I Drive Like Shit (Not Really a Poem)
I happen to be a terrible driver.
I’m not purposely aggressive
Nor have I ever expressed road rage.
I just happen to be absent-minded
And I have no sense of direction.
When I was seeing a certain lady,
I would drive to her house,
And then if we went to a restaurant
Or a movie theater in her neighborhood,
I’d give her the keys and let her drive.
She didn’t seem to mind.
But since she drove,
I never learned the directions
To any of the places we went,
Even though we mostly went
To the same restaurants and theaters,
I’m just that oblivious.
One day coming home from dinner,
She says, “Do you know where you are? ”
I replied, “Right here with you.”
“No, ” she says, ” If I made you get out of the car,
Would you know how to get back to my house? ”
I answered quite honestly, “If you did that,
And we were only two blocks from your place,
I might never find you again! ”
Thus my since of direction.
I’ve always enjoyed going to rock concerts,
Which often requires me to drive into downtown Detroit,
I’ve been doing this all my life,
You would think I knew the city like
The back of my hand but no such luck.
When friends are with me, I’m normally fine:
They’ll tell me, “Turn right, Uriah, ”
“The light has turned red, Uriah! ”
“Slow down, Uriah, I just saw a cop.”
Any number of helpful suggestions
Usually proffered in a vaguely pleasant tone.
But when I’m by myself, I’m dangerous:
I’ll accidentally run red lights,
I’ll miss important turns,
I’ll make crazy U-turns in a vain attempt
To remain on track and not get lost.
I honestly scare myself sometimes.
Well, Friday I was going downtown
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poem by Uriah Hamilton
Added by Poetry Lover
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