I think of myself as a very lazy author.
When I Think Of Myself As Dead
WHEN I THINK OF MYSELF AS DEAD
When I think of myself as dead
I think of what it will mean for my loved ones
I pray they will not lose heart and hope because of it-
When my father died my brother lost hope-
When I think of myself dead
I wonder about God and Godï¿½s purpose
Is there really an afterlife?
What could it mean?
Will I meet again those who have gone before me?
When I think of myself dead
I think about a body in the ground
Worms eating it, cold paining it-
When I think of myself as dead
I think about never feeling anything again-
When I think about myself as dead
I think about the work I have left behind
And whether it will mean anything to anyone
And for how long-
When I think of myself as dead
I think of all the memories that will go with me
I think about nothing and more nothing and the end of the universe-
When I think of myself as dead
I think of life going on down below
Life with all its beauty and pain
And I pray and I pray again
My loved ones will be able to manage and make their own lives still happy
When I think of myself as dead
I pray to G-d
That somehow in some way
It will not be the end for me forever.
When I think of myself as dead
I think of myself as living again somehow
In a way I cannot now know-
- quotes about pain
- quotes about life
- quotes about love
- quotes about abilities
- quotes about past
- quotes about death
- quotes about beauty
- quotes about happiness
- quotes about work
I like to go crazy
In fact I am very lazy
Take everything easy
Workaholic and very busy
In fact it is different
It doesn’t look apparent
As hills look from distance
For me it is wrong reference
I am exactly the opposite
I get so much delight
I do right a wrong and wrong a right
No to yes as ready to fight
Is it due to indifferent attitude?
Or because of kept in solitude
Whatever the case may be in fact
I go for unusual things and act
What can build a good character?
How can you become a good actor?
Are there any set norms or rules?
Do you think I live among fools?
I love to remain as small child
Act very funny but remain mild
This is only one good quality I have
I sensibly remain cool and behave
There is no use to remain as artificial
Later on it may be known and considered as official
It is true reflection of what is going on in mind
People may take it kindly and don’t mind
This stage is welcome to certain extent
It may create fun at some moment
It may draw sometime an adverse comment
It may still be taken as funny movement
Try to be reasonably good
You may certainly be liked delicious food
People may not take it as affront
You will always be there in front
Why should I think of myself when it has no bearing?
In all the difficulties it wears out and tearing
Makes life miserable and unbearable
Can not stand of own when in trouble
It is not at all difficult to assess
You can go deep and trace
When it is done, it will reflect on face
As if you have come out successfully in race
You are totally in confusion
Even though there is no compulsion
You can have independent course
But rudderless and directionless of course
You know very well that life is totally uncertain
Yet you have to struggle and maintain
There may be worries, agony and pain
But you have to adjust yourself and train
Amidst all kinds of fears and dangers
We are still very good managers
We leave it completely to the wishes of almighty
As He is the only authority to give us any kind of surety
As it turns out to be on happy ending later on
No one dares to take credit for having it won
He has facilitated it after our repeated requests
Else it was going to be a disastrous end for quest
It takes years for us to realize
We don’t know whom to thank and oblige?
We see only beautiful end
This is clearly seen from our trend
Well it is life story
No one should take it seriously or feel sorry
It is no where safe sailing
Only matter of chance and availing
- quotes about fashion
- quotes about independence
- quotes about authority
- quotes about worry
- quotes about Thanksgiving
- quotes about literature
- quotes about fate
- quotes about seasons
Myself and nobody
As birds try to sing with melody
I think of myself and nobody
The day starts with new strategy in mind
How to come out with success and new ways to find
Today is different from other day
I find the solace from sincere pray
As I believed salvation is the only way
I had to look up in eyes to find a ray
Oh, my savior God I found you gloomy
The weather outside was calm and not stormy
There was no leakage in roof for water to fall
Why I felt there some thing written on the all?
Your eyes were watery and seemed river flowing out
So much agony, pain and anguish that was all about
What else could be the reason for such bad omen?
Such thoughts took place in mind all of sudden
Have we erred some where O, Lord, O father?
You are so powerful and why it should it bother?
Are not you happy at what we do on this beautiful earth?
Do you find no penalty is enough than the death?
Do you see in us the loss of moral ground?
Do you see in us futility to go around?
Are we really burden on this heavenly object?
Do you lament our origin or reject?
It seemed to me his finger going up
Was He upset over whole set up?
The tears were shining as if disapproval of our action?
We have discredited His sacrifice in fight and frictions
I could feel some little whisper
The melody was not blowing from piper
It was great pity on us as being very human
All our acts seemed to Him to be very inhuman
I cursed myself to be among one
I had cared for self and for none
It may be the case with all
Should I take this sign as final call?
I prayed almighty to be true and sincere
Coming Christmas or festival to be free from fear
All vows and promises with earnest desire
Not to make mockery of dignified life as satire
I wondered at the little the spent in His prayer
There was apparently no shield or layer
He seemed to me a just prophet or messenger
Today was great day to find Him visible anger
“Come to my refuge and I shall take”
All your burdens and life will not be faked
I shall endeavor all your pains with smile
You may lead the life happily meanwhile
*I read the inscribed words in the golden plate*
I Saw It Myself (Short Verse Drama)
Dramatis Personae: Adrian, his wife Ester, his sisters Rebecca and Johanna, his mother Elizabeth, the high priest Chiapas, the disciple Simon Peter, the disciple John, Mary Magdalene, worshipers, priests, two angels and Jesus Christ.
