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I didn't get into this to pick up a new hobby. I don't want to just be a golfer. I want to be the best.

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Didn't We Do This Once Before?

Didn't we do this once before?
Say those things,
We did not mean.
Only to ignore the conflict.
To find we could get over it...
To discover we adored each other more.

Didn't we do this once before?
Scream and shout!
Locked each other out with pouts.
Slamming doors to cuss.
Proclaiming who should kiss,
The other's butt.
Along with other disgusting stuff!
Didn't we go through this,
Before?

Didn't we go through this before?
Dramatically dropping to the floor.
On our knees in agony.
Exclaiming to the other...
'Please don't say another word.
Pack your things and leave! '

Crying our hearts out when that has been done.
Trying hard to do without the other one.
And rushing to embrace each other...
When again we were face to face.
Confessing as we held and kissed,
No one else could take the other's place.
Didn't we do this once before?

Like an assignment expected...
On a calendar of monthy chores!
Didn't we do this once before?
Why can't we resist this.
And accept we love each other as opposites.
Can't we decide to identify the conflict...
And fix it?
Instead of using that,
As an excuse to become more passionate.

The foreplay is wonderful!
But can we find another way...
To display a love we know is here to stay!

'We could...
If you were not the one so stubborn! '

Me? That's you.

'No...
It's you! '

No it isn't it's you.

'No...
You! '

Didn't we do this once before?

'And...
Your point,
Is what? '

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Kevin Bacon

I didn't get into this so I could talk about my work, my movies. You become an actor to act.

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Jon Secada

My intention when I came into this industry was to be a musician, not necessarily a recording artist, just a musician in general. And that's the reason I went to college and got my degree, which has been great for me. It's helped me a lot with my career.

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Santa Monica

I am still living with your ghost
Lonely and dreaming of the west coast
I don't want to be your downtime
I don't want to be your stupid game

With my big black boots and an old suitcase
I do believe I'll find myself a new place
I don't want to be the bad guy
I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to see some palm trees
Go and try to shake away this disease

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

I am still dreaming of your face
Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away
I don't want to be your good time
I don't want to be your fall back crutch anymore

I'll walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I don't want to be the bad guy
I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore

I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

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My Hurricane Panic Attacks

The Weather Panic Attacks
Watching every weather station, reading every report
Stomach twisting in knots, knowing my home is to be my fort
Over whelming fear of doom, of this hurricane that's headed this way
Will this be the one, with wall of water that buries all that stay

I can't seem to breath and heart racing, can't calm down, so afraid
Brings me back to early childhood, to where some times I played
Brings back memories of abuse and being held under the dark water
Where I was held off a pier, being pulled under like a lamb to slaughter

I tell myself this will be okay, but deep down I guess I can't reason
I'm so terrified, because they say this will be a bad hurricane season
People don't want to hear the weather report any more from me
They can't feel the terror of what I feel and they can't see

Will I forever be doomed with this curse on my life, the fear and pain
Can the panic attacks begin to go and treat the weather like rain
The storm has pasted, the weather center I must start watching again
To start watching for tropical Caribbean weather all over again!
By Dogs4donna


© 2008 Dogs4donna (All rights reserved)

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Walk Into This Room

Dont let em get to your heart
Dont lose your diamonds swimmin in a lake when its (? ? )
The whole wide world feels like a shrine built to the worker bees
Who stole it from God anyhow
Lay it down child
Lay it down child
And walk into this room
Dont let em get to your spark
That little light in the back of everything that says this
Isnt for madder love
The whole wide world feels like a clan of mad scientists removing the juice
So they can freeze-dry you and put you in a box
Lay it down child
Lay it down child
And walk into this room all made with love for you
Lay it down child
You can
You can
Lay it down child
And walk into this room
A hundred candles to make the walls come alive
A little frank insence to sweeten the air just right
Now take my hand
And open the door
And open the door
Yeah, oh...
Yeah, oh...
Lay it down child
You can
You can
Lay it down child
And walk into this room
Walk into this room
Lay it down child
Just lay it down, lay it down
Lay it down
Lay it down, lay it down
Into this room

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Just Get Through This Night

(Bob (Aku Aku) Young)
[Whispered]
"Help me Fans.... We'll make history tonight"
"I hear you fellow listees...Meet me at the voting booth"
This could be the longest night in recorded history
And as for sleep, you might as well just cross it off the list of
possibilities
(Now) The booth is in crazy mode
And this is just a fan fight
But I would smile if my man won
If I just get through this night
Oh, Oh
I could spend my time online
Defending my side
Pour my soul into each and every sentence
Then brace myself from the tide
Of attacks from the others
They'll state you don't know both sides
And I could bear the cold and stormy winter
If I just get through this fight
Oh, oh
Don't you know there's no place on this earth
Where you can run to escape the pain of a broken band?
We want them to make up but it's out of our hands,
Oh, oh
But now I've gotta get a life
Spend some time with kids and wife
And no longer to fly'
Styx could be a reborn star
The king of retro bands
Make us fly, attending many concerts
But they've split their loyal fans
If they would, end this current rift today
And know magic comes from the Big Three
They could blow us all away
If they'd only find their way, oh
If they just get through this fight, oh
So we'll have to get through this night

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Didn't You Say This Before?

