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Basically, nice guys can finish last.

quote by Lee Meriwether
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Lies About Tall Guys

Just seems like it’s that way to me

Taller guys seem to get executive jobs
Shorter guys work mostly as clerks
Taller guys never seem to be slobs
Shorter guys always seem to be jerks

Taller guys seem to get all of the action
Shorter guys seem to be quite invisible
Taller guys always seem to deserve satisfaction
Shorter guys are lonely and miserable

Just seems like it’s that way to me

Taller guys just seem born to play sports
Shorter guys kinda seem to like tennis
Taller guys certainly look better in shorts
Shorter guys look like Dennis the Menace

Taller guys are usually at the top of their class
Shorter guys seem to fail quite a lot
Taller guys always seem to kick ass
Shorter guys want to, but simply cannot

sure seems like it’s that way to me

Taller guys get better grades and such
Shorter guys seem to barely scrape by
Taller guys seem to do better, pretty much
Shorter guys always wonder why

Taller guys seem to have eyes like a hawk
Shorter guys seem to wear glasses a lot
Taller guys cover more ground when they walk
Shorter guys, to keep up, have to trot

Sure seems like it’s that way to me

Taller guys and their friends look like N.B.A players
Shorter guys look more like cheerleaders
Taller guys seem to look like dragon slayers
Shorter guys look a lot more like bleeders

[...] Read more

poem by David Whalen
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I Better Be Good

If I ain't cool
My daddy gonna send me
To Military School
If I ain't nice
My girlie gonna freeze me
With cold shoulder ice
If I'm real late
My teacher gonna use me
For alligator bait
So, I better be good
I better be good
If I jump on the gas
The cops are gonna jump
All over my back
If I smoke too much
Doctor says he's gonna
Put my lungs in a crutch
If I'm caught without my pants
Consuelo's dad is gonna shoot
Until he sees me dance
So, I better be good
I had better be good
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - Uh, uh, uh, uh
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
You better be nice tonight
If I spray it on the seat
Lady gonna tie a big knot
In the meat
If I spewey too fast
Lover's gonna stick
My Wrangler in a cast
If zipper grabs skin
I'll know I had it out
When I shoulda kept it in
Ow.
I better be good
I better be good
I better be good
Ooh.
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice

[...] Read more

song performed by Alice Cooper
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Ahh, Let's Get Ill

I'm the Ladies Love, legend in leather
Long and lean, and I don't wear pleather
Last of the red hot lovin MC's
Lookin for a little, that's my theory
It goes quick like lightning, too exciting
Lover of ladies, don't allow biting
Level-headed leader, toy boy feeder
Good love life and a rhyme biter beater
Looking, learning, the one you're liking
Listen and you will love what I'm writing
Ladies love, long, hard and lean
And now you know what L.L. means
[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!
Come on now
[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!
Everybody
[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!
Everybody
[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!
Lightning in the sky, L.L. don't lie
I can hold a larger load than those other little guys
My literature is the land's highest law
The man of the brand, one you look out for
I'm loose like the lace in your brand new sneaker
Release the bass in your face like a large Vega speaker
Li-li-lis-listen to my rhyme
Here to satisfy the listeners who stood on line
Bought tickets to see me kick it and wasn't late
The love every little bit of the cuts he creates
First not last, leader of the class, see
From London, Long Beach, and down to Tallahassee
Ladies are pleased, I'm not wearin Lee's
The Kangol is mine, the godfather is E
I bust your lip, my level won't slip
Clockin crazy dollars on the L.L. tip
Come on!
[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!
Come on
[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!
Everybody
[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!
[ guys ] Let's get ill!
Everybody
[ girls ] Aaaahhhhhhhh!

