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I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

quote by Bob Saget
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911 Is A Joke

Now I dialed nine one one a long time ago
Dont you see how late theyre reactin
They only come, and they come when they wanna
So get the morgue truck em back the goner
They dont care cause they stay paid anyway
They treat you like an ace that cant be betrayed
I know you stumble with no use people
If your life is on the line, then youre dead today
Late comings with the late comin stretcher -
Thats a body bag in disguise - yall Ill betcha
I call em body snatchers
Quick they come to fetch you -
With an autopsy ambulance just to dissect ya
They are the kings cos they swing amputation
Lose your arms your legs the famous compilation
I can prove it to you watch the rotation
It all adds up to a funky situation
Get up, get get down
911 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get get down
Late 911 wears the late crown
(chorus)
(ow)
911 is a joke , 911 is a joke
Everyday they dont never come correct
You can ask my man right here with the broken neck
Hes a witness to the job never bein done
He wouldve been in full effect , 911
Is a joke because their always jokin
They the token to your life when its croakin
They need to be in a pawn shop on a 911 -
Is a joke we dont want em
I call a cab cause a cab will come quicker
The doctors huddle up and call a flea flicker
The reason that I say that cause they
Flick you off like fleas
They be laughin at ya while youre crawlin on our knees
And to the strength, so go the length
Thinkin you are first when you really are tenth
You better wake up and smell the real flavor
Cause 911 is a fake life saver
(chorus) (chorus)
Ow, ow 911 is a joke
911 is a joke,
911 is a joke,
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke.
(get up, get get down)
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke, 911 is a joke
(get up, get get down)
911 is a joke, 911 is a joke, 911 is a joke

[...] Read more

song performed by Duran Duran
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Lies

Baby
What do I do
Playing my tune for you
Just to get you in the mood
Everybodys going to hollywood
Youre driving me mad
But Im smiling to the crowd instead
A lot of money is at stake, this is a hit and thats a fake
This is what you mean to me
This is what they all should see
Make a make up in a foolish style
Telling the truth by making a big lie
When I come, I come but nothings at ease
Breaking up the whole is a modern disease
Maybe you think tomorrows just a joke
Its a joke after joke after joke after joke
My love
Everythings an interview
And nothings really new
And everybodys looking for clues and you know what to do with a clue
My love
Get ready for the show
Theyre waiting and they will never go
This night is just a go
And its only for show
Dig that deal and be a millionaire
Drinking cocktails in the stratosphere
Getting jetlagged with my business friends in these supersonic wonderlands
Theres a flicker on the graphic display, first hes smiling then hes fading away
Maybe he thinks tomorrows just a joke
Its a joke after joke after joke after joke
Gold/1984

song performed by Alphaville
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You Think Its A Joke

You thinks its a joke, i find no reason,
Why i should laugh at you.
You think its a joke to take advantage
Of the life that supports you.
Push and push. suppress the weaker ones
You find two words, with emotions you are numb.
You think the world revolves around the things you buy.
I think of lonliness that you will die.
I want to defend defenseless, let the meek inherit the earth.
And your intelligence give you nothing to mask your ignorance.
If theres a god above to judge whats right and wrong.
Your careless attitude will soon be gone.
You thinks its a joke, i find no reason,
Why i should laugh at you.
You think its a joke to take advantage
Of the life that supports you.
You think its a joke
You think its a joke
I want to defend defenseless, let the meek inherit the earth.
And your intelligence give you nothing to mask your ignorance.
If theres a god above to judge whats right and wrong.
Your careless attitude will soon be gone.
You think the world revolves around the things you buy.
I think of lonliness that you will die. you will...
You thinks its a joke, i find no reason,
Why i should laugh at you.
You think its a joke to take advantage
Of the life that supports you.
'cause i find no reason.
Why i should laugh at you.
You think its a joke!

song performed by Goldfinger
Added by Lucian Velea
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The Joke's On Me

The old days were no fun
Im not sorry that they're gone
I don't miss them and I won't miss them
and it was always wrong
Everything I've ever done
From the beginning and to the ending
and things never got better, it seems like forever
Since we had fun or maybe I never have fun
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me
You were always lame, a headache and a pain
I don't miss you and I won't miss you
I tried not to get bitter but I was such a quitter
Oh yeah I had dreams but they were only ever bad dreams
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me, The joke's on me...
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
How everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
That everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
[2x]
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me...

song performed by Reel Big Fish
Added by Lucian Velea
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Robotic Things

Keep it in the right perspective.
Keep it in the right perspective.
No need for probing deeper,
For those reasons to dissect this.

