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I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

quote by Colin Mochrie
Added by Lucian Velea
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Simply Complicated

When you find out things about yourself
that you hadn't thought to know.
When your grandma calls
and books you on the Jerry Springer show.
And you find out you and your wife for ten years,
just might be related
Brother, life's not over,
it's just simply complicated.
There's other situations
that might challenge you, I guess
When your daughter tries out for the footbal team
and your son tries on her dress
And you start to think that the devil's in charge
of how you're situated.
Life is still worth livin
It's just simply complicated.
Life is complicated with its
ifs and ands and buts.
It's alright to be crazy,
just don't let it drive you nuts!
My daughter wants to go on dates,
I think I'll let her go.
But she better not be movin'
at the movin' picture show.
Her stops by all those honky tonks
and getin' aviated
aint it all a caution?
Its just simply complicated.
Now I'm havin a big problem
with my present-day career
My ship, she has a rudder
but I don't know where to steer.
Am I country, pop or rock-and-roll?
I know they are related.
I'll just let you be the judge.
It's simply complicated.
Life is complicated with its
ifs and ands and buts.
It's alright to be crazy,
just don't let it drive you nuts!

song performed by Jimmy Buffett
Added by Lucian Velea
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Alibi

You did it 'cause you wanted
Alibi, alibi
And you took it
Cause you need it
Alibi, alibi
But if I've done something wrong there's no "ifs and buts"
'Cause I love you just as much as I hate your guts
Alibi, alibi, alibi...
And you don't need anybody
Alibi, alibi
But you are the only one that knows this
Alibi, alibi
You deserve it 'cause you're special
Alibi, alibi
Maybe Jesus wants you for a sunbeam
Alibi, alibi
But if I've left something out
I apologize
But if you look in my eyes
Then I'm sure you'll see...
Alibis, alibis, alibis...
Sometimes I'm so forgiving
Everything seems bad to me
But I can't go on living
With this alibi, alibi, alibi...
"Insane," what a mundane
Alibi, alibi
And you only wanted to be famous
Alibi, alibi
Sorry, but your mommy doesn't love you
Alibi, alibi
Stop me if you've heard this...
Alibi, alibi
But if I've done something right then don't be surprised
There are soldiers who will kill but refuse to die
But if I've done something wrong there's no "ifs and buts"
'Cause I love you just as much as I hate your guts
Alibi, alibi, alibi, alibi...
You were weak...
You couldn't help it
Alibi, alibi
But you never had a pony
Alibi, alibi
Chorus
And you're such a people person
Alibi, alibi
And I will be true to you forever
Alibi, alibi
But you're stupid and you're lazy
Alibi, alibi

[...] Read more

song performed by Elvis Costello
Added by Lucian Velea
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Only Mental Memoirs Kept

There is going to be a clean sweep.
A complete overhaul...
Of present thinking,
By those who rode...
On a merry-go-round enjoyed.
But now has been stalled.
For certain conditions,
To be employed!

A total restructuring,
Of a thought process.
Coming soon to a mind near you.
And this,
All can expect!

Gone are the days,
Are those having their way.
With assumptions done...
Including less discipline,
To have a life full of fun!

A consciousness that will insist,
Everyone snaps awake.
And overnight this will seem,
To have taken place.

Attitudes about who will do what...
Will have few people,
Sitting on their butts!

With no 'buts' or 'ifs'...
Used for excuses to resist!

A total restructuring,
Of a thought process.
Coming soon to a mind near you.
And this,
All can expect!

No one will be asked to choose,
Whether or not they will participate.
With a hesitation to confuse.
What will be delivered,
No one can refuse.
No offer will be made...
To those in moods wishing to debate!

Those days are gone!

Only mental memoirs kept...