In the doing of what it takes to get things done,
By a doer...
Why is it,
There are those who do not know what a doer does...
Yet,
There they are...
Appearing from nowhere,
With their mouths opened...
Rattling off their unsolicited and nagging suggestions,
As to how anyone who does what they do...
Should do what they suggest while they,
Do absolutely nothing,
But argue with the doer of a doing that gets done.
With a wasting of that doer's time?

'Didn't you say this before?
This is sounding familiar.'

YES.
And somehow you just can not get the hint!

'Maybe because I have no clue what it is you are talking about.
And who is the dodoer not doing the dodo to the dude.'

HOPELESS I tell you.
It's a 'hope' that's getting 'less'.

'And now you want to change the subject.
And you always tell me,
I am the one not knowing how to communicate?
I am the only one who makes attempts to do it with you.
But NOOOO...
You want to talk about toilets and who uses them.
You've got a problem and you don't want to face it.'

I know.
You're right.
I do.
I agree.
I need some time alone.
Maybe that's what I need.
Some time to myself.
To get some rest.

'I understand.
Give me a call if you need me for anything.
You know I'm on your side.
You take it easy, okay?
Don't stress over it.
Let it go.
Forget it.'

I will.

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I walked into this Vista

I walked into this Vista
to work there
and the garden was beautiful,
but in such a place
I did not want to stay
and nobody will get me
into such a place.

The people that work there
were decent, friendly and god fearing
and a patient followed me,
as if I am the leader
in a game
and a woman walk stark naked
and asked me
where the president’s office is
and if I came from the parliament?

That this Vista is a wonderful place
when life’s walls fold in on you
and life loose all its meaning
and you hear voices in your mind,
nobody can deny,
and I saw people find God there
while there humanity
and life tried to destroy them.


a Polish doctor wanted to know from me
why the grass in summer
is yellow brown and dried out,
while the winter chill was biting me
and I wondered
from which Siberia she comes.

I saw there that specialist doctors
are also people
and there were rumours
that some of the doctors
had more serious problems
than their patients
and that one has a drawer
full of crumbled paper
which he hoards like a rat.
and I wondered how a doctor
that lived next to the hospital
opened his garden gate with his feet.

Electric shocks that goes straight through you
and hypnotic therapy
can pass me by
and the day that I walked out of there,
it was better
than escaping from a jail
and I could comprehend
Ingrid Jonker’s poem much better
and maybe the damage
was more in her soul
than in that Valkenburg.

[Reference: Ontvlugting by Ingrid Jonker.]

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Expatriated! With a Wish to Ease Into This Leisurely

Expatriated!
From continued thoughts of conflicting loyalties.
Feeling a need to escape from trivia.
And unchanged steadfast philosophies.
Fixed in frozen mindsets.
To fizzle correctness and burn sensibiliities.
Paraded by those who refuse to 'see' reality!
Or make attempts to move in that direction.

There is a growing need within me to release,
From nonstop debates that take place to feed...
On those who sacrifice to push forward from devisiveness.
With a discipline to keep my vision on that which pleases me!
A life to live...
Acknowledging my happiness.
With a wish to ease into it leisurely.

I believe in a deserved peace one recognizes and keeps.
Free from turmoil that brews,
As if this is what one should harvest...
With expectations for gloom to reap.

My deeds planted were for joy to bloom.
Not to excite to see weeds grow!
Nor to give them room in my mind to breed.
No!

I've learned to discriminate,
Between self inflicted ignorance...
And participating in repeated stupidity.
Lessons at first learned with difficulty.
But learned I did!
With an acceptance of isolating maturity.

A life to live acknowledging my happiness.
With a wish to ease into it leisurely...
Is as basic as I desire to get.
With no convincing what it is that pleases me.

Expatriated!
With a wish to ease into this leisurely.
That's it.
Requiring no BA, MA, BS or PhD degree!
This is the peace I seek for me.
And free of declaration...
Of who it is I 'should' or 'should not' be.

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Gotta Get Through This

If only I could get through this
(i just gotta get thru this, i just gotta get thru this)
If only I could get through this
(i just gotta get thru this, i just gotta get thru this)
I gotta get through this, I gotta get through this
I gotta make, gotta make, gotta make it through
said I'm gonna get through this
I'm gonna get through this
I gotta take, gotta take my mind off of you
Give me just a second and I'll be all right
Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart
Give me 'til tomorrow then it'll be okay
Just another day and then I'll hold you tight
When your love is pouring like the rain
I close my eyes and it's gone again
When will I get the chance to say I love you?
I pretend that you're already mine and
that my heart ain't breaking every time
i look into your eyes
If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
God, God, gotta help me get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta make, gotta make it, gotta make it through
said I'm gonna get through this
I gonna get through this
I gotta take, gotta take my mind off of you
give me just a second and I'll be all right
surely one more moment couldn't break my heart
give me til tomorrow then it'll be okay
just another day and then I'll hold you tight
when your love is pouring like the rain
i close my eyes and it's gone again
when will I get the chance to say I love you
i pretend that you're already mine and
that my heart ain't breaking every time
i look into your eyes
If only I could get through this
If only I could get t

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You Can Get Over This and Them

A phoniness expressed,
By those you consider friends...
Goes unaddressed.