Scene I.- Adrian’s house in Jerusalem. Adrian has just returned home after a business journey in Galilee, in time to attend the Passover feast. He sits at the table with his wife Ester and his sisters, Rebecca and Johanna. It’s just before sunset on the Friday afternoon.
Adrian. (Somewhat puzzled) Strange things are happening,
some say demons dwell upon the earth,
others angelic beings, miracles take place
and all of this when they had put a man to death,
had crucified a criminal. Everybody knows
the cross is used for degenerates only!
Rebecca. (With a pleasant voice) Such harsh words used,
for a good, a great man brother?
They say that without charge
he healed the sick, brought back sight,
cured leprosy, even made some more food,
from a few fishes and loafs of bread…
Adrian. (Somewhat harsh) They say many things!
That he rode into Jerusalem
to be crowned as the new king,
was a rebel against the state,
even claimed to be
the very Son of God,
now that is blasphemy
if there is no truth to it!
Johanna. I met him once.
He’s not the man
that you make him, brother.
There was a strange tranquilly to Him.
Some would say a divine presence,
while He spoke of love that is selfless,
visited the sick, the poor
and even the destitute, even harlots.
Adrian. (Looks up) There you have it!
Harlots! Tax collecting thieves!
A man is know by his friends,
or so they say and probably
there is some truth to it.
Ester. Husband, do not be so quick to judge.
I have seen Him myself, have seen
Roman soldiers marching Him to the hill
to take His life, with a angry crowd
following and mocking Him.
[Adrian, Rebecca and Johanna is stunned
by her words.
Rebecca. You have seen him crucified?
You haven’t said a thing about this,
but after returning this afternoon
you were strangely pale, somewhat distant.
Johanna. Sister Ester, are you alright?
Your face looks full of pain.
It must have been terrible,
even if he was guilty of what they say.
Adrian. (Stops his sisters) Hush sisters!
Ester, what were you doing there?
I am not angry, am only worried about you.
Tell us what happened. It seems that you
were an eyewitness? There is some truth
to a first hand account, much more than what is told
by the gossip of men, by some scared women.
Ester. I went to pick mushrooms
and some wild spinach up on the hill.
Mary had spotted some
and had picked baskets full.
The flowers are beautiful this time of year
and I picked some and found lilies
right on the edge of the cliff.
The front door opens. Enter Elisabeth.
Elizabeth. My children it’s becoming holy hours
and you are not eating, are not finishing your meals.
From the bottom of the street I have heard you talk,
talk about an unrighteous man who harvested wheat
on the very Sabbath, who claimed to be God,
or His very Son? Who died for his own sins?
It is almost time to light the menorah.
[Adrian rises to his feet and smiles as he speaks.
Adrian. Welcome dear mother. Join us at the table.
The bread is fresh and still hot. Rebecca baked it
this very afternoon. We could not help to talk
about this Jesus, the Nazarene, he was a strange man.
[Adrian hugs Elizabeth and takes his place
at the head of the table
Ester. Dearest mother, what if He was truly the Messiah?
What if He was the very son of God and innocently put to death?
[Elizabeth is perplexed and speechless.
Adrian. Wife do you truly believe this?
That this Jesus, was more than just a mere man?
Rebecca. Some say that he was a prophet,
but nevertheless he had wonderful powers.
I saw him cure a man that was blind from youth,
right there at the magical pool, on the Sabbath.
Elisabeth. Rebecca, on the very Sabbath!
Demons work on the Sabbath, not godly men!
Daughters, what are happening to you?
Ester, you believe he was the very son of God!
This is ridiculous. There would have been signs
and the priests, the Pharisees would have proclaimed it.
Rebecca. Demons do not do selfless good deeds.
He was teaching us about Godly love,
that God is the Lord of the Sabbath,
that the Sabbath should be a joy for mankind.
Adrian. Sister, this is some strange kind of philosophy.
If he is truly God why did he not use his powers,
to stop the crucifixion, to smite those very Romans?
Ester. Husband I am sure
that he is the very Son of God!
He asked His father to forgive them
while they were mocking Him, nailing Him
to a rough cross. His kingdom
is not of this world.
Elizabeth. You have seen him being crucified?
Why do you think that he was the very Son of God?
Ester. Mother, there was only love on His face,
a kind of amazing grace that is hard to explain.
They say that even Pontius Pilate could find no fault in him
and had washed his own hands while the priests
and people, maybe even demons urged for his killing.
His mother and some women followers cried,
while he died and there was such sorrow to it
as He was totally innocent, had the face
of a very good and righteous man.
Adrian. Wife, looks can be deceiving!
Even great and good words
can come from the mouth of a rebel.
There must be more than you are telling,
to make you believe that He is
the very Son of the almighty God?
Ester. Husband, there were people
screaming to the soldiers to kill him,
spitting in his face. Maybe demons,
as I have never seen people acting so crudely,
begging for his blood to flow
and He asked His Father to forgive them.
That is truly love, a selfless act!
