deed and hungry kiss.
I do not know the direction to take
when I am caught in a labyrinth,
where I wander goalless without ever finding you
and I have got to go on my own way,
when my plans and dreams fall apart,
when you stay out of my life.

III

When you stay out of my life,
then I loose you
as you hide your face from mine,
when your pretty eyes do not shine anymore.
When we lead lives at other places,
when I have no desire for you,
it makes me totally free from you,
with a harsh unapproachable law
where your love turns to hatred
to fall only on your new lover,
then let me find someone else as partner
where your anger cannot fall on me.
At a time I trusted you far too much,
I did build my whole world on you.

IV

I did build my whole world on you,
on a family and children
and wanted life with you and nothing more
and like this I trusted my humanity to you
as if there is treasure to something that can fade,
in self-sacrifice I invested my existence,
did do things, to tell you about my love
and somewhere everything was spoiled
while you as if our love did not exist
openly loved another man,
while continually you fabricated that which was between us
and the most beautiful things did perish,
while you acted as if insane,
while one morning we were still a family.

V

While one morning we were still a family
(with you that I thought was still true) ,
two mischievous boys that was sometimes naughty
and two dogs and cats in it,
the final day did come
while I did not really take notice
and I lost my work and as if sentenced
I told you before I could reflect on it
with the flash of a hat, before I had any suspicion
you went to frolic with your lover,
you made arrangement to move to his house,
you got rid of most our belongings,
and took your two children along and I was nauseous;
you treated me worse than rubbish.

VI

You treated me worse than rubbish
your policeman lover wanted to lock me up,
when you left you cursed me and wished that I do perish
and I had to chase you lover away from my property.
Some weavers made their nests
out of pieces of yellow grass and some branches
where tamboti branches reach to the roof
and they are their constantly and almost as tame as doves,
against my reflection the window's glass shines,
while they sit and twitter,
some other wild birds peck against the window
while they see their mirror image;
but we are divorced and our marriage is shattered;
once more I see the sun setting.

VII

Once more I see the sun setting
where it becomes orange-yellow almost like a rose
and when I look at this picture
I know how much I do need someone.
There are far too many nights of being lonely,
when the night's cloak folds around me
that has healed me from my heartache
and sometimes also from the bitter remembering.
I am looking for matchless happiness,
something to bind me with the love of someone,
something that I cannot express in words,
and I wonder if anybody does find it?
The stars glitter above me blue and white,
you have left and I am missing life

poem by Gert Strydom
Added by Poetry Lover
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