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Damaged

When I come home
I know it's you that I'll find
Pacing the floors once again
I know that I'm bored
I'm staying in bed too long
Counting the holes in the door
Damaged is the way I feel
My life is running away
Alone I'm a mess
I don't care how long it's been
I know I'm just wasting away
The clothes on the floor
Just like the mountains outside
The prison I live every day
I want to know if this is real
All of these things that I feel
I want to know if this is real
All of these things that I feel
When I come home
I know it's you that I'll find
Pacing the floors once again

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Journey 2 The Center Of Your Heart

I know U've been hurt before
I can see it in your eyes
And if U just close the door
I would not be surprised
Even though I know U've heard it
These words I'm tryin' 2 say
I think the others only flirted
With the true meaning of always
U can say what U wanna
But I ain't gonna stop this journey 2 the center of your heart
No, no
Heart (Heart)
I see the candle through your window
Burns there every night
The shadow leaves an innuendo
Of no one holding U tight
Many nights I've dreamt U near me
But awaken 2 U gone (Gone)
I know one day U'll hear me
I don't care how long
U can say what U wanna
But I ain't gonna stop this journey 2 the center of your heart
Oh yeah
(Journey center of your heart)
Journey 2 the center of your heart
Heart
I've waited a lifetime, baby
Just 2 know your name
We've done everything in our minds
Let's stop the game (Let's stop it)
Even though I know U've heard
These words I'm tryin' 2 say
Somehow I think these others, they only flirted
With the true meaning of always
(U can say what U wanna)
Oh, U can say what U wanna
(But I ain't gonna stop this journey 2)
But I ain't gonna stop this journey 2 the center ... (Heart)
(U can say what U wanna)
(But I ain't gonna stop this journey 2 the center of your heart)
Heart, heart
(Heart) {repeat in BG}
Your heart {x3

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From Wishes To Kisses!

Along life's journey, love drew near and led me by the hand
And whispered dreams into my ear as we crossed 'Wonderland'.
Love played soft music meant to soothe such that I felt no fear
As if my soul mate could improve my life if she were here.
Then loneliness and pining came as if to reinforce
The need for her, to stake my claim, as if it were fate's course.
Then destiny chose prophecy to overcome my doubt.
I thought, 'Love's got it in for me! ' There seemed like no way out!
Reality tried sabotage but fantasy returned
And brought a mighty entourage, persuaders I'd once spurned.
'OK, I give! I'll fall in love! I'll do the best I can!
I'll even pray to God above like every other man!
Don't care how long I wait for her, whoever she may be!
As long as true love starts to stir and she, in turn, loves me!
I know they say no guarantees, just promises, that's all...
Yet grant me kisses meant to please and cuddles that enthrall...
If not, I'd rather live alone, unloved until I die...
To leave this world as ghosts that groan, lamenting, Why, Lord, why? '

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Rap On "Try"

Try, try, try just a little bit harder
So I can love, love, love him, I tell myself
'Cause I'm gonna try, oh yeah, just a little bit harder
So I won't lose, lose, lose him to nobody else, yeah.
Hey, I don't care how long it's gonna take ya
But if it's a dream I don't want No I don't really want it
Yeah if it's a dream I don't want nobody to wake me.
Yeah I'm gonna try, oh yeah, just a little bit harder
So I can give, give, give, give him every bit of my soul.
I'm gonna try, oh yeah, just a little bit harder
So I can show, show, show him love with no control, yeah.
Hey! I don't care how long it's gonna take ya
But if it's a dream I don't want
No I don't really want it
Yeah if it's a dream I don't want nobody to wake me.
Hey, dig it! Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Try oh yeah, hey, try oh yeah, Lord, Lord, Lord,
Try oh yeah, try oh yeah, Lord, Lord, Lord,
Try oh yeah yeah, try, whoa, try oh yeah, Lord, Lord, Lord,
Push, work, push, work, oh yeah, try, oh yeah hey!
Try oh yeah, hey try oh yeah,
Try Lord, try, try, you ain't trying man
You're not trying out man, come up with it.
Come on, that's a wanker that listens to words, man.
Hey you gotta work all night
Hey little girl, gotta push on
You gotta need
Work a little more, hey, try a little more,
Need a little more
Yeah, work on, push on, move on, move on,
You gotta work for it, you gotta work on it
Push on, need on, move on,
Move on, hey hey hey.
Work it daddy,
Work it daddy,
Come on, work it daddy, oh
Yeah, yeah, you better try, try, try, try a little more
You ain't never gonna get any man if that's the sort of thing you can

