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A hospital patient from Leicester
Said, 'look, I do not want to pester,
But Doctor, I need
For this thing not to bleed
And it's nearly filled up my sou'wester.

(Written Oct 2012)

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A cinema-goer from Preston
Who loved a good drama, or western,
Sat glued to his chair
But would curse and would swear
If ejected, for having no vest on.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There was an old actor from Bali
Who dreamt up, for his grand finale,
A thespian deed
That only succeeded
In making him look a real Charlie.

(Written Oct 2012)

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Comfort Blanket

Poetry is my comfort blanket
Holding me close in her arms;
Keeping me safe from the madness
I gladly submit to her charms.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There was a strange man from Tibet
Who had an unusual pet;
It's front was dog
It's back was a frog
And, it was lightning at playing 'go, get'.

(Written Oct 2012)

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A naughty young pupil from Rye
After punishment, started to cry
But it wasn't the cane
That caused him the pain
Just the very tight knot in his tie.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There once was a man from Rangoon
Who played, in the late afternoon,
On his battered guitar
In the conservatoire
With a wish that it was a bassoon.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There was a musician from Crewe
Who took up the didgeridoo;
Though he strained at the throat
He could not get a note
No matter how hard that he blew.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There was a young sculptor from Thanet
Who's favourite medium was granite;
But everyone booed
At his statue, so rude
That the censors decided to ban it.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There once was a man from Dundee
Who got stuck up a Sycamore tree;
His friends rallied round
But could not get him down
So he floated right off on a key.

(Written Sept 2012)

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There once was a skiver from Perth
Completely bone-idle from birth;
He said, 'I'm a singer,
I'll lift not a finger'
And he milked it for all he was worth.

(Written Sept 2012)

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There once was a cad from Dumfries
Accused of stealing some geese,
He was in a tight spot
But he cared not a jot
As he turned round and blamed his poor niece.

(Written Sept 2012)

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There once was a chap from Calcutta
Who had, on the horses, a flutter;
But electronic bookies
Kept sending out cookies
Which caused him, with cuses, to mutter.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There once was a man from Torquay
Who suffered from bites from a flea;
So he called for a nurse
But things turned for the worse:
He was stung by a ruddy great bee.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There once was a fellow from Wales
Who bred a new breed of strange quails;
But his plans went awry
As the birds couldn't fly
And what's more, they grew up with no tails.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There once was a fellow from Tooting
Suspected of robbing and looting,
He was found with a gun
And was thought, 'on the run'
His excuse: 'I've been clay-pigeon shooting! '

(Written Sept 2012)

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Tranquillity

Behold the dolphins interweaved
Like soulmates bathed in love
And see how gently each has breathed
From precious air above...
And there to glide in aqua haze,
In God's tranquillity,
Content to spend their nights and days
Where God meant them to be...

Exploring here, exploring there,
As if a Mystery Tour,
To look on sights beyond compare
Upon the ocean floor...
To celebrate this thing called life
That God bestows with grace,
The dolphins strive, against all strife...
And swim at their own pace...

God asks no more of such as these,
They serve their purpose well,
Yet Man must work, then take his ease
And simply rest a spell...
So meditate, when peace allows,
Like dolphins in the sea...
As if to seize the time to browse
For sweet tranquillity...


Denis Martindale, copyright, December 2011.

The poem is based on the magnificent painting
by Stephen Gayford called 'Tranquillity'.

More Stephen Gayford poems here:
denis-martindale-dot-blogspot-dot-com

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Careful Surfer

I am a careful surfer
I'm watchful where I go;
I slide around in cyber-space
Gently - nice and slow.

I'm careful who I take on board
Along my cyber way;
Some I leave in lifeboats
To find their own sweet way.

But it's great this cyber-surfing,
I never ever dreamed
Of all this interaction with
Whomever up I teamed.

But careful is the watchword
Those bugs are on our tail;
Hold your vessel steady, as
In cyber-space you sail.

Choose your anti-virus
And anti-malware well,
And don't forget the anti-spam -
And all the rest they sell.

Look out for E-disasters
But be careful cyber friend,
Or you and your computer
May meet a cyber end.

Yes, be a cautious surfer
Remember - nice and slow;
Look out for cyber pirates
Please - steady as you go.

But now I must be ending
My simple cyber tale,
Or you and me for always we,
Forevermore will sail
Upon the S.S. Internet,
No anchor ours to drop,
Amongst the gigs and megabytes,
And now, the Teraflops.

(Written Oct 2012)

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Think of a number

Think of a number, from 1 to 10
(Haven't played this since you know when)
Double it, add..? No, start again.

Think of another, from 2 to 9
(Were these the numbers we'd combine?)
No, that's not right - wrong line!

Think of a number, from 3 to 8
(Was what I heard from my schoolmate?)
No, come on John now, concentrate.

Think of another, from 4 to 7
(I know, if added, it's 11
And - 'all good children go to heaven')

Think of a number, from 5 to 6
(And here I'm getting in a fix)
I'm bad at these arithmetics.

Let's try again, from 6 to 5
(For this I bet we had to strive)
It's like the last - let's not revive.

Think of a number, from 7 to 4
(This game could run forevermore)
I'm lost, I've now forgot the score.

Think of another, from 8 to 3
No matter what the answer be
I'm sure it's baffling you and me.

Think of a number, from 9 to 2
Have you really any clue
What this riddle's meant to do?

Think of a number, from 1 to 10
No! ...
I can't go through all that again!

(Written Oct 2012)

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There once was a villain named Frank
Who thought he would rob him a bank
To break down the door
He failed, and therefore
Proceeded to bring in the tank.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There was a bald lady named Mary
Who hated her wig - it was scary;
And, under stress and emotion
O'erdid the hair lotion
Now all of her body is hairy.

(Written Oct 2012)

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