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Evelyn Waugh

Your actions, and your action alone, determines your worth.

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The Heart determines

Fate determines who comes into our lives.
The heart determines who stays...

Rate determines what comes best
The fact determines what the worth

Mate determines the life you lead
The quest determines the depth of love

Bate determines the fish you catch
The sea determines how much you did watch

Road determines the longer the travel
The destination determines the fair well

God determines what you are destined
The fate determines what you deserve

Friends determines the strength you have
The emotion determines the depths of love

Fate determines who comes into our lives
The heart determines who stays on forever………..

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The Example of Vertu : Cantos I.-VII.

Here begynneth the boke called the example of vertu.

The prologe.

Whan I aduert in my remembraunce
The famous draughtes of poetes eloquent
Whiche theyr myndes dyd well enhaunce
Bokes to contryue that were expedyent
To be remembred without Impedyment
For the profyte of humanyte
This was the custume of antyquyte.
I now symple and moost rude
And naked in depured eloquence
For dulnes rethoryke doth exclude
Wherfore in makynge I lake intellygence
Also consyderynge my grete neglygence
It fereth me sore for to endyte
But at auenture I wyll now wryte.
As very blynde in the poetys art
For I therof can no thynge skyll
Wherfore I lay it all a part
But somwhat accordynge to my wyll
I wyll now wryte for to fulfyll
Saynt Powles wordes and true sentement
All that is wryten is to oure document
O prudent Gower in langage pure
Without corrupcyon moost facundyous
O noble Chauser euer moost sure
Of frutfull sentence ryght delycyous
O vertuous Lydgat moche sentencyous
Unto you all I do me excuse
Though I your connynge do now vse
Explicit prologus.

Capitulum Primsi.
In Septembre in fallynge of the lefe
Whan phebus made his declynacyon
And all the whete gadred was in the shefe
By radyaunt hete and operacyon
Whan the vyrgyn had full domynacyon
And Dyane entred was one degre
Into the sygne of Gemyne
Whan the golden sterres clere were splendent
In the firmament puryfyed clere as crystall
By imperyall course without incombrement
As Iuppyter and Mars that be celestyall
With Saturne and Mercury that wer supernall
Myxt with venus that was not retrograte
That caused me to be well fortunate
In a slombrynge slepe with slouth opprest

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The Rosciad

Unknowing and unknown, the hardy Muse
Boldly defies all mean and partial views;
With honest freedom plays the critic's part,
And praises, as she censures, from the heart.

Roscius deceased, each high aspiring player
Push'd all his interest for the vacant chair.
The buskin'd heroes of the mimic stage
No longer whine in love, and rant in rage;
The monarch quits his throne, and condescends
Humbly to court the favour of his friends;
For pity's sake tells undeserved mishaps,
And, their applause to gain, recounts his claps.
Thus the victorious chiefs of ancient Rome,
To win the mob, a suppliant's form assume;
In pompous strain fight o'er the extinguish'd war,
And show where honour bled in every scar.
But though bare merit might in Rome appear
The strongest plea for favour, 'tis not here;
We form our judgment in another way;
And they will best succeed, who best can pay:
Those who would gain the votes of British tribes,
Must add to force of merit, force of bribes.
What can an actor give? In every age
Cash hath been rudely banish'd from the stage;
Monarchs themselves, to grief of every player,
Appear as often as their image there:
They can't, like candidate for other seat,
Pour seas of wine, and mountains raise of meat.
Wine! they could bribe you with the world as soon,
And of 'Roast Beef,' they only know the tune:
But what they have they give; could Clive do more,
Though for each million he had brought home four?
Shuter keeps open house at Southwark fair,
And hopes the friends of humour will be there;
In Smithfield, Yates prepares the rival treat
For those who laughter love, instead of meat;
Foote, at Old House,--for even Foote will be,
In self-conceit, an actor,--bribes with tea;
Which Wilkinson at second-hand receives,
And at the New, pours water on the leaves.
The town divided, each runs several ways,
As passion, humour, interest, party sways.
Things of no moment, colour of the hair,
Shape of a leg, complexion brown or fair,
A dress well chosen, or a patch misplaced,
Conciliate favour, or create distaste.
From galleries loud peals of laughter roll,
And thunder Shuter's praises; he's so droll.
Embox'd, the ladies must have something smart,