Elizabeth. Man is a strange kind of animal.
We play our roles as if we are on a stage
and God and His holy angels are witnesses.
Maybe, it was only a kind of act for sympathy?
Joanna. If he was the Son of God,
then His love would be unconditional.
He would have the power to destroy
and might hold it in check by His very love.
Adrian. Let us eat, the food is almost cold.
It is already becoming Sabbath
and this discussion is about murder,
if he was innocent and mayhem.
Those things are surely not holy,
not fit to be discussed at this time.
A divine being would have preformed a miracle?
[Ester looks seriously at Adrian.
Ester. Husband, your word is law
and as you say it is now a holy time.
You are asking about a miracle,
want signs and wonders, some kind of proof?
[Ester looks around the table, at the other people
with some sincerity.
Ester. Let me tell you just this and then I will be silent.
I believe He is the Messiah.
Think seriously about what I am saying.
When he died in the middle of the afternoon
it turned to night, while a terrible earthquake
rocked the city, with graves opening.
Surely you must have felt it?
Some of the dead had risen, was again living,
gigantic thunderbolts flashed down
from the darkest sky that I have ever seen.
As if the very earth was protesting
at its creator being killed,
even the Roman soldiers who had pinned Him
to that cruel cross, there and then
had forsaken their own gods, called Him the Son of God,
called Him God and everybody knew that there was truth to it. [Exeunt.
Scene II.-The main bedroom in Adrian’s house in Jerusalem.
Ester sits on the bed crying. Enter Adrian worried.
Ester. (whispering while crying) . Mortal men have killed the Son of God today.
I am scared. I am afraid for all of us.
What will become of this world? They killed God today.
You should have seen those men, they were demonic and evil.
No normal man beg for the blood of a really great man
and laughs with that kind of madness and glee when he dies.
[Adrian walks up to Ester. Pulls her up from the bed
into his arms and tries to comfort her.
Adrian. (In a calm pleasant voice) Hush. Hush my darling.
It must have been terrible. To see an innocent man die.
Men do strange things. What is becoming of this world?
They must have been only men. Wicked unruly somewhat
Ester. (Calm and collected) If you had been there, you would have felt
the presence of great evil. It was simply terrible and horrific,
but the scriptures speak of the Lamb of God
who has to die for the sins of the world.
Even great father Adam had told us of the promise,
of a man coming to smite the snake, the devil,
and that the serpent will strike Him in His heel.
(Ester starts sobbing again.)
Adrian. My poor darling, it is strange things
that you have witnessed. These are strange times.
You are right; no good can come from such a deed.
If men act above the law, against what is right and good,
to set a killer free at the whim of a unruly crowd
and kill a man, who lived selflessly,
what will become of us of this world?
Ester. Perhaps He will set us free from sin,
will keep the Godly promise. There was
a strange kind of kindness, gentleness to him,
while love had radiated from every look,
had mingled with the pain,
but it was not the pain that had killed him.
Adrian. All men die at a time, it is our worldly lot.
We experience joy and happiness, sometimes worries
and eventually old age and pain and are not up
to help ourselves anymore…
Ester. (Shakes her head.) Enoch did not die,
God took him up to Him and the prophet Elijah
was fetched with a flaming cart.
Adrian. (Shakes his head perplexed.) But the very Son of God
dies on a cruel, dirty cross? When he could have called
angelic soldiers for help, when he could have only spoken
and mighty miracles could happen at the sound of His voice?
Ester. The life of Jesus was without sin.
He acted out Gods will, saved wretched lonely people,
cured many of them, it is even said
that he had raised Lazarus from death.
Some priests insulted Him on the cross and said
that He was going to destroy the temple
and build it up in three days, while it took the builders
years to build it, but then shouted at Him to save himself.
Adrian. But he could not save himself,
what kind of God is that? He could only act for other people?
How could he save others, but not save himself?
Ester. One of the robbers insulted Him and shouted
that if He is the Christ, He should save Himself and them.
Then a strange thing happened. The other robber asked
to the sneering one if he does not fear God?
He said that their punishment was according to the law,
was just for their deeds, but that Jesus
had done nothing wrong and then he said to Jesus
to remember him when Jesus comes
into His kingdom. Jesus answered: I say to you today,
that you will be with me in paradise.
Adrian. (Frowning.) He still claimed to be the Son of God
while being crucified?
Ester. The soldiers mocked Him and said
if you are the king of the Jews save yourself.
They even nailed a written sign above His head
that said: “this is the King of the Jews.”
Adrian. But if he was the Messiah, the king
of the Jews he would have smitten his enemies,
he would have smitten the Roman soldiers.
He would not just have died like a normal man?
Ester. Beloved husband, I have told you
that He did not die from pain,
it was not the whip lashes,
not the pain from the nails hanging him
against the sky, not the scorching sun,
not even the blood
that he was loosing that did it.
Adrian. (Looks perplexed.) Maybe it’s just something
that women understand,
I cannot make out head and tail of what you are saying.
What killed him then?
If not that cross on which he hanged?
What killed him if not the nails,
his open wounds and that very pain?
If he was truly God, why did he die then?
Ester. It was the separation from His Father,
His separation from God. He stepped into Adam’s place,
came to die for him, for us and took on our sins upon Himself.
