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The average Ph. D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

J. Frank Dobie in A Texan in England (1945)
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Average Guy

I aint no christian or no born again saint
I aint no cowboy or marxist d.a.
I aint no criminal or reverend cripple from the right
I am just your average guy, trying to do whats right
Im just your average guy
An average guy
I am just your average guy
Im just an average guy
Average guy, Im just your average guy
Im average looking and Im average inside
Im an average lover and I live in an average place
You wouldnt know me if you met me face to face
Im just your average guy
Average guy
Average guy
Im just an average guy
I worry about money and taxes and such
I worry that my livers big and it hurts to the touch
I worry about my health and bowels
And the crime waves in the street
Im really just your average guy
Trying to stand on his own two feet
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Average guy
Average looks, average taste
Average height, an average waist
Average in everything I do
My temperature is 98.2
Im just your average guy
An average guy
Average guy
Im just an average guy
Average guy
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Im just your average guy
Average

song performed by Lou Reed
Added by Lucian Velea
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These Old Bones

Writer Dolly Parton
These old bones will tell your story
These old bones will never lie
These old bones will tell you surely
What you cant see with your eye
These old bones, I shake and rattle
These old bones, I toss and roll
And its all in where they scatter
Tells you what the future holds
Oh, she lived up on the mountain
Eleven miles or so from town
With a one-eyed cat named Wink,
A billy goat and a blue tick hound
Her graying hair was braided
And wrapped around her head
And her dress was long and faded
And her home a rusty shed
In a little pouch of burlap
Tied with a piece of twine
There were bones all shapes and sizes
Gathered through the course of time
Shed throw them out before you
She swore that she could see
The present, past and future
She could ready your destiny
Everybody knew about her
Came to get their fortune read
Concerning health and wealth and power
Who to love and when to wed
Well, I just like helpin people
Im just glad that I could help
Why, I know everybodys secrets
But I keep it to myself
These old bones will tell your story
These old bones will never lie
These old bones will tell you surely
What you cant see with your eye
These old bones, I shake and rattle
These old bones, I toss and roll
And its all in where they scatter
Tells you what the future holds
Some called her witchy woman
Some said she was insane
Some said she was a prophet
Still everybody came
Just because a bodys different
Well, that dont make em mad
Well, theyve crucified a many
For the special gifts theyve had
I had often heard about her,

[...] Read more

song performed by Dolly Parton
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Skeletons In The Closet

Woah-oh, woah-oh
Skeletons in my closet
Woah-oh, woah-oh yeah
Skeletons in my closet
Skeletons in my closet
Skeletons in my shoes
Skeletons I can only see
I said woah-oh, woah-oh
I got skeletons in my closet
I said woah-oh, woah-oh yeah
Skeletons in my closet
Skeletons I can lose
Skeletons in my basement
Loitering on my streets
Wearing my best pajamas
Sandwiched between my sheets
I said woah-oh, woah-oh yeah
Skeletons in my closet
I said woah-oh, woah-oh yeah
Skeletons in my closet
Ooh, I see bones
I see bones, icy bones
Ooh, I see bones
Say say bones - say boys don't you see them bones?
Rattle them bones at midnight
Shaking my bed, no sleep
I find fingers in my coat pocket
Skeletons from the deep
I said woah-oh, woah-oh
I got skeletons in my closet
I said woah-oh, woah woah-oh
I got skeletons in my closet
Ooh, I see bones
I see bones, s-see bones
Ooh, I see bones
I see bones
Say boys don't you see them bones?
No?
Heart bones, leg bones, ankle bones, arm bones,
finger bones, dogie bones, head bones
Skeletons in my closet
They even know when I'm in my closet
It's my.. my closet
Not your closet
My closet
You can have it though
Alice we want you
Alice
Alice
A-Alice

[...] Read more

song performed by Alice Cooper
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Extraordinary

You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me
Yeah, I'd drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To you, to make you love me
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?
So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho

song performed by Liz Phair
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Song: An Average Cyber Hero

I'm your average cyber hero;
I don't exist in space.
My algorithm's zero.
I lack all human grace.
I'm your average cyber hero;
And I know my cyber place.
But my wheels are real and turning,
And burning up apace.

I'm your average cyber hero,
Writ in glyph of lower case.
An avatar of Nero,
With a second life and face.
I'm your average cyber hero,
With a cryptic clue to trace;
And I'll out-google Google,
With an engine cued to chase.