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Reaction To Action

(spoken: check 1, 1, 1)
Alright
Its hard getting through to me
Im truly elusive
I got my own point of view
I am the one of a kind
And I tell you lil girl
Im fascinated by you
Theres something about you
That makes all the difference
Like the night is to day
Well I can get along without you
But I know that within you
Youve got what Im missing
And Ill find a way
To get reaction to action
Hey, say the word that would thrill me
Yeah, I need reaction to action
Just one look that would kill me
You got a way of drawing attention to you
You know you stand out in a crowd
But the way that you play
With any mans affections
Should never be allowed
See I consider myself
The one who will show you
Id go as far as to say
Girl, I aint leaving here without you
But you better understand
Theres only one rule in this game were gonna play
And thats reaction to action
Maybe like a word that would thrill me
I need reaction to action
One look that would kill me
Give me reaction to action
Its getting late Id better make a definite move
Reaction to action
And after that baby, its up to you
I need reaction to action
Just a word that would thrill me
I need reaction to action
You know what Im talking about
Give me some reaction to action
You got a look, you got a way thatll kill me
Reaction to action, reaction to action, action
Baby, dont think about it, just react
Reaction to action
Reaction to action
Reaction to action
Reaction to action

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Lets See Action

Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets see freedom, lets see who cares,
Lets see freedom, lets see who cares,
Take me with you when you leave me
Take me with you when you leave me
And my shell behind us there.
And my shell behind us there.
I have learned it, known who burned me,
I have learned it, known who burned me,
Avatar has warmed my feet,
Avatar has warmed my feet,
Take me with you, let me see you,
Take me with you, let me see you,
Time and life can meet.
Time and life can meet.
Nothing is everything, everything is, nothing is,
Nothing is everything, everything is, nothing is,
Please the people, audiences,
Please the people, audiences,
Break the fences,
Break the fences,
Nothing is.
Nothing is.
Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets see freedom up in the air,
Lets see freedom up in the air,
Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets be free, lets see who cares.
Lets be free, lets see who cares.
Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets see freedom up in the air,
Lets see freedom up in the air,
Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets see action, lets see people,
Lets be free, lets see who cares.
Lets be free, lets see who cares.
Give me a drink boy, wash my feet,
Give me a drink boy, wash my feet,
Im so tired of running from my own heat,
Im so tired of running from my own heat,
Take this package and heres what you do,
Take this package and heres what you do,
Gonna get this information through.
Gonna get this information through.
I dont know where Im going,
I dont know where Im going,

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Was It Worth It?

(tennant/lowe)
--------------------
Well I dont know why I was dreaming about you
But I do know that I was dancing without you
Then you smiled, and I was lost
You fall in love, why count the cost?
All I gave to you
All you made me do
I react when I hear people ask
Was it worth it?
Yes its worth living for
Was it worth it?
Yes its worth giving more
If Id had my way this would have happened much sooner
But until that day it was only a rumour
All at once you changed my life
And led me in to paradise
Where I had to do
What I wanted to
I react when I hear people ask
Was it worth it?
Yes its worth living for
Was it worth it?
Yes its worth giving more
I reserve the right to live
My life this way, and I dont give
A damn when I hear people say
Ill pay the price that others pay
cause its worth it
Yes its worth living for
cause its worth it
Yes its worth living for
All I gave to you
All you made me do
I react when I hear people ask
Was it worth it?
Yes its worth living for
Was it worth it?
Yes its worth giving more
And I reserve (what? )
The right to live (where? )
My life this way (how? )
I couldnt give
A damn when I (what? )
Hear people say (who? )
Ill pay the price
That others pay
cause its worth it
Yes its worth living for
cause its worth it

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With Rose In Hand

Prayer is worth more than a rose
in my hand where love grows
for God and all he knows
The rose has a thorn
which Jesus felt on the crown he had worn.
the rose is red as the blood from his head
when he was crucifed before we were born.


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(Murder Poem) Shades Of Black

No empathy, no remorse, no recourse in my actions.
All I see is things in shades of black.
I was abandon as a child.
I'm alone as a man.
The goodness of the damned.
Oh how I wish I had a plan.
Something set in stone.
With many regrets I walk this life feeling like a reject.
A failure all on my own.
I don't need no help from you never did.

No empathy, no remorse, no recourse in my actions.
All I see is things in shades of black.
Their is poison in the water.
Their is treachery afoot.
Oh Oh just come look.
The blood has been spilt and they have no clue I did it you.
I don't even care if they did.
I'll take as many I can.
When everything has gone so wrong.
Sitting staring out the window with a revolver in you in hand.
What choices are left?

