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Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

quote by Lyndon B. Johnson
Added by Lucian Velea
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Chew Chew Chew (Your Bubble Gum)

Ella Fitzgerald - Chew Chew Chew
[Instrumental Intro 55 seconds approx.]
[Ella]
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Baby
[Repeated x2]
First you pop, then you stop
The gum gets big and round.
Blow your troubles,
Way like bubbles
When you hear that
Funny little sound [pop noise]
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew Your Bubble Gum!
[Boys]
Listen Sis your havin fun,
Chewing on your bubble gum
Give us some and we shall see,
Just what fills your heart with glee
[Ella]
Boys your right Im havin fun
Chewin on my bubble gum
Bubble gum it makes me sing,
Here chew some to make you swing!
[Instrumental]
First you pop, then you stop
The gum gets big and round.
Blow your troubles,
Way like bubbles
When you hear that
Funny little sound [pop noise]

song performed by Ella Fitzgerald
Added by Lucian Velea
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So So Dumb

Uh
Oh yeah
Alright (alright)
Alright alright
Dumb dumb dumb
So so dumb so dumb
Dumb dumb dumb
So so dumb so dumb
Everytime I see ya
Simple bitch pleads
Come here and talk to me
Wanna tell ya (huh)
Tell ya whats been on my mind
The wifes a friend of mine
Why do you need some
Georgia pine in your life
Do you love everything
About the woman you with
Why you tryin to get with t
I thought that you had
Responsibility
See your wife is beautiful (huh)
The kid is two years old (hey)
She folds all your clothes
Whatcha runnin around for
I cant think that youre so
Dumb dumb dumb
She thinks youre so faithful
So so dumb so dumb
And shes such a pretty girl
Dumb dumb dumb
How could you be so damn
So so dumb so dumb
I cant believe
Youre knockin
Youre knockin at my door
I should get my gun
And gun you to the floor
But instead
I think Ill invite you in
Ima call your wife boy
And let her know where youve been
Cuz she thinks that
Youre so faithful
Boy youre so dumb (dumb)
Aint goin down like that no more
Guess whos knockin at the front door
Aint nobody you wanna see come in
You should appreciate your girl
Stop tryin to push it on me

[...] Read more

song performed by TLC
Added by Lucian Velea
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Adrienne Vittadini

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[...] Read more

poem by Caasder Fronds
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Ford O' Kabul River

Kabul town's by Kabul river --
Blow the bugle, draw the sword --
There I lef' my mate for ever,
Wet an' drippin' by the ford.
Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
There's the river up and brimmin', an' there's 'arf a squadron swimmin'
'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark.

Kabul town's a blasted place --
Blow the bugle, draw the sword --
'Strewth I sha'n't forget 'is face
Wet an' drippin' by the ford!
Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
Keep the crossing-stakes beside you, an' they will surely guide you
'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark.

Kabul town is sun and dust --
Blow the bugle, draw the sword --
I'd ha' sooner drownded fust
'Stead of 'im beside the ford.
Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
You can 'ear the 'orses threshin', you can 'ear the men a-splashin',
'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark.

Kabul town was ours to take --
Blow the bugle, draw the sword --
I'd ha' left it for 'is sake --
'Im that left me by the ford.
Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
It's none so bloomin' dry there; ain't you never comin' nigh there,
'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark?

Kabul town'll go to hell --
Blow the bugle, draw the sword --
'Fore I see him 'live an' well --
'Im the best beside the ford.
Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
Gawd 'elp 'em if they blunder, for their boots'll pull 'em under,
By the ford o' Kabul river in the dark.

Turn your 'orse from Kabul town --
Blow the bugle, draw the sword --
'Im an' 'arf my troop is down,
Down an' drownded by the ford.
Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,

[...] Read more

poem by Rudyard Kipling
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Trash Bag

1 bag cement mold
10 inch leather titleist golf bag
2006 kia rio side air bags
1900 s tapestry bag
1,000 face value silver bag buyers
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2000 saturn sl air bag light
11 gallon garbage bags
306 leather tour sissy bag

[...] Read more

poem by Rwetewrt Erwtwer
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Fitration Bags

2.5 gallon shopvac bags
1995 ktm 400 rxc hard bags
2006 black leather prada bags list
24 x 36 shrink bags
18 x 9 padded bag
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20lb bag parrot food
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1997 nissan air bag sensor
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07 cr-v safety bag plastic pillar
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1998 saturn sl2 air bag module
40 degree helix sleeping bag
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3 bags full consignment
2000 mercedes air bag problem
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2003 bozo desktop bop bag
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2005 toyota matrix side air bags
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250 ninja nelson-rigg saddle bag
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1996 lincoln continental air bag suspension
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[...] Read more

poem by Rwetewrt Erwtwer
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Brown Study from the Lowlands

My fart's in the Lowlands, my fart is not here,
My fart's in the Lowlands disgracing I fear -
embracing the oh dear, hear three in a row!
my fart's in the Lowlands, no place else to blow.

