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It's a free country and I can keep my mouth shut whenever I want.

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To hell with warnings of fools

To hell with warnings of fools
I want to live where love rules
I want to live in your heart
Nothing can keep us apart
Baby you are my soul-mate
You are like my Juliet
I'll love you no matter what
No one can keep my mouth shut
I'll tell again and again
You are in my heart and brain

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Couldn't Have Said It Better

And you said nothing at all
Well I couldn't have said it better myself
Tonight the conversation takes the fall
Just love me like you love nobody else
Little lady, I think there's something on your mind
I've known you long enough to know
The words are not that hard to find
And the harder you try and the longer you go
Well there's nothing but love in those eyes anymore
You know what to say but you never know how
You can keep your mouth shut because it doesn't really matter right now
I will guide you all the way
Because I know exactly what you're trying to say
You have the right to remain silent
I'll get the lights...you get that smile
And you say nothing at all
Well I couldn't have said it better myself
Tonight the conversation takes the fall
Just love me like you love nobody else
Meatloaf: I see the angels, they're standing right outside your door
Girl: They're watching over me, they're watching over us all
Meatloaf: You can send them home tonight, because you won't need them anymore
Girl: In your arms I think I've found the safest place to fall
Meatloaf & Girl:
When I step in the door and I stare at your face
There are so many things that I wish I could say
Well I struggle with words but they put up a fight
You can keep your mouth shut, because it doesn't really matter tonight
Meatloaf:
I will guide you all the way
Because I know exactly what you're trying to say
Girl:
You have the right to remain silent
I'll get the light...
Meatloaf & Girl: You get that smile
Meatloaf:
And you say nothing at all
Well I couldn't have said it better myself
Tonight the conversation takes the fall
Just love me like you love nobody else
And I know you feel the same
Meatloaf & Girl
You've been searching for the words
Now you know what to say
Meatloaf:
Just say nothing
Don't say a word
Silence is gold
Don't say a word...shh
Meatloaf & Girl: This is the moment we've been waiting for
Girl: If I exercise my right
Meatloaf: And I will take your body language
Meatloaf & Girl: And hold it against you tonight
Meatloaf: And I know you feel the same
Meatloaf & Girl: I've wondered all my life, if this moment comes would I know what to say
Meatloaf: Then you say nothing at all
Girl: So many time I've stumbled on the words that I've wanted to say
Meatloaf: Then you say nothing at all
Girl: So many thought I should have just let my heart explain
Meatloaf: Then you say nothing at all
Girl: So many ways we could turn the words around
Meatloaf: You said nothing at all
Girl: So many nights our hearts came crashing to the ground
Meatloaf: You say nothing at all
Girl: So many dreams that are finall coming true
Meatloaf: Well, I couldn't have said it better myself
Girl: Now you finish me off when you finish my thoughts the way you do
Meatloaf:
You say nothing at all
Well I couldn't have said it better myself
Girl: I love you
Meatloaf:Tonight the conversation takes the fall
Girl: Like nobody else
Meatloaf: Just love me like you love nobody else
You say nothing at all
Well I couldn't have said it better myself
Tonight the conversation takes the fall
Just love me like you love nobody else
Meatloaf & Girl: You say nothing at all
Well I couldn't have said it better myself
Tonight the conversation takes the fall
Just love me like you love nobody else
Meatloaf & Girl: You say nothing at all
Well I couldn't have said it better myself
Tonight the conversation takes the fall
Just love me like you love nobody else

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A hero is someone who can keep his mouth shut when he's right.

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No Free Food and Shelter

Birds have free food and nest
Foxes hve free food and holes
Alas, men have no
Free food no free house.

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And I can hear from you

I have come to know
the words that you write
in your poetry
which I read
from your anthology each night

and the images
that fills the canvases
of your paintings
hanging on my wall,

but would love
a letter much better
telling me about
your feelings
and where I
fit into everything.

I have come to know
your body and your mind
and dearly miss you

but I miss
the animals
of our little zoo as well

and I can hear from you,
or you can tell me
to go to hell.