No empathy, no remorse, no recourse in my actions.
All I see is things in shades of black.
A nightmare of solutions unfold.
Each bloody as the next.
How can you ever truly live with it.
Settling for only second best.
The black knight ego's of arrogance.
Tunnel vision fills his eyes.
All he's after is the prize.
I doesn't matter who gets hurt on his way to it.
With deliverance I give you pain.
A message from someone who truly insane.

No empathy, no remorse, no recourse in my actions.
All I see is things in shades of black.

No empathy, no remorse, no recourse in my actions.
All I see is things in shades of black.

No empathy, no remorse, no recourse in my actions.
All I see is things in shades of black.
And it is time for my greatest attack.
As if anyone should be proud of such a thing.
The sweat pours off my brow as I become the butcher of butchers.
A dissection of a living to dead body.
Someone help this man, oh please anybody.
The urges to kill won't stop.

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Frantic

If i could have my wasted days back
Would i use them to get back on track?
Stop to warm at karmas burning
Or look ahead, but keep on turning
Do I have the strength
To know how i'll go?
Can i find it inside
To deal with what a shouldn't know?
Could i have my wasted days back
Would i use them to get back on track?
You live it or lie it!(You live it or lie it)
My lifestile Determines my deathsstile
(My lifestile determines my deathstile)
Keep searching, keep on shearching
This serch gose on, this serch gose on
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tick tock
I've worn out always being afraid
An endless stream of fear that I've made
You live it or lie it!(you live it or lie it!)
My lifestile determines my deathstile
(my lifestile determines my deathstile)
Keep serching, keep on serching
This serch gose on, this serch gose on, on and on
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tick tock
My life style (Birth is pain)
Determines my deathstile (Life is pain)
A rising tide (death is pain)
that pushes to the other side (Its all the same)

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Gotham - Book III

Can the fond mother from herself depart?
Can she forget the darling of her heart,
The little darling whom she bore and bred,
Nursed on her knees, and at her bosom fed;
To whom she seem'd her every thought to give,
And in whose life alone she seem'd to live?
Yes, from herself the mother may depart,
She may forget the darling of her heart,
The little darling whom she bore and bred,
Nursed on her knees, and at her bosom fed,
To whom she seem'd her every thought to give,
And in whose life alone she seem'd to live;
But I cannot forget, whilst life remains,
And pours her current through these swelling veins,
Whilst Memory offers up at Reason's shrine;
But I cannot forget that Gotham's mine.
Can the stern mother, than the brutes more wild,
From her disnatured breast tear her young child,
Flesh of her flesh, and of her bone the bone,
And dash the smiling babe against a stone?
Yes, the stern mother, than the brutes more wild,
From her disnatured breast may tear her child,
Flesh of her flesh, and of her bone the bone,
And dash the smiling babe against a stone;
But I, (forbid it, Heaven!) but I can ne'er
The love of Gotham from this bosom tear;
Can ne'er so far true royalty pervert
From its fair course, to do my people hurt.
With how much ease, with how much confidence--
As if, superior to each grosser sense,
Reason had only, in full power array'd,
To manifest her will, and be obey'd--
Men make resolves, and pass into decrees
The motions of the mind! with how much ease,
In such resolves, doth passion make a flaw,
And bring to nothing what was raised to law!
In empire young, scarce warm on Gotham's throne,
The dangers and the sweets of power unknown,
Pleased, though I scarce know why, like some young child,
Whose little senses each new toy turns wild,
How do I hold sweet dalliance with my crown,
And wanton with dominion, how lay down,
Without the sanction of a precedent,
Rules of most large and absolute extent;
Rules, which from sense of public virtue spring,
And all at once commence a Patriot King!
But, for the day of trial is at hand,
And the whole fortunes of a mighty land
Are staked on me, and all their weal or woe
Must from my good or evil conduct flow,

