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It's nice to win. I'll never win again. I may have to take up golf - take on Tiger.

quote by Lance Armstrong
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Adrienne Vittadini

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poem by Caasder Fronds
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Handles Bermuda

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poem by Rwetewrt Erwtwer
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Luggage Canada

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[...] Read more

poem by Rwetewrt Erwtwer
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Trash Bag

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[...] Read more

poem by Rwetewrt Erwtwer
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I Better Be Good

If I ain't cool
My daddy gonna send me
To Military School
If I ain't nice
My girlie gonna freeze me
With cold shoulder ice
If I'm real late
My teacher gonna use me
For alligator bait
So, I better be good
I better be good
If I jump on the gas
The cops are gonna jump
All over my back
If I smoke too much
Doctor says he's gonna
Put my lungs in a crutch
If I'm caught without my pants
Consuelo's dad is gonna shoot
Until he sees me dance
So, I better be good
I had better be good
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - Uh, uh, uh, uh
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
You better be nice tonight
If I spray it on the seat
Lady gonna tie a big knot
In the meat
If I spewey too fast
Lover's gonna stick
My Wrangler in a cast
If zipper grabs skin
I'll know I had it out
When I shoulda kept it in
Ow.
I better be good
I better be good
I better be good
Ooh.
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice

[...] Read more

song performed by Alice Cooper
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Fitration Bags

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[...] Read more

poem by Rwetewrt Erwtwer
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Taming The Tiger

I stepped outside to breathe the air
And stare up at the stars
Big dipper hanging there
Over the rented car
Over the rented car
Im a runaway from the record biz
From the hoods in the hood and the whiny white kids
Boring!
The old man is snoring
And Im taming the tiger
(you cant tame the tiger)
Tiger, tiger burning bright
Nice, kitty kitty
Tiger, tiger burning bright
Sophia says its hard to catch
And harder still to ride
The time to watch the beast the best
Is when its purring at your side
Purring at your side
Accolades and honors
One false move and youre a goner
Boring!
The old man is snoring
And Im taming the tiger
(you cant tame the tiger)
Tiger, tiger burning bright
Nice, kitty kitty
Tiger, tiger burning bright
In the forest of the night
The moon shed light
On my hopeless plight
As the radio blared so bland
Every disc, a poker chip
Every song just a one night stand
Formula music, girly guile
Genuine junkfood for juveniles
Up and down the dial
Mercenary style
I watched the stars chuck down their spears
And a plane went blinking by
And I thought of anna
Wild and dear
Like fireworks in the sky
Fireworks in the sky
Im so sick of this game
Its hip, its hot
Lifes too short, the whole things gotten
Boring!
The old man is snoring
And Im taming the tiger

[...] Read more

song performed by Joni Mitchell
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Tiger

Tiger with coat of dissimilar stripes,
When he’s angry, tiger swipes,
Tiger cautious, guarding his lair,
Danger lurking, tiger aware.

Tiger hungry so he hunts,
Facing quarry, tiger confronts.
Tiger waiting, being sly,
Undercover, no tiger espy.

Tiger detects, now he purrs,
Hunger pangs, tiger stirs.
Tiger quick, must now surprise,
Here we have one tiger, wise.

Tiger from his throat he roars,
Stretching out those tiger claws.
Tiger moving, stealthy pelt,
Expiration, by tiger dealt.

Tiger now with belly filled,
Anger passed, one tiger stilled.
Tiger sleeping, with the Pride,
Craving gone, tiger satisfied.

Tiger such a majestic sight,
Near extinction, tiger fight.
Tiger beautiful and fine,
You’re such a leonine feline.

Tiger we must have respect, ,
For your great tiger intellect.

poem by Ernestine Northover
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Golf Tees Lament

Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head

Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants

Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat

Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys

Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.

Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.

Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?

Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails

Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats

But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!

poem by Larry Buddin
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Tiger Woods & The Lynching Noose

What an ugly uproar about the noose around Tiger’s neck,
Growing tighter every single day because he chooses to forget,
A story over 2000 years old about a man and the world He forgave,
Whether you believe it or not it’s only by His sacrifice we are saved.

Am I trying to compare Tiger to Jesus? That would be absurd,
Why is everyone so upset by the saying of the 'lynching' word?
Then again, maybe it is not the word rather it’s the entire phrase,
The only way to keep it going is by talking about it day after day.