[...] Read more

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Brown Eyed Handsome Man

BROWN EYED HANDSOME MAN
Arrested on charges of unemployment,
he was sitting in the witness stand
The judge's wife called up the district attorney
Said you free that brown eyed man
You want your job you better free that brown eyed man
Flying across the desert in a TWA,
I saw a woman walking across the sand
She been a-walkin' thirty miles en route to Bombay.
To get a brown eyed handsome man
Her destination was a brown eyed handsome man
Way back in history three thousand years
Back every since the world began
There's been a whole lot of good women shed a tear
For a brown eyed handsome man
That's what the trouble was brown eyed handsome man
Beautiful daughter couldn't make up her mind
Between a doctor and a lawyer man
Her mother told her daughter go out and find yourself
A brown eyed handsome man
That's what your daddy is a brown eyed handsome man
Milo Venus was a beautiful lass
She had the world in the palm of her hand
But she lost both her arms in a wrestling match
To get brown eyed handsome man
She fought and won herself a brown eyed handsome man
Two, three count with nobody on
He hit a high fly into the stand
Rounding third he was headed for home
It was a brown eyed handsome man
That won the game; it was a brown eyed handsome man

song performed by Nina Simone
Added by Lucian Velea
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Brown Eyed Handsome Man

(Berry)
Well, flying across the desert in a TWA, I saw a woman walking in the sand.
She'd be walking thirty miles en route to Bombay to meet a brown eyed handsome man,
her destination was a brown eyed handsome man.
Way back in history three thousand years, in fact ever since the world began,
there's been a whole lotta good women shedding tears over a brown eyed handsome man,
a lot of trouble was a brown eyed handsome man.
Well, the Milo de Venus was a beautiful lass, she had the world in the palm of her hand
she lost both her arms in a wrestling match to win a brown eyed handsome man,
she fought and won herself a brown eyed handsome man.
Well, a beautiful daughter couldn't make up her mind between a doctor and a lawyer man.
Her mother told her daughter go out and find yourself a brown eyed handsome man,
just like your daddy was, a brown eyed handsome man.
Well, a two, three the count with nobody home he hit a high flyer into the stand.
A rounded third he was a-heading for home,
it was a brown eyed handsome man that won the game, It was a brown eyed handsome man.
It was a brown eyed handsome man.

song performed by Paul McCartney
Added by Lucian Velea
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Brown Eyed Handsome Man

Arrested on charges of unemployment,
He was sitting in the witness stand
The judges wife called up the district attorney
Said you free that brown eyed man
You want your job you better free that brown eyed man
Flying across the desert in a twa,
I saw a woman walking across the sand
She been a walkin thirty miles en route to bombay
To get a brown eyed handsome man
Her destination was a brown eyed handsome man
Way back in history three thousand years
Back every since the world began
Theres been a whole lot of good women shed a tear
For a brown eyed handsome man
Thats what the trouble was brown eyed handsome man
Beautiful daughter couldnt make up her mind
Between a doctor and a lawyer man
Her mother told her daughter go out and find yourself
A brown eyed handsome man
Thats what your daddy is a brown eyed handsome man
Milo venus was a beautiful lass
She had the world in the palm of her hand
But she lost both her arms in a wrestling match
To get brown eyed handsome man
She fought and won herself a brown eyed handsome man
Two, three count with nobody on
He hit a high fly into the stand
Rounding third he was headed for home
It was a brown eyed handsome man
That won the game; it was a brown eyed handsome man

song performed by Elvis Presley
Added by Lucian Velea
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Brown Eyed Handsome Man

Chuck berry
1956 released 1995 the teenkings: are you ready
Arrested on charges of unemployment,
He was sitting in the witness stand
The judges wife called up the district attorney
Said you free that brown eyed man
You want your job you better free that brown eyed man
Flying across the desert in a twa,
I saw a woman walking across the sand
She been a-walkin thirty miles en route to bombay.
To get a brown eyed handsome man
Her destination was a brown eyed handsome man
Way back in history three thousand years
Back every since the world began
Theres been a whole lot of good women shed a tear
For a brown eyed handsome man
Thats what the trouble was brown eyed handsome man
Beautiful daughter couldnt make up her mind
Between a doctor and a lawyer man
Her mother told her daughter go out and find yourself
A brown eyed handsome man
Thats what your daddy is a brown eyed handsome man
Milo venus was a beautiful lass
She had the world in the palm of her hand
But she lost both her arms in a wrestling match
To get brown eyed handsome man
She fought and won herself a brown eyed handsome man
Two, three count with nobody on
He hit a high fly into the stand
Rounding third he was headed for home
It was a brown eyed handsome man
That won the game; it was a brown eyed handsome man

song performed by Roy Orbison
Added by Lucian Velea
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If Only

IF only? Do it now fair friend,
ON ifs and buts time will not wait,
Leave vain regrets, anticipate!
Youth sighs good-byes until ti[m]es end.

