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My opponent called me a cream puff. Well, I rushed out and got the baker's union to endorse me.

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The Baker Man

Well here comes a dance that will never be banned now
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
Yeah, stolen from a story called "The Baker's Man" now
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
(Choo choo choo choo-do choo choo)
It's impossible too sweet to cross the land????
(Patty cake patty cake)
Put your favorite records on and start the show now
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
Abra-cadabra look at everyone go now
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
(Choo choo choo choo-do choo choo)
Alakazam this dance has got to grow now
(Patty cake patty cake)
Well they tell me that it's optional to use your feet
But now you really don't need them if you keep your beat
Well Arthur Murray's gettin' blurry tryin' to learn that jive
When all the kids from coast to coast are really comin' alive
Well go tell the gang what a time you've had now
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
This Friday night we'll start a regular fad now
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
(Choo choo choo choo-do choo choo)
We'll do the Baker 'til it drives us mad now
(Patty cake patty cake)
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
(Choo choo choo choo-do choo choo)
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
Come on and take a lesson now
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
Clap your partner's hands
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
Not too hard
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
Now slap her in the face
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man)
What a disgrace
(Choo choo choo choo-do choo choo)
(Patty cake patty cake)
(Patty cake patty cake baker's man

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Ma Baker

She was the meanest cat
In old chicago town
She was the meanest cat
She really moved them down
She had no heart at all
No no no heart at all
She was the meanest cat
Oh she was really tough
She left her husband flat
He wasnt tough enough
She took her boys along
cos they were mean and strong
Ma ma ma ma - ma baker - she taught her four sons
Ma ma ma ma - ma baker - to handle their guns
Ma ma ma ma - ma baker - she never could cry
Ma ma ma ma - ma baker - but she knew how to die
They left a trail of crime
Across the u.s.a.
And when one boy was killed
She really made them pay
She had no heart at all
No no no heart at all
Ma ma ma ma - ma baker - she taught her four sons
Ma ma ma ma - ma baker - to handle their guns
Ma ma ma ma - ma baker - she never could cry
Ma ma ma ma - ma baker - but she knew how to die
She met a man she liked
She thought shed stay with him
One day he formed with them
They did away with him
She didnt care at all
Just didnt care at all
- here is a special bulletin.
Ma baker is the fbis most wanted woman.
Her photo is hanging on every post office wall.
If you have any information about this woman,
Please contact the nearest police station...
- dont anybody move! the money or your lives!
One day they robbed a bank
It was their last foray
The cops appeared too soon
They couldnt get away
And all the loot they had
It made them mighty mad
And so they shot it out
Ma baker and her sons
They didnt want to hang
They died with blazing guns
And so the story ends
Of one who left no friends

[...] Read more

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Would you ever believe

WOULD YOU EVER believe if I called a nondescript table of teakwood; as a vivacious bird soaring high in the sky,

Would you ever believe if I called a ruffled sheet of paper; as a chunk of glittering gold,

Would you ever believe if I called a grandiloquent watch embodied with diamonds; as a lump of bedraggled stone,

Would you ever believe if I called a mountain of compacted mud; as a switchboard of pugnacious electricity,

Would you ever believe if I called a resplendent rainbow in the sky; as a broomstick with incongruous bristles,

Would you ever believe if I called a rusty canister of dilapidated iron; as a mesmerizing rose growing in the garden,

Would you ever believe if I called a pink tablet of luxury soap; as a mosquito hovering acrimoniously in the cloistered room,

Would you ever believe if I called a boat rollicking merrily on the undulating waves; as a rustic jungle spider,

Would you ever believe if I called a valley profusely embedded with snow; as an unscrupulous dog on the street,

Would you ever believe if I called a pair of luscious lips; as a disdainfully fetid shoe,

Would you ever believe if I called a fluorescent rod of light; as a jagged bush of cactus growing in the sweltering desert,