[...] Read more

song performed by LL Cool J
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Dead Guy Stickers

In the USA,
They want to put dead guy pictures on cigarette packs.
With that brilliant logic in mind, I say put dead guy stickers on:
car windshields(dead guys in wrecks)
pistol and rifle handles (dead guys shot)
marriage licenses (dead spouses)
hamburger and hot dog wrappers (dead fat guys)
pies, cakes (more dead fat guys)
bathroom doors (thousands of dead guys in bathrooms every year)
bicycles (road kill dead guys)
fire places (burnt dead guys)
swimming pools (drown dead guys)
every electrical outlet (fried dead guys)
air plane tickets (dead passenger guys)
the beach (shark bit dead guys)
cities (shot dead guys)
air (blue dead guys)
fish (poisoned dead guys)
motorcycles (more road kill dead guys)
scarfs (strangled dead guys)
football helmets (brain dead guys)
hot tubs (more drowned dead guys)
and so on.
Just about everything can kill you, such as:
Mothers (dead baby guys plus dead fathers)
Fathers (dead baby guys plus dead mothers)
Police(multiple dead guys and chicks)
Drugs (multiple dead guys and chicks)
and so on.
Once everything has a dead guy sticker on it,
You've been warned and the world will be safer, right?
It shows we care, right?

poem by Richard Jarboe
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Thespis: Act I

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

GODS

Jupiter, Aged Diety
Apollo, Aged Diety
Mars, Aged Diety
Diana, Aged Diety
Mercury

THESPIANS

Thespis
Sillimon
TimidonTipseion
Preposteros
Stupidas
Sparkeio n
Nicemis
Pretteia
Daphne
Cymon

ACT I - Ruined Temple on the Summit of Mount Olympus

[Scene--The ruins of the The Temple of the Gods, on summit of
Mount Olympus. Picturesque shattered columns, overgrown with
ivy, etc. R. and L. with entrances to temple (ruined) R. Fallen
columns on the stage. Three broken pillars 2 R.E. At the back of
stage is the approach from the summit of the mountain. This
should be "practicable" to enable large numbers of people to
ascend and descend. In the distance are the summits of adjacent
mountains. At first all this is concealed by a thick fog, which
clears presently. Enter (through fog) Chorus of Stars coming off
duty as fatigued with their night's work]

CHO. Through the night, the constellations,
Have given light from various stations.
When midnight gloom falls on all nations,
We will resume our occupations.

SOLO. Our light, it's true, is not worth mention;
What can we do to gain attention.
When night and noon with vulgar glaring
A great big moon is always flaring.

[During chorus, enter Diana, an elderly goddess. She is carefully
wrapped up in cloaks, shawls, etc. A hood is over her head, a
respirator in her mouth, and galoshes on her feet. During the

[...] Read more

poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
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We Came From Outerspace (Space Mix '98)

Hi, guys! Hello? My name is -
Very complicated with the
With the police? Yes, all
We're, we're just here
What is this? What is that?
Complication high of it!
You know the difference between the two genders? No.
You know the difference between the two genders? No.
We came from outer space to
To our parents parents, ... parents
Parents?
Hi, guys! Hello? My name is -
Very complicated with the
You know the difference between the two genders?
What is this? What is that? No.
We came from outer space to
You know the difference between the two genders? No.
We came from outer space to
(Aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry)
(Aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry)
(Aah, cry)
It's a nice place to live, it's a nice place to live
(Aah, cry)
It's a nice place to live, it's a nice place to live
(Aah, cry)
It's a nice place to live, it's a nice place to live
(Aah, cry)
It's a nice place to live, it's a nice place to live
Look from heaven
We're crawling through the communication on the air
Black rain
Something's not right, I can't make it out
Something's not right, I can't make it out
You know the difference between the two genders? No.
Something's not right, I can't make it out
We came from outer space to
Something's not right, I can't make it out
You know the difference between the two genders? No.
We came from outer space to
Hi, guys! Hello? My name is -
(Aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry)
(Aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry)
(Nice place, nice place, nice place, nice place)
(Aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry, aah, cry)
(Nice place, nice place, nice place, nice place)
Wanna try again to be on the quarter too?
No, this will come aha
Female or male? He
Is "he" female or male? Male
Hi, guys! Hello? My name is -

[...] Read more

song performed by Pet Shop Boys
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Thespis: Act II

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

GODS

Jupiter, Aged Diety
Apollo, Aged Diety
Mars, Aged Diety
Diana, Aged Diety
Mercury

THESPIANS

Thespis
Sillimon
TimidonTipseion
Preposteros
Stupidas
Sparkeio n
Nicemis
Pretteia
Daphne
Cymon

ACT II - The same Scene, with the Ruins Restored

SCENE-the same scene as in Act I with the exception that in place
of the ruins that filled the foreground of the stage, the
interior of a magnificent temple is seen showing the background
of the scene of Act I, through the columns of the portico at the
back. High throne. L.U.E. Low seats below it. All the substitute
gods and goddesses [that is to say, Thespians] are discovered
grouped in picturesque attitudes about the stage, eating and
drinking, and smoking and singing the following verses.

