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I've experienced the tabloids when I had anorexia.

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From Anacreon: 'Twas Now The Hour When Night Had Driven

'Twas now the hour when Night had driven
Her car half round yon sable heaven;
Boötes, only, seem'd to roll
His arctic charge around the pole;
While mortals, lost in gentle sleep,
Forgot to smile, or ceased to weep:
At this lone hour the Paphian boy,
Descending from the realms of joy,
Quick to my gate directs his course,
And knocks with all his little force.
My visions fled, alarm'd I rose,--
'What stranger breaks my blest repose?'
'Alas!' replies the wily child,
In faltering accents sweetly mild,
'A hapless infant here I roam,
Far from my dear maternal home.
Oh! shield me from the wintry blast!
The nightly storm is pouring fast.
No prowling robber lingers here.
A wandering baby who can fear?'
I heard his seeming artless tale,
I heard his sighs upon the gale:
My breast was never pity's foe,
But felt for all the baby's woe.
I drew the bar, and by the light
Young Love, the infant, met my sight;
His bow across his shoulders flung,
And thence his fatal quiver hung
(Ah! little did I think the dart
Would rankle soon within my heart).
With care I tend my weary guest,
His little fingers chill my breast;
His glossy curls, his azure wing,
Which droop with nightly showers, I wring;
His shivering limbs the embers warm;
And now reviving from the storm,
Scarce had he felt his wonted glow,
Than swift he seized his slender bow:-
'I fain would know, my gentle host,'
He cried, 'if this its strength has lost;
I fear, relax'd with midnight dews,
The strings their former aid refuse.'
With poison tipt, his arrow flies,
Deep in my tortured heart it lies:
Then loud the joyous urchin laugh'd:-
'My bow can still impel the shaft:
'Tis firmly fix'd, thy sighs reveal it;
Say, courteous host, canst thou not feel it?'

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She Did Not See The Lilacs When They Bloomed One Summer

in the past sense of my words
she had not seen the lilacs when they once bloomed in her garden
i swear they are so beautiful hanging on their stalks surrounded by their heart
shaped leaves
like a bouquet offering of spring
for the first rain

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From The Experiences She's Had

In broken English she spoke about the Taliban
The ex refugee from war torn Afghanistan
Their rule to say the least was quite austere
And all Afghan women of them lived in fear.

But she added the Northern Alliance when they ruled just as bad
And their feuding Warlords dangerous and mad
And they rule again in Afghanistan today
But the leopard never changes his spots or so they say.

Things in Afghanistan still seem far from okay
And for her war ravaged Homeland the Afghan migrant pray
But she feels happy that she at last is free
Of discrimination, oppression and poverty.

Her knowledge comes from the experiences she's had
And she says the Northern Alliance as the Taliban just as bad
And from a village north of Kabul her life's journey began
The noble woman from Afghanistan.

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When I Had a Crush On You

When I had a crush on you,
You acted as if I did not exist.
You persisted to avoid my advances.
Some of them were innocently delivered.

When I had a crush on you.
You wanted to play hard to get.
At least that is how I interpreted it!
As you intentionally flirted with others.

When I had a crush on you...
You toyed with my emotions.
And put me through the best tests,
I have ever yet from anyone else I've met.

When I had a crush on you,
The last thing I expected...
Was to hear you say to me, 'I do'.

And ever since marriage has happened to us...
I find myself rushing to the door.
After fussing and cussing in a rage,
Pacing the floor.

Wondering 'where' you kept your fangs,
And 'how' did that monster I see now...
Every other day,
Manage to stay away from my view!

When I had a crush on you!

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The Sister I Never Had

You are there for me
To hold me close
You know when it's right
To let me go

You never let me down
You always stay around
You always fight my corner
And keep my feet firmly on the ground

You are my star
You light my sky
And put that twinkle in my eye
You take me places
I've never been before
I've seen lots of things i've never seen before
You are my star

I may be taller then you
But that doesn't mean a thing
I look right upto you
To me you're everything

You're the sister i never had
You don't leave when the going's bad
I'll always need you in my life
I love you

I hope you know
All the things you do for me
I appreciate them all, i really do
I hope you know i'd do the same for you

You are my star
You light my sky
And put that twinkle in my eye
You take me places i've never been before
I've seen things i've never seen before
You are my star

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Only When I Had You

(song lyrics. maybe this marks the end of my writer's block. i sure do hope so)

i guess this is the end
of everything that we once knew
and now we're moving on
except i'm not moving anywhere
i'm stuck right here to wait for you
to turn around and laugh again
and tell me that you knew

you knew i'd be okay
you knew i had the strength to wake up everyday
especially when i had you
you knew i'd stand up strong
you knew i had the strength to make it on my own
but you never knew..

i guess this is the end
of my dreamless nights and wakeful eyes
my nightmares come right back
and you still walk away
i lay right here and die today
because you. turned. away...

and you thought..
you thought i'd be okay
you thought i had the strength to wake up everyday
but only when i had you
you thought i'd stand up strong
you thought i had the strength to make it on my own
but only if i had you...