Would you ever believe if I called the blazing sun; as a pudgy bar of delectable chocolate,
Would you ever believe if I called an angular sculptured bone; as acid bubbling in a swanky bottle,

Would you ever believe if I called a scintillating oyster; as an inarticulate matchstick coated with lead,

Would you ever believe if I called a cluster of bells jingling from the ceiling; as a sordid cockroach philandering beside the lavatory seat,

Would you ever believe if I called a fruit of succulent coconut; as a dead mans morbid tooth,

Would you ever believe If I called a steaming cup of filter coffee; as gaudily colored water emanating from the street fountains,

Would you ever believe if I called the majestic statue of a revered historian; as a slab of tangy peanut butter,

Would you ever believe if I called a vibrant shirt; as a protuberant pigeon discerningly pecking its beak at grains scattered on the floor,

Would you ever believe if I called a flocculent bud of cotton; as a camouflaged lizard transgressing through wild projections of grass,

Would you ever believe if I called a photograph depicting the steep gorges; as a gutter inundated with obnoxious sewage,

Would you ever believe if I called a lanky giraffe; as a convict nefariously lurking through solitary streets of the city,

Would you ever believe if I called a pair of flamboyant sunglasses; as a weird tattoo to be adhered to the chest,

Would you ever believe if I called a chicken’s egg; as logs of sooty charcoal abundantly stashed in the colossal warehouse,

Would you ever believe if I called a biscuit replete with golden honey; as a ominously slithering reptile in the jungles,

Would you ever believe if I called a bald man possessing a profoundly tonsured scalp; as a gas balloon floating in insipid air,

[...] Read more

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Herman Melville

Pipe Song

Care is all stuff:--
Puff! Puff!
To puff is enough:--
Puff! Puff
More musky than snuff,
And warm is a puff:--
Puff! Puff
Here we sit mid our puffs,
Like old lords in their ruffs,
Snug as bears in their muffs:--
Puff! Puff
Then puff, puff, puff,
For care is all stuff,
Puffed off in a puff--
Puff! Puff!

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Cream

This is it
Its time for u to go to the wire
U will hit
Cuz u got the burnin desire
Its your time (time)
U got the horn so why dont u blow it
U are fine (fine)
Ure filthy cute and baby u know it
Cream
Get on top
Cream
U will cop
Cream
Dont u stop
Cream
Sh-boogie bop
Ure so good
Baby there aint nobody better (aint nobody better)
So u should
Never, ever go by the letter (never ever)
Ure so cool (cool)
Everything u do is success
Make the rules (rules)
Then break them all cuz u are the best
Yes u are
Cream
Get on top
Cream
U will cop
Cream
Dont u stop
Cream
Sh-boogie bop
Look up in the air, its your guitar
Do your dance
Why should u wait any longer?
Take a chance
It could only make u stronger
Its your time (its your time)
U got the horn so why dont u blow it (go on and blow it)
Ure so fine (ure so fine)
Ure filthy cute and baby u know it (u know it)
Come on
Cream
Get on top
Cream
U will cop
Cream
Dont u ever stop
Cream

[...] Read more

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Lewis Carroll

The Hunting of the Snark: An Agony in Eight Fits

Fit the First.
THE LANDING

"Just the place for a Snark!" the Bellman cried,
As he landed his crew with care;
Supporting each man on the top of the tide

By a finger entwined in his hair.
"Just the place for a Snark! I have said it twice:
That alone should encourage the crew.
Just the place for a Snark! I have said it thrice:

What I tell you three times is true."
The crew was complete: it included a Boots—
A maker of Bonnets and Hoods—
A Barrister, brought to arrange their disputes—

And a Broker, to value their goods.
A Billiard-marker, whose skill was immense,
Might perhaps have won more than his share—
But a Banker, engaged at enormous expense,

Had the whole of their cash in his care.
There was also a Beaver, that paced on the deck,
Or would sit making lace in the bow:
And had often (the Bellman said) saved them from wreck,

Though none of the sailors knew how.
There was one who was famed for the number of things
He forgot when he entered the ship:
His umbrella, his watch, all his jewels and rings,

And the clothes he had bought for the trip.
He had forty-two boxes, all carefully packed,
With his name painted clearly on each:
But, since he omitted to mention the fact,
They were all left behind on the beach.