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Nobody's Fool

I know you think, I'm no match for you baby
You like making it rough on me, don't you? My my...
Back to the shadows, ah ah yeah
Nothing suits me better than that
In time to start the healing
Got to learn to be the ball
And I can't keep from laughing at it all
Whoa whoa, I'm going now
I'm going all the way
Sooner or later, gotta love somebody
I don't care how long it takes
Like a shot to the heart, I've got news for you
I may not look so smart, but I'm nobody's fool
Oh no, lassoing love for you baby
Taking it slow, it's too much for me to analyze
Still alright, heading into the rhythm of the southern light
Winds of wild insanity, blow with me tonight
Shouting love to all you cowboys, alright
Whoa whoa, I'm going now
I'm going all the way
Sooner or later, gotta love somebody
I don't care how long it takes
You can turn up the heat, but I'm playing it cool
I know it's hard to believe, but I ain't nobody's fool
I'm going all the way
Sooner or later, gotta love somebody
I don't care how long it takes
You might think that I've not gone to school on you
Baby like it or not, I ain't nobody's fool
My illusion nation become a sound surprise
You may turn to deny it
To the place when the clouds stops the wind in the face
Leaves you dumbfounded there in his waste
I'm going all the way
Sooner or later, gotta love somebody
I don't care how long it takes
Like a shot to the heart, I've got news for you
Maybe I'm not so smart, but I'm nobody's fool
I'm going all the way (Ooh yeah)
I'm going all the way (Nobody's fool baby, nobody's fool)
I don't care how long it takes (I don't care...listen to the right)
I'm going all the way (Who's fooling who?)
Submitted by Michael Hack

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Smh

So I was talking to a friend
Just the other day
And we were talking about relationships
I told her about a special someone
The first thing she asked me if
The guy and I had sex
Naw Boo
See people fail to realize
That is why things die
Things end before they begin
Because people don't care
About what they put into
Themselves
In their eyes
In their minds
In their souls
In their hearts
So things fall apart
From the start
Take time to know the man
Or woman
Chances are if somethings wrong
You will see it before
You take your clothes off
So you won't be hoping
That the emptiness of sex
Can fix the brokenness
Naw not me I think
I will pass
On that
I don't care how long it takes
I will not walk into a situation
With my eyes open
Don't want no mistakes

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Long Way Home

(Hey) I'm driving down a dusty road
(Hey)I've got nowhere to go
(Hey) No place that I can call my own
On and on this road is burning
(Break away) I'm leaving all this crap behind
(Break away) The past is gone the future's blind
(Break away) Don't care how long it takes this time
On and on I'll take the long way home
The long way home (Whoah!)
The long way home (Whoah!)
If it's for me it's on the way home
(Hey) Like fragments of a broken mind
(Hey) I splinter by my own design
(Hey) The search is not a waste of time
On and on this road keeps burning
(Break away) My hands are glued upon the wheel
(Break away) The road ahead is all I feel
(Break away) The only thing left that's real
On and on I'll take this long way home
The long way home (Whoah!)
The long way home (Whoah!)
I will go alone
I will go and find it on my own
What lays ahead you can not find for me
On and on I'll take the long way home
The long way home (Whoah!)
The long way home (Whoah!)
If it's for me it's on the way home (Whoah!)
The long way home (Whoah!)
I'll take the long way home (Whoah-Whoah-oh!)
I will go alone
I will go and find it on my own

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Try Just A Little Bit Harder