Especially when you observe them,
Around their acquaintances...
They make attempts to impress.
With a forced unnaturalness.
However,
Should leave you to wonder...

'Are these the kind of friends,
I have selected as the best ones yet?
Am I that desperate,
To be treated unwanted.
When they are around them like that...
As if they are better than me?
And they are received as 'thee' preferred guests? '

Have you noticed how 'your friends'
Elect to use you for laughs?
In moments when disrespect is shown.
And you are left alone...
Feeling like a stranger or a 'condoned' pest!

And 'if' you do get upset showing attitude...
Do 'your friends' and their 'Graded A' guests,
Isolate you with your presence to forget?
Leaving you feeling regret.
As you remove yourself to quickly exit...
With a temptation to stop your steps,
To let them all have it!
With some of the best cuss words they wont forget? !

Don't!
They are not worth that.
Bite your tongue in front of everyone.
And be cordial with respect.

And feeling extremely blessed.
Excuse yourself and leave.
I would.
And pat yourself on the back.
Like you should.

These creeps are not your friends.
They are two faced snakes.
Know it in your heart...
Folks like that can be replaced.

You will recover and discover...
You can get over 'this' and them
Without showing the slightest hint of being offended.

It's hard!
I broke a knuckle on my fist...
Hitting a wall.
For doing something similar like this!
Although in pain...
I was glad I didn't swing at anyone at all.
Except for that wall after I left.

And you too...
Like I did,
Can and will survive to become appreciated.

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VIRGINIA'S STORY...by Talile Ali

Elizabeth Gates-Wooten is my Grand mom.

She was born in Canada with her father and brothers.
They owned a Barber Shoppe.
I don't remember exactly where in Canada.
I believe it was right over the border like Windsor or Toronto.
I never knew exactly where it was.

When she was old enough she got married.

First, she married a man by the name of Frank Gates.
He was from Madagascar.
He fathered my mom and her brother and sister.
The boy's name was Frank Gates, Jr.
Two girls name were Anna and Agnes.

Agnes was my mother.

Frank Gates went crazy after the war
He drank a lot and died
Then grandma Elizabeth married a man by the name of Mr. Wooten.
He had a German name, but I don't think he was German.
She took his last name after they got married.

Then they moved to West Virginia in the United States.

Their son, Frank Gates Jr. Became a delegate in the democratic party.
He use to get into a lot of trouble because he liked to fight.
He was a delegate from the 1940's to 1970's.
He died of gout in the 1970's.

Anna was a maid and cook.

She baked cakes and stuff for people as a side line.
She had a hump on her back (scoliosis) .
She had to walk with a cane.
She could cook good though.
She did this kind of work all of her life, just like her mom, Elizabeth

They were both good cooks

They had a lot of money because they had these skills
Especially when people had parties.
Because they would make all of this food and then they would have left-overs.
We got to eat a lot of stuff we normally wouldn't get because of that.
When they cooked, they didn't use no measuring stuff, they would just use there hand.

My moms name was Agnes Barrie Gates.

She married James Wright and moved to Cleveland.
My grand mom followed them there a couple of years later.
They had six children.
They had two boys named James and Felton.
They were the oldest.

They also had four girls named Elizabeth, Virginia, Viola, and Harriet.

My dad, James had to go fight in Spain.
He got drafted.
It was in the Spanish American War.
They had to dope him up to make him fight.
When he came back home he was not right.
He would have bad dreams and scream out at night.

He started drinking a lot

He drank himself to death when I was young.
He died when I was three in 1933 when he was thirty something.
It was the Great Depression!

When my daddy died, my grand mom and my mom already lived in Detroit.

My mom had a factory job.
My grand mom got a job working for some Jewish people across Woodward.
Black people couldn't go across Woodward back then.
Only Jewish people and white people could go over there.

That was the good neighborhood.

The Jewish people my grand mom worked for lived on that side of Woodward.
Those Jews had lots of money
The Jews also had children who had big heads.
They called them mongoloid head kids.


The good thing is that we got to go to the Fox theater with them, because my grand mom worked for Jewish people.

Black people could go over there if they were working for white people
We got to see Ponochio, White Christmas, Cinderella, and a lot of things there.
We got to eat good, too.
Cabbage and Corned Beef, Lamb and fish.
All types of stuff like that.

What ever was left over, Grandma Wooten got to take home.

People would laugh at her for working with those big headed mongoloid kids.
But she didn't care.
She had a good job and got to have a lot of good stuff because of it.
Those big head kids were smart, too.

They just had big heads.

While my grand mom was working for the Jewish family, my mom was working for the factory, making nuts.
It was an airplane factory.
The men made the wings.
The women made the nuts.

When I was 8 years old, my mom use to go out with this man who would pay her to have relations with her.

We use to listen at the door and look thru the key hole at them to see what the were doing.
He didn't have a real thing.
He had this thing he had to turn on and it would get hard and he would try to have relations with my mom.
We would laugh and giggle cause he could never get it to do what he wanted.
He would never have relations with her with that thing.
He would always take her out on the town and stuff and pay her even though his thing didn't work.