The loss of his clothes hardly mattered, because
He had seven coats on when he came,
With three pairs of boots—but the worst of it was,
He had wholly forgotten his name.

He would answer to "Hi!" or to any loud cry,
Such as "Fry me!" or "Fritter my wig!"
To "What-you-may-call-um!" or "What-was-his-name!"
But especially "Thing-um-a-jig!"

While, for those who preferred a more forcible word,
He had different names from these:

[...] Read more

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Lewis Carroll

The Hunting of the Snark

Fit the First
THE LANDING

'Just the place for a Snark!' the Bellman cried,
As he landed his crew with care;
Supporting each man on the top of the tide
By a finger entwined in his hair.

'Just the place for a Snark! I have said it twice:
That alone should encourage the crew.
Just the place for a Snark! I have said it thrice:
What i tell you three times is true.'

The crew was complete: it included a Boots--
A maker of Bonnets and Hoods--
A Barrister, brought to arrange their disputes--
And a Broker, to value their goods.

A Billiard-maker, whose skill was immense,
Might perhaps have won more than his share--
But a Banker, engaged at enormous expense,
Had the whole of their cash in his care.

There was also a Beaver, that paced on the deck,
Or would sit making lace in the bow:
And had often (the Bellman said) saved them from wreck,
Though none of the sailors knew how.

There was one who was famed for the number of things
He forgot when he entered the ship:
His umbrella, his watch, all his jewels and rings,
And the clothes he had bought for the trip.

He had forty-two boxes, all carefully packed,
With his name painted clearly on each:
But, since he omitted to mention the fact,
They were all left behind on the beach.

The loss of his clothes hardly mattered, because
He had seven coats on when he came,
With three pairs of boots--but the worst of it was,
He had wholly forgotten his name.

He would answer to 'Hi!' or to any loud cry,
Such as 'Fry me!' or 'Fritter my wig!'
To 'What-you-may-call-um!' or 'What-was-his-name!'
But especially 'Thing-um-a-jig!'

While, for those who preferred a more forcible word,
He had different names from these:

[...] Read more

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Union City Blue

What are we gonna do?
Union Union Union City blue
Tunnel to the other side
It becomes daylight
I say he's mine
Oh power, passion plays a double hand
Union union union city man
Arrive climb up four flights to the orange side
Rearrange my mind
In turquoise Union Union Union City blue
Skyline passion Union City blue
Power, passion plays a double hand
Union union union city man
I say he's mine
I have a plan
I say he's my Union City man
What are we gonna do?
Union Union Union City blue

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Back In The Day

yeah yeah
oh yeah, yeah yeah
yeah, yeah yeah
yeah, yeah yeah
back in the day now
(chorus)
back in the day when things were cool, hey
all we needed was bop-bop, bop-bop, bop-ba-domp
ooooh, bop-bop, bop-bop, bop-ba-domp
well well well
(repeat)
Soulflower take me flying with you, hey
gimme dat bop-bop, bop-bop, bop-ba-domp
gimme some of dat bop-bop, bop-bop, bop-ba-domp
well well well
back in the day when things were cool
we used to meet up with these dudes
then we'd roll out on hopes and truths
and would ride around the park till its after dark
pumpin the trunk with the windows rolled up, puff
well well well
(chorus 2x)
Soulflower take me flying with you, hey
just gimme dat bop-bop, bop-bop, bop-ba-domp
gimme some of dat bop-bop, bop-bop, bop-ba-domp
well well well
wailin and singin and jammin and talkin
and pumpin the trunk with the windows rolled up, puff
well well well
da laughin and singin and jammin and talkin
pumpin the trunk with the windows rolled up, puff
well well well
laughin and singin and jammin and talkin
and pumpin the trunk with the windows rolled up, puff
and we would ride around the park till its after dark
and when we get home hope the dogs dont bark, puff
well well well
laughin and singin and jammin and talkin
and pumpin the trunk with the windows rolled up, puff
well well well
and we would ride around the park till its after dark
and when we get home hope the dogs dont bark, puff
well well well
laughin and singin and jammin and talkin
and pumpin the trunk with the windows rolled up, puff
well well well
and we would ride around the