Try, try, try just a little bit harder
So I can love, love, love him, I tell myself
Well, I'm gonna try yeah, just a little bit harder
So I won't lose, lose, lose him to nobody else.
Hey! Well, I don't care how long it's gonna take you now,
But if it's a dream I don't want No I don't really want it
If it's a dream I don't want nobody to wake me.
Yeah, I'm gonna try yeah, just a little bit harder
So I can give, give, give, give him every bit of my soul.
Yeah, I'm gonna try yeah, just a little bit harder
So I can show, show, show him love with no control.
Hey! I've waited so long for someone so fine
I ain't gonna lose my chance, no I don't wanna lose it,
Ain't gonna lose my chance to make you mine, all mine.
All right, get it! Yeah!
Try yeah, try yeah, hey, hey, hey, try yeah,
Oh try whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Oh anybody, oh anybody, oh anybody,
Try oh yeah (just a little bit harder)
Whoa I gotta try some more,
I said try yeah, aw I said try,
I said try try try try try try,
Oh try oh yeah, try oh yeah!
Hey hey, I gotta talk to my man now,
You know I, I gotta feel for my man now,
I said I, I gotta work for my man now,
You know I, I gotta hurt for my man now,
I think-a every day for my man now,
You know it, every way for my man now.
I say try, try yeah, oh try yeah,
Hey hey hey, try yeah-hey, oh, try

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Try

Try, try, try just a little bit harder
So i can love, love, love him, i tell myself
Well, i'm gonna try yeah, just a little bit harder
So i won't lose, lose, lose him to nobody else.
Hey! well, i don't care how long it's gonna take you now,
But if it's a dream i don't want, no i don't really want it
If it's a dream i don't want nobody to wake me.
Yeah, i'm gonna try yeah, just a little bit harder
So i can give, give, give, give him every bit of my soul.
Yeah, i'm gonna try yeah, just a little bit harder
So i can show, show, show him love with no control.
Hey! i've waited so long for someone so fine
I ain't gonna lose my chance, no i don't wanna lose it,
Ain't gonna lose my chance to make you mine, all mine.
All right, get it! yeah!
Us cd columbia ck 9913
R. 18 01 1988
Try yeah, try yeah, hey, hey, hey, try yeah,
Oh try whoa! whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Oh anybody, oh anybody, oh anybody,
Try oh yeah (just a little bit harder)
Whoa i gotta try some more,
I said try yeah, aw i said try,
I said try try try try try try,
Oh try oh yeah, try oh yeah!
Hey hey, i gotta talk to my man now,
You know i, i gotta feel for my man now,
I said i, i gotta work for my man now,
You know i, i gotta hurt for my man now,
I think-a every day for my man now,
You know it, every way for my man now.
I say try, try yeah, oh try yeah,
Hey hey hey, try yeah-hey, oh, try...

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Graded On A Curve

It's a waste of time
It's a race that can't be won
Call the whole thing off
Well that's easier said than done
And I try to shut it out
And I think I've figured out
That it makes no sense to compare what I've done
So what do I do now that I'm alone?
I've been building up and tearing down
and looking for what never can be found
So what do I do now that I'm alone?
God I tried so hard to get here
but still I'm averaged out
Graded on a curve
Put the blinders on and believe in someone else
You're not what they want that's exactly what they sell
And it's all been preordained but it's never quite the same
Once you've figured out that it makes no sense
And I don't care if I'm the one who makes mistakes
And I don't care how long this is going to take
Does it really matter how you played the game
when you were never really in it

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Adopted Children

Adopted children of the world! !
Through many years and the act of negligence;
Bit, how can i locate my child today?
Now that i am rich;
For, i did not care for him or her and,
He or she was taken away from me! ! ! ! ! ! !
All in the name of poverty;
But now, i am very rich!
And, i want to take care of my own child.

Once again,
Oh yes! ! ! !
For, i am very sorry for not taking care of my own child;
And this has been the matter at hand since all these years!
However, the rich takes advantage of the poor! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
But now, i want to see my own child and take care of him or her.

I don't care how long it has taken! !
For, he or she is my own child;
And, i gave birth to him or her,
But, the society took them away!
However, i am now fighting back today to get them beside me.

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I don't care how long you've been around, you'll never see it all.

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When I come to the end of my road.

When I come to the end of my road.
Miss me For a little while but forever.
Please don't let your heart hold any fears.
Let your eyes shed no tears.

For why cry now.
When my toutured soul has been set free.
I know My suicide musst be difficult to understand.
But hopefully you'll see that I am free.

One day we all have to take the journey of death.
And on this day I breathe my last breath.
I'm ready to take the last jouney home.

Please please don't cry for me.

