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I Don't Know Why This Sadness Is Me

I don’t know why this sadness is me,
And why depression has suddenly come -
It seems as if I am empty alone
And nowhere and nothing knows
Just what I was.

I am deeper into what I do not want to be
Then I know how to go out of-

Oh these games of despair
How often have I played them in the past-

Let me walk outside
Let me feel the light
Let me read an interesting page
Let the time for Shul come and let me get to my Siddur again-

Anything anything
But the down of this now
Which by my writing is already somewhat less,
And only disturbance
Deep disturbance
Anxiety -

Why?

I will get out of this soon I tell myself-
When I get up from this chair
And do something, anything else
The door, the light, the light the outside
A walk up the hill to Shul will save me.

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