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When We Had Been Lovers

If I looked at you again,
I know I would remember when...
We had been lovers.

If I looked at you again,
I know I would remember when...
There was no other,
Lover...
Who caused me much to suffer.

Even though today I'm reminiscing then,
When we were friends.
And...
Even though today I'm reminiscing then,
When our kissing would not end.

Even though today I'm reminiscing then,
When our troubles then began...
And you walked out the door,
To never see you...
Anymore.

If I looked at you again,
I know I would remember when...
We had been lovers.
A love discovered.

If I looked at you again,
I know I would remember when...
There was no other,
Lover...
Who caused me much to suffer.

Even though today I'm reminiscing then,
When we were friends.
And...
Even though today I'm reminiscing then,
When our kissing would not end.

Even though today I'm reminiscing then,
When our troubles then began...
And you walked out the door,
To never see you...
Anymore.

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Yesterday When I 'Had' Patience

One moment, please.
I think we have a bad connection.
Let me repeat what you just said...
Since I 'know'
I did not hear you clearly.

You expect me,
To tolerate and put up with 'your' nonsense?
To quietly sit and listen to the issues you have,
With your family, their families...
Your neighbors' comments made to you.
And...
My recommendations you dislike.
Because I am not 'sounding' as if I am on your side?

AND when I seek 'your' candid advice...
You find it convenient not to be available,
Because I take up your time?
And you tell me...
I should find less of 'me' in my mind?

Hold up!

I think this connection has crossed the line.
And needs to cease.
If you hear dial tone...
Do not call me back.
From you I am seeking some deep quality peace.

Listen,
Yesterday when I 'had' patience...
And hear this very carefully.
I gave you time and I remember that.
Today I have none!
You have exhausted your free minutes.
And I suggest you kick the cat or 'something'.
But don't bother me.

Find less of 'you' in your mind!

(Click! Conversation over with)

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I Watch You From the Window When You Pick Up Poodle Doo

Is that your moody poodle,
You feed heated noodles to...
When I see you,
Rushing home from school?

I want to say to you,
That I could walk your poodle too.
And scoop up all that poo poo just for you.

I watch you from the window,
When you pick up poodle doo!
I imagine if I helped out...
You would not have to rush from school?
To noodle up your poodle.
Then pick up poodle doo.

Is that your moody poodle,
You feed heated noodles to...
When I see you,
Rushing home from school?

I want to say to you,
That I could walk your poodle too.
And scoop up all that poo poo just for you.

If you had a cat,
You wouldn't have to do that.
You would have so much free time.
I had a cat but he got fat...
And died when I chased him,
With a turkey butt he swallowed...
I was thawing.
For some greens I was going to buy!
He was the only cat I had,
That did not have nine lives!

I watch you from the window,
When you pick up poodle doo!
I imagine if I helped out...
You would not have to rush from school?
To noodle up your poodle.
Then pick up poodle doo.
I will do that,
If you want me to?

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The Muse I Once Had

Wrapped inside the cages of hedonistic
Byways, looking for the hemlock of the anniversary one
Last time,
At least I can say I kissed her lips and held on to
Her, and took her out into the waves
Even though she could not swim: which made all of the tourists
Watch us even more;
And we made love: and we made love in almost a year
Of adultery,
But all throughout those fiery nights, the souls of my
Words ran lonely-
And it got colder as more of the years approached:
She went back to him, sated and bent and subtle like
Soft wood I had imprinted with my telephone number:
And her two children, waiting for fireworks-
Hungry as rabbits- she said she was not a good mother,
But she would not leave them- A Mexican woman,
Her husband exhibiting entire control over her,
Except for with me- for this last year,
And the times we made love- now she is a lion,
A rose content to be a in a cage- and when I see her mother
Cleaning the windows of the Italian restaurant
Along Okeechobee Boulevard- working without
A smile, bent and overweight- I think of the muse I once had,
And I think that must be her.

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Song. Cold, Cold Is The Blast When December Is Howling

Cold, cold is the blast when December is howling,
Cold are the damps on a dying man's brow,--
Stern are the seas when the wild waves are rolling,
And sad is the grave where a loved one lies low;
But colder is scorn from the being who loved thee,
More stern is the sneer from the friend who has proved thee,
More sad are the tears when their sorrows have moved thee,
Which mixed with groans anguish and wild madness flow--