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Heavenly Action

Angel made in heaven
All I want is your love
Gimme some of that action, reaction
Angel made in heaven
All I want is your love
Gimme some of that action
Found out I was standing
In your firing line
You made the mark
Your arrow went through me
Cut a real impression
On this heart of mine (on this heart of mine)
Now what you want is happening to me (to me)
Angel made in heaven
All I want is your love
Gimme some of that action, reaction
Angel made in heaven
All I want is your love
Gimme some of that action
Be my lover
I dont want another
My angel from heaven
Be my lover
I dont want another
My angel from heaven
Angel made in heaven
All I want is your love
Gimme some of that action
Arrow in my heart
Yeah we were meant to be
I knew it was my name
You were calling
Celebration now your
Standing next to me (stand next to me)
Its only love in motion
Im falling, falling
Angel made in heaven
All I want is your love
Gimme some of that action, reaction
Angel made in heaven
All I want is your love
Gimme some of that action
Be my lover
I dont want another
My angel from heaven
Be my lover
I dont want another
My angel from heaven
Angel, angel
Angel made in heaven

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Action

I'm not so young anymore
And I'm not so dumb anymore
If you've seen what I've seen
Then you'd understand what I mean
So don't say you're gonna call me if you're not
And don't say you're gonna love me a lot
And don't stell me that you think I'm really hot
If you want me for your girlfriend
Action speaks louder than words
Let's see what you can do
See if you are coming through
Before I'm giving in to attraction
I gotta check out the action
I wonder if you're equipped
And if you can't deliver the time
Then I'm gonna make you mine
Babe I won't complain if you're a little rough
But I will if you are not man enough
Gonna find out tonight if you're just a bluff
(If you want me for your girlfriend)
Action speaks louder than words
Let's see what you can do
See if you are coming through
Before I'm giving in to attraction
I gotta check out the action
A C T I O N
Action
If you want me for your girlfriend
Babe I won't complain if you're a little rough
But I will if you are not man enough
Action speaks louder than words
Let's see what you can do
See if you are coming through
Before I'm giving in to attraction
I gotta check out the action
Action speaks louder than words
Let's see what you can do
See if you are coming through
Before I'm giving in to attraction
I gotta check out the action
Action speaks louder than words
Let's see what you can do
See if you are coming through
Before I'm giving in to attraction
I gotta check out the action

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Action This Day

Action
This street honey is a mean street
Living in thsi street honey needsa a mean
Streak
Weve got criminals living in this street
But theres a heartbeet pulse that keeps on
Pumping
Like a jukebox playing the same dead record
Or a radio in the corner keeps blaring
I gotta feeling, this world is using me
This town honey is a dead town
Living in this town honey is a showdown
But theres a heartbeat pulse that keep in
Pumping
Some sunshine ray through a crack in a
Shutter
Or a sight of a light at
The end of a tunnel
Still theres a feeling, this world is using me
Action this day
Action this night
Weve gotta learn to learn to live to love
You cant say it aint right
Action this day
Action this night
Youve got the power, youve got the power
Youve got the power to love and to live
You cant say it aint right
Your mind honey is a bleak place
Living in your minds living in a bleak place
Your mind is coming from a rat racce
But theres a heartbeet pulse that keeps on
Pumping
Like a jukebox playing the same dead record
Or a radio in the corner keeps blaring
I gotta feeling that just wont quit, this
World is using me
Action this day
Action this night
Weve gotta learn to learn to live to love
We cant say it aint right
Action this day
Action this night
Youve got the power, youve got the power
Youve got the power to love, to live
You cant say it aint right
Action
Action this day

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An Epistle To William Hogarth

Amongst the sons of men how few are known
Who dare be just to merit not their own!
Superior virtue and superior sense,
To knaves and fools, will always give offence;
Nay, men of real worth can scarcely bear,
So nice is jealousy, a rival there.
Be wicked as thou wilt; do all that's base;
Proclaim thyself the monster of thy race:
Let vice and folly thy black soul divide;
Be proud with meanness, and be mean with pride.
Deaf to the voice of Faith and Honour, fall
From side to side, yet be of none at all:
Spurn all those charities, those sacred ties,
Which Nature, in her bounty, good as wise,
To work our safety, and ensure her plan,
Contrived to bind and rivet man to man:
Lift against Virtue, Power's oppressive rod;
Betray thy country, and deny thy God;
And, in one general comprehensive line,
To group, which volumes scarcely could define,
Whate'er of sin and dulness can be said,
Join to a Fox's heart a Dashwood's head;
Yet may'st thou pass unnoticed in the throng,
And, free from envy, safely sneak along:
The rigid saint, by whom no mercy's shown
To saints whose lives are better than his own,
Shall spare thy crimes; and Wit, who never once
Forgave a brother, shall forgive a dunce.
But should thy soul, form'd in some luckless hour,
Vile interest scorn, nor madly grasp at power;
Should love of fame, in every noble mind
A brave disease, with love of virtue join'd,
Spur thee to deeds of pith, where courage, tried
In Reason's court, is amply justified:
Or, fond of knowledge, and averse to strife,
Shouldst thou prefer the calmer walk of life;
Shouldst thou, by pale and sickly study led,
Pursue coy Science to the fountain-head;
Virtue thy guide, and public good thy end,
Should every thought to our improvement tend,
To curb the passions, to enlarge the mind,
Purge the sick Weal, and humanise mankind;
Rage in her eye, and malice in her breast,
Redoubled Horror grining on her crest,
Fiercer each snake, and sharper every dart,
Quick from her cell shall maddening Envy start.
Then shalt thou find, but find, alas! too late,
How vain is worth! how short is glory's date!
Then shalt thou find, whilst friends with foes conspire,
To give more proof than virtue would desire,