The sins of this world were too much for Him.
The sins killed Him. He called out:
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? ”
Still the chief priests mocked him
shouting “come down from the cross,
if you are the son of God.”
Some said that He was calling Elijah
and Jesus cried out in a loud voice again and died.
Adrian. Then those strange miracles took place
that you had told us about, about which everybody
Ester. Then the darkness came and the earthquake,
and the things that I have told you about,
but I saw your friend Simon Peter near to the cross,
he was a follower of Jesus.
Adrian. (Is astonished.) Brave Simon Peter who pulled a sword
when we were attacked by robbers?
Are you sure that it was him?
I know that he had left everything to follow a holy man,
but could he be a disciple of this Jesus?
Ester. There was awful pain on his face
when they whipped Jesus, when they nailed Him
to the cross. Simon Peter was crying
and they must have been very close friends.
Simon Peter tried to comfort Mary Magdalene
and probably they all are now in severe danger?
Adrian. They may want to persecute
the followers of Jesus, maybe they will even
treat them in the same way. If Simon Peter was at the cross
he will be here, somewhere in Jerusalem.
Ester. We have some sheep, fried mushrooms,
some spinach and bread and its enough food for a feast,
that is already prepared. Why don’t you invite
Simon Peter and some of his friends to join us
tomorrow for lunch? They are probably scared
and hiding behind locked doors, nobody will
search here for them.
[Adrian pulls her in his arms again.
Adrian. Tomorrow very early we will go to the temple
to make our offerings before the thousands
of other people go there for the Passover.
It’s a very holy Sabbath day,
but I will go and see if I can find Peter and his friends,
they will be able to tell us much more
about this Jesus and his teachings. [Exeunt.
Scene I.- In the temple in Jerusalem, early on the Sabbath (Saturday) morning.
Enter Adrian, Ester, Rebecca, Johanna and Elizabeth.
[Adrian, Ester, Rebecca, Johanna and Elizabeth
puts offering into the temple treasury
Adrian. (Prays.) Oh great God of our fathers,
we are here to ask for forgiveness
for all our iniquities, that we have done
to You, to each other and our neighbours,
for we are but humans and Your laws
are just and You are our only light in this world. Amen.
[Elizabeth draws in her breath sharply,
looks up at the torn temple curtain
and notices the ark of the covenant.
Elizabeth. The curtain is torn right through,
from top to bottom and I can see into the most holy place.
I am looking as a sinful human being
at the very presence of God and I am living,
there is the ark, the ark of the covenant!
Adrian. The curtain has been ripped from top to bottom
and it three times as thick as my hand. How is this possible?
No earthquake could have done this, everything else
are still standing, are still in their places. No man has the power
to do such a thing.
Rebecca. The precious dwelling place of God
is beautiful, so peaceful. Look at the gleaming angels
on top of the ark.
Johanna. We can even walk right through. No person
with any sin can face the presence of God,
even the high priest has bells on his cloak
to tell that he is still alive on the day of atonement.
Adrian. Where are all the priests? The temple looks deserted
and this is the Sabbath day of the feast of Passover.
Elizabeth. Maybe we are too early.
Rebecca. No mother the smoke offering altar is burning,
the candles are burning. This is all very strange.
Smell the sweet odour of it.
Ester. Jesus was the final sacrifice, on the cross.
Only God could have ripped that thick curtain apart,
no man is up to it and all of us can look to where
the presence of God had been. It is clear that God is not here.
No sinful person can stay alive in facing him.
Moses wasn’t able to directly face him
and when he came down from the mountain
his face was gleaming, was shining
from the very presence of God.
Enter Chiapas and two priests.
Chiapas. (Angry.) What kind of blasphemy is this,
in the holy house of God? No man
can take the place of God, not that heretic
that was crucified and now is dead!
Ester. Great high priest, why is the curtain ripped?
We can see into the most holy place,
can look at the very ark of God,
can look at where His presence should be
and we see nothing but the ark?
Elizabeth. (calm and collected) It’s so strange. We are sinful people
and are still living? Where is God?
Chiapas. (Angrier.) Where is God indeed? He is everywhere,
He is omnipresent! Do you not believe that He exists,
are saying this in this very holy temple?
Adrian. Exalted priest, we are simple people. We mean no harm,
but if God is not divinely present in His temple,
like he was on mountain with Moses,
why has He left His temple?
Chiapas. You are spreading blasphemy upon blasphemy.
Surely God has other duties to attend to, but for this Godly house!
Elizabeth. Other duties indeed, but He is omnipresent!
I ask humbly, what has driven Him out of here
on the holy Sabbath, of the very day of Passover?
Chiapas. I am not up to hear some more blasphemy
on a most holy Sabbath day!
[Exit Chiapas and the two priests in a hurry.
Adrian. How strange the things that we said to them,
but stranger still that they did not do us any harm,
for saying these things in this holy place?
Ester. Stranger still that not one word was said,
by the two other priests, that we are living
and God is not here in His divine presence
on this very holy day.
Adrian. (Perplexed.) What if Jesus was the very Son of God
and now is resting in the grave?
[All the women including Ester looks stunned at Adrian.
Elizabeth. Dear son, if there is truth in what you say,
then God the Father might be mourning
the death of His Son. [Exeunt.