Signs come!
And...
Keep it in the right perspective.
Those exposing a wisdom,
Are ignored as bores!

Keep it in the right perspective.
Keep it in the right perspective.
No need for probing deeper,
For those reasons to dissect this.

Upheaval seen upon the streets.
Keep it in the right perspective.
And...
Poverty increases and defeats.
Keep it in the right perspective.
No need for probing deeper,
For those reasons to dissect this.

And the songs heard they sing,
Sound as if,
They are...
Human beings!

Keep it in the right perspective.
Keep it in the right perspective.

And the songs heard they sing,
Sound as if,
They are...
Robotic things!

Keep it in the right perspective.
Keep it in the right perspective.
No need for probing deeper,
For those reasons to dissect this.

Signs come!
And...
Keep it in the right perspective.
Those exposing a wisdom,
Are ignored as bores!

And the songs heard they sing,
Sound as if,

[...] Read more

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Medea in Athens

Dead is he? Yes, our stranger guest said dead--
said it by noonday, when it seemed a thing
most natural and so indifferent
as if the tale ran that a while ago
there died a man I talked with a chance hour
when he by chance was near me. If I spoke
"Good news for us but ill news for the dead
when the gods sweep a villain down to them,"
'twas the prompt trick of words, like a pat phrase
from some one other's song, found on the lips
and used because 'tis there: for through all day
the news seemed neither good nor ill to me.

And now, when day with all its useless talk
and useless smiles and idiots' prying eyes
that impotently peer into one's life,
when day with all its seemly lying shows
has gone its way and left pleased fools to sleep,
while weary mummers, taking off the mask,
discern that face themselves forgot anon
and, sitting in the lap of sheltering night,
learn their own secrets from her--even now
does it seem either good or ill to me?
No, but mere strange.

And this most strange of all
that I care nothing.

Nay, how wild thought grows.
Meseems one came and told of Jason's death:
but 'twas a dream. Else should I, wondering thus,
reck not of him, nor with the virulent hate
that should be mine against mine enemy,
nor with that weakness which sometimes I feared
should this day make me, not remembering Glaucè,
envy him to death as though he had died mine?

Can he be dead? It were so strange a world
with him not in it.

Dimly I recall
some prophecy a god breathed by my mouth.
It could not err. What was it? For I think;--
it told his death¹.

Has a god come to me?
Is it thou, my Hecate? How know I all?
For I know all as if from long ago:
and I know all beholding instantly.
Is not that he, arisen through the mists?--

[...] Read more

poem by Augusta Davies Webster
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(I Remember) When Suicide Was Just a Joke

Do you know what I’d give
What I got, what I’d give to go back?
Do you know that I’d give
Up my life just as easy as anything?
And we pass and your voice
Like a death grip on my heart attack
It’s so superficial
Such a f**king w***e don’t care about anything

[Chorus]
Hate is a word that describes what this
In a hall emptied up I’m a name on a list
Of a laundry bag filled with glass I punch with my fist
I remember
When suicide was just a joke

I believed what you said
You believed that I’d always be clean
A fresh slate of my arms
Couldn’t take the days that I hurt for you
Maybe if you weren’t so cruel
I wouldn’t ‘ve had to feel the pain
And if you weren’t so good lookin’
Maybe I wouldn’t want to die

[Chorus]
When suicide was just a joke [X2]

Well everybody knows you’re the one to call
When the girls get ugly on the back of the wall
You’re a polysaccharidal leaching germ to my brain
The camera sees the one thing leaving

Do you know what it is
To make stop dropp offs of misery?
And when I tell you I feel
Do you know that I’d really rather go?
A mixed media chart
Tracing cold hard lies of my history
Yes I scream in the night
Because of you, I’ve never felt so low

[Chorus]

When suicide was just a joke
(I remember)
When suicide was just a joke
(I remember)
When suicide was just a joke
[Spoken: This life was so funny]

[...] Read more

poem by Christopher's Dead
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Impossible To Tell

to Robert Hass and in memory of Elliot Gilbert

Slow dulcimer, gavotte and bow, in autumn,
Bashõ and his friends go out to view the moon;
In summer, gasoline rainbow in the gutter,

The secret courtesy that courses like ichor
Through the old form of the rude, full-scale joke,
Impossible to tell in writing. 'Bashõ'

He named himself, 'Banana Tree': banana
After the plant some grateful students gave him,
Maybe in appreciation of his guidance

Threading a long night through the rules and channels
Of their collaborative linking-poem
Scored in their teacher's heart: live, rigid, fluid

Like passages etched in a microscopic cicuit.
Elliot had in his memory so many jokes
They seemed to breed like microbes in a culture

Inside his brain, one so much making another
It was impossible to tell them all:
In the court-culture of jokes, a top banana.