IF only? Kisses signals send!
ONe sip, for lips four to elate,
Life is too short to hesitate!
Your closeness sought should joy extend.

IF only? There’s no time to spend!
ONce IS forever! Don’t debate!
Leave b[l]ind fact cracked behind – the gate
Yin, Yang leaves open none should rend.

IF only? Lifespans none extend,
ONto eternity see Fate
Lottery duly orchestrate...
Yet 'free will' sentence may suspend.

IF only one could clone or blend
ONline or off another state.
Let go! If you cannot score straight
Your cards can’t trump, heart buck harsh trend.

22 March 2005 revised 12 November 2008
robi03_1100_robi03_0000 AXX_CEZ

for previous version see below

If Only

IF only? Do it now dear friend,
ON ifs and buts time will not wait,
Leave vain regrets, anticipate!
Youth sighs good-byes until ti[m]es end.

IF only? Kisses signals send!
ONe sip, for lips four to elate,
Life is too short to hesitate!
Your closeness sought should joy extend.

IF only? There’s no time to spend!
ONce IS forever! Don’t debate!
Leave b[l]ind fact cracked behind – the gate
Yin, Yang leaves open none should rend.

IF only one could clone or blend
ONline or off another state.
Let go! If you cannot score straight

[...] Read more

poem by Jonathan Robin
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I Am Glad One of Us Does

Where do you pick up your IFS and BUTS?
You are quite proficient with their use.
Your escapades with excuses,
Are notoriously known.
And you have been consistent,
With an accepted inefficiency.
An effort that disqualifies you as remarkable.
Yet qualifies your abilities,
As a dangerous role model to follow.
And no pity you accept should be interpreted for praise.

WHERE did you purchase this mentality?

Too many with this mindset,
Should be feared for their lack of basic comprehension.
If it is easy for them to gather IFS and BUTS...
What else could they be hiding?
Like those who say, 'You know what I'm saying? '
And you have not one clue,
Why 'you' are the one expected to know.

'You know what I'm saying?
Do you?
I am glad one of us does! '

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Added by Poetry Lover
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Ifs And Buts

You want me to believe in you.
In everything you may say and do.
But when you almost touch my trust...
There is something that you do,
That messes that up.

You do a slick sliding done on alibis.
Thinking I will stoop for duping.
And this you try!
I've had enough of ifs and buts.
Dressed and hidden behind a disguise.

You deceive me with increasing ease.
As if to do it is okay with me.
You expect me not to question at all,
Your whereabouts without a telephone call.

You deceive me with increasing ease.
As if to do it is okay with me.
You do a slick sliding done for fun.
But let me tell you baby I am not the one.

You want me to believe in you.
In everything you may say and do.
But when you almost touch my trust...
There is something that you do,
That messes that up.

I've had enough of your ifs and buts.
Pack your bags fast and don't shuffle a strut.
I'm use to you thinking quick on your feet!
But save your innocence it isn't working on me.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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When You Wish That We Stop Thinking For A While

your life must be messy,
like your room with books scattered on the floor
dirty socks and shirts and underwears
everywhere in bed in the sink in the cabinets
open when they should have been closed
like a mouth and mind
with nothing good to say
but just the same still muttering
some words which are not necessary
for the day
which should have been
beautiful

you think that what makes the mess is this
ability to think to classify and to prefer
what must be
what should have been
the standards and some things ethical and proper
and restrained

perhaps, you think, if you stop thinking
life would have been nicer and easier to manage
like simpy being attuned to the mess
and living with what is simply there
no ifs
no buts
no 'i wish this were this and this were that'
just wallowing and sleeping when sleepy
and eating when hungry and leaving when there is nothing
worth staying