Farewell to the colon[y]'s whale of a gale,
the column of calor, one gale won from whale;
wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
my fart blows from private parts, I'm treasure trove cove.

Farewell from gust mounting high in the air;
Hello to disgust leading on to despair,
Hello ivy league bladderwort fount in puds;
Hello to the torrents and loud-pouring floods.

My fart's in the Lowlands, my fart is not here,
My fart's in the Lowlands disgracing I fear -
embracing the oh dear, three more in a row!
my fart blows from Lowlands, so little to show.

[c] Jonathan Robin parody Robert Burns My Heart's in the Highlands 1 July 2008 robi3_1781_burn3_0004 PXX_MXX

My Heart's In The Highlands

Farewell to the Highlands, farewell to the North,
The birth-place of Valour, the country of Worth;
Wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
The hills of the Highlands for ever I love.

My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here;
My heart's in the Highlands a-chasing the deer;
A-chasing the wild-deer, and following the roe,
My heart's in the Highlands wherever I go.

Farewell to the mountains high covered with snow;
Farewell to the straths and green valleys below;
Farewell to the forests and wild-hanging woods;
Farewell to the torrents and loud-pouring floods.

My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here;
My heart's in the Highlands a-chasing the deer;
A-chasing the wild-deer, and following the roe,
My heart's in the Highlands wherever I go.

Robert Burns - written 1789
tune- 'Failte na Miosg.'

poem by Jonathan Robin
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High Price

Jerry Jerry your lifestyles hairy
how do your dope plants grow?
In cramped ceiling, under a naked bulb, my lady,
from little seeds all in a row.

Jerry Jerry your rather smelly
how are your dope plants sold?
By bountiful bagful, or in single rolls, to tally
Waitangi gold, is a trip, for joint discerning bold.

Jerry Jerry do you live in fear
do you feel hunted, with pouncing, policemen near?
The boys in blue, dance a merry, merry tune.
What’s a bust, may come yearly, like June?

Jerry Jerry one day all grow old
will you feel regret, for lives, you’ve sold?
I’ve been living high, flying in narcotic, sky seat.
Life’s been so very sweet, living with prepaid, heat.

Jerry Jerry a future comes, your days done,
there’s no place for you, under our sun?
There’s always a place, man in selective, supplying know.
There’re other trips, after poppy seeds, to sow.

Jerry Jerry it’s time now, you must go
tell of other pastures, you now will hoe?
Man’s full of lust, greed, ever fertile seed,
a high paying price, is charge for need.

No matter where man chance may roam.
A place is found, I’m right at home.

poem by Terence George Craddock
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Chewin Gum

I don't like stakes or fancy cake
I'm full of ice cream food
I have just one effection
I really love to chew
Lollipop or chocolate drop
Have no effect on me
But when I have some chewin' gum
I'm as happy as can be
My mama gave me a penny
To buy some candy
I didn't want the candy
So I bought some chewin' gum
(Oh, yum, yum,yum)
I love my gum
My mama gave me a nickle
To buy a pickle
I didn't want a pickle
So I bought some chewin' gum
(Oh, yum, yum,yum)
I bought some gum
Each time I find myself with a guy
I hurry to the store
Cause' the boy who sells me chewin' gum
Is the one that I adore
My mama gave me a quater
For solter water
I know I had an order
But I bought some chewin' gum
...
...
Each time I find myself with a guy
I hurry to the store
Cause' the boy who sells me chewin' gum
Is the one that I adore
My mama gave me a quater
For solter water
I know I had an order
But I bought some chewin' gum

song performed by Ella Fitzgerald
Added by Lucian Velea
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Dumb