Exactly what in the world makes this particular Tiger so great?
The racism he has encountered filling his heart and mind with hate?
That would be impossible growing up with Jack Nickalus on his wall,
Certainly not the way he so gently strokes a short putt on the golf ball.

No, this animal is ferocious because he knows exactly when to attack,
The perfect time to strike and the proper time to relax and hold back,
Worlds number 1, again and again the undisputed player of the year,
What makes this Tiger rise above everyone else is that he has no fear.

Eagles that fly high above don’t spend time on the ground with birds,
So, why should he come down to earth and defend himself over words?
Sure, it was an unfortunate mistake but since Eldrick wants to move on,
Who has the right to make less than five seconds last so very, very long?

If Woods was the kind of person to hold a grudge and harbor pain,
The golfing world or anyone for that matter would not know his name,
Many a promising career has been stifled looking for others to blame,
Here’s another thought, what if Jesus spoke and a thousand angles came?

Slavery is supposedly over but in most minds it can’t be that easy to mend,
For everything that has a beginning there is a middle followed by the end,
OK, Kelly Tilghman said it, she apologized, and this incident is over when?
The exact moment Tiger accepted her responsibility saying, “She’s a friend, ”

Spousal & child abuse, drunk drivers, sexual slavery, genocide in Kenya is unjust,
The war Americans should not be in, drug addiction, gas prices, much to discuss,
Unscrupulous politicians and other leaders behind closed doors we cannot trust,
Some automobile makers selling cars then after three years on the road they rust.

It’s not the first incident between this Black vs. White and certainly not the last,
However, no person or race will experience forward progress living in the past,
Yes, it’s true that when you do not know history, greater the chance for a repeat,
But, when harboring malice in your heart revenge becomes bitter not sweet.

A family man now with a lot more on his mind like a wife and baby girl,
If the child had been born a boy there’s no doubt his name would be Earl,
There are many other concerns, how about the failure of public education?
Especially in inner city neighborhoods, what about that racial intimidation?

[...] Read more

poem by Luke Easter
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Tiger Woods' His Eagle Has Landed Due To Sex & Buddha?

Amazingly the Eagle has unofficially landed on Wednesday12/02/2009,
An accident early Thanksgiving Day clipped Tiger’s wings in his prime,
What is it that brought down this bird flying above the stars set on high?
Well, lets just say that even in a Cadillac SUV, Eagles should not drive.

The only thing that could even remotely make this mortal an average guy,
No one alive is immune from everyday sins and transgressions here’s why,
The higher you climb the more jealously seals your coffin with a rusty nail,
And his human persona was undermined by an indiscretionary voice mail.

There’s more to this incident but exactly what is the bottom line going to be?
Great as Mr. Woods is he’s no different away from his fame as you and me,
The evil one is equally as busy on millionaires as he is on dollars and cents,
That is right! Whether you own a mansion on in an apartment you owe rent.

Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsk and the “dress” Eldrick did obviously forget,
The President of the most powerful country had to face the nation in regret,
If only Eve hadn’t eaten the apple there might not have been over 300 text,
Doing what none in the world could do he put a noose around his own neck.

Somewhere there is a phrase about, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, ”
Being a Stanford grad and past history you would think he was forewarned,
Soon the walls began to crumble, the story leaks, when the end approaches,
Alleged lovers and all the tabloids begin to appear like an army of roaches.

There will be many twists, takes, turns to this incident, here is yet another,
Tiger was estranged from his father Earl for fooling around on his mother,
Okay! Please remember to be careful when you dig a pit for someone else.
Why? Because more often than not you just might fall in that ditch yourself.

Mark 8: 36, 'What shall it profit to gain the whole world and lose your soul? ”
It’s very unfortunate that there’ll be many first hand who will come to know,
So, if you think it is all about money, your title or prestige better think again,
And start with the love of GOD, your family, the church and faithful friends.

Lust has nothing to do with love, just selfishness, control and mucho greed,
I do not want you to have Elin sweetie because I only want you to have me,
But! Now that the cat’s out of the bag I simply have to sell my story honey,
After all sugar it was never really about you it was always about your money.

As these women do talk shows and the covers of Star and People Magazine,
Every strand of hair in place, perfect make-up and teeth professionally clean,
With hankies sobbing, “we’re good girls, not home wreckers” oh yes you are,
And if life was scored like the game of golf you’d all be 2,000+ years over par.