Imagine a court of one: the queen a young mother,
Unhappy, alone all day with her firstborn child
And her new baby in a squalid apartment

Of too few rooms, a different race from her neighbors.
She tells the child she's going to kill herself.
She broods, she rages. Hoping to distract her,

The child cuts capers, he sings, he does imitations
Of different people in the building, he jokes,
He feels if he keeps her alive until the father

Gets home from work, they'll be okay till morning.
It's laughter versus the bedroom and the pills.
What is he in his efforts but a courtier?

Impossible to tell his whole delusion.
In the first months when I had moved back East
From California and had to leave a message

On Bob's machine, I used to make a habit
Of telling the tape a joke; and part-way through,
I would pretend that I forgot the punchline,

[...] Read more

poem by Robert Pinsky
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Nobody Spoke (for Karen)

Nobody spoke to Lucy,
nobody spoke at all,
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
nobody spoke
for five long years
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.

Lucy withdrew
without a clue
why nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years,
nobody spoke
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke!

Lucy went mad
she went crazy!
She screamed
she cried, she sobbed,
but nobody spoke,
for five long years
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.

Many years later
she saw them,
those people she wanted
to be her friends.
but ain't no joke
nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years.
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.

Lucy left a note
in daddy's drawer,
put on her very best dress.
Did her hair in a very fine way
and walked into the hall as a guest.
She walked up to the folk
that never spoke,
said hello in an ordinary way,
then she pulled out a gun
and opened fire.
Yes she shot all those folk
on that day.

[...] Read more

poem by Ruth Walters
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Black Comedy

Sweet cunning eyes try to take from me
Youre too young, Im too wise, this is parody
A taste of what you like can be fatal sometimes
Arms that hold you tight but leave you cold, so cold
The stars in the sky are out of reach tonight
Tears fall like rain, wrong again, words wont make me right
cause I knew from the start you were wrong for me
Call it fate if you like or black comedy
Love, maybe lust, made me sweet sixteen
So my soul lost control, nothing in between
A taste of what you want can be brutal sometimes
Arms that hold you tight but leave you cold, so cold
The stars in the sky are out of reach tonight
Tears fall like rain, wrong again, words wont make me right
cause I knew from the start you were wrong for me
Call it fate if you like or black comedy
The stars in the sky are out of reach tonight
Tears fall like rain, wrong again, words wont make me right
cause I knew from the start you were wrong for me
Call it fate if you like or black comedy
The stars in the sky are out of reach tonight
Tears fall like rain, wrong again, words wont make me right
cause I knew from the start you were wrong for me
Call it fate if you like or black comedy
The stars in the sky are out of reach tonight
Tears fall like rain, wrong again, words wont make me right
cause I knew from the start you were wrong for me
Call it fate if you like or black comedy

song performed by Culture Club
Added by Lucian Velea
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XI. Guido