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My opponent called me a cream puff. ... Well, I rushed out and got the baker's union to endorse me.

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Ice Cream Man

(dedicate one to the ladies...)
Now summertimes here babe, need somethin to keep you cool
Ah now summertimes here babe, need somethin to keep you cool
Better look out now though, daves got somethin for you
Tell ya what it is
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
Oh my my, Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Hold on a second baby
I got good lemonade, ah, dixie cups
All flavors and push ups too
Im your ice cream man, baby, stop me when Im passin by
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Hold on, one more
Well, Im usually passin by just about eleven oclock
Uh huh, I never stop, Im usually passin by, just around eleven oclock
And if you let me cool you one time, youll be my regular stop
All right boys
I got good lemonade, ah, dixie cups
All flavors and push ups too
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Yes Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
They say all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Ah, one time
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
They say all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
One time, boys
Im your ice cream man
Im your ice cream man
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-baby
Ah my, my, my
All my flavors are guaranteed to satis-uh-fy
Ow

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Underneath The Cream

Wait a minute...
Turn the, turn the phones up
Yeah...cool
Lookin' out the window of a big black limousine
Thinkin' bout your thighs
Wishin' I was somewhere in between
In one single motion
Deep inside your ocean
I just wanna be
Underneath the cream
Can't stop thinkin' about ya'...thighs
Somewhere in between
That's where I wanna be, that's where I wanna be
Underneath the cream
You and I
Somewhere in between
Your thighs
Cell phone, passport
All your inhibitions
Spread out on the floor
(Deep inside)
Deep inside your life-givin' ocean, sugarpop
Rests my consciousness just a little more
Is what I wanna do, babe
So talk to me
Don't get me started
Come into this wet dream-eternal
Pretend I am you and teach me without shame
Take my hand, put it in the place
That turned you out the most last time you came
Useless deliberation, the beast of frustration
Trust me, I know
Somewhere in between seven days and nights
That's how far, baby
You wanna go?
Underneath the cream
Can't stop thinkin about ya'...thighs
Somewhere in between
That's where I wanna be, that's where I wanna be
Underneath the cream
You and I
Somewhere in between
Your thighs, your thighs
Somewhere in between this wet dream, it seems
I never shoulda let you go
Now that you've returned I yearn to learn
All the feelings you never dared to show
Come into this wet dream eternal
Pretend I am you and let's, Oh
Somewhere in between, I dream/Underneath the cream