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger the most recognized face on this earth or any other planet,
It’s tame next to the Super Bowl breast of the 2nd most famous Jackson, Janet,
Endorsements have catapulted you to the stratosphere where there is higher loft,
And now you know what all humans know, that there is more to life than golf.

[...] Read more

poem by Luke Easter
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The Tale of the Tiger-Tree

A Fantasy, dedicated to the little poet Alice Oliver Henderson, ten years old.

The Fantasy shows how tiger-hearts are the cause of war in all ages. It shows how the mammoth forces may be either friends or enemies of the struggle for peace. It shows how the dream of peace is unconquerable and eternal.

I

Peace-of-the-Hea rt, my own for long,
Whose shining hair the May-winds fan,
Making it tangled as they can,
A mystery still, star-shining yet,
Through ancient ages known to me
And now once more reborn with me: —

This is the tale of the Tiger Tree
A hundred times the height of a man,
Lord of the race since the world began.

This is my city Springfield,
My home on the breast of the plain.
The state house towers to heaven,
By an arsenal gray as the rain...
And suddenly all is mist,
And I walk in a world apart,
In the forest-age when I first knelt down
At your feet, O Peace-of-the-Heart.

This is the wonder of twilight:
Three times as high as the dome
Tiger-striped trees encircle the town,
Golden geysers of foam.
While giant white parrots sail past in their pride.
The roofs now are clouds and storms that they ride.
And there with the huntsmen of mound-builder days
Through jungle and meadow I stride.
And the Tiger Tree leaf is falling around
As it fell when the world began:
Like a monstrous tiger-skin, stretched on the ground,
Or the cloak of a medicine man.
A deep-crumpled gossamer web,
Fringed with the fangs of a snake.
The wind swirls it down from the leperous boughs.
It shimmers on clay-hill and lake,
With the gleam of great bubbles of blood,
Or coiled like a rainbow shell....
I feast on the stem of the Leaf as I march.
I am burning with Heaven and Hell.

II

[...] Read more

poem by Vachel Lindsay
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Tiger, Tiger

Tiger one to tiger two
Tiger one says I love you
Tiger two does not reply
So tiger one, he starts to cry

Tiger two says why you cry?
Tiger one says 'you did not reply'
Tiger two says I need not to
Tiger one says why?

Tiger two says i love you
Tiger one says i love you too
Tiger one says why oh why?
Why didnt you reply?

Tiger two says I love you
I don't have to say it
You know its true
Now you know the reason why
Tiger two did not reply

Tiger one realises why
Tiger two did not reply
So tiger one he starts to smile
And says tiger two is very fine

For tiger two is my dearest babe
Whome I think of everyday
And tiger two I cannot wait
To see your pretty face again

poem by Mark Eyre
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Tiger Eye

Tiger Eye Tiger Eye
Tiger Eye is here to spy
Oh Tiger Eye who's here to spy
My darling Tiger Eye I look in your eyes
Oh Tiger Eye you are like magic
Yes dear Tiger Eye
I believe when I look in your eyes
You give me hope
You give me strength
Oh dear Tiger Eye

Tiger Eye Tiger Eye
Tiger Eye is here to spy
Oh Tiger Eye who's here to spy
My darling Tiger Eye I look in your eyes
Oh Tiger Eye you have a spell
Yes dear Tiger Eye
A spell you cast when I look in your eyes
You give me hope
You give me strength
Oh dear Tiger Eye

poem by Camilla Fodgaard
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Tiger

The city is a jungle, you better take care
Never walk alone after midnight
If you dont believe it you better beware
Of me
I am behind you, Ill always find you, I am the tiger
People who fear me never go near me, I am the tiger
The city is a nightmare, a horrible dream
Some of us will dream it forever
Look around the corner and try not to scream
Its me
I am behind you, Ill always find you, I am the tiger
People who fear me never go near me, I am the tiger
Yellow eyes are glowing like the neon lights
Yellow eyes, the spotlights of the city nights
I am behind you, Ill always find you, I am the tiger
People who fear me never go near me, I am the tiger
The city is a prison, you never escape
Youre forever trapped in the alleys
Look into the shadows and youll see the shape
Of me
I am behind you, Ill always find you, I am the tiger
People who fear me never go near me, I am the tiger
Yellow eyes are glowing like the neon lights
Yellow eyes, the spotlights of the city nights
I am behind you, Ill always find you, I am the tiger
People who fear me never go near me, I am the tiger
And if I meet you, what if I eat you, I am the tiger
I am behind you, Ill always find you, I am the tiger
Tiger, tiger, tiger!