When I was 8, we went to church one time and the preacher asked 'Does anybody have any questions? '

So I asked 'Why do all of those hurricanes come out of Africa and hit all of the people in the United States? '
My Grandma turned around and slapped me
Later on she told me that I was not suppose to asked that kind of question.
I just wanted to know how Africa could be so rich
They had all of that gold, and diamonds, and oil

And the white folks just come over there and take it

Leaving them all poor
How did that happen?
What was god thinking of when he let that happen?
But I never got that question answered

My grandmother made me stay in my room overnight, too.

The only thing is I never did asked any more questions
I asked them to myself
I didn't ask anyone else tho
I was just quiet
When I had kids i wanted them to ask questions

I never hit any of them for asking any questions

They could swear or anything
I just wanted them to feel free to ask things and find out about them
Not like how I felt
I just wanted to know things
But, I probably never will know they answer to all of my questions

I probably will be dead before I get any of those answers.

Later on, during WWII, my mom got a job at the USO dancing for tickets with the service men.
She was one of those flapper girls.
A dime -a- dance girl!
Thats what they called them in the movies.
She had this real nice black hat with wings on it.
She got a lot of tickets for all of that dancing!

She had lots of money.

After the war, my mom worked in a restaurant.
It was a Jewish restaurant.
Thats all there ever was.
They (the Jews) were the only ones who had money and businesses.
They knew how to save their money.

She worked and got tips.

When I was a kid, I don't remember the first school I went to.
All I know is I went across the street and two blocks down to go there.
I lived on Russell, before you get to Caniff.
I didn't get to go anywhere much then.
None of us did.
My mom didn't want us around the factory workers down the street.

My grand mom use to walk us across the bridge to Canada to this big market to get produce and shop.
It was really big and we bought a lot of stuff.
We use to have a big red wagon that we would bring all of this stuff home in.
She use to have us walk so that we would have strong legs.
I was about seven.

I had special shoes made because I had something wrong with my legs and my flat arches.

I still got flat arches.
So that's why grand mom use to have me made square toe shoes.
I wore those kind of shoes till I was thirty years old.
People made fun of me, but I didn't mind.

My friend, name Virginia Green, live down the alley.

Her mother had fourteen kids!
She lived down the street.
All of the kids use to run down the alley.
We had to play in the yard.
She was afraid of the factory on the alley down from us.
All of the smoke coming out of it and the workers coming in and out.
She thought something bad would happen.

Virginia Greens family were Jehovah Witnesses

They all had to pray every morning
The girls had to get the Kids ready in the morning.
The Mom had home schooled them.
My friend didn't go to school until she went to Northern
I use to see her on the bus once in a while after that.

I stopped seeing her on the bus when we moved on East Grand Boulevard.

There was a riot back then.
That's when my grandma got stabbed on her way from work.
She was getting off of the bus when it happened.
They stabbed her in the stomach and grabbed her purse, too.
She was getting of the bus going to Hudson's.

And the bus driver couldn't do a thing.

We didn't know anything about it
The white person who did it got away.
A lot of white people were stabbing black people back then.
It was a race riot!

They took her to emergency to get stitches.

We didn't find out till the next day
It kept her out of work for six week.
She was hurt really bad.
The rioters didn't burn any buildings or nothing.
They just robbed people, broke in the windows and took their stuff.

It was a race riot.

People were out of work and crazy.
My mom got something out of that Fur store on Broadway.
A lot of people took furs out of that fur store on Broadway.
We didn't get to go outside without an adult until I was ten!
My mom would take us outside when she got home from work and grand mom went to work
The lady that lived upstairs from us didn't like the noise from kids anyway
She kept complaining 'Stop all of that noise down there? '

We lived there til I got married.

I didn't get to go out on my own until I began High School.
Not until I got to go to Norther high school.
The kids didn't make fun of me then, because other kids were wearing them, too.
Then I got a pair of them other kind of shoes, buster brown like shoes.
Oxfords!
They had two colors on them!

I have a picture of me wearing those shoes in the year book.

I was in the Library Club.
I would sit at the desk and help people check out the books
Got paid twelve dollars a week for doing it.
In Modern Dance we danced and stretched and all of that stuff.
Then we would have to go on the stage at the end of the semester.

We would get some awards.

Chemistry I didn't like to well.
Had to cut up things and stuff like that.
Frogs...Eeeeeh! !
In Swimming I just would swim.
We got medals and stuff.
I don't know how I passed German!

'Sprechan Zie Deutche? '

I don't know what it means.
Same goes for French.
The French teacher would collect all of the books so that we couldn't look in them.
Then we would get the test.
She would give each of us a special question that she wrote out in her own hand.

Nobody had the same question, so they could not cheat.

In 1948, there were a lot of German teachers in Northern high school.
Everybody couldn't understand why all of the teachers were German after we had just fought the war with them.
That didn't make no sense at all.
But all of the teachers were German.

When I was 14, I went skiing with the German class
We went to some mountain up north, I don't remember it's name
And they served hot chocolate
Hot chocolate keeps you real warm when it's cold outside

It's the only thing that keeps you real warm like that
The German teacher was a real good skier
I was scared
I was afraid that I would fall on my face
I didn't, but I was always afraid
All of those German speaking people
I couldn't understand a word they were saying.

That hot chocolate was the only thing I liked about skiing.

Grand ma Wooten spoke a lot of German
She use to teach German when she lived in Canada
She learned the German because she was part German and part English
But I couldn't remember all of that German then
It was long ago and I didn't have anyone to speak it to
Not until High School

There use to be a Cunninghams drug store across the street.