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Say Something

I'm over here
Looking at you
You're over there
Watching me too
Both painting pictures of
Of how we'll kiss and hug
So what we gonna do
(So what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do)
Tell me why we're standing here
The moment's passion's all so clear
You've got my mind blown
And baby, I'm ready to go
But uh
If it's worth your while
Say something, say something
If it's worth your while
Say something good to me
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
If it's worth your while
Do something good to me
(Let's make it)
Hot as you can stand it
Something like volcanic
You know it seems organic
Just like the stars and planets
Yeah, we are
So what you gonna do
(So what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do)
Tell me why we're still in here
There's nothing for us to fear
I could tell with my eyes closed
Now baby, I'm ready to go
But uh
If it's worth your while
Say something, say something
If it's worth your while
Say something good to me
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
If it's worth your while
Do something good to me
If it's worth your while
Say something, say something
If it's worth your while
Say something good to me, baby
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
If it's worth your while
Do something good to me

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Say Somethin'

I'm over here
Looking at you
You're over there
Watching me too
Both painting pictures of
Of how we'll kiss and hug
So what we gonna do?
(So what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do?)
Tell me why we're standing here
The moment's passion's all so clear
You've got my mind blown
And baby, I'm ready to go
But uhh
If it's worth your while
Say something, say something
If it's worth your while
Say something good to me
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
If it's worth your while
Do something good to me
(Let's make it)
Hot as you can stand it
Something like volcanic
You know it seems organic
Just like the stars and planets
Yeah, we are
So what you gonna do?
(So what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do?)
Tell me why we're still in here
There's nothing for us to fear
I could tell with my eyes closed
Now baby, I'm ready to go
But uhh
If it's worth your while
Say something, say something
If it's worth your while
Say something good to me
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
If it's worth your while
Do something good to me.
If it's worth your while
Say something, say something
If it's worth your while
Say something good to me, baby
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
If it's worth your while
Do something good to me.

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Was It All Worth It

Words and music by queen
What is there left for me to do in this life
Did I achieve what I had set in my sights
Am I a happy man or is this sinking sand
Was it all worth it was it all worth it
Yeah now hear my story let me tell you about it
We bought a drum kit blew my own trumpet
Played the circuit thought we were perfect
Was it all worth it
Giving all my heart and soul and staying up all night
Was it all worth it
Living breathing rocknroll a godforsaken life
Was it all worth it was it all worth it all these years
Put down our money without counting the cost
It didnt matter if we won if we lost
Yes we were vicious yes we could kill
Yes we were hungry yes we were brill
We served a purpose like a bloody circus
We were so dandy we love you madly
Was it all worth it
Living breathing rocknroll this godforsaken life
Was it all worth it was it all worth it
When the hurly burlys done
We went to bali saw God and dali
So mystic surrealistic
Was it all worth it yeah yeah
Giving all my heart and soul staying up all night
Was it all worth it
Living breathing rocknroll this never ending fight
Was it all worth it was it all worth it
Yes it was a worthwhile experience
It was worth it

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There Is Something Really Wrong About That

There's something really wrong about that!
Those facts you ration.
There is something really wrong about that!
They're not based in truth of action.
Something really wrong about that!
Those facts you ration.
Absent is the truth of action.
Nothing is said about that.

There is something really wrong about that!
Those facts you ration.
There's something really wrong about that!
They're not based in truth of action.
Something really wrong about that!
Those facts you ration.
Absent is the truth of action.
Nothing is said about that.

Truth has been manipulated.
Something is wrong about that!

And people now themselves they hate.
Something is wrong about that!

Racism is the indicator.
Something is wrong about that!