song performed by ABBA
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Tiger By The Tail

What a shock it was so surprising
You looked so small and frail
I didnt know what to do
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
People said that you must be joking
You let emotions run away with you
I realized a little too late
I bit off more than I could chew
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
Sometimes you grip it right
And sometimes you fail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
At times life can be so enlightening
But it can turn on you
Lately it gets so complicated i
I dont know what the tiger will do
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
Sometimes you grip it right
And sometimes you fail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
Sometimes you grip it right
And sometimes you fail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail

song performed by Rick Springfield
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Thespis: Act I

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

GODS

Jupiter, Aged Diety
Apollo, Aged Diety
Mars, Aged Diety
Diana, Aged Diety
Mercury

THESPIANS

Thespis
Sillimon
TimidonTipseion
Preposteros
Stupidas
Sparkeio n
Nicemis
Pretteia
Daphne
Cymon

ACT I - Ruined Temple on the Summit of Mount Olympus

[Scene--The ruins of the The Temple of the Gods, on summit of
Mount Olympus. Picturesque shattered columns, overgrown with
ivy, etc. R. and L. with entrances to temple (ruined) R. Fallen
columns on the stage. Three broken pillars 2 R.E. At the back of
stage is the approach from the summit of the mountain. This
should be "practicable" to enable large numbers of people to
ascend and descend. In the distance are the summits of adjacent
mountains. At first all this is concealed by a thick fog, which
clears presently. Enter (through fog) Chorus of Stars coming off
duty as fatigued with their night's work]

CHO. Through the night, the constellations,
Have given light from various stations.
When midnight gloom falls on all nations,
We will resume our occupations.

SOLO. Our light, it's true, is not worth mention;
What can we do to gain attention.
When night and noon with vulgar glaring
A great big moon is always flaring.

[During chorus, enter Diana, an elderly goddess. She is carefully
wrapped up in cloaks, shawls, etc. A hood is over her head, a
respirator in her mouth, and galoshes on her feet. During the

[...] Read more

poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
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Healthy Back Bag

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amazing bag grace pipe
altieri bags

[...] Read more

poem by Rwetewrt Erwtwer
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Eye of the Tiger

Tiger, Tiger burning bright
hunts his prey by neon light
Real or bleached, you know the kind
big up front with a sweet behind..

Tiger, tiger, none too bright
Left his cell phone in plain sight
When Elin saw his contact list
She grabbed his driver in her fist.

Four hundred yards straight off the tee
Tiger drives that easily
But when his little wife went clubbing
His face and lawn both took a drubbing

Tiger Tiger burning bright
Doesn’t like the bright spotlight
Yet on his off days he’d resort
To pros who play a different sport

Tiger Tiger made a tape
of Tiger 'eagaling' his date
It came into the hands of 'Vivid'
If they release it he'll be Livid

Tiger, tiger lost Gillette
And Gatorade sent their regrets
Now he’s hawking Trojan’s Wares
and lady Clairol for Blonde hair.

poem by John F. McCullagh
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Thespis: Act II

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

GODS

Jupiter, Aged Diety
Apollo, Aged Diety
Mars, Aged Diety
Diana, Aged Diety
Mercury

THESPIANS

Thespis
Sillimon
TimidonTipseion
Preposteros
Stupidas
Sparkeio n
Nicemis
Pretteia
Daphne
Cymon

ACT II - The same Scene, with the Ruins Restored

SCENE-the same scene as in Act I with the exception that in place
of the ruins that filled the foreground of the stage, the
interior of a magnificent temple is seen showing the background
of the scene of Act I, through the columns of the portico at the
back. High throne. L.U.E. Low seats below it. All the substitute
gods and goddesses [that is to say, Thespians] are discovered
grouped in picturesque attitudes about the stage, eating and
drinking, and smoking and singing the following verses.

CHO. Of all symposia
The best by half
Upon Olympus, here await us.
We eat ambrosia.
And nectar quaff,
It cheers but don't inebriate us.
We know the fallacies,
Of human food
So please to pass Olympian rosy,
We built up palaces,
Where ruins stood,
And find them much more snug and cosy.

SILL. To work and think, my dear,
Up here would be,

[...] Read more

poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
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