We use to eat over there with the German teachers.
They made good coffee over at Cunninghams.
Good banana splits, too.
They charged 10 cents for a big mug of coffee.
Go good with a piece a pie for a quarter.
Big piece of pie, too.

Hot chocolate was a nickel.

Milk came in a little glass bottle.
There was cream on the top of the milk.
You could shake it up and drink it all mixed together.
Or you could drink the cream of first and then drink the milk.
Taste good either way.

I met your dad (Mohammed) in 1947.

We lived down the street from him.
He got over here by working in the engine room on boats
When he got here in the US, he jump ship in New York and came to Detroit
He lived in a big apartment building with all of his Indian friends
It was the first time I saw a steam iron.
One of the Indian Ladies had a Steam Ironing board!

Just like they use in the dry cleaners.

She did the ironing for all of the Indian men there
She showed me how to iron with it
You press down and steam would come out.
They also had this grill thing.
You make sandwiches on it.

Like that George Foreman thing, except for families

They also had big pots.
It was a big coffee maker.
Another Indian woman had a black and white TV in their restaurant.
That was the restaurant Mohammed took over after Jathia got sick and he lost his job.

I started dating Mohammed right before I graduated.

We got to go out alone.
Then we started going to the movies at the show.
The Holbrooke on Holbrook and the Fox downtown.
They didn't let black folks in the Fox.
But since I was with Mohammed, they let me in.
That was in 1949.

Mohammed was working at Hudson Motors before we got married.

Me and Mohammed went everywhere together in 48
We were really going together in 50
We got married in 51
When Eron was born, It was cold
It was June, but it was raining

The wind was blowing

I was on Hasting
I was on Russell
Then I went to Hastings when I got out of the hospital
It was daytime, morning
It was about 6 something
He weighed only 6 pounds too

I had a mid wife help

By the time the ambulance got there I had had the baby
The doctor gave me a slip to go to the hospital the next week
You know to go to the hospital for your six month check up
Six week check up!
He lost his job at Hudson Motors when he was hospitalized for ulcers
When he got better, he took over the restaurant
But he lost it when one of the kids got sick

It was either Big Eron or Jathia who got sick

Mohammed also took me to the Pakistani club for meetings.
They had a lot of card games at the club.
They use to make a lot of money down there.
Drinking coffee, playing cards, praying and making money.
One day we didn't have any money, and the next day we did.

When I got married, grandma moved to Hamtramck.

Mom and Harriet moved in with her friend.
Viola moved in with her boyfriend.
My brothers were still in the war.
James was in Korea and Felton was in the Paratroopers.
When there was and emergency, Felton would have to paratroop the things they needed to them.
Like at the hospitals and in battle and stuff like that.

Mohammed was working at Hudson Motor company when we got married.

We had three kids during that time.
We rented a restaurant from a friend of Mohammed's later.
I went to work at Cunninghams in Imperial City.
Then Mohammed went to work at Ford.
Then Jathia got sick real bad.

Ford didn't like that Mohammed had to pray seven times a day.
He also had to work in the restaurant when he was done there
So he got sick.
They let him go after he had to leave when Jathia got sick.
She got hooping cough real bad.

We were only renting the restaurant, so we lost it so that we could take care of Jathia.

When Jathia was born
I just went to the hospital and had her
I was in the house on Holbrook
When I had got out of the hospital
We had already moved to 18th street

But the boy down stairs had hooping cough

She was in Herman Kieffer for three month
I had to look at her thru the glass
Thats why you have to be careful with babies
Make sure they wash their hands and stuff

They can get germs on the baby and make them sick

Since he couldn't find any work, we had to go to welfare to get some help.
Jathia was sick for eight months with hooping cough.
She was a baby.
The next year I had Audrey, we lived on eighteenth street then.

When Audrey was born, we lived on Clinton

It was a nice day
I had to go the hospital
That was her due day
But I thought I was going to have her on Jathia's birth day
But I ended up having her two days before

I took her home right after she was born

She didn't get sick or nothing
The next year I had Talile.
It was cold
We were getting ready for thanksgiving then
We were decorating for Christmas
And putting turkeys up in the window

We put up black and orange lights

We didn't turn them on till thanksgiving
I started feeling pains on the fourteenth
You don't know when you were born?
I was having pain, pain, pain!
Talile was born in the morning
I think it was 8 or 9
The was weighing him and testing him

They had me walking up and down the hall way
They were telling us about when we get out what times we have to go to the hospital
They did that for three days
Then we went home

Kennedy was president when we moved to Clinton.

Mohammed couldn't find any work in Detroit for a while.
So Mohammed went to New York to work at CBS as a maintainance and letter delivery worker.
When Abdul was born.
It was cold
I was on Clinton
I was on the other part

After I had him I had a cyst on the breast

They had me put hot water bottles on them
So they could take the puss out
But it burst out
I was paining
They gave me some medicine
Some antibiotics

I couldn't nurse Dewey

I had to give him a bottle
After a month, i could nurse him better
It was the same one I had cancer in
When I got home
I kept having pains in my stomach

Thats when they took me back to the hospital

Thats when they found the Gaul Stones
After they took them out
Thats when I felt better
Thats when my momma and my grand mama were coming over to watch all of you
Thats because Mohammed was going to work

Cause I was in the hospital for two weeks

Thats where I got that big cut on my stomach
Then they sewed it up
Those Gaul Stones.