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This Is America

America is a free country and always will be,
why then do they have a law against skinny dipping?
You can smoke till your blue in the face,
die from lung cancer which spreads all over the place.
Do you die from skinny dipping outside?
I guess, we are a society that is more civilized.
But wait, the island in the south pacific don’t have
much crime, like rape like we do all the time.
So what you deny and hide,
becomes shameful and a crime.
Written By Christina Sunrise On February 4,2012

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Free yourself...And Breathe

Think from that place.
Be in that space.
Make it yours...
And breathe.

Free all your doubts.
Toss your troubles out.
Open your windows...
Sniff the air,
And breathe.

Procrastinate.
It's not too late...
To free yourself.

Free yourself...
And breathe.

Think from that place.
Be in that space.
Make it yours...
And breathe.

Procrastinate.
It's not too late...
To free yourself.
Be yourself...
And breathe.
Be yourself...
Free yourself...
And breathe.

Free yourself...
And breathe.

It's not too late.
Be in that space.
Make it yours...
And breathe.

It's not too late.
Be in that space.
Make it yours...
And breathe.

Procrastinate.
Is not your fate.

Free yourself...
And breathe.

Procrastinate.
Is not your fate.

Free yourself...
And breathe.

Free yourself...
And breathe.

Free yourself...
And breathe.

Free yourself...
And breathe.

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A silence can keep

silence can keep the volcano alive
it is very dangerous to believe
the love has brought the world to brink
it has deep water to sink

silence purchases time to execute
it has dangerous trend to persecute
the evil mind may not read the love message
it will finally obstruct the fine passage

to console is to muster the medicine
ti weep the tears is to feel fine
it is noble act to help the poor
like inviting guest by opening door

if love was the only key
then there is fine example of tree
it may guide the people not to flee
but look around, help and see

world needs two words of consolation
it may not have direct relation
it has bridged many gulf across the bank
this is free end opinion and very frank

we are the key to success
we need to give full access
there is no suppose or any logic
love can spell very fine magic

To silence the voice is dangerous weapon
no one has given serious thought upon
love may pave the way
only little attention we got to pay

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How Small And Far Can We Be

how small and far can we be
when love
breaks,
how small is our way of looking
at love's other possibilities
when love is lost
and gone away,
we shrink in pain
and we become so insignificant like a
rain dropping to the ocean
or a granule of sand
on the shore

yet love is vast
its domain is encompassing the earth
and space
the whole of this expansive universe
so why cry
when one love is gone when this or that love leaves you
it is just one moment
come to think
a little higher and be lighter to reach the feelings of the stars
the fore sightings of the moon
learn to love again
and be stronger in every loss
rise higher from every fall
mend that broken heart
and embroider in there the golden threads
of another love
even lovelier than before
because for once you know what love is
when it dies
it is reborn
resurrects itself always lovelier that ever before.....
wipe your tears and let you eyes glow
brightly to another soul
another face waiting for you,
he loves you so....

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Free Me From Your Teases, Please

Free me from your teases, please.
No longer can I hide inside,
That exposed exterior side I show.

You are chipping away at it.
And I'm noticing how I can not resist.
Something you do keeps me anticipating...
A boost of the 'giddy'
That begins to reveal my insecurities.
Stop it and dropp this teasing done to me!

Free me from your teases, please.
You make me uncomfortable.
And I know this you can see.

I can not look you straight in your eyes.
You're doing something to me,
And I am caught by surprise.
Why have you picked me to do this to?
I am not a piece of putty,
Or wish to you to be glued!

Free me from your teases, please.
I will not be your next choice,
To play the fool for you.
Unless you give me a sign or a clue...
You are serious to pursue,
The depths of my lust!
And how you and I can keep that thrusting!
On a daily basis with touches we trust...
Belong to just us!

I can be discreetly sleazy.
Expect that to please...
And end your teases to meet your needs.
I can and will deliver.

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Free will and Fear

Cupidity is a door before most...
Avarice is that host...
But greed is the ghost...

Ever wonder why you wanted...
Every good looking male or female?
For you ladies...

Having more then one sex partner...
Was considered taboo...
But for young men...

It was like being a boxer...
Win, win, win....
You the rooster...
She the the hen...

Women you have free-will...
And when you use it right or wrong...

you feel less then strong...
Guys when you use your free-will...
You rob, steal and kill...

for the thrill...
later becoming ill...

