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The Oyster Schooner

W'at's all dem bell a ringin' for, a can
hear dem ev'ry w'ere?
W'at's bring de peop' togeder on de w'arf at
Trois Rivieres,
Dat happy crowd is look so glad, w'y are dey
comin' dere?
O! de reason dey're so happy w'ile dey're
waitin' dere to-day
Is becos de oyster schooner she's sailin' up de
bay
An' de caraquette an' malpecque will quickly
melt away
Affer she was t'row de anchor on t'ree reever.

For w'y dey mak' de fuss lak dat, an' nearly
broke deir neck,
Ain't dey got de noder oyster more better dan
malpecque
Or caraquette, dat leetle wan from down be-
low Kebeck?

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poem by William Henry Drummond
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Desperate Andy

He always holds on to his girlfriend
Thats where he likes to be
He like to wear the ball
And the chain on his neck
A false sense of security
And when he goes he goes with a smile
And when he goes he goes with a smile
And when he goes he goes with a smile
And when he goes he goes with a smile
Desperate andy a-a-a-a
Re la la la la la la
Desperate andy a-a-a-a
Re la la la la la la la la la
The world is your oyster now
You can do as you want to do
The world is your oyster now
So go out and get high
And get whatever you want to
Ma-na-na, ma-na-na,
Ma-na-na, ma-na-na

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song performed by Cranberries
Added by Lucian Velea
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The Selfish Shellfish

Deep in the briny sea
Was a monk fish monastery;
A prayerful variety
Of contemplative piety
From gentle soles to trout,
All swimmingly devout,
Where once a pious oyster
Went strolling ‘round the cloister,
And he was quietly grumbling,
His tummy it was rumbling.
He spied a tasty morsel,
A fellow shark monk's dorsal.
He lopped it with his chopper,
And hid it good and proper.
He'd eat it some time later
With peas and beans and ‘tater.
There's no way he would share it,
His stomach wouldn't bear it.
Meanwhile the poor old shark monk
Swims round and round like he's quite drunk.

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poem by Dennis N. O'Brien
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Aphrodisiac

Now, listen to me, folks...
Hear what I say.
You got to eat oysters everyday
They'll put your love life back on track
They're nature's own aphrodisiac.

Ohh, ohhh... yes it's true
What a little oyster can do for you.
Ohh, ohhh... ain't it fun
Here's some things them oysters done...

They made Jim Beam
They made Allen Thick
They made Jonathan Swift
And they made Gracie Slick
They made Victor Mature
And they made Tom Petty
They started Willie Waylon
And they got Helen Reddy.
They made Tom Cruise

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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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The Walrus and The Carpenter

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.

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poem by Lewis Carroll from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There (1872)
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Oyster Of My Heart

the love in my heart had a strange but long start.
just like an oyster starts off with a grain of sand
and others follow to give a helping hand.
so is the love that i have for you.

that grain of sand found a home where it could start to grow
and slowly it created one of the most beautiful treasures
that the world would get to know.
because it started out very slow.

the home that it was created in was a very hard shell
where it was protected until it grew big and strong
for it knew where it belonged.

and as it was opened by fellow man
there is where it took it's stand.
man opened it slowly with a knife
to protect what he knew he could find
a beauty so precius and so divine.

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poem by Louis Rams
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Oh! Mr. Malthus!

"Mother, Mother, here comes Malthus,
Mother, hold me tight!
Look! It's Mr. Malthus, Mother!
Hide me out of sight."
This was the cry of little Jane
In bed she moaning lay,
Delirious with Stomach Pain,
That would not go away.
All because her small Existence
Over-pressed upon Subsistence;
Human Numbers didn't need her;
Human Effort couldn't feed her.
Little Janie didn't know
The Geometric Ratio.
Poor Wee Janie had never done
Course Economics No. 1;
Never reached in Education
Theories of Population, --
Theories which tend to show
Just how far our Food will go,

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poem by Stephen Leacock
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Tradition rules Todays Idiocy

The oyster voicing his complaint.
Disturbs the peace beneath the sea.
The haddocks say that he is quaint
a relic from prehistory.
He will not move to seek his prey,
stays firmly anchored in one place.
He says this the oyster’s way.
They weren’t designed to hunt and chase.
We were not meant to move at all.
Our food supposed to come to us,
provide us with the wherewithal
to maintain life without a fuss.
Oysters prefer to stay in bed
and wait in patience to be fed.

10-Apr-08

poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Appy Oyster for M lady Tara

I are a ‘apply little oyster,
just lurking in me shell.
lying on the ocean bed
suits me very well.

I don’t go far from where I are,
cos I am quite attached.
I lets me foughts go wandering
and as done since I ‘atched
.
No matter where they wander.
matter where they roam.
They don’t have far to look for me,
cos I’m a stay at home.

The oddest foughts go frough me head,
while safe beneaf the drink.
Cos when you can’t go very far,
you ‘as to sit and fink.

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poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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The Oyster's Treasure Trove

Beneath the waves, beneath the stars,
Beneath the sunshine, too,
We'll find the raging tidal bars
That fill the oceans through.
In yonder depths, the oyster's shell
Holds fast its prize within...
For there it rests, content to swell,
Its wonders to begin.

The pearl exists without a care
Inside its Mother's arms...
Engulfed in softness, time to spare
And safe from Nature's harms.
And so it grows, till divers swim
The depths that air departs...
For there, where light itself must dim,
Are secrets that bless hearts...

The oyster rises to the sun
Where Man is known to live.

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poem by Denis Martindale
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