to cease thinking when you want to
and life would have been one wonderful state

wo/man is a rational animal
rationality, thinking, is its essence, and when you cease to think
even for a minute
you must suffer the consequence
no ifs
no buts
you too cease, you die, your eyes wide open
those that do not blink, like a fish you think is not sleeping
or dead

you wish you were unthinking
what you wish is after all, the death that lurks in your mind,
ask yourself, in truth, you wish for it, but you do not confront it

so, why not just live, and think some more, and just let it be
do not die,

[...] Read more

poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Wishing That I'd Stop Thinking For A While

your life must be messy,
like your room with books scattered on the floor
dirty socks and shirts and underwears
everywhere in bed in the sink in the cabinets
open when they should have been closed
like a mouth and mind
with nothing good to say
but just the same still muttering
some words which are not necessary
for the day
which should have been
beautiful

you think that what makes the mess is this
ability to think to classify and to prefer
what must be
what should have been
the standards and some things ethical and proper
and restrained

perhaps, you think, if you stop thinking
life would have been nicer and easier to manage
like simpy being attuned to the mess
and living with what is simply there
no ifs
no buts
no 'i wish this were this and this were that'
just wallowing and sleeping when sleepy
and eating when hungry and leaving when there is nothing
worth staying

to cease thinking when you want to
and life would have been one wonderful state

wo/man is a rational animal
rationality, thinking, is its essence, and when you cease to think
even for a minute
you must suffer the consequence
no ifs
no buts
you too cease, you die, your eyes wide open
those that do not blink, like a fish you think is not sleeping
or dead

you wish you were unthinking
what you wish is after all, the death that lurks in your mind,
ask yourself, in truth, you wish for it, but you do not confront it

so, why not just live, and think some more, and just let it be
do not die,

[...] Read more

poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Midnight Shift

(lee / ainsworth)
Well, if you see old annie give her a lift.
cos annies been working on the midnight shift.
Annie puts her hair upon her head
Paints them lips a bright, bright red
Wears that dress that fits real tight
Starts staying out to the middle of the night.
Says that her friends give her a lift.
Well, annies been working on the midnight shift.
Well, she acts a little funny
Seems a little strange
Starts spending your money for a brand new thing
Tells you that she wants to use the car
Never explains what she wants it for
Brother, it aint no ifs
Well, annies been working on the midnight shift
Early in the morning when the sun comes up
You look at old annie and she looks kinda rough.
You tell her honey, get outa bed.
She says leave me alone, Im just about dead.
Brother, these aint no ifs
cos annies been working on the midnight shift
If you got a good mama thats stayin at home
You better enjoy it cos it wont last long.
When you think everythings all right
She starts going round in the middle of the night.
Brother, there just aint no ifs
cos annies been working on the midnight shift
Brother, this aint no ifs
cos annies been working on the midnight shift, yeah.

song performed by Hollies
Added by Lucian Velea
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Why Empower It With Concern?

When something isn't...
Why empower it with concern?
What lesson is there learned,
By choosing to discuss...
The 'what ifs'.
As if those 'what ifs' breathe and exist!

When something isn't...
Why empower it with concern?
What lesson is there learned,
By choosing to discuss...
The 'what ifs'.
As if those 'what ifs' breathe and exist!
And the next step we need to take...
Is to select someone qualified,
To monitor our decisions and babysit!

And that time spent doing this...
Has been wasted like devalued dollars,
We struggle to find ways to throw away...
Or burn.
With no regard and less concern.
And that is the headache we've lived to earn.

Too many are already confused in creating solutions.
All we need to do,
Is to commit ourselves to have nothing to do with it.
Already you look relieved!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Added by Poetry Lover
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Without a Hint of Wisdom

Caught up in the 'what ifs' and 'whys'.
And not seeing eye to eye with a reality
That has longed called for their attention!
No one wants to mention that.
They would rather play cat and mouse games.
And play tag with an upcoming disaster!
This will be their glory!
And their claim to fame.
This they play...
Is the ignorant game,
Played their way!

Caught up in the 'what ifs' and 'whys',
Have been those who chose to lie all their lives.
Storytelling their way to prescribed drugs!
And many find them pleasant to be around.
It then becomes no secret kept as to 'why'.

This they play...
Is the ignorant game,
Played their way!