God gave us all the choice...
To use free-will...
But what good is free-will...

When it cause you to kill...
Have more then one sex partner...
Rape or mutilate another human...

Now take greed a known factor...
In choice of free-will...
Pride another factor...
The Jones another factor...

War, is there a choice in...
Free-will for the trooper...
Fear, not free-will...

A rape victim giving into the rapist...
Survival or free-will...
(The Feeling) ...
What is it about...
The feeling that makes free-will...
Different from what...
It's thought to BE...

Whisperkwane
kwane@mail.com

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Farther Than Ever

My best friend
Is letting me do my own thing
And part of it is my fault
I can't speak for her
But I know I will always regret it
Ignoring someone
Doesn't work
Excuses, excuses
"I thought you were someone else"
"I have to work on a project"
"I have to babysit tonight"
Well, I'm sick
And tired
Of them
It's a free country
So I can play the role of copycat
If I want
I can turn on her too
And give her a taste of her own medicine

And since I
Can't do it anymore
You, her new best friends,
Have to listen to her and realize who she is
She isn't laughing nervously
In that pose she does for you
That's the one she uses for photographers,
For cheerful little white lies
To get her out of trouble,
For people she pretends to be someone else around
She isn't even
Throwing her head back and fake-laughing
Like we all do when people try to cheer us up
And it's not working
And the truth about her
Isn't one single answer
It's millions of five-minute memories
That take time to create
So I can't tell them to anyone
You have to find her out yourself

Don't take this the wrong way
You all have good intentions

But you have to find her out yourself

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And You Can Have It All

Pressed by deadlines
Nagging artificial urgency
Bound mindlessly but mindfully to station
Bladder set to burst
Plagued by dogged loyalty to clients
Regardless of unlikely reciprocation
Tension mounting
Summit surmounting
The false hope of a completed task
Concentration shored up
By dubious self motivation
Labor forced defying poverty,
Eyes strained and bulging
Migraine rising
Back and shoulders sore
Unfit and incarcerated
Convicted for possession of freedom
And soliciting same to others.
Tired, tired, tired,
Unhappily indentured to debt
Days beyond night and early morn, recycle
Toil with lost reason
Light to dark
Day, week, month and year
Flick through calendar and season
Liberty is slavery rebadged,
But so sweet is the realized reward,
To dream without restriction
Try and fail and try again,
Success satisfying convictions.
Survey the big, your back to the small
With a few loyal companions as counsel
The weighty shared is soon diminished, and
Horizons of infinite options revealed
And you can have it all
The price is sacrifice, perpetual hard work
Tireless, tired, tiring toil
Powered by application and relentless dedication,
And you can have it all.

Retirement age grows older per generation,
The hard won gains of our forbears frittered away,
Retirement is mortality.

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A Series of Tubes

That there Internet thingy
is like a series of tubes
All the smart fellas
in the hole world
got tagether and
they put smart stuff in them tubes
An now all ya gotta do
to larn stuff
is getcha self connected to that
Internet thingy
(You will need a computer for this)
(and some other stuff + electricty)
They you can pull stuff
up from them tubes
smart reading stuff
(if ya like that kinda thing)
or even important stuff
like how to knock down your old barn or shed
or even how to build a real bomb
(not for knocking down the barn though)

I know all this cause my congress man talked about it on TV
And George W. Bush says so two (I think cause he outta no)

The End (only the end of this poem)

If you like this poem a whole lot I think you should vote 9-10
(mostly 10 i hope)
If you like it some but not the very most maybe vote 6-8
(but you could still vote 9 or 10 to be nice)
If you only think it is middlin they go head and vote 5
(cause that's in the middle of 1-10)
If you kinda don't care for it you could vote it a 2,3, or 4
(that would be kinda low though)
If you hate this poem then you are left with only a 1
(there are no zero votes)
(But I think a 1 vote is not called for unless you are pretty mean though the last time I looked this was still a free country so you can vote 1 if that is how your mind runs)
Thanks for voting or not. (and tell your friends if you liked this poem)

probably don't tell them if you did not vote more than a 5

Billy Bob

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Free Yourself and Let It Go

Deflated ego?