[...] Read more

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XI. Guido

You are the Cardinal Acciaiuoli, and you,
Abate Panciatichi—two good Tuscan names:
Acciaiuoli—ah, your ancestor it was
Built the huge battlemented convent-block
Over the little forky flashing Greve
That takes the quick turn at the foot o' the hill
Just as one first sees Florence: oh those days!
'T is Ema, though, the other rivulet,
The one-arched brown brick bridge yawns over,—yes,
Gallop and go five minutes, and you gain
The Roman Gate from where the Ema's bridged:
Kingfishers fly there: how I see the bend
O'erturreted by Certosa which he built,
That Senescal (we styled him) of your House!
I do adjure you, help me, Sirs! My blood
Comes from as far a source: ought it to end
This way, by leakage through their scaffold-planks
Into Rome's sink where her red refuse runs?
Sirs, I beseech you by blood-sympathy,
If there be any vile experiment
In the air,—if this your visit simply prove,
When all's done, just a well-intentioned trick,
That tries for truth truer than truth itself,
By startling up a man, ere break of day,
To tell him he must die at sunset,—pshaw!
That man's a Franceschini; feel his pulse,
Laugh at your folly, and let's all go sleep!
You have my last word,—innocent am I
As Innocent my Pope and murderer,
Innocent as a babe, as Mary's own,
As Mary's self,—I said, say and repeat,—
And why, then, should I die twelve hours hence? I
Whom, not twelve hours ago, the gaoler bade
Turn to my straw-truss, settle and sleep sound
That I might wake the sooner, promptlier pay
His due of meat-and-drink-indulgence, cross
His palm with fee of the good-hand, beside,
As gallants use who go at large again!
For why? All honest Rome approved my part;
Whoever owned wife, sister, daughter,—nay,
Mistress,—had any shadow of any right
That looks like right, and, all the more resolved,
Held it with tooth and nail,—these manly men
Approved! I being for Rome, Rome was for me.
Then, there's the point reserved, the subterfuge
My lawyers held by, kept for last resource,
Firm should all else,—the impossible fancy!—fail,
And sneaking burgess-spirit win the day.
The knaves! One plea at least would hold,—they laughed,—
One grappling-iron scratch the bottom-rock

[...] Read more

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Mr.Puff

My dog Mr.Puff,
Mr. Puff has got the stuff,
He's white and fluffy,
And full of glee,
He's very cute and always happy,

Mr. Puff is a ladies man,
He's a ladies man with a plan,
He goes and sits on the street,
And all the ladies come at his feet,

Mr. Puff knows the game,
He has three females whos owner is the same,
He sleeps with the three every night,
And makes sure to keep them in his sight,

Mr. Puff is a dog many has dreamed of,
Mr. Puff is my dog and he knows he's loved.

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Standing Beside Fay One Saturday.

It was Saturday morning
and Fay stood beside you

on the balcony of the flats
looking over the Square

she pointed at the baker
and his horse drawn cart

down by the wall below
my daddy says he's Jewish

she said
those who asked

for the death of Christ
you followed the baker

as he made his way to the stairs
carrying his bread basket

I don't think he was involved
you said watching the baker

until he disappeared up the stairs
she looked right over the balcony

gripping the brick wall
with her hands

I don't think he's Jewish at all
she said letting her feet

dropp back on the floor
and it doesn't matter if he is

I think he's a nice man
she added

looking at you
with her bright blue eyes

and you gazed at her
standing there

her flowered dress
colourful and coming

just below her knees
her battered sandals

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III. The Other Half-Rome

Another day that finds her living yet,
Little Pompilia, with the patient brow
And lamentable smile on those poor lips,
And, under the white hospital-array,
A flower-like body, to frighten at a bruise
You'd think, yet now, stabbed through and through again,
Alive i' the ruins. 'T is a miracle.
It seems that, when her husband struck her first,
She prayed Madonna just that she might live
So long as to confess and be absolved;
And whether it was that, all her sad life long
Never before successful in a prayer,
This prayer rose with authority too dread,—
Or whether, because earth was hell to her,
By compensation, when the blackness broke
She got one glimpse of quiet and the cool blue,
To show her for a moment such things were,—
Or else,—as the Augustinian Brother thinks,
The friar who took confession from her lip,—
When a probationary soul that moved
From nobleness to nobleness, as she,
Over the rough way of the world, succumbs,
Bloodies its last thorn with unflinching foot,
The angels love to do their work betimes,
Staunch some wounds here nor leave so much for God.
Who knows? However it be, confessed, absolved,
She lies, with overplus of life beside
To speak and right herself from first to last,
Right the friend also, lamb-pure, lion-brave,
Care for the boy's concerns, to save the son
From the sire, her two-weeks' infant orphaned thus,
And—with best smile of all reserved for him—
Pardon that sire and husband from the heart.
A miracle, so tell your Molinists!