When they are seen caught up,
In the 'what ifs and 'whys' of life.
It becomes clearly understood without question,
They have been detached much longer...
Than they were thought to be deranged!
And 'this' those who know,
Have found attractive to show...
As a destination.
To astound the nonbelievers!

This they play...
Is the ignorant game,
Played their way!

Caught up in the 'what ifs' and 'whys'.
And not seeing eye to eye with a reality
That has longed called for their attention!
No one wants to mention that.
They would rather play cat and mouse games.
And play tag with an upcoming disaster!
This will be their glory!
And their claim to fame.
This they play...
Is the ignorant game,
Played their way!
For lives that stay tricked,
Without a hint of wisdom...
Exiting from their lips!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Canto the First

I
I want a hero: an uncommon want,
When every year and month sends forth a new one,
Till, after cloying the gazettes with cant,
The age discovers he is not the true one;
Of such as these I should not care to vaunt,
I'll therefore take our ancient friend Don Juan—
We all have seen him, in the pantomime,
Sent to the devil somewhat ere his time.

II
Vernon, the butcher Cumberland, Wolfe, Hawke,
Prince Ferdinand, Granby, Burgoyne, Keppel, Howe,
Evil and good, have had their tithe of talk,
And fill'd their sign posts then, like Wellesley now;
Each in their turn like Banquo's monarchs stalk,
Followers of fame, "nine farrow" of that sow:
France, too, had Buonaparté and Dumourier
Recorded in the Moniteur and Courier.

III
Barnave, Brissot, Condorcet, Mirabeau,
Petion, Clootz, Danton, Marat, La Fayette,
Were French, and famous people, as we know:
And there were others, scarce forgotten yet,
Joubert, Hoche, Marceau, Lannes, Desaix, Moreau,
With many of the military set,
Exceedingly remarkable at times,
But not at all adapted to my rhymes.

IV
Nelson was once Britannia's god of war,
And still should be so, but the tide is turn'd;
There's no more to be said of Trafalgar,
'T is with our hero quietly inurn'd;
Because the army's grown more popular,
At which the naval people are concern'd;
Besides, the prince is all for the land-service,
Forgetting Duncan, Nelson, Howe, and Jervis.

V
Brave men were living before Agamemnon
And since, exceeding valorous and sage,
A good deal like him too, though quite the same none;
But then they shone not on the poet's page,
And so have been forgotten:—I condemn none,
But can't find any in the present age
Fit for my poem (that is, for my new one);
So, as I said, I'll take my friend Don Juan.

[...] Read more

poem by Byron from Don Juan (1824)
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Teddy Bear

A bear, however hard he tries,
Grows tubby without exercise.
Our Teddy Bear is short and fat,
Which is not to be wondered at;
He gets what exercise he can
By falling off the ottoman,
But generally seems to lack
The energy to clamber back.

Now tubbiness is just the thing
Which gets a fellow wondering;
And Teddy worried lots about
The fact that he was rather stout.
He thought: "If only I were thin!
But how does anyone begin?"
He thought: "It really isn't fair
To grudge one exercise and air."

For many weeks he pressed in vain
His nose against the window-pane,
And envied those who walked about
Reducing their unwanted stout.
None of the people he could see
"Is quite" (he said) "as fat as me!"
Then, with a still more moving sigh,
"I mean" (he said) "as fat as I!

One night it happened that he took
A peep at an old picture-book,
Wherein he came across by chance
The picture of a King of France
(A stoutish man) and, down below,
These words: "King Louis So and So,
Nicknamed 'The Handsome!'" There he sat,
And (think of it!) the man was fat!

Our bear rejoiced like anything
To read about this famous King,
Nicknamed "The Handsome." There he sat,
And certainly the man was fat.
Nicknamed "The Handsome." Not a doubt
The man was definitely stout.
Why then, a bear (for all his tub)
Might yet be named "The Handsome Cub!"