I went to work at Cunninghams for four months.

Mohammed didn't want us to be on welfare.
So Mohammed would send his check home so I could pay the rent and utilities.
Mohammed was at CBS when the Beatles performed on Ed Sullivan
Mohammed came home a little while afterwards
Then Kennedy got Killed
Then Johnson became president
Mrs. Adele was watching the kids while we were working.
We had to pay rent to the government.

The government owned all of those houses in that neighborhood.
Thats why they never fixed them up.
Some are still standing today because the government owns them.
That's why they could order everybody to move when they were building La Fayette Park, because they owned most of all the homes.

I quit my job when Mohammed came back from New York.

Mohammed came back because someone got him a job at Receiving Hospital downtown.
Mohammed sold incense to make money to pay the medical bills.
He had to because there wasn't any blue cross or nothing to pay the medical bills.
When he went to General Motors he had insurance to pay the medical bills.
He still kept selling incense, because he had clients who liked him buying them from him.

There was this crazy man.

Pedophile man.
He was this nutty man
I think he was catholic too
He would get these little girl about five or six years old
He would kill them on the way to mass

Then he would clean them up
Dress them up like little dolls
People had to start taking their children to church
They didn't know who was doing it
He would dress them up like little dolls
Probably because his mom liked little dolls

By having the police out there undercover

I don't know how they caught him
BUT THEY CAUGHT HIM!
He would get the girls, kill them, clean them up, then wrap them up in blankets.
They found him after he had killed six girls.
They found him working at a church.
St. Something.

It was three or four blocks away from us in a good neighborhood on the other side of Chene.

We lived upstairs from Mrs. Adele.
She had two daughters, one who's name is Sarah, and a son named Sonny, who was in the service.
We lived across the street from Duffield Elementary School.
All of the Kids went to that school.

Talile and Eron went around the corner to the store

This weirdo was telling people that we were his kids
But the store man knew us
So he called Daddy and the police
He got them outside and tried to cut Talile ear off
But the police and their Daddy showed up
And he was arrested.

It was mothers day
I had cooked a dinner and all, turkey and stuff
And then I had to go to the hospital and have Umor
Cause your daddy was home by then
I didn't think he was coming that day
But he changed his mind
So I had to go to the hospital
And thats how I had Umor.

When I had Muktsar

We went shopping and stuff for Christmas
We had got all of our stuff
I thought he would be coming after Christmas
But he came a week early
It was a lot of snow that day
Because the ambulance was having a hard time getting there

They goy me to the hospital

They had to go slow because there was so much snow
But I didn't have him until I got to the hospital
I didn't have him until late at night
They thought I would have him sooner
But I was having a lot of pain
It took seven hours
It was about 10 or 11 o'clock

I know I was tired of the pain

I didn't want to be knocked out
I wanted to see the baby when it comes
Cause it was around that time people were stealing babies out of the hospital
I wanted to see how my baby looked
So they couldn't do something like that

Umor and Muktsar were born on Clinton, too.

Sarah Adele gave Muktsar his middle name.
She liked Marvin Gaye and I like Marvin Gaye.
So Muktsar's middle name is Marvin
Eron was sent to stay with Aunt Tony and Grandma Wright for a long time
He would stay with them because they had kids

And Daddy didn't want him running up and down the street in our neighborhood

They liked to play card and that penny game
Eron stayed with Aunt Tony and Ramona the longest.
He stayed with Grandma Wooten because he help her do things
She liked to go to the market early in the morning
They had fresh fruit and Day old bread for a dollar
Eron was allergic

But he knew enough to stay away from that kind of stuff

Jathia wanted to stay with her dolls and stuff with her friends
Their were a lot of girls on that street
Down the block
Jathia didn't get into trouble until she got into high school
She would like to go over her friends house
Her daddy didn't like her going over there
There were crazy people out there
She wasn't scared of those people though

We would talk to her

I had to spank her
She would run away from me
I would have to grab my extention cord and swing it under the bed to get her
Her daddy didn't spank her though
He didn't spank anybody

I couldn't reach yaw with the switch

Yaw would hide under the bed and laugh at me
So I would take the extention cord an get yaw
Sometimes I would get one of yaw
Your daddy didn't like it
He talked to me about it
But yaw would laugh at me

I didn't like that

He would always talk to yaw about it afterwards
But yaw would still run away like that again
Yaw would laugh at me
It hurt my feelings
It wasn't funny to me
But it was funny to yaw
Sometimes it was funny to me

I would sit down in my chair and laugh

Audrey was sick a lot
She would have to stay home
She was allergic to a lot of stuff
I had to spank Audrey when she was little


Talile got to stay with Ramona and Viola

He would just play and chase the animals around
They had cats
We had cats, too
He did his homework from school
Listen to records

Abdul got to go with Talile where he went

They did a lot of things together
Sometimes Daddy would take the boys to the ball game
The club would have their people come with their boys
I guess they would all play together
I know they didn't come home till evening

Umor got to stay with Ramona and Tony
They would got to the park and go on the merry-go-round. Roller coaster
It was in Ildlewild, it was in another county
They would fish and camp there

Muktsar would go, too

The boys would all get to go together
No girls were allowed
Back in those days, Boys did what boys did
And the girls stayed with their mama.