And ah! poor — has felt all this horror,
Full long the fallen victim contended with fate:
‘Till a destitute outcast abandoned to sorrow,
She sought her babe's food at her ruiner's gate--
Another had charmed the remorseless betrayer,
He turned laughing aside from her moans and her prayer,
She said nothing, but wringing the wet from her hair,
Crossed the dark mountain side, though the hour it was late.
'Twas on the wild height of the dark Penmanmawr,
That the form of the wasted -- reclined;
She shrieked to the ravens that croaked from afar,
And she sighed to the gusts of the wild sweeping wind.--
I call not yon rocks where the thunder peals rattle,
I call not yon clouds where the elements battle,
But thee, cruel -- I call thee unkind!'--

Then she wreathed in her hair the wild flowers of the mountain,
And deliriously laughing, a garland entwined,
She bedewed it with tears, then she hung o'er the fountain,
And leaving it, cast it a prey to the wind.
'Ah! go,' she exclaimed, 'when the tempest is yelling,
'Tis unkind to be cast on the sea that is swelling,
But I left, a pitiless outcast, my dwelling,
My garments are torn, so they say is my mind--'

Not long lived --, but over her grave
Waved the desolate form of a storm-blasted yew,
Around it no demons or ghosts dare to rave,
But spirits of peace steep her slumbers in dew.
Then stay thy swift steps mid the dark mountain heather,
Though chill blow the wind and severe is the weather,
For perfidy, traveller! cannot bereave her,
Of the tears, to the tombs of the innocent due.--

JULY, 1810.

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The Flower In The Living Room

there is this flower
inside a vase early this
morning in the living room
of the house
when everyone had left
to their offices
and somewhere else

in my loneliness it give
delight

like your poem Meg

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Early In The Morning When The Sun Just Appears

Early in the morning
when the sun just appears over the hillocks,
when the guinea fowl call from the field,
then I see him
with his crooked walking stick chewing biltong
and the morning is dumb,
pure like an angel is his company;
before he disappears between the green maize stalks.

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Poem (In the morning, when it was raining)

In the morning, when it was raining,
Then the birds were hectic and loudy;
Through all the reign is fall's entertaining;
Their singing was erratic and full of disorder:
They did not remember the summer blue
Or the orange of June. They did not think at all
Of the great red and bursting ball
Of the kingly sun's terror and tempest, blazing,
Once the slanting rain threw over all
The colorless curtains of the ceaseless spontaneous fall.

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At The Hour When Darkness Wins And Light Surrenders To The Edge Of The Sea

on that hour when darkness and
light fought
i take complete time to watch
them

the usual afternoon when darkness
wins when light surrenders to the edge
of the sea
in dismal silence

it is a very sad view, one can relate and
weep

on the other hand, when light finally gives up
its orange body to the
invasion of the night

when it assumes that fading ball of fire
descending to the abyss of the darkness

behold! there is so much beauty
in its sadness!

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The Time When I First Fell In Love

The time when first I fell in love,
Which now I must lament;
The year wherein I lost such time
To compass my content.

The day wherein I saw too late
The follies of a lover;
The hour wherein I found such loss
As care cannot recover.

And last, the minute of mishap,
Which makes me thus to plain
The doleful fruits of lover's suits,
Which labour lose in vain:

Doth make me solemnly protest,
As I with pain do prove,
There is no time, year, day, nor hour,
Nor minute, good to love.

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The Time When I First Fell In Love

The time when first I fell in love,
Which now I must lament;
The year wherein I lost such time
To compass my content.

The day wherein I saw too late
The follies of a lover;
The hour wherein I found such loss
As care cannot recover.

And last, the minute of mishap,
Which makes me thus to plain
The doleful fruits of lover's suits,
Which labour lose in vain:

Doth make me solemnly protest,
As I with pain do prove,
There is no time, year, day, nor hour,
Nor minute, good to love.

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The Flea

Under a magnifying glass I observed an extraordinary flea,
it was dressed as a lumberjack, chopping down a tree.
It got into a rhythm and many trees were felled with its axe,
at dusk it’s day was over, and made it’s way down the track.

I followed it through the forest with my magnifying glass,
it came to a cottage, got out the mower and cut the grass.
When it had finished it went inside and turned on the light,
at ten the light went out and someone said, “Goodnight.”

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Not the End When Love Ends

It is not the end when Love ends
That's just a brief consoling respite
For you'll never know what the Future sends
Soon another Love may come with it.

Like the Spring or Summer it returns
With the songs of joy that it imparts
A new love awakens and passion yearns
Then faster are the beatings of the heart.

Yes the Past holds beautiful memories
Remember not to close your heart's door
Because Love will come on times as these
And happier are the memories than before.

----
Co pyright Cynthia Buhain Baello
August 16,2010

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Gone the Dream

At the end of the day when all had been done
And all had been bad
In the kitchen laughing wih you
Before I went to bed
My face in the light illuminated
Untroubled and safe
As your face is shining upon me
A love that would never cease

Went out where the cold wind blows
It rocks my childhood sleep
And up in the starry skies
And further out to sea
Late in time when it will come
I see it in my dreams
At night with the cold wind blowing
At night with the cold wind blowing outside

Gone the dream

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