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When I Come Home To You

(ransford)
Im telling you girl
That Im coming home to you
I hate to say this
But I know youve been untrue
Just stop your foolin
Come on and hold me
When I come home to you
When I come home to you
Its plain to see love
Isnt something new to you
You couldnt be loved
Cause youve never known the truth
About the lies
You tell to me
When I come home to you
When I come home to you
Comin home isnt good for me
I know
But the way that you look at me
I know
That Ive got to come on home
And take you in my arms
Break
Comin home isnt good for me
I know
But the way that you look at me
I know
That Ive got to come on home
And take you in my arms
Im telling you girl
That Im coming home to you
I hate to say this
But I know youve been untrue
Just stop your foolin
Come on and hold me
When I come home to you
Yeh
When I come home to you
Woa wo
When I come home to you

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Act Like You Know

Uh
Big Will and Tra-Knox
Yo yo yo yo jump
When I tell you make your way up to the front
Addicted to the way I kick it I know what you want
The don jiggy catering to what your feeling
Pack it to the floor up to the ceiling
Shake
What ya momma gave you baby don't let nothin' break
Yo watch cause we don't care how much time it's gonna take
Dance floor packed and it's lookin' like a lake
It's obduction here's your instructions
Slide
Get up off that wall girl stop tryin' to hide
Trackin' afrodesiac won't be denied
Chill with that cigarette take it outside
Messin' with my vibe
I don't like that
Bounce
I'm a press your player when it counts
Party like a lamb and a wolf about to pounce
The don jiggy catering to what you're feeling
Pack it to the floor up to the ceiling

Bring it on the nothing
Ain't no time for fun things (come on)
Just let it flow (jump on)
Act like you know
The only floor is jumpin'
Ooh these girls are somethin' (come on)
Just let it flow (jump on)
Act like you know

I-I-I-I called Jazzy Jeff on the phone
I said

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Patrick White

The Serpent

The serpent sits enthroned
at the top of its own stairwell,
helically reposing in its own empyrean
like an August hawk
coiling up its own thermals;
its fangs, a stargate
to an unknown afterlife, emancipation,
and the jewel of its head,
the first stone thrown,
a small planet without
the eyelid of a sky,
a nugget of mystic uranium,
looped in a turban of orbits,
a sacred arrowhead
that flys from itself like a bow
drawn back long before the wind
knew its first feather.
Lethal healer,
the sword that kills is the sword that saves.

This morning,
the drubbing of the rain on a tin roof,
the hiss of traffic
flaring like matches down the sleek asphalt,
if I were to say
I want the emotional life of space,
I don't know if I'd mean it,
but I'm so weary
of being this slow crisis of a bird
mesmerized by the swaying eyes
of the black lightning
that has caught me in the net
it weaves of my own nerves,
I want to douse my heart
in the next providential tide of tears
like a torch I put out in the night
to see better in the dark.

I asked for wings
and my spine was adorned with fire.
I asked for water
and I'm a fish on the wind.
and now this desert I hoped to remain,
a craze of sand,
has grown teeth
and is overgrazing the starfields like pyramids.

I don't think
I will ever recover
from the wound I received
like the hidden twin of the moon,
trying to love the world, myself, women, people.
Every word was a road, a pulse, an eye,
a dropp of blood
I could ride to the end of and beyond
into the implacable subtlety
of my own empty, ageless temples
where even the silence isn't ghost enough
to conjure a medium
to jar the table as a sign,
and death is buried in its own vacuity
like an embryo in a mask without eyes.

I was bound by my own boundlessness,
my nerves, wicks in the abyss
that enhanced the darkness
by cleaving me like a tree
vision after vision,
another world
with every blink of the eye
that wiped the mirror clean of me like an ax
until I understood
that even the most enlightened watersheds of wisdom
are just a smear of perception
on the least dropp of that splendor
I went looking for like a cloud
saturated with the ancient seas of the moon
that was covered by my own looking.

I lay at the bottom
of my oceanic odyssey,
trying not to sink,
but I wanted to give something back
for what I felt I had received;
not an ethic or a metaphysic,
but a spontaneous action of the blood
that remembers it was once a rose.
I wanted to return spring like a water-key to the moon;
I wanted to harvest the shadows
of my own non-existence
and break bread
with the famine of ghosts
that came like royalty to beg food from their servant,
blind doors standing on the thresholds of awareness
asking me to address myself
to the terrible openness
of their unanswerable need.

I have eaten my own ashes
in the furnace of every star
I have ever looked upon.
I have drowned in the wells
of the faceless, fathomless mirrors,
and every woman I have ever drunk from
was a grail with an enigmatic black pearl in it
lustrous as the moon in eclipse.