You think I say the things I do to you,
To deflate your ego?
I am hoping my assistance,
Helps you get rid of it.
And seeing no benefit in being limited.
And that's what your ego has done!
Made you believe you are number one.
And everything you do is correct.
Without a self examination...
Needed to allow you to live your best yet.

Deflated ego?

I may say some things to you that upsets.
I may even criticize something you do,
You accept as your best.
I might even attempt to strip,
That façade you charade.
Since it's your ego that has you 'tripped'...
When you see it for what it is,
You will realize your greatness has nothing to do with it.
In fact it is keeping you,
Inflated with bs and other nonsense.

Deflate your ego?
You think I do that,
From a threat I feel.
To diminish you in some way...
So I would have a greater appeal?
And deflating your ego would give me thrills?

You need to free yourself and let it go.
If you believe that keeping it,
Inspires a greater you with heights to reach!

Free yourself and let it go.
That ego you've got stunts your growth!

Free yourself and let it go.
That ego you've got stunts your growth!

Free yourself and let it go.
That ego you've got stunts your growth!
Stunts your growth!
Stunts your growth!

That ego you've got stunts your growth!
Stunts your growth!
Stunts your growth!

That ego you've got stunts your growth!
Stunts your growth!
Stunts your growth!

That ego you've got stunts your growth!
Stunts your growth!
Stunts your growth!

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It is people

It is people’s victory
No one should feel sorry
It was writing on wall
Demand of the day and call

Mahatma Gandhi did it to gain freedom
Such movement was witnessed seldom
Today it is happening once again
Glory to motherland and power to regain

No bloodshed or single loss of life
Amidst uncertainty, with growing concern and strife
Whole country has witnessed a non violent struggle
With free will drive for looters, grabbers in populated jungle

Why country and poor can not be placed at top?
Why does our spirit and conscience not stop?
What is reason for putting country into shame?
Is the liberal democracy only causing to blame?

Politicians and bureaucrats have done immense damage
The countrys affair is in shamble and unable to manage
The precious national wealth is taken away from people
God only knows when we can do it or be able?

Even the mighty can be brought down to knee
This is movement for calling a country really free
The system is not used to the advantages for few
People are in street to compel the culprits review

Only one man has done the miracle
Whole of country is proud of and entered the circle
The time zeroed in and changes are offered
The conception may be odd but opinion never differed

The country has to be freed from the slavery
From the organized loot and corruption mystery
Who can lead the nation and bring the result?
The country has faced enough of it with insult

Mahatma faced bullet for telling truth
This lone man may loose battle and face the death
Yet whole country is behind mass movement
We can only offer tribute and no other comments

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Christina Georgina Rossetti

Mother Country

Oh what is that country
And where can it be,
Not mine own country,
But dearer far to me?
Yet mine own country,
If I one day may see
Its spices and cedars,
Its gold and ivory.

As I lie dreaming
It rises, that land:
There rises before me
Its green golden strand,
With its bowing cedars
And its shining sand;
It sparkles and flashes
Like a shaken brand.

Do angels lean nearer
While I lie and long?
I see their soft plumage
And catch their windy song,
Like the rise of a high tide
Sweeping full and strong;
I mark the outskirts
Of their reverend throng.

Oh what is a king here,
Or what is a boor?
Here all starve together,
All dwarfed and poor;
Here Death's hand knocketh
At door after door,
He thins the dancers
From the festal floor.

Oh what is a handmaid,
Or what is a queen?
All must lie down together
Where the turf is green,
The foulest face hidden,
The fairest not seen;
Gone as if never,
They had breathed or been.

Gone from sweet sunshine
Underneath the sod,
Turned from warm flesh and blood
To senseless clod,
Gone as if never
They had toiled or trod,
Gone out of sight of all
Except our God.

Shut into silence
From the accustomed song,
Shut into solitude
From all earth's throng,
Run down tho' swift of foot,
Thrust down tho' strong;
Life made an end of
Seemed it short or long.

Life made an end of,
Life but just begun,
Life finished yesterday,
Its last sand run;
Life new-born with the morrow,
Fresh as the sun:
While done is done for ever;
Undone, undone.

And if that life is life,
This is but a breath,
The passage of a dream
And the shadow of death;
But a vain shadow
If one considereth;
Vanity of vanities,
As the Preacher saith.