CHO. Of all symposia
The best by half
Upon Olympus, here await us.
We eat ambrosia.
And nectar quaff,
It cheers but don't inebriate us.
We know the fallacies,
Of human food
So please to pass Olympian rosy,
We built up palaces,
Where ruins stood,
And find them much more snug and cosy.

SILL. To work and think, my dear,
Up here would be,

[...] Read more

poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
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I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny
Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly

song performed by Bloodhound Gang from One Fierce Beer Coaster
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Girls Cant Do What The Guys Do

(reid / clarke)
Ooh, ooh
Guys are gonna wanna go out and play sometime
But girls you must not let it get you down
Just take this advice I give you
Just like a mother
You try to match a guys independence
You end up in the gutter
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
No, oh no
And, listen girls when you give your heart away
You can easily be hurt
And the least little wrong he does
Always seems like dirt
So take this advice I give you
Just like a mother
You try to match a guys independence
You end up in the gutter
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
No, oh, no, mmm
When you put your faith in one guy
(sometimes hell make you happy)
(sometimes hell make you cry)
Dont lose your self-respect
Tryin to gain revenge
cause no matter how you do it
You lose out in the end
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no
And still be a lady
Girls, you cant do what the guys do, no

song performed by Dusty Springfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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Getting Bodacious and Less Discreet

The guys lay in secret with misters.
Laying discreeted doing dirty deeds.
Some downlow on hands and knees,
And all bugged out with plugged up mouths.

The guys lay in secret with misters.
None denying they've come out of the closet.
Few denying they now cruise on the streets.

The guys lay in secret with misters.
Some are married and some are not.
Some just started and they like it a lot.

The guys lay in secret with misters.
It may be caused by the economy.
With some feeling weakened,
With effeminate needs.
And some feeling weakened,
With a need to please.

The guys lay in secret with misters.
None denying they've come out of the closet.
Few denying they now cruise on the streets.

The guys lay in secret with misters.
Some are married and some are not.
Some just started and they like it a lot.

The guys lay in secret with misters.
Laying discreeted doing dirty deeds.
Some downlow on hands and knees,
And all bugged out with plugged up mouths.

You know the guys lay in secret with misters.
And getting bodacious and less discreet.
Getting bodacious and less discreet.

You know the guys lay in secret with misters.
And getting bodacious and less discreet.
Getting bodacious and less discreet.

You know the guys lay in secret with misters.
And getting bodacious and less discreet.
Getting bodacious and less discreet.

You know the guys lay in secret with misters.
And getting bodacious and less discreet.
Getting bodacious and less discreet.

You know the guys lay in secret with misters.

[...] Read more

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Say Something Nice

Say that you like me the way I am
Just take some time out to understand
It may not be much, but I do all I can
Say something nice
Id never do it to one of you
Id say something nice if it wasnt true
Id make you feel better when youre feeling blue
Id say something nice
Say something nice, only once or twice
Say something nice, only once or twice
Say something nice
I wanna hear that Im beautiful
But you wouldnt say it even if I were
Wearing my diamonds and a coat of fur
You wouldnt say nothin nice
Tell me you think that my hairs real nice
Dont stand around and just criticize
Cant you understand that when a person tries
You say something nice
And its oh so hard, oh so hard
To listen to the words that you say
Oh, say something nice, just once or twice
It wouldnt hurt, dont you see
I wanna hear something nice, say something nice
Say something nice, just once or twice
It dont hurt you at all, say something nice
Say something nice baby, only once or twice
Say something nice
Say something nice baby, only once or twice
Say something nice
Hey dont you hear me, hey dont you hear me
Hey dont you hear me, hey dont you hear me
Say something nice
Say something nice
And its oh so hard, and its oh so hard
And Im dying to hear what Ive never heard (fade out)

song performed by Donna Summer
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Finish What You Started