Above the feeling
This is revealing
Boy i didnt know you cared
Mustve been up on the weekend
In the club freakin
Boy i could see you stare
You were lookin right at me
Lookin right back
We knew there was something there
And i know you knew that if we did do this
It would be an affair
Cos my mans at home
Lookin at the finger his ring goes on
He got trust in me
How'm i gonna live with myself if i cheat
Dumb diggi-diggi-di dumb di-dumb don't want
And 'though I know it would be fun to get some
Gotta run now, gotta go
Gotta get home
Cos my baby's boy's on his own
Better be Dumb diggi-diggi-di dumb di-dumb don't want
And 'though I know it would be fun to get some
Gotta run now
I gots ta get home,
My baby boy's on his own,
Up on the dancefloor
Then ya go ask for a night in with me
But ya know that aint gon' happen
I wont get trapped in
This, see, it just aint me
And you can try, seduce me
But its no use, see
I'm in love with my baby
And I wont let you in
Mess up and move in
To do that I'd be crazy
Cos my mans at home
Lookin at the finger his ring goes on
He got trust in me
How'm I gonna live with myself if I cheat
Dumb diggi-diggi-di dumb di-dumb don't want
And 'though I know it would be fun to get some
Gotta run now, gotta go
Gotta get home
Cos my baby's boy's on his own
Better be Dumb diggi-diggi-di dumb di-dumb don't want
And 'though I know it would be fun to get some
Gotta run now
I gots ta get home,
My baby boy's on his own,

[...] Read more

song performed by 411
Added by Lucian Velea
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Dumb Stuff

A flop I did do!
I was a rookie when I hooked up,
To the dumb stuff.
I was a rookie when I hooked up,
To the dumb stuff.
I was a rookie when I hooked up,
To the dumb stuff.
With a giving as much of it up!

I let it done to overcome,
All the dumb stuff.
I let it done to overcome,
All the dumb stuff.
I let it done to overcome,
All the dumb stuff.
With a giving as much of it up!

A flop I did do.
At times I hated when I found out,
It was dumb stuff.
At times I hated when I found out,
It was dumb stuff.
At times I hated when I found out,
It was dumb stuff.
With a giving as much of it up!

A flop I did do,
To help improve my movements.
Yes a flop I did do.
A flop I did do.

Oh yes a flop I did do.
To help improve my movements.
Yes a flop I did do.
A flop I did do.

I was a rookie when I hooked up,
To the dumb stuff.
I let it done to overcome,
All the dumb stuff.
At times I hated when I found out,
It was dumb stuff.
But that dumb stuff finally helped me wake up!

All the dumb stuff,
That I did I chose to give up!
All the dumb stuff,
That I did I chose to give up!
And it was dumb stuff...
That I did I chose to give up!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Chewing Gum

chewing gum
wondering where i've been and what i've done
wondering where i'll go and where i'll run
hide myself away from everyone
chewing gum
doesn't ['does it'] bother you that you're not the one
keeps you up at night in a fear of dream
to count the silver bullet of your misty
it's yours to keep
chewing gum
innocence lost in electric smiles
perfectly cast in desperate clouds ['colds']
loving with under
city lights
with all their {miles}
and all i need
is you
by my side
by my side
by my side
chewing gum
wondering where i've been and what i've done
wondering where i'll go and where i'll run
hide myself away from everyone
chewing gum
got myself a piece of
chewing gum
got myself a piece of
chewing gum
got myself a piece of
chewing gum
got myself a piece of
chewing gum

song performed by Smashing Pumpkins
Added by Lucian Velea
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Friday's Child

(K.J.Garside C.Gray)
........my daughter,
take her from the water.......
I laid her down.......
For she drinks from the river,
I pray forgive her,
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.
Girl a string of lovers,
Found dead beneath her,
They pulled her down,
For she drinks from the river,
I pray forgive her,
Don't let her drown,
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.
A prayer for the mind who's thread bare,
For those who dare to tread there,
Now the sun is gone,
Oh I pray for my daughter,
I pray support her,
Don't let her drown,
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.

song performed by Queen Adreena
Added by Lucian Velea
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Demonstrate (Admiral Jerry)