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The Squatter's Man

Come, all ye lads an' list to me,
That's left your homes an' crossed the sea,
To try your fortune, bound or free,
All in this golden land.
For twelve long months I had to pace,
Humping my swag with a cadging face,
Sleeping in the bush, like the sable race,
As in my song you'll understand.

Unto this country I did come,
A regular out-and-out new chum.
I then abhorred the sight of rum
Teetotal was my plan.
But soon I learned to wet one eye
Misfortune oft-times made me sigh.
To raise fresh funds I was forced to fly,
And be a squatter's man.

Soon at a station I appeared.
I saw the squatter with his beard,
And up to him I boldly steered,
With my swag and billy-can.

I said, "Kind sir, I want a job!"
Said he, "Do you know how to snob
Or can you break in a bucking cob?"
Whilst my figure he well did scan.

"'Tis now I want a useful cove
To stop at home and not to rove.
The scamps go about—a regular drove
I 'spose you're one of the clan?
But I'll give ten—ten, sugar an' tea;
Ten bob a week, if you'll suit me,
And very soon I hope you'll be
A handy squatter's man.

"At daylight you must milk the cows,
Make butter, cheese, an' feed the sows,
Put on the kettle, the cook arouse,
And clean the family shoes.
The stable an' sheep yard clean out,
And always answer when we shout,
With ‘Yes, ma'am,' and ‘No, sir,' mind your mouth;
And my youngsters don't abuse.

"You must fetch wood an' water, bake an' boil,
Act as butcher when we kill;
The corn an' taters you must hill,
Keep the garden spick and span.

You must not scruple in the rain
To take to market all the grain.
Be sure you come sober back again
To be a squatter's man."

He sent me to an old bark hut,
Inhabited by a greyhound slut,
Who put her fangs through my poor fut,
And, snarling, off she ran.
So once more I'm looking for a job,
Without a copper in my fob.
With Ben Hall or Gardiner I'd rather rob,
Than be a squatter's man.

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Hopes And Fears

Scars not seen but they are there none the less
The scars are on my heart
The questions in my mind
I wonder if he knows how bad he hurt me
I wonder if he even cares
I wonder if these girls are his
I wonder if they will ever forgive me
I'm so young and my baby girls will grow up in a time of war
I wonder if they will start another draft if this goes on much longer
I'm not a fighter
I don’t want to have to fight in a war that isn’t mine
I don’t want to die in a war of politics
I don’t want have to choose between my girls and my country
My girls win every time
I don’t want to have to flee my country and never be able to come back
I don’t want to use my girls as an excuse as why I don’t have any money
I don’t want to be on welfare
I don’t want to have to be dependent on a man
I don’t want to have to depend on any one but myself
I don’t want this life
I never have
I wonder if I was destined from the start to lead this life of heartache
I don’t want my girls to have a life like I did
But they are already on that road
I have deprived them of a father by not waiting
By not protecting myself
I have started to lead them on a broken road of pain and heartache
I never wanted that for my kids
I have no one but myself to blame
I get that part by now
I wonder if this is all a punishment from god
I wonder if god even cares
I wonder if god abandoned me
It sure feels that way
I hope my babies don't feel the pain that I do
I hope I never have to leave them and deprive them of myself
Their mother
I hope they never feel abandoned like I do
I hope they will never feel unwanted
I hope they don’t turn out like me
I hope their lives aren't filled with chaos
Swirling whirling skies of disappointment regret and pain
I hope they never lose their rosy view of the world
I hope they don’t have to grow up too fast
I hope they have strength courage and determination
I hope they never back down
I hope they stand up for what they believe in
I hope they can make their lives better than I've made mine

Copyright © Johanna M Stone 2011

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If You can Keep your Cheese - after Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your cheese while few about you
are holding onto theirs', all envy ease.
If none can get your goat nor cow could doubt you
your scent which, heaven sent, can tell true bries
from gorgonzola, parmesan without you
planning for house mouse contingencies,
or short supply where larder rats may scout to
grind, compromise the tasty rind most please.

If by a whisker cheshire follows trout to
provide fit end for sweet delicacies,
or cheddar meat meal follows leaves no gout to
blur enjoyment, taste buds' harmonies.
If desert heat no threat presents, no pout too
in winter's cold where lizard's blood would freeze,
If neither flood nor drought can mar, throughout you
may triumph over blue mould colonies.