Scene II.- In the forecourt of temple in Jerusalem early on the Sabbath morning.
Enter Adrian, Ester, Rebecca, Johanna and Elizabeth, a crowd of worshipers,
Chiapas and a group of priests.
Chiapas. [To a priest secretively whispering
Chiapas. Go and pull the curtain together. Go, hurry
or we are going to have a riot on this very Sabbath.
Priest. (Afraid.) What if I am killed by touching it?
Worshiper. What is he whispering? What is wrong?
Why are we being stopped from entering God’s holy temple?
Adrian. (In a loud voice) The curtain between the holy
and most holy places has been ripped open
from the top to the bottom!
Chiapas. [To the Priest.
Chiapas. Hurry, nothing will happen to you. Anybody can now look
into the most holy place, I suspect even touch the ark.
Ester. My husband speaks the truth, I have witnessed it.
[Chiapas who did not hear the conversations looks up startled
Chiapas. What did you say there?
Rebecca. I have seen the golden arc of the covenant
with the two lovely gleaming angels.
Johanna. We could have entered the most holy place,
we looked straight into it and are still living.
Elizabeth. They have got blood on their hands,
they killed an innocent, good man yesterday!
Ester. They killed the very Son of God
and God is not in the most holy place in the temple.
[The crowd of worshipers gets somewhat unruly.
Another worshiper. Jesus healed my only child.
He was a very good man!
Another worshiper. He caused me to see,
when I was blind from birth,
he was the very Son of God.
Another worshiper. He changed the water into wine
at my wedding when we ran out of wine.
[Adrian to the women of his family.
Adrian. Hasten home, the people are getting angry
with the priests and things are going to become unruly.
I have spotted Simon Peter, there he is slipping away.
I am going to follow him.
[Exit Adrian, Ester, Rebecca, Johanna and Elizabeth
Another worshiper. You have ordered an innocent man killed,
a prophet who did only do good
and his blood is on your hands,
you have brought his blood on everyone’s hands
and now God has left his temple.
[The crowd of worshipers rush forward to
Chiapas and a group of priests.
Another worshiper. He taught us to love
and you have killed him in hatred!
[Chiapas to a priest
Chiapas. Quickly, go and call the soldiers of the Roman legion!
Another worshiper. Is the curtain really torn right through?
[The crowd of worshipers gets silent to hear the reply
Chiapas. What did you say there?
Another worshiper. He asked if the curtain between the holy
and the most holy place has been torn from top to the bottom?
Chiapas. (Looks worried at the crowd) There is some truth to it,
but God is still there, God is omnipresent!
Another worshiper. Can mortal sinful men look
into the most holy place?
[Chiapas turns to the priests secretively whispering
Chiapas. We will have to hurry into the temple
and close the doors for our own safety,
until the soldiers of the Roman legion arrives.
A priest. But this is a most holy Sabbath
and all of these people just want to pray,
want to be in the presence of God
and you are calling upon heathens
to interfere on the Sabbath?
[Chiapas to the priests.
Chiapas. These people are dangerous,
they are holding us responsible
for the death of that heretic Jesus.
Anything can happen. Let us leave right now. [Exeunt.
Scene III.- Adrian’s house in Jerusalem. At midday. Adrian sits at the table with Ester, Rebecca, Johanna, Elizabeth and their guests Simon Peter and Mary Magdalene, where they are eating lunch and are in conversation.
Mary Magdalene. Jesus was such a wise man, so full of love,
so full of live and integrity, a man with real sincerity
and selfless, He changed all of our lives.
Elizabeth. Did you have a relationship with him,
as between a husband and wife?
[Adrian, Ester, Rebecca and Johanna looks shocked at their mother Elizabeth,
Simon Peter looks encouraging at Mary Magdalene.
Mary Magdalene. (Blushes. Calm and collected) I had slept with men,
before I met Him. He was like no other man,
His love was selfless and for any man and woman.
I am astounded by His strange love,
by the way He wrote in the sand,
forcing the men who wanted to kill me to leave
and forgiving my iniquity and said sin no more.
[Adrian, Ester, Rebecca Johanna and Elizabeth
are stunned by Mary’s words.
Simon Peter. He changed all of our lives.
No one could have truly known him
without becoming a better person,
without learning to love selflessly.
Mary Magdalene. To answer you Elizabeth,
at times I wonder where my love
for Him started, if I was made with it.
His eyes did know the dark depths of my heart
and had touched me like no other,
had healed me and make me completely free
from all sin. Even my lovely face,
my body, my pomegranate red lips
and round full breasts
made no impression on Him.
His holiness and unconditional love
touched me so deeply that I washed His feet
with ointment of nard
and in humility used my hair to dry them.
[Ester pours some more wine
while they enjoy the meal.
Rebecca. He sounds like a wonderful man,
but his death is so unexpected,
it is unexpected for a holy man that only did well.
Mary Magdalene. (Cries silently.) With every stroke that the hammer made
against that cross of wood
and every nail that had pierced
right through His body,
I knew pain like I never did before
and in my soul the dark depths died with Him.
[Simon Peter rises from the table to comfort Mary,
drawing her into his arms like a bother.
Simon Peter. Hush dear Mary. It’s painful,
extremely painful for all of us.