"Might yet be named." Or did he mean
That years ago he "might have been"?
For now he felt a slight misgiving:
"Is Louis So and So still living?
Fashions in beauty have a way

[...] Read more

poem by Alan Alexander Milne
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Hitched

An'—wilt—yeh—take—this—woman—fer—to—be
Yer—wed ded—wife?— . . . O, strike me! Will I wot?
Take 'er? Doreen? 'E stan's there arstin' me!
As if 'e thort per'aps I'd rather not!
Take 'er? 'E seemed to think 'er kind was got
Like cigarette-cards, fer the arstin'. Still,
I does me stunt in this 'ere hitchin' rot,
An' speaks me piece: 'Righto!' I sez, 'I will.'

'I will,' I sez. An' tho' a joyful shout
Come from me bustin' 'eart—I know it did
Me voice got sorter mangled comin' out,
An' makes me whisper like a frightened kid.
'I will,' I squeaks. An' I'd 'a' give a quid
To 'ad it on the quite, wivout this fuss,
An' orl the starin' crowd that Mar 'ad bid
To see this solim hitchin' up of us.

'Fer—rich-er—er—fer—poorer.' So 'e bleats.
'In—sick-ness—an'—in—'ealth,' . . . An' there I stands,
An' dunno 'arf the chatter I repeats,
Nor wot the 'ell to do wiv my two 'ands.
But 'e don't 'urry puttin' on our brands
This white-'aired pilot-bloke—but gives it lip,
Dressed in 'is little shirt, wiv frills an' bands.
'In sick-ness—an'—in—' Ar! I got the pip!

An' once I missed me turn; an' Ginger Mick,
'Oo's my best-man, 'e ups an' beefs it out.
'I will!' 'e 'owls; an' fetches me a kick.
'Your turn to chin!' 'e tips wiv a shout.
An' there I'm standin' like a gawky lout.
(Aw, spare me! But I seemed to be all 'ands!)
An' wonders wot 'e's goin' crook about,
Wiv 'arf a mind to crack 'im where 'e stands.

O, lumme! But ole Ginger was a trick!
Got up regardless fer the solim rite.
('E 'awks the bunnies when 'e toils, does Mick)
An' twice I saw 'im feelin' fer a light
To start a fag; an' trembles lest 'e might,
Thro' force o' habit like. 'E's nervis too;
That's plain, fer orl 'is air o' bluff an' skite;
An' jist as keen as me to see it thro'.

But, 'struth, the wimmnin! 'Ow they love this frill!
Fer Auntie Liz, an' Mar, o' course, wus there;
An' Mar's two uncles' wives, an' Cousin Lil,
An' 'arf a dozen more to grin and stare.
I couldn't make me 'ands fit anywhere!

[...] Read more

poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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Possum

Jist 'ere it gripped me, on a sudden, like a red-'ot knife.
I wus diggin' in the garden, talkin' pleasant to me wife,
When it got me good an' solid, an' I fetches out a yell,
An' curses soft down in me neck, an' breathes 'ard fer a spell.
Then, when I tries to straighten up, it stabs me ten times worse.
I thinks per'aps I'm dyin', an' chokes back a reel 'ot curse.

'I've worked too fast,' I tells Doreen. 'Me backbone's runnin' 'ot.
I'm sick! I've got-0o, 'oly wars! I dunno wot I've got!
Jist 'ere - Don't touch! - jist round back 'ere, a blazin' little pain.
Is clawin' up me spinal cord an' slidin' down again.'
'You come inside,' she sez. 'Per'aps it's stoopin' in the sun.
Does it 'urt much?' I sez, 'Oh, no; I'm 'avin' lots o' fun.'

Then, cooin' to me, woman-like, she pilots me inside.
It stabs me every step I takes; I thort I could 'a' died.
'There now,' she sez. 'Men can't stand pain, it's alwus understood.'
'Stand pain?' I owls. Then, Jumpin' Jakes! It gits me reely good!
So I gets to bed in sections, fer it give me beans to bend,
An' shuts me eyes, an' groans again, an' jist waits fer the end.

'Now, you lie still,' she orders me, 'until I think wot's best.
Per'aps 'ot bran, or poultices. You jist lie still, an' rest,'
Rest? 'Oly Gosh! I clinched me teeth, an' clawed the bloomin' bunk;
Fer a red-'ot poker jabbed me ev'ry time I much as wunk.
I couldn't corf, I couldn't move, I couldn't git me breath.
'Look after Bill,' I tells Doreen. 'I feels that… this is… death.'