I'm your average cyber hero;
But you may think me more.
In the binaries of Zeno,
I'm both paradox and law.
I am the master gatekeeper,
I open many doors
Of perception, in this nano
World, of educated spores.

I'm your average cyber hero.
And I have no warming breath.
I endure a kind of limbo,
That's near to living death.
I'm your average cyber hero,
And I'll dive your hidden depths,
To the clearest seas I've seen below,
Your permafrost and steppes.

I'm your average cyber hero,
Who explores the world within.
A giant, not a minnow,
But a true leviathan.
I'm your average cyber hero,
And I'll plumb your secret well,
To plunge like Captain Nemo,
From a fate not unlike hell.

I'm your average cyber hero.
I'm the ghost in your machine.
Both as sleuth and dogged shadow,
You'll not escape unseen.
I'm your average cyber hero,

[...] Read more

poem by David SmithWhite
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The Ballade Of The Average Reader

I try to touch the public taste,
For thus I earn my daily bread.
I try to write what folks will paste
In scrap books after I am dead.
By Public Craving I am led.
(I' sooth, a most despotic leader)
Yet, though I write for Tom and Ned,
I've never seen an average reader.

The Editor is good and chaste,
But says: (Above the public's head;
This is _too_ good; 'twill go to waste.
Write something commonplacer-
Ed.)
Write for the average reader, fed
By pre-digested near-food's feeder,
But though my high ideals have fled,
I've never _seen_ an average reader.

How many lines have been erased!
How many fancies have been shed!
How many failures might be traced
To this-this average-reader dread!
I've seen an average single bed;
I've seen an average garden-weeder;
I've seen an average cotton thread-
I've _never_ seen an average _reader_.

L'ENVOI

Most read of readers, if you've read
The works of any old succeeder,
You know that he, too, must have said:
'I've never seen an Average Reader.'

poem by Franklin P. Adams
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Video

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I dont
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I wont
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
Im not the average girl from your video
And I aint built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
Im not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what Im wearing I will always be india aria
When I look in the mirror the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where its supposed to be
And I know our creator didnt make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; Im lovin what I see
Im not the average girl from your video
And I aint built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
Im not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what Im wearing I will always be india aria
Am I less of a lady if I dont wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady aint what she wears but, what she knows
But, Ive drawn a conclusion, its all an illusion, confusions the name of the
Game
A misconception, a vast deception
Somethings gotta change
Dont be offended this is all my opinion
Aint nothing that Im sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share wit
Yall
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Free your mind, nows the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
cuz everythings gonna be all right
Im not the average girl from your video
And I aint built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
Im not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what Im wearing I will always be india aria
Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I dont need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your crisp style and your pistol
Id rather have a pretty piece of crystal

[...] Read more

song performed by India Arie
Added by Lucian Velea
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Nicky Nicky Nicky Nicky Nicky Nick Pick

You can't win the war and the battle cause,
That struggle is in your head.
And kept there seven days a week.
With no sleep there you're reaping.

You can't win the war and the battle cause,
That struggle is in your head.
And kept there seven days a week.
With no sleep there you're reaping.

All you like to do is nitpick my wrongs.
With that constant picking that you see fit.
But only you brood sucking your thumb.
Without that finger licking that you want done!

Nicky nicky nicky nicky nicky nick pick,
Pick bones...
That's all you really want to do,
Pick bones...
Pick over bones that's gone!

Nicky nicky nicky nicky nicky nick pick,
Pick bones...
That's all you really want to do,
Pick bones...
Pick over bones that's gone,
With a finger licking done like you've won!

You can't win the war and the battle cause,
That struggle is in your head.
And kept there seven days a week.
With no sleep there you're reaping.

Nicky nicky nicky nicky nicky nick pick,
Pick bones...
That's all you really want to do,
Pick bones...
Pick over bones that's gone,
With a finger licking done like you've won!

Nicky nicky nicky nicky nicky nick pick,
Pick bones...
That's all you really want to do,
Pick bones...
Pick over bones that's gone,
With a finger licking done like you've won!

You can't win the war and the battle cause,
That struggle is in your head.
And kept there seven days a week.

[...] Read more

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Life in Winter's Graveyard

Walking down a muddy road
In the throes of December
Heaving through the decay
Of Spring's now frozen embers
Is there life in Winter's graveyard?

