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Hate is Such a Strong Word
I hate my life.
I hate that we have to eat whatever my parents want
Everyday
Even though I usually don't like it
They don't care
I hate that I don't live up to the standards set by my brother
And parents
I hate that I'm the stupidest one in my family
And they tell me
I hate that I'm not pretty.
I hate that I am fat.
I hate that people try to tell me that I am pretty
And that I'm thin
I'm not
They won't get over it
I hate that I can't get over little things.
I hate that boys never like me.
None have
I think they're really sweet sometimes
But they all just like my friends.
I hate that all of my friends are pretty,
And nice,
And smart.
And it makes me feel really subpar.
Even though they have no idea how much it hurts.
I hate that my friends get all the attention.
I hate that I'm insecure.
I hate that I have had an eating disorder.
I hate that I'm depressed.
I hate that I am too embarrassed
So I don't go see a nutritionist
Doctor said so.
I hate that I can't cry.
I hate that I blow things out of proportion.
I hate that I am such a drama queen.
I hate that everyone is better at things than I am-
Singing.
School.
I hate that I still have glasses.
I hate that I am so uncomfortable in my own skin
And am scared to let people see the real me.
I hate that I hate so many things.
I hate that people think no one cares-
When for me they really don't.
I hate that I have absolutely zero confidence in myself.
I hate that I've thought about committing suicide.
And that I'm such a teenage cliché.
I hate that my grandfather is dead
It's not his fault he died so near a national holiday
And no one seems to notice how much it is affecting me.
I hate that my family is always stressed out.
I hate that if my parents read this
They probably would pretend to care
Then would go and complain about how horrible I am
And how I take everything for granted.
I hate that everyone else in my family can seem happy.
I hate that I am a selfish spoiled bitch
Because I don't try to be
I hate that I don't know what to do anymore.
I hate that I'm so confused.
I hate that I hate my life.
poem
by
Jennie Scheihing
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