After Muktsar was born we moved to East Grand Boulevard because it was a bigger place.

Mohammed still worked at Receiving Hospital and he still kept selling incense.
We lived above the East Pakistani Club, that was downstairs.
The only thing I remember about East Grand Blvd was taking you kids on the bus everyday to get your shots.
Every morning.
Some of you were allergic to school dust, chalk dust, everything!
Eron, Audrey, and Muktsar were allergic to everything.

Jathia was allergic to mold and bugs.

Talile was allergic to wheat (that would explain everything) .
Dewey was allergic to going out into the air and some sweets.
Umor use to get hay fever when he was younger.
But he got over it.
Johnson was president then
And then there were the riots.

Then Robert Kennedy got killed.

They burned buildings in this one.
Breaking the windows and taking everything they could find.
Store people had to get guns to keep people out.
At the end the store people just started giving them away, because they were burning everything up.
And the Fur place over on Broadway?

The people stole the furs and burnt the place down!

They were throwing stuff at the police men and everything.
The people were crazy.
It was a Race Riot.
The people mad because they were out of work.
The white people were trying to kill the black ones.

Black people trying to kill the white ones.

Mexicans were trying to kill both the white and the black folks.
Italians were stealing everything and shooting everybody.
You know, with all of this happening, your dad still went to work.
Lots of people told me that if it wasn't for your dad their children would have been in jail.
He talked to them about doing the right thing and not hanging out with the wrong crowd.
A lot of people told me at the funeral that they would have gone to jail if not for your father.

After the riot we moved from East Grand Boulevard to Fort Wayne. We lived there for about four years.
When we lived at Fort Wayne, everybody was getting sick with something.
Talile kept talking about how everybody was getting sick except him.
Then he got real sick and had to go to the hospital.
Everybody said he was faking it, just to get attention.

The doctors kept him for a week, and found out that he had ulcers.

Just like his daddy, he had to eat special foods.
His daddy didn't, but I baked him vegetables and chicken all of the time.
When Talile finally got well, he got sick going outside.
He kept getting this real bad rash.
The doctors couldn't figure out what was causing it at first.
Then when they did know they told us.
The sulfur in the air was making him sick.

We had to move to Gray

So we moved from 6413 Meige in Fort Wayne to the east side on 4810 Gray.
When we first moved here there was water down in the basement like there is now.
The Landlord said that maybe one of the kids was running the water and that caused it.
Then it started snowing it stopped.
But when spring came and it started raining, your dad would go downstairs after he came home from work and sweep it down the drains.

The kids were going to school.

Umor and Muktsar went to Hosmer
Abdul and Talile went to Jackson
It was real nice over here when we moved here.
Then Talile started to say he was having bad dreams.
He was getting ready for his performance, and I heard a bump, bump.
I went upstairs and saw him bouncing around.

We took him to the hospital.

When we took him to the doctor, they couldn't find anything.
I called the school and told them he was in the hospital.
He went to a lot of doctors before we found one doctor who knew what was wrong.
This doctors name was Dr. Slaughter.
He said Talile had epilepsy.

I went to see Talile perform at Jackson, Cass, and Finney.

Talile was in the concert band at Jackson.
Audrey and Jathia went to Cass.
Audrey was a Chemistry Major and Jathia as just taking English and Drama
They went to WSU after Cass.
Eron was in finney then the service.

He was in the service for three years from 1970 to 1973

Later, Talile went to Cass.
Then Talile went to Finney.
Abdul, Umor and Muktsar were not getting the grades they were suppose to get.
So we had them go to an alternative school named The Detroit Free School
We talked Talile into going, so that they would go to this new school.
Talile graduated from that school.
Abdul, Umor, and Muktsar didn't want to go to that school no more.

Talile moved out.

Then Jathia moved out.
Then Audrey moved out with the church.
Talile went to stay at the church with Audrey for a while
Then Talile moved in with Aunt Tony
Then Talile moved in with some friends of his
Then Talile left town

Mohammed still worked at the factory and he still sold stuff to his customers cause he needed money for some things.

Then he got his ulcers back.
Then he got that lump behind his knee.
It was cancer and they removed it.
The doctor told him not to go to work so early.
But he did anyway.

Then he had to go to the cancer place to have radiation.

It was freezing there.
He would still go to work.
When Talile got back, Talile would fuss at Mohammed and tell him that he would die if he didn't take care of himself.
But he didn't listen and he went back to work.

Then Mohammed went into the hospital.
Then he died.

After Mohammed died, I went back home.
Aunt Tony took care of the funeral arrangements.
Talile packed up his stuff and left town again.
I had to pick up all of Mohammed's stuff.
Then I had to get a lot of doctor papers.

Then I had to go to social security.