O promises of bliss
that tuned the webs of the spiders
like a guitarist with perfect pitch
to the frequency of my spinal cord
that I might entangle a star
in the silk of my conceiving;
that I might seize a firefly
in the fangs of my thought
and taste the honey of the lantern
that lit my dark corner
in the era of the moment.

O sweetest of lies to ripen with longing
like the eyes of a child in the darkness
far from home.
I was trying to find a road
that fit my walking like shoes on a mountain;
I was trying to walk on water with mystic crutches;
I was looking for an arrow
dipped in the blood of a serpent with wings,
set aflame by a demonic star
and feathered by spiritual fire
to restring me like a bow
severed like the branch of a sacred grove
by the oracular blade of the moon.

I was too deeply sheathed in the truth
to appreciate the arcane sagacity of my lies.
I stood like a shadow in the burning doorway of my own fire
and looked deeply into the night
to answer my own knocking
like the echo of a stranger in the darkness,
walking away from someone who didn't know
how to greet himself.

I was a tree crucified on a man,
a vandal in the shrine of the moment,
bleeding like stained-glass,
a rosary of vertebrae and skulls
reconstructed in the future museum of now
I played myself into like a funeral plan.

Now everywhere the wind is a pilgrim,
I leave my heart like a shrine
I will never return to.
And the sadness, and the solitude
and the vastness of my insignificance
is the shadow of a bird on a cloud.
The only way to perfect my defeat
was to sit at the feet of my most cherished delusion
like a rootless flower watching over a coffin,
then rise like the wind
from the rubbish of the shedding,
the loneliest pillar and sole cornerstone of the sky.

Now my apish profundities
no longer crack fleas of light like stars
I picked out of God's burning beard
with the forceps of the moon.
Now I am infested with constellations.
I no longer turn the pages of the waterlilies
like the holy books of an inspired swamp.
I no longer seep down to the river
to drink from the moon
like a serpent at the water's edge
and watch the panicked angels jumping
from the reflection of an uncrossed bridge
that collapsed like a covenant with hell.
I no longer shred my heart
like a secret document
in an abandoned embassy of swans
looking for asylum further south,
tormented by the unattainability
of a woman's beauty,
looking for sanctuary
in the ashes of a black sail
that flared like a poppy with passion
at every gust of desire
that silvered the trembling grass
with sidereal aspirations.

Why bother to laminate your lovers, your legends?
Let them go like autumn leaves and smoke,
the last breath you took
before you were interred
like a scream in the larynx of a deaf-mute,
a foreign currency you couldn't spend at home.
Naked is the only way to dress for the rain,
but it doesn't matter which
from the wardrobe of all your many lies
you wear to the fire that waits for you
like a fledgling waits for its plumage.

And this is a long river
and this is a long day and a night
and maybe only the silence is listening
to what the stars are preaching
from the pulpits of the flowers,
and this that says me now
is just the promo for the intensive care ward
of a new religion
the founders are always the first to betray;
but when I truly let go
it was my falling
that taught me to patch my shoes with the sky.

And have you come this far,
passed through this many gates
for wisdom, compassion, freedom,
wandered aimlessly until you could not tell
the stars from the sand,
the journey from the arrival,
suffered worse than all the things you cannot say
until you forgot what you were looking for
in the first place, until
you despised what you craved the most?

I don't remember how long I slept
before my dreaming woke me up
and I realized
no fool could defame my solitude
and that life
was only the story of a scar
looking for the knife that inflicted it
like a shadow
in the forsaken valleys
of the mountains of the moon.

Looking for a pearl of light
I had to plunge into a darkness
deeper than anything
my eyes had ever given birth to before.
I had to swallow the key before I could open the door.

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When The Roses Bloom Again

When the roses bloom again,
I know that spring is here.
When the roses bloom again,
love will fill the air;
hearts will start to flutter
like a small bird on the wing.
Voices from the rooftops
will once again begin to sing.

When the roses bloom again,
to my loving arms you will come.
I will feel the warmth and tenderness
of your loving embrace.
When the roses bloom again,
everything will be as it always was.
The perfumes of a new day
will fill my world with love,
and all this will happen
when the roses bloom again.

26 June 2008

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Sonnet: When Trials Come…

Things happen for the good of everyone;
At times, they seem so strangely shocking too;
God’s plans are ultimately rightly done;
There’s nothing that bad minds can truly do.