(m. malamet/a. roboff/a. lang/d. lambert)
So, near yet so far
Thats how it is
Oh, thats how you are
What more can I do?
These walls wont let me get through
But if I know you, you will
Chorus:
Finish what you started
Youll come back to me
I know its gonna feel, baby
Like it used to be
So finish what you started
I will wait for you
I know where I stand
A fool for your love
Oh, thats what I am
Im losin control
Youre down too deep in my soul
To let you go, wont ya
(repeat chorus)
Im standing here shakin
Wonderin if you let me in
Oh, dont watch my heart breakin
Knowing what we could have been
What more can I do?
Your heart just wont let me through
But if I know you (finish what you started)
And I think I know you, baby (finish what you started)
And you can really show me if
You finish what you started
Youll come back to me
I know its gonna feel, baby
Like it used to be
So finish what you started
I will wait for you
I will wait for you (ahh)
Finish what you started
Im gonna wait for you
Finish what you started
Dont you keep me waitin (ohhh)
Finish what you started (ohhh)
Finish what you started
Youll come back to me
I know its gonna feel baby
Like it used to be
So finish what you started
I will wait for you

song performed by Lea Salonga
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It Would Be So Nice

It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet, sometime
Everybody wakes, and in the morning
Hot tea and cant stop yawning
Pass the butter please.
Have you ever read the daily standard?
Reading all about the plane thats landed
Upside down?
And no one knows what I did today
There can be no other way
But I would just like to say
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime
Everybody cares about the weather
And everybody should know better
What a waste of time
Everybody lives beneath the ceiling
Living out a dream that sends them reeling
To a distant place
But no one knows what I did today
There can be no other way
But I would just like to say
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
It would be so nice
To meet sometime

song performed by Pink Floyd
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Rock Boyz, Rock

Junk food, radio, all the news and nowhere to go
Tv guide and the late late show I stayed late, I didnt know
Hold on you got me coming like a shot now from a gun
I said hold on, Im your hero, x rated #1
Tough boys, hot boyz, come on baby feel the noise
Tough guys rough guys no room for a compromise
Shifting metal, six string steel gonna move you like a (------)
Fire it up feel the pain Im gonna hit you like a runaway train
Rock boys hot boys come on baby feel the noise
Tough boys, rough boys, no room for a compromise
Rock boyz, hot boyz, Im gonna give you some bad bad noise
Tough guys rough guys no room for a compromise
Instrumental
Rock boys, hot boys, gonna give you some bad bad noise
Tough guys rough guys no room for a compromise
Rock boys, hot boyz, gonna move you with some bad bad noise
Tough guys rough guys youre in trouble well supervise
Rock boys rock rock boyz rock rock boyz rock rock boy rock
Rock boyz, hot boyz, come on baby and feel the noise
Tough guys, rough guys, gonna give you some bad bad noise
Rock boys hot boyz rock boyz rock tough buys rough guys rock boyz rock
Right between the eyes

song performed by Ufo
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Busy Booked Hooker

Dressed nice and neatly.
She looked so hot.
With a weave that fizzled.

Dressed nice and neat,
Dressed nice and neatly.
With composure there.

Dressed nice and neat,
Dressed nice and neatly.
She avoided disaster.

Dressed nice and neat,
She played it sweet,
And undeterred.
She had wisdom and the drive...
To keep my interest flowing.
While 'peaking' as I'm growing,
To maximize the widening of her thighs.

Dressed nice and neat,
Dressed nice and neatly.
With composure there.

Dressed nice and neat,
Dressed nice and neatly.
She avoided disaster.

Dressed nice and neat,
She played it sweet,
And undeterred.
She had wisdom and the drive...
To keep my interest flowing.
While 'peaking' as I'm growing,
To maximize the widening of her thighs.

Dressed nice and neat,
Dressed nice and neatly.
She was not that sweet.