There she lies in the long white lazar-house.
Rome has besieged, these two days, never doubt,
Saint Anna's where she waits her death, to hear
Though but the chink o' the bell, turn o' the hinge
When the reluctant wicket opes at last,
Lets in, on now this and now that pretence,
Too many by half,—complain the men of art,—
For a patient in such plight. The lawyers first
Paid the due visit—justice must be done;
They took her witness, why the murder was.
Then the priests followed properly,—a soul
To shrive; 't was Brother Celestine's own right,
The same who noises thus her gifts abroad.
But many more, who found they were old friends,
Pushed in to have their stare and take their talk

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Miss A La Cream

Waiting is worth the while
Miss A La cream, a la cream
The lady of magnificent style
The woman of many a mans dream

A natural born striker
Every man in turn likes her
The queue up in flashy little cars
It doesn’t get them really any far

Miss A La cream, a la cream
The lady of posh self-esteem
At day, she’s in the sauna wrapped in towels
At day she’s at the hairdressers draped in jewels
At night, she can be found at many a brothel
But don’t you ever ask, what is a vowel?
But don’t you ever attempt to make her to spell

Natural yellow, gold and blonde
With an exquisite scent from beyond
A La cream, a la cream
She can pander a whole football team
Up in the mountains or down by the streams

When she walks the street with her heels
Mouths open, hearts relentlessly dream
Notwithstanding her heart is stronger than steel
That’s why she is Miss A la cream, A la cream

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The I'd like to be........ series

The Sailor
I'd like to be a sailor - a sailor bold and bluff -
Calling out, "Ship ahoy!" in manly tones and gruff.
I'd learn to box the compass, and to reef and tack and luff;
I'd sniff and sniff the briny breeze and never get enough.
Perhaps I'd chew tobacco, or an old black pipe I'd puff,
But I wouldn't be a sailor if ...
The sea was very rough.
Would you?

The Porter
I'd like to be a porter, and always on the run,
Calling out, "Stand aside!" and asking leave of none.
Shoving trucks on people's toes, and having splendid fun,
Slamming all the carriage doors and locking every one -
And, when they asked to be let in, I'd say, "It can't be done."
But I wouldn't be a porter if ...
The luggage weighed a ton.
Would you?

The Pieman
I'd like to be a Pieman, and ring a little bell,
Calling out, "Hot pies! Hot pies to sell!"
Apple-pies and Meat-pies, Cherry-pies as well,
Lots and lots and lots of pies - more than you can tell.
Big, rich Pork-pies! Oh, the lovely smell!
But I wouldn't be a Pieman if ...
I wasn't very well.
Would you?

The Barber
I'd like to be a barber, and learn to shave and clip,
Calling out, "Next please! and pocketing my tip."
All day I'd hear my scissors going, "Snip, Snip, Snip;"
I'd lather people's faces, and their noses I would grip
While I shaved most carefully along the upper lip.
But I wouldn't be a barber if ...
The razor was to slip.
Would you?

The Teacher
I'd like to be a teacher, and have a clever brain,
Calling out, "Attention, please!" and "Must I speak in vain?"
I'd be quite strict with boys and girls whose minds I had to train,
And all the books and maps and things I'd carefully explain;
I'd make then learn the dates of kings, and all the capes of Spain;
But I wouldn't be a teacher if ...
I couldn't use the cane.
Would you?

[...] Read more

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Ice Cream Hair

My mom's hair is made of Chocolate Ice Cream.
My dad's hair is made of Mint Ice Cream.
My sister's hair is made of Vanilla Ice Cream.
My halve sister's hair is made of Strawberry Ice Cream.
My brother's hair is made of Coconut Ice Cream.
My halve brother's hair is made of Blue Berry Ice Cream.
My baby sister's hair is made of Banana Split Ice Cream.
What is my hair made out of?
All of the above,

and a hint of sprinkles; -) .

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