Well Jerry at de mike come fe Demonstrate
Yes, Jerry at de mike me come fe Demonstrate
Me come fe show de crowd a people dat great is great
Right ya now Mr Jerry at go set tings straight
No MC test Jerry in a ATE
So listen dem ya styles I man originate
First of all me wan you know me na exaggerate
All pirate in de dance me would a evacuate
Is a whole leap a space I man accomodate
An a whole leap a gal I accumulate
Round de mile Jerry don't need no associate
Me chat by meself me no combinate
Me study very hard because me want graduate
Up de MC ladder I man Essulate
To be a boss MC I'm a chief candidate
True me fascinate nor irritate and me originate
Round de classic Micro-centre dat is where me locate
Me no select no tune an Jerry don't operate
Fe see me lift speaker - box you must fortunate
Cause asdedance down me gone home me gone go hibernate
Going home de other night me can't remember de date
De early hours of de morning before people a wake
Bopsing down de road it was me worst mistake
Police come draw down pon me an a investigate
Him say "Hey son where you coming from don't you know that it's late
I've heard about you niggers and the trouble you create"
I said "I'm coming from a party and me going home straight
Me just stop a de shop to buy some cigarette an chocolate"
When me explain de situation him stop interrogate
Turn around jump in a im panda car an say "See you mate!"
Is a good ting me never cheeky or be obstinate
Or me could a end up visiting de damn magistrate
De house way me live in you know it must decorate
An de girl way me love ave to affectionate
Nem ya linda lyrics you must penetrate
So listen every word I man and quotate
True me talking very clear you no need fe translate
Cause when me riding pon de riddim me no mek no mistake
Gasst contagious disease I man vaccinate
An true me no wan catch a dose me no fornicate
De lyrics way me chat dem must varinte
Some time me chat itslow sometime me accelerate
Dem ya kinds style you must appreciate
Nuff gal come to me a congratulate
Dem say "Jerry your so good looking can I have you portrait"
I say "Yes of course my darling but you know you have to wait"
Well dais a something I man have to state
A trollop is a woman with a whole heap a weight
Don't tell her to her face cause she will aggrovate
And if she sit down pon you you will suffocate

[...] Read more

song performed by Ub40
Added by Lucian Velea
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Timber Ho!

Im gonna pull this timber 'fore the sun go down
Get it 'cross the river 'fore the bars come down
Drag it on down that dusty road
Come on jerry, lets dump this load
I said timber, ho!, timber, woah this timbers gotta roll
I said timber, ho!, timber, woah this timbers gotta roll
My old jerry was an arkansas mule
Been everywhere and he aint no fool
Weighed nine hundred and twenty-two
Done everything a poor mule can do
(chorus)
Jerrys shoulders stood six foot tall
Pulled more timber than a freight could haul
Workin heavy old jerry got sore
Pulled so much he couldnt pull no more
(chorus)
The boss said jerry and it made him jump
Jerry ran and kicked the boss on the rump
My old jerry was a cool mule
Had it been me I woulda killed that fool
Boss tried to shoot old jerry in the head
Jerry took that bullet and he stomped him dead
Stomped that boss til he heard him scream
Sure dont care he was so damn mean
(chorus 2x)

song performed by Phish
Added by Lucian Velea
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Rob Ford 2... Nov 29th,2012

ROB FORD 2... Nov 29th,2012
by
James Bredin

If we don't get Rob Ford back as mayor; we're ruined for sure,
God only knows what the other idiots will do to make us poor,
They might like insite clinics or those doing drugs and crack,
Therefore we need Rob Ford in office to keep Toronto on track.

We like Rob Ford because he's our kinda good guy,
The left-wingers didn't like him and forced him to say goodbye,
Used the courts and a judge to force him out the door,
As if Rob Ford was some sort of criminal bore.

The media has been filled with Rob Ford stuff for several weeks,
Telling Rob Ford stories and his various techniques,
Which goes to show that some can be a very vindictive bunch,
If they get the keys to Rob Ford's office, we will feel the crunch.

Nov 29th,2012

poem by James Bredin
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The Song of the Sulky Stockman

Come, let us sing with a right good ring
(Sing hey for lifting lay, sing hey!)
Of any old, sunny old, silly old thing.
(Sing ho for the ballad of a backblock day!)
The sun shone brightly overhead,
And the shearers stood by the shearing shed;
But "The run wants rain," the stockman said
(Sing di-dum, wattle-gum, Narrabori Ned.
For a lifting lay sing hey!)

The colts were clipped and the sheep were shorn
(Sing hey for a lilting lay, sing hey!)
But the stockman stood there all forlorn.
(Sing ho for the ballad of a backblock day!)
The rails were up and the gate was tied,
And the big black bull was safe inside;
But "The wind's gone West!" the stockman sighed
(Sing, di-dum, wattle-gum, rally for a ride.
For a lifting lay sing hey!)

The cook came out as the clock struck one
(Sing hey for a lilting lay, sing hey!)
And the boundary rider got his gun.
(Sing ho for the ballad of a backblock day!)
He fired it once at an old black crow;
But the shot went wide, for he aimed too low;
And the stockman said, "Fat stock is low."
(Sing, di-dum, wattle-gum, Jerridiiii Joe.
For a lifting lay sing hey!)

They spread their swags in the gum-tree's shade
(Sing hey for a lilting lay, sing hey!)
For the work was done and the cheques were paid.
(Sing ho for the ballad of a backblock day!)
The overseer rode in at three,
But his horse pulled back and would not gee,
And the stockman said, "We're up a tree!"
(Sing, di-dum, wattle-gum, Johnny-cake for tea.
For a lilting lay sing hey!)