If all kowtow, if none would ever flout you
remembering to bow before ‘big cheese'...
if hole in one you score in club you clout to
take golden trophy - competition flees.
If all above's accomplished taste devout, true,
while others fail to prove their expertise,
your's is the world, which elsewhere's up the spout, few
can make their time your rhyme's real_I_tease!

IF - A Writers' Guild Gild Guile Guide
If you can form and not make norms your master,
conformity, performance formal, flame.
If you inform, share, [fl]airing, flow far faster,
yet let not copyright bind tight to shame.
If you treat critic's inconstructive blaster
with humour, beat him at his game's lame claim,
take not to hea[r]t his tumour, bandage, plaster
half-heartedly, pretend [s]he never came.

If you can couple energy creative
well in advance of others in your field,
without confusing nominative, dative,
rei[g]n arguments through cogency revealed
in context, in a manner innovative,
code palimpsests from all but s[t]age concealed,
If trust in self is never compensative
reaction used when you refused to yield.

If you can link great ends with small beginnings,
and yet not brag, nor tag each copy sold,
If dialogue's more vital than piled winnings,
to trim the quill where will won't be short-sold,
If, ignorance ignored, your story's spinnings
creates a pot no Potter has outsold,
yet you can fi[e]nd the flaw, to fresh beginnings
return to steer towards horizons bold.

If you can write without cash motivation,
self-righteousness avoiding like the plague,
create consensus round an innovation
embraced by all without appearing vague,
If you can span from logic to emotion
set constant course from vested interests clear,
If you can ban all untoward commotion,
while conscience clings to all that it holds dear,

If you can set the good within you flowing
without the itch to pitch beyond kitsch brink,
If you can give the nod and wink while knowing
that mental states aren't always in the pink,
If you use inner kinks to keep on growing
without denying others' right to think,
If you continue for tomorrow sowing
refusing using methods now that stink.

If you can lead lead soldiers Caxton crafted
without kowtow before cold compromise,
If neither editor nor public shafted
the output that your inner soul supplies,
If you can improvise, provide redrafted
communication keyed to catalyze,
you'll find to your surprise that you have rafted
alone on conscious stream your just dream buys.

Writers' Real Mirror Reflection Reel
With inside out, and out, surprised, inside,
When penning verse whose end may, too, begin it,
When rhyming reel with real can coincide
Your's is the world and everything that's in it.
If you can write without cash motivation,
Self-righteousness avoiding like the plague,
Create consensus round an innovation
Embraced by all without appearing vague.
If you can scan, span logic to emotion
Set constant course from vested interests clear,
If you can ban all untoward commotion,
While conscience clings to all that it holds dear,
If rhymes may improvise, spurn prose redrafted,
Communication key to catalyze,
You'll find to your surprise that you have rafted
On stream it seems when wit reverse dream tries.

On stream it seems when wit reverse dream tries
You'll find to your surprise that you have rafted
Communication key to catalyze.
If rhyme may improvise, spurn prose redrafted
While conscience clings to all that it holds dear,
If you can ban all untoward commotion,
Set constant course from vested interests clear.
If you can scan span logic to emotion
Embraced by all without appearing vague,
Create consensus round an innovation,
Self-righteousness avoiding like the plague,
If you can write without cash motivation,
Your's is the world and everything that's in it
When rhyming reel with real can coincide
When penning verse whose end may, too, begin it,
With inside out, and out, surprised, inside!

Cropped Apologies to Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your crops when all the nation
rails, vain assailing creepy crawly bugs,
If you can thrive when most lives' reputation
is knocked for skittles, stumped by snails and slugs,
If you can sow, show though you stay surrounded
by failing harvests sere upon the stem,
where hopes unfounded, speculations grounded,
face farmers who through jealousy condemn.

If greenhouse gases can't delay your planting,
with fallow Brussels' edicts all ignored,
If CO² you compensate by chanting
an incantation to the heavens poured.
If snail trails slip upon your sensor networks,
if nano tech protects your fields' high yield
which on the Futures markets harvests net perks
that from the tax collector stay concealed.