You are the Cardinal Acciaiuoli, and you,
Abate Panciatichi—two good Tuscan names:
Acciaiuoli—ah, your ancestor it was
Built the huge battlemented convent-block
Over the little forky flashing Greve
That takes the quick turn at the foot o' the hill
Just as one first sees Florence: oh those days!
'T is Ema, though, the other rivulet,
The one-arched brown brick bridge yawns over,—yes,
Gallop and go five minutes, and you gain
The Roman Gate from where the Ema's bridged:
Kingfishers fly there: how I see the bend
O'erturreted by Certosa which he built,
That Senescal (we styled him) of your House!
I do adjure you, help me, Sirs! My blood
Comes from as far a source: ought it to end
This way, by leakage through their scaffold-planks
Into Rome's sink where her red refuse runs?
Sirs, I beseech you by blood-sympathy,
If there be any vile experiment
In the air,—if this your visit simply prove,
When all's done, just a well-intentioned trick,
That tries for truth truer than truth itself,
By startling up a man, ere break of day,
To tell him he must die at sunset,—pshaw!
That man's a Franceschini; feel his pulse,
Laugh at your folly, and let's all go sleep!
You have my last word,—innocent am I
As Innocent my Pope and murderer,
Innocent as a babe, as Mary's own,
As Mary's self,—I said, say and repeat,—
And why, then, should I die twelve hours hence? I—
Whom, not twelve hours ago, the gaoler bade
Turn to my straw-truss, settle and sleep sound
That I might wake the sooner, promptlier pay
His due of meat-and-drink-indulgence, cross
His palm with fee of the good-hand, beside,
As gallants use who go at large again!
For why? All honest Rome approved my part;
Whoever owned wife, sister, daughter,—nay,
Mistress,—had any shadow of any right
That looks like right, and, all the more resolved,
Held it with tooth and nail,—these manly men
Approved! I being for Rome, Rome was for me.
Then, there's the point reserved, the subterfuge
My lawyers held by, kept for last resource,
Firm should all else,—the impossible fancy!—fail,
And sneaking burgess-spirit win the day.
The knaves! One plea at least would hold,—they laughed,—
One grappling-iron scratch the bottom-rock

[...] Read more

poem by Robert Browning from The Ring and the Book
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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South Shores Lake Worth

Hemp's South Shore Comedy night,
you could hear comedy, have drinks and a bite.
Sitting with Jim at a table in the back,
watching the comics yak and yak.
It was fun I have to say,
Jim and me did comedy starting at 8.
Jim was a deadpan comic so he worked his punchline
he had a laugh all the time.
He even sang a Johny Cash song,
it was "Ring of Fire" a joke about his
_____not his dong.
Now I went on stage after him with Razel so cold,
she would make fun of the audience, she was bold.
For Razel would make fun of anyone she was mad at,
she was blunt and obnoxious like a brat.
Now funny times with Jim was such a delight,
we had fun at Hemp's South Shore Comedy night.
Written By Suzae Chevalier on February 13,2012

poem by Christina Sunrise
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South Shores Lake Worth

Hemp's South Shore Comedy night,
you could hear comedy, have drinks and a bite.
Sitting with Jim at a table in the back,
watching the comics yak and yak.
It was fun I have to say,
Jim and me did comedy starting at 8.
Jim was a deadpan comic so he worked his punchline
he had a laugh all the time.
He even sang a Johny Cash song,
it was 'Ring of Fire' a joke about his
_____not his dong.
Now I went on stage after him with Razel so cold,
she would make fun of the audience, she was bold.
For Razel would make fun of anyone she was mad at,
she was blunt and obnoxious like a brat.
Now funny times with Jim was such a delight,
we had fun at Hemp's South Shore Comedy night.

Written By Suzae Chevalier on February 13,2012

www.suzae.com

poem by Suzae Chevalier
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Ruined By Love

Ruined by love
Ruined by devotion
Ruined by surrender
Ruined by sweetkiss
Ruined by hugfish.

In the light see the dark
See the sky in the earth.
Stone is disappearing
Blood is transforming
Knowledge is blaming.

Waterless river no use
Lightless sun no use
Airless tornado no use
Skyless earth no use
Earthless sky no use.

Useful everything
With eachother
Corelate cooperate
Cohabitate timely
Simultaneously.

Hate and love
War and peace
Both originate
Both vanish with
Dark and light.

Dark and light
Is in our imagination
No body is there for
Modification.
Life is a relation
In love and
In devotion.

poem by Gajanan Mishra
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The Ruined Maid

"O 'Melia, my dear, this does everything crown!
Who could have supposed I should meet you in Town?
And whence such fair garments, such prosperi-ty?"-
"O didn't you know I'd been ruined?" said she.

-"You left us in tatters, without shoes or socks,
Tired of digging potatoes, and spudding up docks;
And now you've gay bracelets and bright feathers three!"-
"Yes: that's how we dress when we're ruined," said she.

-"At home in the barton you said 'thee' and 'thou,'
And 'thik oon' and 'theäs oon' and 't'other'; but now
Your talking quite fits 'ee for high compan-ny!"-
"Some polish is gained with one's ruin," said she.

-"Your hands were like paws then, you face blue and bleak
But now I'm bewitched by your delicate cheek,
And your little gloves fit as on any la-dy!"-
"We never do work when we're ruined," said she.