'Death, fiddlesticks,' she laughs at me. 'You jist turn over now.'
I 'owls, ''Ere! Don't you touch me, or there'll be a blazin' row!
I want to die jist as I am.' She sez, 'Now, Bill, 'ave sense.
This 'as to go on while it's 'ot.' I groans, 'I've no defence.'
An' so she 'as 'er way wiv me. An', tho' I'm suff'rin' bad,
I couldn't 'elp but noticin' the gentle touch she 'ad.

That ev'nin', when the doctor come, sez 'e, 'Ah! 'Urtin' much?
Where is the trouble?' I sez, 'Where you ain't allowed to touch!'
'E mauls an' prods me while I 'owls to beat the bloomin' band.
Gawbli'me! I'd 'a' cracked 'im if I'd strength to lift me 'and.
'Discribe yer symtims now,' sez 'e. I fills meself wiv wind,
An' slung 'im out a catalog while 'e jist stood an' grinned.

'Ar, bar!' 'e sez. 'Sciatiker! Oh, we'll soon 'ave yeh well.'
'Sciatiker?' sez I. 'Yer sure yeh don't mean Jumpin' 'Ell?
It ain't no privit devil wiv a little jagged knife?'
'Tut, rut,' 'e grins. 'You'll soon be right. I leaves yeh to yer wife.'
I looks at 'er, she smiles at me, an' when I seen that smile:
'Aw, poultices!' I groans. An' she injoys it all the while!

But I'm marri'd to a woman; an', I gives yeh my straight tip,

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poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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The Sentimental Bloke

An'-wilt-yeh-take-this-woman-fer-to-be
Yer-wedded-wife? -... O, strike me! Will I wot?
Take 'er? Doreen? 'E stan's there arstin' me!
As if 'e thort per'aps I'd rather not!
Take 'er? 'E seemed to think 'er kind was got
Like cigarette-cards, fer the arstin'. Still,
I does me stunt in this 'ere hitchin' rot,
An' speaks me piece: 'Righto! ' I sez, 'I will.'

'I will,' I sez. An' tho' a joyful shout
Come from me bustin' 'eart-I know it did-
Me voice got sorter mangled comin' out,
An' makes me whisper like a frightened kid.
'I will,' I squeaks. An' I'd 'a' give a quid
To 'ad it on the quite, wivout this fuss,
An' orl the starin' crowd that Mar 'ad bid
To see this solim hitchin' up of us.

'Fer-rich-er-er-fer-poorer.' So 'e bleats.
'In-sick-ness-an'-in-'ealth,'... An' there I stands,
An' dunno 'arf the chatter I repeats,
Nor wot the 'ell to do wiv my two 'ands.
But 'e don't 'urry puttin' on our brands -
This white-'aired pilot-bloke - but gives it lip,
Dressed in 'is little shirt, wiv frills an' bands.
'In sick-ness-an'-in-' Ar! I got the pip!

An' once I missed me turn; an' Ginger Mick,
'Oo's my best-man, 'e ups an' beefs it out.
'I will! ' 'e 'owls; an' fetches me a kick.
'Your turn to chin! ' 'e tips wiv a shout.
An' there I'm standin' like a gawky lout.
(Aw, spare me! But I seemed to be all 'ands!)
An' wonders wot 'e's goin' crook about,
Wiv 'arf a mind to crack 'im where 'e stands.

O, lumme! But ole Ginger was a trick!
Got up regardless fer the solim rite.
('E 'awks the bunnies when 'e toils, does Mick)
An' twice I saw 'im feelin' fer a light
To start a fag; an' trembles lest 'e might,
Thro' force o' habit like. 'E's nervis too;
That's plain, fer orl 'is air o' bluff an' skite;
An' jist as keen as me to see it thro'.

But, 'struth, the wimmnin! 'Ow they love this frill!
Fer Auntie Liz, an' Mar, o' course, wus there;
An' Mar's two uncles' wives, an' Cousin Lil,
An' 'arf a dozen more to grin and stare.
I couldn't make me 'ands fit anywhere!

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poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
Added by Poetry Lover
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