Ester. I saw them crucifying him,
and although I knew that he was innocent,
as it was quite obvious,
there was nothing that I could do,
nothing that anyone could do,
without risking his or her own life
and strangely there was only love on His face,
a kind of amazing grace that is hard to explain.
Simon Peter. I was ready to defend Him
with a drawn sword
but wasn’t brave enough
to admit being his disciple.
[Adrian stares at Simon Peter unconvinced of his words
Adrian. I am sure that you did everything
that you could?
Simon Peter. Let me tell you how it was.
It was dark in the garden
when Judas and a crowd of soldiers
and officials with clubs and swords
came to us and I heard Judas saying:
“Greetings Master, ” kissing Him
and the Lord asked:
“Friend, why have you come? ”
But to me it was clear that Judas
was betraying Him
and when Malchus with some soldiers
stepped up to Jesus and seized Him
I draw my sharp sword
and chopped off his ear
trying to drive them back,
trying to defend the Lord.
Adrian. You were always brave,
quick with a sword.
Simon Peter. The Lord Jesus said to me:
“Peter, put away your sword
or you will die by it. Don’t you know
that my Father will send
twelve legions of angels
if I ask Him? And shall I
not do as my Father commands me? ”
Elizabeth. I still cannot understand why
he did not use his power,
why he did not take the Roman legion by force,
why he did not establish his kingdom here?
Simon Peter. (Smiles understanding.) Those things did bother me at a time,
even Judas thought that he was doing a good thing,
when he betrayed the Lord.
He thought that he will force the Lord to act,
to act to establish His kingdom
but the kingdom of God,
of the Lord Jesus is not of this world.
Elizabeth. How can you be so sure,
that this Jesus is the Messiah,
that he truly is the very Son of God,
not just another prophet or holy man?
If he is the Messiah, the Christ then the scriptures
and the priests and Pharisees would have proclaimed it?
Simon Peter. Dear Elizabeth, the scriptures does proclaim him,
does even proclaim his coming,
Isaiah says that He was lead like a lamb to slaughter,
that for our transgressions He was stricken
while he did not open his mouth,
that he was assigned to death with the wicked,
to be with the rich in his death.
[Mary Magdalene suddenly comprehends starts crying.
Mary Magdalene. He was buried in the grave of a rich man,
Joseph form Arimathea.
[Ester comforts Mary Magdalene.
Elizabeth. To me this is still somewhat vague.
Peter, did you say that the scriptures proclaimed
the time of his coming?
Simon Peter. The prophet Daniel talks about
seventy ‘sevens’ (four hundred and ninety years)
to put a end to sin, to atone for wickedness,
to bring everlasting righteousness,
of the Anointed One the ruler
after the decree to rebuild Jerusalem.
Elizabeth. You are talking here about
four hundred and ninety years,
from the time that Artasasta decree
went out to rebuild Jerusalem,
but there must be more to this Jesus, than just this?
Simon Peter. You must have known Him personally,
must learn his teachings to love your fellow man,
must have know more than his miracles
to understand how he portrayed a God of love.
Let me tell you about my last contact with Him,
about the night in the garden in Gethsemane
and how I failed him.
Elizabeth. Simon Peter, I have know you
from the time that you were small
and you have never failed anybody,
you have always been a pillar of righteousness.
Simon Peter. The Lord took the ear from the ground
attaching it to Malchus’s head and then asked the crowd:
“Am I a rebel leader for you to come to me armed
with clubs and swords? While I taught at the temple
almost every day you didn’t arrest me.”
They bound Him and only John and I
followed Him to the residence of Annas
and John went in since he was know
to the old high priest
and I waited outside that door,
but it was cold and then John brought me in.
Johanna. The past few nights had been rather cold,
but what happened then? They must have seen
that they had arrested an innocent man?
Simon Peter. The girl on duty at the door asked
me if I am not one of the disciples of the criminal
and then I denied it, being afraid
that they would arrest me too.
It was very cold and I shivered
and I stood closer to the fire
with some servants and officials
to warm myself and saw an official
striking Jesus in the face.
At the fire one of the officials asked
if I am not one of the disciples of Jesus
and again I denied it,
as these were very dangerous men.
Adrian. I would have fled,
never mind just denying to knowing him.
Simon Peter. (Crying softly.) But it was terribly wrong of me,
I loved him. If he isn’t God,
then no other is worthy to be God.
A relative of Malchus then challenged me:
“Didn’t I see you in the garden? Aren’t you
a Galilean? ” Again I denied it
and then a cock crowed
while the Lord turned and looked at me
and I remembered Him saying:
“Before the cock crows today
you will renounce me three times, ”
and I saw nothing but love
and understanding in His eyes.
My heart was filled with sudden anguish
and I went outside, into that cold night
wept bitterly, hearing those men
mocking and beating Him. [Exeunt
Scene I- The garden of Gethsemane. Early on the Sunday morning with Mary Magdalene, Ester, Rebecca, Johanna and Elizabeth near to the tomb of Jesus Christ in conversation.
Johanna. It’s such a lovely sunny day
and we have brought the spices for the anointing.
Why is the earth shaking so violently?
Let us wait a moment. Look how that tree is swaying.
Look! The tomb is open.