God knows each soul before its creation!
He gives the freedom to live as we like;
God guides each person and every nation;
Sin is the thing that He does sure dislike.

Man’s selfishness brings troubles quite galore;
He blames the environs and sometimes God;
Dissatisfaction burns afire more;
He quite forgets the Universe’s Lord!

When trials come, O Lord, protect me please;
I pray my earthly journey’s full of peace.

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Music Come Once Again To My Life

Music once again come to my life,

Fill my heart with your joy,

Make me revive and sigh.

Inspire my soul,

let me fall in love,

Every while and while.

With every beauty around,

With the rose and the rain,

Heal all my heart pain,

let me iive and die,

With your tenderness lift all my senses high,

Save my soul from the world of The lie.


Take me back to those days and friends,


I want to hold them tight,


May once again I can find,


My lost desires and win all my fights,


Than with the angels i'll fly,


To the blue sky and i'll try,

To sing with them prayers and clasp,


With your echoes me and angels above,

all those frozen pities may we can araise,

To make them feel and cry! .

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Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again

Oh, the ragman draws circles
Up and down the block.
Id ask him what the matter was
But I know that he dont talk.
And the ladies treat me kindly
And furnish me with tape,
But deep inside my heart
I know I cant escape.
Oh, mama, can this really be the end,
To be stuck inside of mobile
With the memphis blues again.
Well, shakespeare, hes in the alley
With his pointed shoes and his bells,
Speaking to some french girl,
Who says she knows me well.
And I would send a message
To find out if shes talked,
But the post office has been stolen
And the mailbox is locked.
Oh, mama, can this really be the end,
To be stuck inside of mobile
With the memphis blues again.
Mona tried to tell me
To stay away from the train line.
She said that all the railroad men
Just drink up your blood like wine.
An I said, oh, I didnt know that,
But then again, theres only one Ive met
An he just smoked my eyelids
An punched my cigarette.
Oh, mama, can this really be the end,
To be stuck inside of mobile
With the memphis blues again.
Grandpa died last week
And now hes buried in the rocks,
But everybody still talks about
How badly they were shocked.
But me, I expected it to happen,
I knew hed lost control
When he built a fire on main street
And shot it full of holes.
Oh, mama, can this really be the end,
To be stuck inside of mobile
With the memphis blues again.
Now the senator came down here
Showing evryone his gun,
Handing out free tickets
To the wedding of his son.
An me, I nearly got busted
An wouldnt it be my luck
To get caught without a ticket
And be discovered beneath a truck.
Oh, mama, can this really be the end,
To be stuck inside of mobile
With the memphis blues again.
Now the preacher looked so baffled
When I asked him why he dressed
With twenty pounds of headlines
Stapled to his chest.
But he cursed me when I proved it to him,
Then I whispered, not even you can hide.
You see, youre just like me,
I hope youre satisfied.
Oh, mama, can this really be the end,
To be stuck inside of mobile
With the memphis blues again.
Now the rainman gave me two cures,
Then he said, jump right in.
The one was texas medicine,
The other was just railroad gin.
An like a fool I mixed them
An it strangled up my mind,
An now people just get uglier
An I have no sense of time.
Oh, mama, can this really be the end,
To be stuck inside of mobile
With the memphis blues again.
When ruthie says come see her
In her honky-tonk lagoon,
Where I can watch her waltz for free
neath her panamanian moon.
An I say, aw come on now,
You must know about my debutante.
An she says, your debutante just knows what you need
But I know what you want.
Oh, mama, can this really be the end,
To be stuck inside of mobile
With the memphis blues again.
Now the bricks lay on grand street
Where the neon madmen climb.
They all fall there so perfectly,
It all seems so well timed.
An here I sit so patiently
Waiting to find out what price
You have to pay to get out of
Going through all these things twice.
Oh, mama, can this really be the end,
To be stuck inside of mobile
With the memphis blues again.

song performed by Bob DylanReport problemRelated quotes
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Patrick White

I Don't Care If You Remember Me Or Not

I don't care if you remember me or not.
I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here.
But I'm going to disappear soon enough
and you can have the mirror all to yourself.
I can't imagine dying alone is any deeper
than this solitude I've been living on my own.
Take that chisel of a tongue and chip
my cartouche off that gravestone I'm not under yet
as if you just discovered a new talent
for pecking away at death as if you were married to it.