-"You used to call home-life a hag-ridden dream,
And you'd sigh, and you'd sock; but at present you seem
To know not of megrims or melancho-ly!"-
"True. One's pretty lively when ruined," said she.

-"I wish I had feathers, a fine sweeping gown,
And a delicate face, and could strut about Town"-
"My dear - raw country girl, such as you be,

Cannot quite expect that. You ain't ruined," said she.

poem by Thomas Hardy
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The Earthly Paradise: The Lady of the Land

The ArgumentA certain man having landed on an island in the Greek sea, found there a beautifuldamsel, whom he would fain have delivered from a strange & dreadful doom, butfailing herein, he died soon afterwards.
It happened once, some men of Italy
Midst the Greek Islands went a sea-roving,
And much good fortune had they on the sea:
Of many a man they had the ransoming,
And many a chain they gat and goodly thing;
And midst their voyage to an isle they came,
Whereof my story keepeth not the name.
Now though but little was there left to gain,
Because the richer folk had gone away,
Yet since by this of water they were fain
They came to anchor in a land-locked bay,
Whence in a while some went ashore to play,
Going but lightly armed in twos or threes,
For midst that folk they feared no enemies.

And of these fellows that thus went ashore,
One was there who left all his friends behind;
Who going inland ever more and more,
And being left quite alone, at last did find
A lonely valley sheltered from the wind,
Wherein, amidst an ancient cypress wood,
A long-deserted ruined castle stood.

The wood, once ordered in fair grove and glade,
With gardens overlooked by terraces,
And marble-pavèd pools for pleasure made,
Was tangled now and choked with fallen trees;
And he who went there, with but little ease
Must stumble by the stream's side, once made meet
For tender women's dainty wandering feet.

The raven's croak, the low wind choked and drear,
The baffled stream, the grey wolf's doleful cry,
Were all the sounds that mariner could hear,
As through the wood he wandered painfully;
But as unto the house he drew anigh,
The pillars of a ruined shrine he saw,
The once fair temple of a fallen law.

No image was there left behind to tell
Before whose face the knees of men had bowed;
An altar of black stone, of old wrought well,
Alone beneath a ruined roof now showed
The goal whereto the folk were wont to crowd,
Seeking for things forgotten long ago,
Praying for heads long ages laid a-low.

Close to the temple was the castle-gate,
Doorless and crumbling; there our fellow turned,

[...] Read more

poem by William Morris
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I Started A Joke

I started a joke
Which started the whole world crying
Oh but I didnt see
That the joke was on me...oh no..
And I started to cry
Which started the whole world laughing
Oh if Id only seen
That the joke was on me
And I looked at the skies
Running my hands
Over my eyes
And I fell out of bed
Cursing my head
For things that Ive said
Till I finally died
Which started the whole world living
Oh if Id only seen
That the joke was on me
And I looked at the skies
Running my hands
Over my eyes
And I fell out of bed
Cursing my head
For things that Ive said
Till I finally died
Which started the whole world living
Oh if Id only seen
That the joke was on me
That the joke was on me.........me.........

song performed by Faith No More
Added by Lucian Velea
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I Started A Joke

I started a joke which started the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me
I started to cry which started the whole world laughing
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me
I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
Till I finally died which started the whole world living
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me
I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
I finally died which started the whole world living
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me
That the joke was on me

song performed by Vonda Shepard
Added by Lucian Velea
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I Started A Joke

I started a joke. Which started the whole world crying.
But I didn't see that the joke was on me.
Oh, no, I started to cry. Which started the whole world laughing.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies. Running my hands over my eyes.
And I fell out of bed. Hurting my heads from things that I said.
Till I finally died. Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies. Running my hands over my eyes.
And I fell out of bed. Hurting my head from things that I said.
Till I finally died. Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
Oh, no, that the joke was on me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

song performed by Wallflowers
Added by Lucian Velea
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I Started A Joke

I started a joke. Which started the whole world crying.
But I didn't see that the joke was on me.
Oh, no, I started to cry. Which started the whole world laughing.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies. Running my hands over my eyes.
And I fell out of bed. Hurting my heads from things that I said.
Till I finally died. Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies. Running my hands over my eyes.
And I fell out of bed. Hurting my head from things that I said.
Till I finally died. Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
Oh, no, that the joke was on me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

song performed by Wallflowers
Added by Lucian Velea
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