If you can fight Monsanto's sterile sowing,
deny blight warnings, nor fear climate change,
if cash in hand exceeds debts most's greed's owing,
if you're the early bird with worms in range,
If you free farm through seasons, thank your maker
from man's pollution, safe solution find,
yours is the race, you, ace, may need pacemaker
for luck can turn, earn bridges burned behind.

Advice to an Applicant
If you can back your boss and keep on smiling,
while toning down his brash absurdities,
if, having watched the man manhandle filing,
you rearrange the folders pretty please,
if coy and charming, beautiful, beguiling,
anticipating all contingencies,
you manage new accounts, contacts redialling,
correct crass spelling, cover vagaries...

If you can keep your head while he's resiling,
evolve successful counter-strategies,
if ‘mum's the word', discrete, ignoring tyling,
from busy-bodies safe when he agrees.
If you can spend your time in reconciling
his intellectual inanities,
never upset his fragile ego, heiling
whene'er he feels the need, or profits sneeze...

If Windows easy comes, while modem dialing
to DSL migration's not a tease,
if firewall free from viruses hostiling
you clean can keep, recalling password keys,
if the above you show him recompiling
the data lost when he lacks expertise, -
yet know your place as cypher, never riling,
remembering to bow before ‘big cheese'...

If you can stand him publicly reviling
your good ideas, then claim them his with ease,
can watch while rival's ruin he's compiling
so coldly that a lizard's blood would freeze.
If when betrayed by his ambitious wiling
you triumph through innate abilities,
ignoring basic scheming, baser guiling,
you seize the precious point he never sees! ...

If you won't blush when, rash, he'll rush, exiling
your intuitions as freak fantasies,
but confidently while free-time he's whiling,
circumvent his incapacities.
Surpassing him in brains, tact, versatiling,
you never strive to swap your salaries,
but both feet on the ground, still patient, smiling,
can counteract his incoherencies...

If you are sure his image needs restyling,
select the suits that suit down to the tees,
if you are ever ready camomiling,
or sprinkling sugar, creaming, coffee, teas,
if you can trick his wayward infantiling
and censure not his immaturities,
ignore his clumsy tries at fond defling,
yet fondled, tactful, rise from off his knees...

If you take three degrees while reconciling
your private life to further Ph.D.'s,
if you can children bear without work piling
and keep them free from trouble and disease,
if you can spring his quick promotion - vile thing -
and play the game of happy families...
Your's is the job, the rest's cosmetic styling,
Oh prized princess and pride of... secret'ries!

A l'assistante de l'Indirection
Si tu peux supporter de voir tes dossiers
démolis sans souffler mot et puis reclasser,
si tu sais appuyer partout ton PDG
sans sceptique rester quant à ses qualités...

Si tu souris, beauté, sans être emmerdante,
si vive mais jamais surprise, impatiente,
le soutenant quand des contresens fous l'enchantent,
ses lubies supporter sans paroles tranchantes...

Si tu sais sans délais t'adapter au progrès,
les autres anticiper, sans jamais hésiter,
bien le préparer avec de bons conseils,
des envieux protéger ton patron hébété...

Très expérimentée, mais sans prendre de l'age,
compréhensive aider avec ses rattrapages
sans pourtant mériter accéder aux voyages
‘d'études' et aux congrès, - ces minables volages!

Si tu sais lui montrer se servir du clavier,
aux réseaux si primés vite se connecter,
de l'Internet cliquer sur l'intranet branché,
son PC débugger sans jamais se broncher...

Si sa peur du souris, du clic-clic, du mulot
tu peux sans interdits dépasser au boulot,
à ses flagrants délits trouver tout ce qu'il faut,
si tu ses buts poursuis en soufflant le bon mot...

Si tu sais compenser l'orthographe qu'il perd,
scanner, penser, noter, téléphoner, tout faire,
son planning programmer, sans être trop mémère,
le soutenir, si gaie, quand son coeur désespère...

Si tu peux accoucher à l'heure du dîner,
tes enfants élever tous en bonne santé,
ton patron remplacer - ronronnant au soleil -
sans pour autant rêver qu'on t'accorde sa paye.