Then the doctors had to tell them what I had
Then they let me get on social security.
They didn't believe that I could go to school with only one bad eye.
So I had to get my birth certificate saying I was Forty Six.
I had to go to see the doctor to tell me what I am going to have to pay.
I was going back and forth from Social Security to get my eyes, lungs, and everything checked
Answering questions for social security

I was going backing back and forth

Then everybody moved out
Jathia went with Donald
Audrey went with the Church
Dewey went with the police station
Umor was going to electrician school, trying to get out
Talile was going all over with his friends.
Eron moved to Highland Park.
Everybody was gone except me, Umor and Muktsar

It was a cold winter then.
Talile returned and went to Nursing School
Muktsar had a baby with Tracy
The baby's name was Jinnah
They were having trouble with her Grandma

Then they finally got permission to move there

Then they had Syeed
Muktsar was working at Kohls
I guess they were going to get married
The grand father and the grandmother didn't want them to get married tho'
So pretty soon Muktsar started going with Veda
Tracy said so long as he was taking care of the boys its alright!

Then Muktsar moved in with Veda

Then Tracy's grandfather died
The boys moved back in here with Muktsar
Tracy went back to school
She graduated and she went to work.

Muktsar and Veda got married.

They moved back over here.
Then they moved to Hamtramck with her mom
Then they moved to Piccadilly with her mom

Then I went back to school.

I got a liberal arts degree from WC3.
Then Talile went back to school
Then Talile graduated
Then Talile got a job and started teaching at Friends School

Then Muktsar got a job working on shows
Jinnah graduated and had a baby named Jinniah
Eron went to MSU with Ariel
Syeed went to MSU, then quit
Briana quit MSU, too

Ariel Graduated and now has a job as a Social Worker

Jinnah and Syeed work together way out in Farmington Hills
Tracy is working in Ann Arbor
Raquiem is going to WC3
Big Eron had a stroke and is retired
Talile got in a fight with Claire and is kicked out again
Dewey is married to Sharon and has a beautiful family

Marlin is about to graduate

Shay is at Cass
Khalil is getting bigger
Little Eron is a daddy and has a baby boy named Ein with his girl friend Lily
Briana is still not in school
Azaria is about to graduate and is on the honor roll at DSA

I got real sick

I fell down and hurt myself
I went to the hospital and started bleeding
I had to stay in the hospital for months
When I got out I got a bump in my boobie

They said it was cancer

They had to cut off my boobies!
I got no bobbies!
I look like a pear bear made of jello!
I hurt all over!
My arms hurt.
My legs hurt.
My feet hurt.

My surgery hurts.

Everything hurts.
And I am old.
I am so old.
I'm wearing diapers.
My foots crooked, from the stroke.

I can barely see.

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Sam Shepard

I didn't go out of my way to get into this movie stuff. I think of myself as a writer.

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I didn't get into acting to be a public service announcer or an advocate and yet, by virtue of this show and how we handle the subject matter that we've been given, that's kind of how it's evolved in certain ways.

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Pathetically Ive Turned TO Poetry In A Desperate Attempt To Get Over This

Im Tired Of Fighting,
Im Tired Of Being Strong,
I Want To Give In,
But I Want To Move On,
Im Sick Of THe Tears,
I Hide Everyday,
Im Sick Of THe Fears That I Cant Explain,
Im Ready TO Be Over,
Im Ready TO Begin,
This WOnderful Life,
That Im Supposed To Live,
Will You Help Me Get THrough This?
I Need Help To Press On,
Because To Go Back To Where I Was,
Would Just Be Wrong..

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Fly Into This Night

First the high and then a low
Getting ero-mantic vertigo
In the rain then the drought
Thats what loving you is all about
Fly, fly into this night
And rectify my dreams
I, I love you more than life
Though seldom Im serene
Feel the cold in the heat
Im questioning my blind fidelity
Love is sweet love is tart
Loving you is a crime when were apart
Fly into this night
And still my fantasies
I love you more than life
Through seldom Im at peace

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Thrown Into This World

he may have been thrown into this world
complaining that this matter is without his
consent and he may walk like he does not
belong and would not speak their language
or adopt to their dance and songs. He may
just stand there and watch and tell that he
does not like everyone and everything and
not gain any confidence from anyone and
he may just be a nobody but a protester.
Sadly, he is thrown into this world and
Gladly, he shall be thrown out. He reaps
what he sows. He sows dislike he shall
reap disgust and that is fair enough.

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Into This Time

Into this time we move,

with Hopes, and Regrets,
with Bills, and Debts,

Without a Dime, for the Wine,
Without a Glass, for the Mass,

Into this time we move,

Without a Beer, for the Dear,
Without a Mirror, for the Fear,

Into this time we move,
Into this time we move,

With the stacking debts
and regrets to,

Into this time we move,
Into this time we move,

Selling the wine for a Dime,
Stealing the glass from the mass,

Into this time we move,
Into this time we move,

With Debts and Regrets
With Bills and Deals
With Growing Debt
We move into this time.

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We Are Into This

it is not just an ordinary
swim on
shallow waters where
our heels
are attacked and
we are not
a bit bothered about
any possible
consequences,

we are into this
form of art, where we expose
a face and at the same time
cover
our eyes and nose
and keep on saying
that we are
unafraid to be
finally our own making
a sculpture of ourselves
in words and
images,

we are into this
not as adept as a magician
removing a rabbit from
a black hat

until such time that
our audience who are children by
heart
finds this art
so cheap and no as amusing
as what we used to be
doing
what they have not ever seen
because
we keep them
sealed, tight lipped,
vacuum,
restrained, cool, civilized,
and unhealthy.

we are into this,
tell me, what is this really?

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