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Phrenology

"COME, collar this bad man -
Around the throat he knotted me
Till I to choke began -
In point of fact, garotted me!"

So spake SIR HERBERT WRITE
To JAMES, Policeman Thirty-two -
All ruffled with his fight
SIR HERBERT was, and dirty too.

Policeman nothing said
(Though he had much to say on it),
But from the bad man's head
He took the cap that lay on it.

"No, great SIR HERBERT WHITE -
Impossible to take him up.
This man is honest quite -
Wherever did you rake him up?

[...] Read more

poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
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The Knight And The Lady

There's in the Vest a city pleasant
To vich King Bladud gev his name,
And in that city there's a Crescent
Vere dwelt a noble knight of fame.

Although that galliant knight is oldish,
Although Sir John as gray, gray air,
Hage has not made his busum coldish,
His Art still beats tewodds the Fair!

'Twas two years sins, this knight so splendid,
Peraps fateagued with Bath's routines,
To Paris towne his phootsteps bended
In sutch of gayer folks and seans.

His and was free, his means was easy,
A nobler, finer gent than he
Ne'er drove about the Shons-Eleesy,
Or paced the Roo de Rivolee.

[...] Read more

poem by William Makepeace Thackeray
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Giving and Receiving-Taking and Empty

She carried his memory with her-
wore it like a necklace.

It was
embedded in her body-
every place he had touched-
issued silent body sighs
asking her to go back to him,
to have him touch her that way again.

It was her he'd kissed
her loins, her heart, all caressed-
all made love to
by him.

She would have forgotten
but her body did not
-could not.

Her body had melted in the hot;

[...] Read more

poem by Lonnie Hicks
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April Tunes

(To the tune of: April Showers)

Though April showers may come your way,
I will not plagiarize any more today.
So if you're looking for familiar,
Just open your mouth and say,
I will not steal from others, till May!

(To the tune: 3 Blind Mice)

April is nice. April is nice.
I had to say it twice. I had to say it twice.
If you sing along please please do it right.
Don't sing out of tune any day or night.
If you do I will punch out your light.
April is nice. Now I've said it thrice.

(To The Tune: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)

Tinkle Tinkle Simpson's Bart,

[...] Read more

poem by Robert Edgar Burns
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She, He, It

She switches the tv on
while she's drinking coffee
and the first thing she sees
is that red, white, and blue
God knows what
they saw last night:

it's Humpty Dumpty.
Cinderella and Little Bo Peep
riding on the float with him
burst into song and she wonders
if they sang all the way down
or just in front of Macy's

He would have loved this

She wonders
if he stayed by the museum
or wandered downtown...

[...] Read more

poem by Rochelle Ratner
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Sir Barnaby Bampton Boo

This is SIR BARNABY BAMPTON BOO,
Last of a noble race,
BARNABY BAMPTON, coming to woo,
All at a deuce of a pace.
BARNABY BAMPTON BOO,
Here is a health to you:
Here is wishing you luck, you elderly buck -
BARNABY BAMPTON BOO!

The excellent women of Tuptonvee
Knew SIR BARNABY BOO;
One of them surely his bride would be,
But dickens a soul knew who.
Women of Tuptonvee,
Here is a health to ye
For a Baronet, dears, you would cut off your ears,
Women of Tuptonvee!

Here are old MR. and MRS. DE PLOW
(PETER his Christian name),

[...] Read more

poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
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I'll put my progressive credentials up against anyone's.

quote by Bart Stupak
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A free public broadcast license is a privilege.

quote by Bart Gordon
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Hollywood is going to have to find a way of meeting those profit goals.

quote by Peter Bart
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Right-to-life groups won't fund us because we're Democrats.

quote by Bart Stupak
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