Dressed nice and neat,
Dressed nice and neatly.
She was a noonday hooker.

Dressed nice and neat,
Dressed nice and neatly.
Just an overbooked hooker.
On a call,
To meet.

[...] Read more

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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There's No Photo Finish Needed

There's no photo finish needed,
For the one...
Who has succeeded.
For the one...
Undefeated.
For the one...
Who has completed,
Passing tests with peace of mind.
And doing this from time to time.

There's no photo finish needed,
For the one...
Who has succeeded.
For the one...
Undefeated.
For the one...
Who has completed,
Passing tests with peace of mind.
And doing this from time to time.

Standing tall from a crawling done...
And doing this from time to time.
Walking while some others run.
And doing this from time to time,
Unsure what doing this would find.

There's no photo finish needed,
For the one...
Who has succeeded.
For the one...
Undefeated.
For the one...
Who has completed,
Passing tests with peace of mind.
And doing this from time to time.
Unsure what doing this would find.
While others rush to a finish line.

There's no photo finish needed,
For the one...
Who has succeeded.

There's no photo finish needed,
For the one...
Undefeated.

There's no photo finish needed,
For the one...
Who has completed,
Passing tests with peace of mind.

[...] Read more

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Finish Line

Wind blows snow outside my windows
Crowd below runs wild in the streets
Two rented brothers race down two separate alleys
Heading for the finish line
Down in the train yard out by the stockyard
Butchers with aprons hack meat in the snow
Blood has the brothers pulsing with envy
Heading for the finish line
Two rented brothers. their faces keep changing
Just like these feelings I have for you
And nothings forever not even five minutes
When youre headed for the finish line
Down in the depot out by the meat rack
Down by the tunnels surrounding the jail
Prisoners are marching in squares and in circles
Theyre heading for the finish line
Theyre lining up for noahs ark
Theyre stabbing each other in the dark
Saluting a flag made of some rich guys socks
Heading for the finish line
Close to the line the ice is cracking
Two rented feelings sitting in the stands
Two mothers, two fathers and both of them are paid for
All of a sudden it comes back to me
Just up ahead is the finish line
Two rented referees and two checkered rags
Out of the corner of my eye comes a dark horse with black wings
Headed for the finish line
Im five years old the room is fuzzy
I think theres also a very young girl
Its hard to remember what happened exactly
As Im staring at the finish line
First came fire then came light
Then came feeling then cane sight

song performed by Lou Reed
Added by Lucian Velea
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Act Nice & Gentle

You dont need no fancy clothes
Whered you get them, goodness knows?
Just show some civility.
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
I dont need no luxuries,
As long as you are understanding,
Im not difficult to please.
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
Well Im the kind of guy who likes
To take you as I find you
So throw away those false eyelashes and,
Act nice, act nice, baby.
Come on baby, hold my hand.
Come on baby, understand, you gotta
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
Come on baby, hold my hand.
Come on baby, understand, you gotta
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
Act nice, act nice and gentle to me.

song performed by Kinks
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Guys And Girls

Guys,
And...
Their girls,
Together they seem better.

Guys,
And...
Their girls,
Always on their good behavior.
When there are no player haters.

New daters wish to play it safe!
Guys and girls.
They want to start out with clean slates.
Guys and girls.

When separated they nitpick.
Guys and girls
With a focus on their differences...
And accepted blemishes get dissed.
To bring division with a split.

Guys,
And...
Their girls,
Together they seem better.

Guys,
And...
Their girls,
Always on their good behavior.
When there are no player haters.
Since these haters love to hear...
Who broke up to gossip in ears near.

Guys and girls,
When separated they nitpick.
Guys and girls
With a focus on their differences...
And accepted blemishes get dissed.
To bring division with a split.
And player haters love to hear,
Who broke up to gossip...
In ears near.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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A Nice Guy

‘nice guys finish last’
such a famous quotation
so often apparently true
in a dog eat dog world

in the western world
nice guys do so often
seem to finish placed last
but is this ultimately true?

eventually all are Judgement Day judged
those first with men are often
last with heart perceiving God
nice guys do not finish last with God

poem by Terence George Craddock
Added by Poetry Lover
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