And how one lives is too debated.
Something is wrong about that!

There is something really wrong about that!
Those facts you ration.
There's something really wrong about that!
They're not based in truth of action.
Something really wrong about that!
Those facts you ration.
Absent is the truth of action.
Nothing is said about that.

We've all been underestimated.
Something is wrong about that!
The thoughts of people are degraded.
Something is wrong about that!
Deceivers seem too much elated.
Something is wrong about that!
And truth for us has been created...
With an ease that's made..

Oh there's something really wrong about that!
Those facts you ration.

[...] Read more

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Center Stage

Laughing in a crown of jewels
Numbness from a scepters wound
Toss and turn, I spin and learn
Catch yourself before you burn
A jokers dance before the king
Jangling beads, and silver rings
Close your eyes and bare the sound
Jumping up - falling down
Falling, falling, falling, falling down
Look yourself in the eye before you drown
Royal rebels discover you
Trust? you turn there is no truth
And circle, circle, why are you scared
Why a smile instead of tears
Im gulping smoke I fade away
Figures floating down to lay
I meet the joker and the thief
The king and queen but - no relief
The king is in the counting house,
(falling, falling, falling, falling down)
Counting all his money
(look yourself in the eye before you drown)
The queen is in her parlor
(falling, falling, falling, falling down)
Eating bread and honey
(look yourself in the eye before you drown)
I cross myself before I die
And the leaping man, he asks me, why?
Well your rhythm is off I reply
Now you must dance the dance
That you imply!
Your actions will follow you full circle round
Your actions will follow you full circle round
Your actions will follow you full circle round
Your actions will follow you full circle round
Your actions will follow you full circle round
Your actions will follow you full circle round
Your actions will follow you full circle round
Your actions will follow you full circle round
The higher the leap, I said
The harder the ground!

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A Letter From Baby, To Guzel (an excerpt from current somniations...)

Guzel,

You have pointed to MY actions as destructive; MY actions were just REACTIONS to YOUR actions; You deceived everyone BECAUSE you were scared, which pushed you away from the 'love of your life'-ME! MY actions are, and have only ever been bourne out of selfless love and and a boundless concern for you; YOUR actions, ON THAT day were the destructive actions; THEY are the only thing that caused all of what followed, for the brief time that both of us were NOT ourselves.

WHY would you destroy something so beautiful, because you are scared? All you needed to do was, say: 'Moe, I am scared! '-to which I would have replied something like: 'OK, no problem-the solution is to slow down and reassess, to ensure you are NOT scared again.' MAYBE THAT is what you should have, and what I would have, done! YOUR actions since that day tell me and the world, that you WANT to fix what YOU broke; namely, NOW, due YOUR actions, EVERYONE with a 'need to know' of MY past does (ALL AT ONCE) and THAT is dead, and? ? ? s they may have NOW, are for me and ME alone; YOUR burden is done my beloved!

I need YOU to understand that though you effectively betrayed me, as well as yourself by NOT being wholly honest about how you REALLY feel, I AM NOT angry, I understand completely NOW why you did what you did, and when and how you did it! I know more than anyone WHY! ! I know more about you than perhaps anyone else in the world, perhaps even YOU! YOU were NOT ready to come here, consort with BOTH our families under the BURDEN of YOUR secret about what HAPPENED to ME! ! I understand, not only because I love you, but because I am pretty insightful as well!

As time marches from that tragic day just before Christmas, the truth, the REAL TRUTH settles and the deceit as well as my 'baggage' fades; Speaking of such-both your past and mine have only strengthened us, they are NOT burdens for each, they are NOT cloaks behind which to hide-they ARE ways that we have learned lessons and gained much strength!

GOD and YOU and alone control both your own destiny, as well as how others view you and those you love most ardently-people are capable of much love, as you well know, through me, as well as others. YOUR friends and family effectively were MORE ambushed MORE than I, BY YOU! But again, the damage has been done, the coast is now clear and the 'drama' is gone. NOW, I only possess a 'sordid' past which includes an 'ex-wife' and TWO beautifully inspiring Daughters. JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT! ! (*as you said to me 8 January 2012*) . I HAVE NEVER seen WHAT I know about YOU as baggage, but as PROOF of your strength-now show the world how strong you really are!

Stop running FROM your love and TOWARD YOUR fear, reverse the course, er, curse and come back to friendship, then perhaps love at YOUR speed, it IS real, it IS true and YOU are LOVED!

-Baby

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