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A Child's Guide to Etiquette

Never put your personal spoon in the common jelly bowl.
Spread your napkin upon your lap. Do not grasp.
Eat what meat your fork can get to; the rest of the lobster must be given
up for lost.
A girl must lay her silver down while still a trifle hungry.
She must not eat unchaperoned.

A boy does not take a girl’s arm on the street. The street is no place for
devotion.
He must not allow his mother to lug the coal up or sift the ashes.
If he does, he is a cad. A boy is shiftless, a vulgar bounder. He is not
excused.
He wears a dark suit, but not in a theater box. In a box a tuxedo is worn.
In a box a boy keeps his thoughts to himself.
A girl keeps her hat on until she is seated. The theater itself wears no hat.

Snow is a hat worn by mountains, the tallest of which do not remove the
hat in summer.
Sunlight settles like a shawl upon the hills and dewy berry fields.
The sun is not a wag or hail-fellow-well-met. It does not loaf or shirk.

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poem by Chris Forhan
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Visits to St Elizabeths

This is the house of Bedlam.

This is the man
that lies in the house of Bedlam.

This is the time
of the tragic man
that lies in the house of Bedlam.

This is a wristwatch
telling the time
of the talkative man
that lies in the house of Bedlam.

This is a sailor
wearing the watch
that tells the time
of the honored man
that lies in the house of Bedlam.

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poem by Elizabeth Bishop
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The Wooer

I nearly fell fair in my tracks.
I'm trudgin' homeward with my axe
When I come on her suddenly.
'I wonder if I'm lost?' says she.
'It's risky on such roads as this.'
I lifts my hat an' says, 'Yes, miss.'
I knew 'twas rude for me to stare,
But, oh, that sunlight in her hair!

'I wonder if I'm lost? says she,
An' gives a smile that staggers me.
'An' yet, it wouldn't matter much
Supposing that I was, with such
A glorious green world about,
With bits of blue sky peepin' out.
Do you think there will be a fog?'
'No, miss,' says I, an' pats my dog.

'Oh, what a dear old dog!' says she.
'Most dogs are pretty fond of me.'

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poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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Little Jack Janitor

And there, in that ripe Summer-night, once more
A wintry coolness through the open door
And window seemed to touch each glowing face
Refreshingly; and, for a fleeting space,
The quickened fancy, through the fragrant air,
Saw snowflakes whirling where the roseleaves were,
And sounds of veriest jingling bells again
Were heard in tinkling spoons and glasses then.

Thus Uncle Mart's old poem sounded young
And crisp and fresh and clear as when first sung,
Away back in the wakening of Spring
When his rhyme and the robin, chorusing,
Rumored, in duo-fanfare, of the soon
Invading johnny-jump-ups, with platoon
On platoon of sweet-williams, marshaled fine
To bloomed blarings of the trumpet-vine.

The poet turned to whisperingly confer
A moment with 'The Noted Traveler.'

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poem by James Whitcomb Riley
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The Diverting History Of John Gilpin, Showing How He Went Farther Than He Intended, And Came Safe Home Again

John Gilpin was a citizen
Of credit and renown,
A trainband captain eke was he
Of famous London town.

John Gilpin’s spouse said to her dear:
Though wedded we have been
These twice ten tedious years, yet we
No holiday have seen.

To-morrow is our wedding-day,
And we will then repair
Unto the Bell at Edmonton
All in a chaise and pair.

My sister, and my sister’s child,
Myself, and children three,
Will fill the chaise; so you must ride
On horseback after we.

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poem by William Cowper
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You Can Leave Your Hat On

Baby, take off your coat, real slow.
Baby, take off your shoes. I'll help you take off your shoes.
Baby, take off your dress. Yes, yes, yes.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.
Go over there, turn on the light. No, all the lights.
Come back here, stand on the chair. Ooh, baby, that's right!
Raise your arms in the air, now shake 'em.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You can leave your hat on!
Suspicious minds are talking. That's right, they'll tear us apart.
They don't believe in this love of ours.
They don't know what love is.
They don't know what love is.
I know what love is.
You can leave your hat on.
You can

song performed by Tom Jones
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All Hat, No Cattle

(roger brown/tommy conners)
See that boy standing there by the dance floor
Hes lookin like the marlboro man
Starched shirt, starched jeans, big trophy buckle
And an empty copenhagen can
Hes talkin cowboy this and cowboy that
Well Ill bet one things for sure
The only stampede that hes ever seen
Is the clearance at the western store
All hat and no cattle, that boy just aint real
All boots and no saddle, dont know how to make a cowgirl feel
Think Im gonna tell him to pack up his act
And go back where he came from
cause all hat and no cattle aint gonna get it done
Hes just a smooth-talkin, long-tall slow-walkin
Srugstore-made-up dude
So honey dont you fall for that fake texas drawl
He aint right for you
What you needs a man that aint just a hat stand
When you get him home

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song performed by Trace Adkins
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A Rhymed Lesson (Urania)

Yes, dear Enchantress,—­wandering far and long,
In realms unperfumed by the breath of song,
Where flowers ill-flavored shed their sweets around,
And bitterest roots invade the ungenial ground,
Whose gems are crystals from the Epsom mine,
Whose vineyards flow with antimonial wine,
Whose gates admit no mirthful feature in,
Save one gaunt mocker, the Sardonic grin,
Whose pangs are real, not the woes of rhyme
That blue-eyed misses warble out of time;—­
Truant, not recreant to thy sacred claim,
Older by reckoning, but in heart the same,
Freed for a moment from the chains of toil,
I tread once more thy consecrated soil;
Here at thy feet my old allegiance own,
Thy subject still, and loyal to thy throne!

My dazzled glance explores the crowded hall;
Alas, how vain to hope the smiles of all!
I know my audience. All the gay and young

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poem by Oliver Wendell Holmes
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I Like That Hat

I like that hat,
You've got on your rack.
I'll take it like that,
Don't wrap it.

I like that hat,
You've got on your rack.
I'll take it like that,
Don't wrap it

It gives me a feeling,
I could croon a new tune.
I'll take it like that,
Don't wrap it.

With a singing of a song,
I need to do.
I'll take it like that,
Don't wrap it.

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poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Millennium

The great millennium is at hand.
Redder apples grow on the tree.
A saxophone is in ev’ry band.
Brandy no longer taints our tea.
Dimples smile in the red-rouged knee.
The dowagers are no longer fat.
Radio now makes safe the sea—
And the Turk has bought him a derby hat.

Even our sauerkraut now is canned.
Verse is a dangsight more than free.
A 'highboy' now is the old dish stand.
Ev’ry flapper has her night key.
Chopin is jazzed into melody.
A child is a 'kiddie' and not a 'brat.'
Bosses and miners at last agree—
And the Turk has bought him a derby hat.

All firewaters are bravely banned.
There is a ballot for every she.

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poem by Ellis Parker Butler
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