Si tu sors d'H.E.C. sans prétendre à la gloire,
Sciences Po, c'est fait, sans en faire une histoire,
ou Enarque tu es, faisant dans ton pouvoir
le tout pour manier les re(i) nes du Pouvoir.

Lors mieux qu'homme d'affaires, ou chef de cabinet
mieux que tous ces experts si souvent égarés,
tu seras à tout faire une bonne rêvée,
mieux que mère, sacrée ASSISTANTE tu es!

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on';

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Rudyard Kipling 1865_1936


Biff! The same father to the same son, now grown up.

If you can keep your job when all about you
Are losing theirs (by cutting down of screw) :
If you can keep yourself - for, make no doubt you
Won't get allowance, just for you to blue.
If you can make a heap by all your winnings
Risked on outsiders backed at Kempton Park,
Don't think that you will always get your innings
And kiss your boss's daughter in the dark.

If you should risk promotion, aught should tempt ye,
Eyeing the safe when all the staff have gone,
And, jemmying it open, find it empty,
And hear the watchman growl to you, ‘Hold on! '
If you should fill the unforgiving ‘minutes'
With names of all the people you have ‘done, '
Yours is the gaol, and everything that's in ti,
And, what is more, you'll get six months, my son.
Rachel Ferguson Nymphs and Satires 1932

A London Sparrow's IF
If you c'n keep alive when li'l bleeders
Come arter t' wi' catapults an' stones;
If you c'n grow up unpertickler feeders,
An' live on rugidge, crumbs, an' ‘addock bones;
If you c'n nest up in the bloomin' gutters,
An' dodge the blinkin' tabby on the tiles;
Nip under wheels an' never git the flutters,
Wear brahn an' no bright-coloured fevver-styles;
If you ain't blown b'nippers (Cor, I'd skin ‘me!) :
Stop y'r shells nah, warm-like, under me;
Yous is the eggs an' everyfink ‘at's in ‘em -
An' when they ‘atch, yor be cock-sparrers, see?
J A LINDON

If You can Keep Your Man
If You can Keep Your Man when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
Avert a break-up when he starts to doubt you,
Without behaving like a tart or shrew;

If you can bake a cake or change a nappy,
Although you've got a good Redbrick degree,
And yet can say you're reasonably happy
When other graduate wives dropp in for tea;

If you can lose yourself in ‘To the Lighthouse',
Yet, changing books, seek first the Thriller shelf,
If you can laugh at Mrs. Mary Whitehouse,
But sometimes wince at Wednesday Plays yourself;

If you stand up for Women's Liberation,
Think sex equality long overdue,
Yet purr when men evince consideration
And in a bus or train stand up for you;

If you can be a protest march frequenter,
But sometimes think the marchers a bit queer,
Yet, spite of everything, stay left of centre,
Oh, well, who knows? You may be right, my dear.
Stanley Sharpless

If You Can Crush
If you can crush, when all your chums are cribbing,
The urge that beckons you to do the same;
Can keep your tongue from telling tales or fibbing,
And can, when others err, take all the blame.

If you can nurse a crush on dear Miss Withers,
Yet bully off with just one silent tear;
Be resolute when even Matron dithers,
And weld the House together with a cheer.

If you can foil the fiendish Russian spy-ring,
Who've ‘got a hold' upon the Head (the swine!)
And by example selfless and inspiring,
Can make those ghastly Juniors toe the line.

If you while staying virgo quite intacta,
Can scoff at those who label you a prude;
And, when you leave, can know you've never slacked or
(Except to Ma'moiselle) been flip or rude.

If you can scale such pinnacles of virtue
And earn your teachers' praises as ‘a brick',
The truth, dear girl, (I do so hate to hurt you) -
The simple truth, dear Daphne, is you're thick!
Martin Fagg

IF
If you can stand the Quest and all her antics
When all around you turn somersaults upon her deck;
And go aloft when no one has told you
And not fall down and break your blooming neck;

If you can work like Wild and also like Wuzzles
Spend a convivial night with some old bean,
And then come down and meet the Boss at breakfast
And never breathe a word of where you've been.

If you can fill the port and starboard bunkers
With fourteen tons of coal; and call it fun;
Yours is the ship and everything that's in it
And you're a marvel; not a man my son.
Ernest H Shackleton

(28 July 2007)

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