I'm out of here. This is my grand exit. Like Keats
I make it with an awkward bow, the way the deer do
when they come down to the river to drink.
I don't make it in anger. I'm not judging a mirage
because it doesn't slake my thirst for real water.
I'm not bitter, vicious, or proud. I see myself
in you, especially when you're crying without
a knife in your hand you wield like a paper cut
of the last crescent of the moon. It makes me sad
that we live more separately than we ever will in death.
I can remember when you first took my breath away,
and now, if you want to give it back, that's ok,
that's ok, too, as my brother would say, listening
like an amputee to the one-handed applause of the Buddha.

There are gaps, there are voids and abysses,
there are neuronic synapses, godheads, bardo states
and black holes we all have to bridge sooner or later.
Love's one of them. Death's another. And life's
a country road with so many potholes it's shell-shocked.
You can efface my name from your memorial wall
but I'm sure I'll turn you into poetry somewhere
along the way. I'm thawing into tears
like an Arctic ice cap faster than I should
but I'll hold you in my cold, cold heart forever
like a dolmen without snow nobody knows the name of.

More wonderful things get said in the doorways
of farewell through the veils of our motiveless tears
than you're ever going to hear on the thresholds of hello
when everyone mythically inflates their uncontested lies
in the name of love. It's not much of a triumph
to ride in a golden chariot of the sun through a slum.
It's a little vehicle, and come the first serious eclipse,
you're on black ice on a highway late at night on your own,
however many corpses you've sand-bagged in the rear
to give it some weight. Kitty litter and ashes
for traction are better than rose-petals and thorns
strewn along your path. You get a better grip on things
as you're turning your wheels into the direction of your spin
or somersaulting over your handle bars like a cow
that jumped over the moon. As for me. The moonrise
raises a spoonful of ashes to my lips and I try
to take my medicine like a solitary nightbird
sipping from the fountain of a dark muse
like a lunar fish in the watershed of a total eclipse.

I'll never wish you ill. And I'll try really hard
never to dispel your delusions of me as someone
you might have been able to love. Sorry about the discrepancy.
Mirages on a sundial. Lighthouses on the moon.
Sharks and shipwrecks. Shouldn't our dreams and delusions,
our secret nightmares, be accorded the same
ontological dignity as any other God particle
in the transmorphic context of reality? They move
the world as much as mass or gravity and they're
as counterintuitively absolute and constant
as the speed of light. Everyone's trying to write
their own unified field theory to explain everything
all at once to themselves, as if they were whispering
seas of rising awareness into their own ear.

I've lived too long under this cloak of the mystery
I bear as best I can like a mantle of starmud
in the name of a thousand poets who bore it
in their turn to suffer the solitude of their revelry
like the calyx of a black hole in the center of a galaxy
consuming two hundred billion stars in a single gulp
to stay drunk enough for light years to learn
to breathe in the light before they're willing to let it go.
To kiss the bud of the wildflower into the open
and step back into the light like a shadow at noon
and watch it grow without you. Noblesse oblige.
And I don't mean it cynically. The wolf howls.
The dog barks. The road leads like a trail of blood
to a dark grove of trees where everything heals by itself
and death is a retroactive edition of a posthumous future
that lies up ahead like road kill. Like it or not.

Sooner or later every persistent absurdity is interred
in an aura of grace, as if we gave the dead
the benefit of the doubt we begrudge the living.
That said. Still hard to kiss the stinging nettles
like hooded cobras on the head spitting in your eyes
like the Taliban just as you're learning to read
the writing on the wall. So the blind prophets
learn to love the dark. So the candle that's burning
to shed some light on the night and the stars
goes out in a gust of breath like a secret chandlier
on the dark side of death. And what are we left with
that might remotely stick it out with us
in search of a treasure chest that isn't
just another bone box of sacred relics? I used to think
scars from the stars that enlightened us
like Medusas of white phosphorus that bit
like high frequency wavelengths in a snake pit
the moon was agitating like ripples and scales
on the skin of a mirror we thought we'd shed
relationships ago. But now my youth has outgrown me
I go well out of my way to err on the side of compassion
more than I ever longed to know the truth
of what we're all doing here together
trying to stay true to the circuitous path we're on
by getting lost in each other's eyes and arms.

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