Ester. Who has rolled the large stone away
from the entrance of the tomb?
Rebecca: The tomb is empty! It’s strange
the bandages, the clothes are neatly folded.
Mary Magdalene. (Crying.) “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb,
and we don’t know where they had put him.”
We have got to go and tell Peter.
[The other women start crying, Exit Mary
Enter John, Simon Peter and Mary Magdalene running
John. Peter, the strips of linen, the burial cloth
are all neatly folded.
Simon Peter. Look, the tomb is empty.
I wonder who has taken His body?
Can it be the Pharisees? Can it be some of the priests?
They dare not touch anything dead,
as they will be unclean.
To where would they have taken Him?
Mary Magdalene. (Crying.) “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb,
and we don’t know where they had put him.”
Simon Peter. (Trying to console Mary.) Mary, it’s very strange.
Who could have rolled the rock away?
Mary Magdalene. (Sobbing.) I do not know, just that my Lord is gone.
Simon Peter. There is not much more that we can do here.
Let us go home.
[Exit Simon Peter and John.
Enter two angels appearing like lightning
[In fright the women bow down
with their faces to the ground.
Angels. (To Mary Magdalene.) “Woman, why are you crying?
Who is it you are looking for? ”
Mary Magdalene. (Crying.) “They have taken my Lord away,
and I don’t know where they had put him.”
[Mary turns around see Jesus, but do not realise that it is Him.
Angels. (to the women) “Don’t be alarmed.
You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene,
who was crucified?
Why do you look for the living
among the dead?
He is not here; he has risen!
Remember how he told you,
while he was still with you in Galilee:
“The son of man must be delivered
into the hands of sinful men,
be crucified and on the third day
be raised again.” See the place
where they laid him.
But go, tell his disciples and Peter.”
[Mary Magdalene walks up to Jesus
thinking that He is the gardener.
Jesus Christ. “Woman, why are you crying?
Who is it you are looking for? ”
Mary Magdalene. “Sir, if you have carried him away,
tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”
Jesus Christ. Mary.
Mary Magdalene. “Rabboni! ” Teacher!
[Overwhelmed, totally astonished Mary Magdalene reaches for Jesus.
Jesus Christ. “Do not hold on to me,
for I have not yet returned to the Father;
go instead to my brothers and tell them:
“I am returning to my Father
and your Father,
to my God and your God.”
Mary Magdalene. My Lord I see love radiating out of your face
I wanted to come to you
with arms wide open,
come to you with my pain and fear,
wanted to wrap my arms adoring around you,
wanted to make you my only my own.
You know how much I love you,
but you are God; the Son of the Father,
your selfless love goes to everyone…
Elizabeth. He truly is the Son of God. He really is God. [Exeunt
[Poet’s note: The bible does not contradict itself. For consistency I have written “Jesus answered I say to you today, that you will be with me in paradise.” Many translations get it wrong stating: ”I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.” These words were said on the Friday of the crucifixion. Luke 23: 43. After being risen on the following Sunday Jesus Christ says to Mary Magdalene in John 20: 17 “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father.”]
By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed.
I just don't think that I could be the kind of actor I want to be and not be honest with myself. Honesty is very important to me as an actor and as a person. I didn't even think about it.
I think - I think I've always been kind of - I used to think of myself as a piece of rubber when I was a kid because I was kind of very shy and very - very emotional about things, but I kind of would bounce back.
I’m a hopeless romantic, and if I fell in love, I’d stop doing anything and spend time with her all the time - and that would get very distracting. I start becoming very lazy, so I have to keep myself at bay.
I've had those people very interested in my writing. Since I think of myself as a composer, I feel really good. I've had lots of guys call me up. I've gotten two or three commissions to write things. I've written lots of movie scores.
I love the feeling that you get when you can really laugh with a man and be natural and not always think that there's a sexual element going on. For me, flirting with a man means making fun of myself and trying to open myself and be very unpretentious.
There are days when you
feel very lazy
and don’t want to do
anything at all.
Everything you do
seems a struggle.
You never know why,
it just happens,
you would rather just lay back,
and let the rest of the world
go on its merry way.
I call these my lazy days.
They don’t come too often,
but they do
I enjoy them
as much as I can.
25 February 2008
My family is very strong like me
My family is actually very sweet
My family can be a little strict
My family always acts like this
My family is not always boring
When my family has things to do their flying and soaring
My family is actually sometimes crazy
Their even sometimes very lazy
Me trying to think about the facts of my family
Makes me laugh because I know I have a great family highly
Perhaps I Am Just Tired
i may feel sorry for you
it does not linger somehow
there is no ash in my forehead
on a second thought
i feel proud of myself for having told you the truth
we can be blessings
in disguises having given you pain
at night when i am all alone
i think about it
i feel like a bow
with all strength that i have mustered
i shoot you in that darkest night of your life
i feel the speed
it is more godly or godlike
there is divine contempt in me
but with all my good intentions
i tell myself
it is all for you....for you...all for you.
when i did it, i never thought of a name or a face
i did not even think of myself.
last night i rest my head on a pillow
i had a very sound sleep....perhaps i am just tired.
