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You Are Still You On That Dimming Fading Light

you are still you on that dimming
fading light in the room where we softly talk
the years did not diminish you
your hair still curly, black and shiny hanging on the side of your ears
your forehead did not give in to the furrows of your sorrows
no wrinkles reside on your cheeks, tight and smooth on the light
of the small gas lamp
your gaze lands on my eyes like soft hands caressing my face
i gaze in return like the way how we understand each other
when we were so young and playful
when we tried to defy authority only to end in submission
you are still you in your undying love for me
as i have unlearned what we have taken as memories for ourselves
i, now, in my indifference, accepts what life is
the coldness of reason, the grip of necessity, the confidence
of being stuck and not moving to a new direction
looking at you with pity
holding firm for tears not to fall, and then opening the door
closing it again and moving away
feeling the weakness again
running to the streets and not looking back at your face
realizing how the years fell heavy on my back
how i have betrayed myself

you are you, firm and so beautiful
leave me, for i am no longer strong, so ugly like a heart that no longer feels

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