Frozen trees bereft of leaves
Stand upright in frosted death
Fields once ripe and lush with fruit
Lay still without the Summer's breath
Is there life in Winter's graveyard?

Soggy soil sloshing below my feet
Autumn's leaves have been swept away
And while I march on viciously
My eyes behold only death and gray
Is there life in Winter's graveyard?

Then comes a patch of greenery
A lush, though simple, paradise
I stop to gaze at the loveliness
Beheld before beauty-starved eyes
There is life in Winter's graveyard.

A patch of three-leaved charms
Circling the base of a withered tree
I gaze at this Springtime green
Surrounded by December's villainy.
There is life in Winter's graveyard.

Though Winter's tomb encases
Our world in a carcass' masquerade
This patch of sought-for greenery
Removes the masks from Death's charade
There is life in Winter's graveyard.

poem by Josephine J.W
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Hearts & Bones

One and one-half wandering jews
Free to wander wherever they choose
Are travelling together
In the sangre de cristo
The blood of christ mountains
Of new mexico
On the last leg of the journey
They started a long time ago
The arc of a love affair
Rainbows in the high desert air
Mountain passes slipping into stones
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones
Thinking back to the season before
Looking back through the cracks in the door
Two people were married
The act was outrageous
The bride was contagious
She burned like a bride
These events may have had some effect
On the man with the girl by his side
The arc of a love affair
His hands rolling down her hair
Love like lightning shaking till it moans
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones
And whoa whoa whoa
She said why?
Why dont we drive through the night
And well wake up down in mexico
Oh i
I dont know nothin about nothin
About mexico
And tell me why
Why wont you love me
For who I am
Where I am
He said:
cause thats not the way the world is baby
This is how I love you, baby
This is how I love you, baby
One and one-half wandering jews
Returned to their natural coasts
To resume old acquaintances
Step out occasionally
And speculate who had been damaged the most
Easy time will determine if these consolations
Will be their reward

[...] Read more

song performed by Paul Simon
Added by Lucian Velea
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Heart And Bones

(Paul Simon)
One and one-half wandering Jews
Free to wander wherever they choose
Are travelling together
In the Sangre de Cristo
The Blood of Christ Mountains
Of New Mexico
On the last leg of the journey
They started a long time ago
The arc of a love affair
Rainbows in the high desert air
Mountain passes slipping into stones
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones
Thinking back to the season before
Looking back through the cracks in the door
Two people were married
The act was outrageous
The bride was contagious
She burned like a bride
These events may have had some effect
On the man with the girl by his side
The arc of a love affair
His hands rolling down her hair
Love like lightning shaking till it moans
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones
And whoa whoa whoa
She said why?
Why don't we drive through the night
And we'll wake up down in Mexico
Oh I
I don't know nothin' about nothin'
About Mexico
And tell me why
Why won't you love me
For who I am
Where I am
He said:
'Cause that's not the way the world is baby
This is how I love you, baby
This is how I love you, baby
One and one-half wandering Jews
Returned to their natural coasts
To resume old acquaintances
Step out occasionally
And speculate who had been damaged the most
Easy time will determine if these consolations

[...] Read more

song performed by Paul Simon
Added by Lucian Velea
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Who Desecrated Geronimo’s Grave?

“elected politicians
government by the people
for the people?

which people? ”

free and equal
representation of the people?
go tell that to Native

Americans
see if they believe?

or African Americans
who had their votes
discounted so bonesman

Bush could steal Florida
steal the White House?
'crooking' America

Skull and Bones 322
stealers of the skull of eighth
President Martin Van Buren?

Skull and Bones 322
stealers of the skull of Pancho Villa
Mexican Revolutionary general?

Trivial pursuit
which American President’s
father and grandfather
desecrated Geronimo’s grave?

A clue? A clue?

Geronimo’s bones were supposedly
stolen by Skull and Bones members
'crooking' from Fort Sill Oklahoma.

A clue? A clue?

An anonymous letter with a photograph
and a copy of a log book claiming;
Skull & Bones stole Geronimo’s skull was sent

in 1986 to who? To who? Ned Anderson
former San Carlos Apache Chairman.

