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Bateese And His Little Decoys

O I'm very very tire Marie,
I wonder if I'm able hol' a gun
An' me dat 's alway risin' wit' de sun
An' travel on de water, an' paddle ma canoe
An' trap de mink an' beaver de fall an' winter
t'roo,
But now I t'ink dat fun is gone forever.

Wall! I'm mebbe stayin' long enough,
For eighty-four I see it on de spring;
Dough ma fader he was fellin' purty tough
An' at ninety year can do mos' ev'ry t'ing,
But I never know de feller, don't care how ole
he come,
Dat is n't sure to t'ink he 's got anoder year,
ba gum!
Before he lif' de anchor for de las' tam!

It 's not so easy lyin' on de bed,
An' lissen to de wil' bird on de bay,

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poem by William Henry Drummond
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Duck! Don't Stick Your Neck Out

How many quacks does a quack quack quack
before he ducks for fish?
How many ducks does a quack quack duck
before his fish is fished?

How many geese's goose is cooked
because they ate up all the fish?
How many cooks cook geese
before their goose is cooked?

How many fowl fall foul
of fowl hunting cooks?
How many fowls' geese are cooked
before they flew from a foul hunting cook?

How many ducks' goose is cooked
because he didn't duck duck duck
when a fowl cook reached for his neck?

poem by David Taylor
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Oh! Mr. Malthus!

"Mother, Mother, here comes Malthus,
Mother, hold me tight!
Look! It's Mr. Malthus, Mother!
Hide me out of sight."
This was the cry of little Jane
In bed she moaning lay,
Delirious with Stomach Pain,
That would not go away.
All because her small Existence
Over-pressed upon Subsistence;
Human Numbers didn't need her;
Human Effort couldn't feed her.
Little Janie didn't know
The Geometric Ratio.
Poor Wee Janie had never done
Course Economics No. 1;
Never reached in Education
Theories of Population, --
Theories which tend to show
Just how far our Food will go,

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poem by Stephen Leacock
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NO NEED FOR ME...by Talile Ali

NO NEED FOR ME

YOU GOT NO NEED FOR ME BABY
YOU GOT NO NEED FOR ME
DON'T WANT MY SEX OR MY LOVIN
DON'T WANT MY SYMPATHY
EVERY TIME I COME AROUND YOU
YOU ACT LIKE YOU CAN'T STAND ME

OFF TO THE BARS YOU GO HUNT
FOR SOME YOUNG MEAT FOR YOUR BUN
NEVER A THOUGHT DO YOU GIVE TO ME
DAMN I MUST BE LESS THAN SOME
I KNOW I DON'T LOOK MUCH LIKE A MAN
IS THAT WHY YOU LED ME ON?

HEY, I DON'T MIND BEING A FRIEND
BUT DAMN, I LIKE BEING DONE ONCE IN A WHILE
BUT NOT RANK SOME CONSIDERATION

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poem by Talile Ali
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For the Better

A Quack, to no true Skill in Physick bred,
With frequent Visits cursed his Patient's Bed;
Enquiring, how he did his Broths digest,
How chim'd his Pulse, and how he took his Rest:
If shudd'ring Cold by Burnings was pursu'd,
And at what time the Aguish Fit renew'd.
The waining Wretch, each day become more faint,
In like proportion doubles his Complaint;
Now swooning Sweats he begs him to allay,
Now give his Lungs more liberty to play,
And take from empty'd Veins these scorching Heats away:
Or if he saw the Danger did increase,
To warn him fair, and let him part in Peace.
My Life for yours, no Hazard in your Case
The Quack replies; your Voice, your Pulse, your Face,

Good Signs afford, and what you seem to feel
Proceeds from Vapours, which we'll help with Steel.
With kindled Rage, more than Distemper, burns
The suff'ring Man, who thus in haste returns:

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poem by Anne Kingsmill Finch
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Ducks

(To E.M., Who drew them in Holzminden Prison)

I

From troubles of the world I turn to ducks,
Beautiful comical things
Sleeping or curled
Their heads beneath white wings
By water cool,
Or finding curious things
To eat in various mucks
Beneath the pool,
Tails uppermost, or waddling
Sailor-like on the shores
Of ponds, or paddling
- Left! Right! - with fanlike feet
Which are for steady oars
When they (white galleys) float
Each bird a boat
Rippling at will the sweet

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poem by Frederick William Harvey
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Fireball Xl5

Ive saved a little bit of money from christmas gone,
What with my birthday nearly due,
Im dressing up as guy in the shopping arcade,
Have you a penny for a boy named blue ?
Ive seen it advertised on tv shows,
Flashed up on the evening news,
My local m.p. said I should grin and bear it,
But Id rather go and blow her fuse,
Right on, right off!
Right off, right on.
Right on, right off!
Right off, right on.
Let me tell you a little tale of naughtys,
On the estate I used to loathe,
I aimed 30 rockets at a shilling each,
You should have seen their front doors go,
Right on, right off!
Right off, right on.
Right on, right off!
Right off, right on.

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song performed by Madness
Added by Lucian Velea
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The Fox

The Fox went out on a chilly night
He prayed for the moon to give him light
For he had many a mile to go that night
Before he reached the town-o, town-o, town-o
He had many a mile to go that night
Before he reached the town-o
He ran till he came to the farmers pen
The ducks and the geese were kept therein
He said a couple of you are gonna grease my chin
Before I leave this town-o, town-o, town-o
A couple of you are gonna grease my chin
Before I leave this town-o
[BRIDGE (Mandolin)]
He grabbed the great goose by the neck
He threw a duck across his back
And he didn't mind the quack, quack
And the legs all danglin' down-o, down-o, down-o
He didn't mind the quack, quack
And the legs all danglin' down-o
Well the old gray Woman jumped out of bed

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song performed by Nickel Creek
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Math Suks

If necessity was the mother of invention
Then Id like to kill the guy who invented this
The numbers come together in some kind of third dimension
A regular algebraic bliss
Lets starts with something simple
Like 1 and 1 aint 3
Any 2 plus 2 will never get you 5
Theres fractions in my subtraction
And x dont equal y
But my homework is bound to multiply
Math suks (math suks), math suks (math suks)
Id like to burn this text book
I hate that stuff so much
Math suks (math suks), math suks (math suks)
Sometimes I think that I dont know that much
But math suks
I got so bored with my homework
I turned on the tv
The beauty pageant winners were all smiling through their teeth
And they asked the new miss america

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song performed by Jimmy Buffett
Added by Lucian Velea
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Ducks Are Such Fun

Ducks on the pond a delightful sight,
Pretty and beautiful,
this warm summer night.
Moonbeams dancing and playing,
watch the ducks' antics too.
Swimming and diving and
splashing to the beautiful
Full moon in view.

As the morning breaks
breakfast will be served.
They heed my call and
answer, Quack, Quack, Quack.

poem by Florence Weaver
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