The sun sank down and the stars shone out
(Sing hey for a lifting lay, sing hey!)
And the old book-keeper moped about.
(Sing ho for the ballad of a backblock day!)
The dingo walled to the mopoke's call,
The crazy colt stamped in his stall;
But the stockman groaned, "it's bunk for all."
(Sing, di-dum, wattle-gum, wattle-gum, wattle-gum,
Hey for a backblock day!
Sing hey!

[...] Read more

poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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Dogs A Best Friends Dog

Shame
Dog shame
I know whats wrong
Mans too old and wise
Bring in the dog
Turn on
Down the mountain rescue
Slip and slide when sunny
Small cat better move along
Or this bitch could do harm, baby
Straight as an arrow
Im walking the dog
Three is a crowd
Two is a dog and me playing
(whats he saying)
Free as a cloud
No one ever really knew you
Make clear your illusion no, no, no, no
Some dreams you dream you alone
You thank christ youre coming home
Better better give the dog a bone
Go go go go chew chew chew chew
Some dreams you dream alone
Go get a life and ease the pain
Dogs a best friends dog
Dogs a best friends dog
Word, speech, blurred, bleached
Tell mr godot Im walking the dog
Walking the dog
Some dreams you dream you alone
You thank christ youre coming home
Better better give the dog a bone
Go go go go chew chew chew chew
Some dreams you dream alone
Go get a life and ease the pain
Dogs a best friends dog
Dogs a best friends dog

song performed by Tears For Fears
Added by Lucian Velea
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Jerry Springer

Its been one week since we got to see
Cheatin lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That Ive been watchin a bit too much jerry springer
Holy cow, dyou see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who sucker-punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl
Became a total free-for-all
And jerrys in the middle tryin to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants
She likes to lap dance
And date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here comes jerrys next guest
And its a slugfest
cause its her trailer trash brother
Nymphomaniac is back on crack
Its like when animals attack
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, thats how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver
Theyre always swearin, cursin, kickin butt, and pointin blame
On the air? they dont care, theyve got no shame
There was one guy who Im sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts
Its been one week since they had the fight
With the siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still havent got the blood off the wall
Its been three days since the bitter fued
Between the kkk and that gay jewish black dude
Yesterday, finally dawned on me
Im spendin way too much time on that jerry springer
Guy guest : baby, Ive been sleepin with your sister
Gal guest : oh? well, which one?
Guy guest : all of them
Gal guest : oh! well, Ive been sleepin with your best friend jake!
Guy guest : yah? well, well me too!
Gal guest : oh!
Guy guest : and Ive sleepin with your dog woofie!
(barking)
Gal guest : woofie, you b-tch!
Gal guest : well, Im also sleepin with your pet goat!

[...] Read more

song performed by Weird Al Yankovic
Added by Lucian Velea
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Dear friends, we surely all agree

'Dear friends, we surely all agree
There's almost nothing worse to see
Than some repulsive little bum
Who's always chewing chewing gum.
(It's very near as bad as those
Who sit around and pick the nose).
So please believe us when we say
That chewing gum will never pay;
This sticky habit's bound to send
The chewer to a sticky end.
Did any of you ever know
A person called Miss Bigelow?
This dreadful woman saw no wrong
In chewing, chewing all day long.
She chewed while bathing in the tub,
She chewed while dancing at her club,
She chewed in church and on the bus;
It really was quite ludicrous!
And when she couldn't find her gum,
She'd chew up the linoleum,
Or anything that happened near–
A pair of boots, the postman's ear,
Or other people's underclothes,
And once she chewed her boy friend's nose.
She went on chewing till, at last,
Her chewing muscles grew so vast
That from her face her giant chin
Stuck out just like a violin.
For years and years she chewed away,
Consuming fifty packs a day,
Until one summer's eve, alas,
A horrid business came to pass.
Miss Bigelow went late to bed,
For half an hour she lay and read,
Chewing and chewing all the while
Like some great clockwork crocodile.
At last, she put her gum away
Upon a special little tray,
And settled back and went to sleep–
(She managed this by counting sheep).
But now, how strange! Although she slept,
Those massive jaws of hers still kept
On chewing, chewing through the night,
Even with nothing there to bite.
They were, you see, in such a groove
They positively had to move.
And very grim it was to hear
In pitchy darkness, loud and clear,
This sleeping woman's great big trap
Opening and shutting, snap–snap–snap!

[...] Read more

poem by Roald Dahl
Added by Poetry Lover
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