[...] Read more

poem by Terence George Craddock
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Rougher Than The Average

R- ray a- anita
A: Im the a, the n, the i, t, a
Once youre with me, youll always wanna stay
cause Ill make you feel good. never blue..
To put it simple: Im a dream come true!
A: please, baby..ya gotta let me go
Of course ya wanna stay, ha, I know
But time is precious. time is money.
Im rougher than the average, remember that honey!
R: I live my life, do nothing to fear
Always tough, shed no tear
Bass in your face, the electric bomb
Dont just stand there...come on, come on!
The contrast megablast are for everlast
Ill put you down in a microphone contest
2 unlimited put you to the test..
Rougher than the average, yeah were the best!
A: rougher than the average; honey!
A: remember that honey!
A: most guys I love, some guys I hate
cause some guys underestimate
The things I do, and the things I can
Rougher than the average is what I am!
R: check me out while Im coming on strong
This is the ray, no, never do you wrong!
Always the right girls spend the night
Take you down as quick as dynamite
Rougher than the average, yeah, thats me
Fresh and dope as you can see
Girl, in my room, and in, out we go
Rougher than the average...let the bass go!

song performed by 2 Unlimited
Added by Lucian Velea
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Corpus Delicti

More germs are transferred
While shaking hands
Than are transferred during
Heavy passionate kissing

So if you don’t grab the hand
Of The next person you meet
And just kiss them instead,
just think of all the germs you’ll be missing

On average, women say
seven thousand words every day
while two thousand words
most men utter

That could be because
Women rarely pause
While most men’s minds
Are most oft in the gutter

The human eye blinks about
Twenty nine times a minute
That’s if your talking to
Your everyday schnook

Women blink about Four times a minute
When reading their average book
A man’s blinks can slow to one blink in ten minutes
While giving playboy a long leering look

There are approximately 550 hairs in one eyebrow
Humans lose 40-100 strands of hair each day
Men usually have full eyebrows and eyelashes
While their heads look like eggs in an unhairy way

The jawbone is the hardest bone in your body
the tongue is the muscle that’s the strongest
The average person spends 1/3 of their lifetime sleeping
And teenagers usually sleep the longest

A person in their lifetime will drink 16,000 gallons of water
While 10,000 gallons of saliva will go down
It only takes 17 muscles to make up a smile
While it takes 43 muscles to frown

In a lifetime the average person sheds 40 lbs of skin
100 mph plus is the speed of a sneeze
And your liver performs 500 functions within
Yet no one has yet timed the speed of a wheeze

[...] Read more

poem by David Whalen
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Restin Bones

Came up on a worried man, asked him if he had a light.
He reached on down, dug in his shoe, figured in his sock he might.
He asked if he could come and join, at what we was partakin in.
I says,ol soul if you got a match, you also got yourself a friend.
The smoke drew hard but laid in good, the neon gave us extra shine.
We passed around a flask of knockando, and a half litre bottle of wine.
The worried man dropped down to his knees, and let out with a somber groan.
He looked up to me and when I asked, he said,Im just restin my bones.
I looked down at him, and him up at me, then a smile rose above his chin.
He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down, said, listen to me now my friend.
When I was your age I did it all, more than many men could do,
Now my possessions are the ones I wear on my back, and this lighter I keep in my shoe.
Thats why Im restin my bones.
Im restin my bones for the times I fell, fell and hit myself on the ground.
Restin my bones for the loneliness, of being the only genius around.
Im restin my bones for prosperity, in hopes that itll do me some good.
Im restin bones from amphetamines, see they turned teeth to balsa wood.
Im restin bones for johnny cash, cause for me and mine hes wearin black.
Ill be restin my bones for elvis, I seen him last week at the track.
If Im restin bones and you come along, just try and tippy toe on by.
cause when Im restin bones I hope to sleep, and maybe slip away and die.

song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
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Actress

Some day I'm going to grow up
And be every man's dream
Some day I'm going to grow up
And forget this sad little me
I'm going to shine in the spotlight
Wear sexy clothes
Be somebody everybody wants to meet
And no one ever really knows
No one will ever know me
I'm an actress through and through
And to my bones
I'm an actress through and through
And to my bones
Critics will adore me
At least they will at first
But you see I already know this
So it can't never really hurt
And if it does, I'm an actress
I'll play it nonchalant
In the total scheme of things it's insignificant
(sure I can take the knocks)
Cause I'm an actress through and through
And to my bones
I'm an actress through and through
And to my bones
I may not be that pretty now
But who's the referee
Standards of beauty
Will be redefined because of me
And then they'll be the scandals
Everywhere my name
Men will jump from balconies
And I'll just shrug and take the blame
(yeah, they'll say I died for love)
Cause I'm an actress through and through
And to my bones
Well, I'm an actress through and through
And to my bones
My acceptance speech will be a milestone
Never will such a star
Have ever graced the microphone
And of course I'll thank my agent
The way they always do
Though I could have done it without him
And that goes for the Academy too
And the makeup people and the lighting designers and everybody else
Cause I'm an actress throughand through
And to my bones
I'm an actress through and through
And to my bones