As the sun sets
That is how your love is like
It comes only on bad times when I don't want it
And pretending to be very sweet
Why me, I say why me
Your love started sweet and it was great
But so quick it changed like a chameleon
A sudden change of joy to pain
Why all this to me
Why me I say again
Am tied of your painful love
It takes a very long time for me to see your love
In one hundred years it comes once like a solar eclipse
You always say no to me like a DSTV says no signal
You don't want me when I need you
Its better I stay lonely
You have many ways of tricking me
But then that doesn't change anything
Your love is dangerous like a lion
Your love is foolish like a hyena
But nothing you can bear from that
Don't think am crazy
Since am not lazy
Why do you always interrupt into my business?
you have done alot to me
why cant you just leave me?
I Saw In Louisiana A Live Oak Growing
I SAW in Louisiana a live-oak growing,
All alone stood it, and the moss hung down from the branches;
Without any companion it grew there, uttering joyous leaves of dark
And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself;
But I wonder'd how it could utter joyous leaves, standing alone
there, without its friend, its lover near--for I knew I could
And I broke off a twig with a certain number of leaves upon it, and
twined around it a little moss,
And brought it away--and I have placed it in sight in my room;
It is not needed to remind me as of my own dear friends,
(For I believe lately I think of little else than of them;)
Yet it remains to me a curious token--it makes me think of manly
For all that, and though the live-oak glistens there in Louisiana,
solitary, in a wide flat space,
Uttering joyous leaves all its life, without a friend, a lover, near,
I know very well I could not.
Letting Go Of Your Drug Of Choice
Letting go of the thoughts
That one day we might be together
Is not an easy thing for me
Especially when I have to see you
From time to time
It's hard to stop myself
From reaching out to grab you
It's almost like an automatic reaction
And my body knows that
You should be mine
I just might not know the difference
Between my dreams and reality
I wonder how long it will take
Without seeing you for this to stop
It's almost like addict trying
To get far away from there drug of choice
And Just maybe I could go a day
Without thinking about you
And then my body and mind
Will stop longing for you
But until that days comes
Can you please spare my heart
And I don't think I can be
A very good friend to you
If all i'm trying to do
Is Soften the blow for myself
Can't you see it hurts to listen to you
And it kills me to see you
You have gone from being
My most alluring drug
To a most debilitating one
And your presence has become
The poison in my life
I am no exception like other human beings
The same arguments kill me and constantly ring
Even though I am never a failure and got it easy
Yet it provides me no comfort and makes me lazy
Morning sun light scorches my skin
I have so much liking for and very keen
May be it is my weakest point to admit
Still I think it is proper and very much fit
I have enjoyed it number of times
It has occurred to my mind sometimes
I must find some solution permanently
The soul can’t be cheated constantly
Of late I have started to feel some regret
It is killing me from inside with the fears not to make it let
It is reality and creates some sort of repentance
With the result I feel distress and remain very tense
The defense offered is very weak
I am victim and can’t speak
Such lilies can’t cut much ice
It is end of good words and promises
The joy is momentary with guilty pleasure
It has no scale with marks to measure
It may only give unhappiness in coming days
One should find some compromise and stay away
How long you may continue to cheat?
You may lower your eyes when greet
Have some real fun from other activities
But make sure it is branded as bad qualities
Mother, mother. My beloved mother,
I hope you know my love for you is like no other.
You do me every favour to show that you care,
And no matter what way we may argue,
I learn that your decisions are all so very fair.
You are a lovely woman and someone to behold,
You're more of a prize to me than any pot of gold.
I see you every day and I think to myself,
"Wow, this angel gave me life! "
This isn't all you're admired for
As I'm sure you make a brilliant wife.
You do every chore around the house;
Where do you get the time?
I'm just surprised that, after so much tiring work,
You're doing rather fine.
At heart, you are very beautiful;
A strong and responsible creature.
Since birth, I have regarded you
As my life-experience teacher.
I'm privileged that you became my mother,
That you were the only one;
You raised me to be me
And gave me hope as big as the sun.
Where would I be without you
Now that every year I've known you,
My endless love for you grew?
I so wish to thank you mother infinitely
For absolutely everything you've done for me.
I have the intention to owe you back, definitely.
Love is all I ask more from you
So you get some back by yours truly: Ste.
I'm Not The Girl, You Think I Am
why is everything you say,
turn out to be not true?
i'm not the girl who will turn her back,
i like to think of myself as the girl,
who fights back,
i'm sick of getting taken advantage of,
but in a way,
that was kind of my fault,
i allowed it to be okay,
just like i allowed myself to give up on life,
weak moment, it felt so right,
i wanted this to end,
but, than i wouldn't win,
the chance to be treated fair,
when i did everything you asked of me,
2 weeks later, there was more to do,
do you think i would give up?
thoughts come to mind,
but, i remember where it gotten me,
coming back at you stronger than ever,
because this is my life to control,
not yours to be prisoner,
i may cry when everything becomes too much,
but, it gives me the power,
to never give up my fight,
i'm going to take what i deserve,
because i've been through enough,
once we done, i want nothing to do with you,
you did me no good,
except see that all people can't be trusted,
along the way, i found who my true friends were,
that the best present i can ever ask for,
i guess things do happen for a reason,
and that god hate ugly people,
when your time comes,
he will have a payback for you,
but, for right now,
i just have to be patient.
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