[...] Read more

song performed by Carly Simon
Added by Lucian Velea
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The Bag Of Bones

When first I dug my garden I thought I heard a groan,
but I continued digging and found a bag of bones.
I emptied the bag of bones cautiously on the ground
and from the human skull came a sighing sound.

The bones moved slowly before my astonished eyes
and took the look of a skeleton of a taller larger size.
The incomplete and missing grew to form a connection
and this completed a full skeletal resurrection.

It stood up tall and strode over to my garden hose,
sprayed water over it’s his head and down to it’s toes.
It grabbed hands full of soil and made a sticky mud
and plastered it’s bones all over the best that it could.

As the brown mud dried it turned to a hard flaky skin
and then a pair of white eyes appeared from within.
Curly black hair grew and features formed on its face,
and it wasn’t by far the prettiest of the human race.

He stared all around as he stood in the shade of the tree
two strides later he took the spade away from me.
Laboriously he began digging more holes in the ground
and out of each, many more bags of bones were found.

Each and every bag of bones became the same as he,
and I gave up counting when I reached twenty three.
Feeling anxious and terrified I backed out of the way,
I certainly didn’t like what I was seeing today.

None of them spoke they just gestured and groaned.
who could have buried these bags of human bone
and why did they reform, and enter this world of ours,
and who gave them their supernatural powers?

When darkness came they went into the street
as though driven on by some evil streak.
Where they were going.., I just didn’t know,
but be it day or night they frightened me so.

At the end of the street they divided and separated,
without a doubt they looked full of hatred.
The following morning I faced up to the garden’s mess,
and filled in the holes where the bones were laid to rest.

I noticed a flat piece of wood half buried in the ground
and on it writing; the answer I had probably found.
‘These bags of bones are those of tormented African slaves
who were washed ashore after suffering watery graves.

[...] Read more

poem by Orlando Belo
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I've always said when I broke in I was an average player. I had an average arm, average speed and definitely an average bat. I am still average in all of those.

quote by Brooks Robinson
Added by Lucian Velea
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Rougher Than Average (Rap)

I'm the "a", the "n", the "i", "t", "a".
Once you're with me, you'll always wanna stay,
'cause I'll make you feel good. Never blue..
To put it simple: I'm a dream come true!
Please, baby..ya gotta let me go.
Of course ya wanna stay, ha, I know.
But time is precious. Time is money.
I'm rougher than the average,
Remember that honey!
I live my life, do nothing to fear.
Always tough, shed no tear.
Bass in your face, the electric bomb--
Don't just stand there...come on, come on!
The contrast megablast are for everlast,
I'll put you down in a microphone contest.
2 Unlimited put you to the test...
Rougher than the average, yeah we're the best!
Remember that honey!
Most guys I love, some guys I hate,
'cause some guysunderestimate
The things I do, and the things I can.
Rougher than the average is what I am!
Check me out while I'm coming on strong.
This is the Ray, no, never do you wrong!
Always the right girls spend the night,
Take you down as quick as dynamite.
Rougher than the average, yeah, that's me..
Fresh and dope as you can see.
Girl, in my room, and in, out we go..
Rougher than the average...let the bass go

song performed by 2 Unlimited
Added by Lucian Velea
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The Genius Of The Crowd

there is enough treachery, hatred violence absurdity in the average
human being to supply any given army on any given day

and the best at murder are those who preach against it
and the best at hate are those who preach love
and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

those who preach god, need god
those who preach peace do not have peace
those who preach peace do not have love

beware the preachers
beware the knowers
beware those who are always reading books
beware those who either detest poverty
or are proud of it
beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know
beware those who seek constant crowds for
they are nothing alone
beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody
not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own
not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world
not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art

[...] Read more

poem by Charles Bukowski
Added by Poetry Lover
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