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There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

quote by Robert Benchley
Added by Lucian Velea
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Morning Humor

Slippery jack, no more turning back,
All around, morning humor
I am a waiter and I am a server
Ill run to your needs with strength and fervor
In times when you are wasted I will walk in
Through the door, pick you from the floor
Then watch you grow into a man
With a big burly beard
And a mustache to match
Ill watch you love the world
And all that it has...
With that morning humor,
Morning humor
The kind that wakes you up
The kind thats in my blood
Morning humor, morning humor, yeah...
I am on top again, soon to be low again
Oh will this ever end?
Im sorry I dont mean to sound like a whale
Trapped in the ice, but aint it nice to say exactly
What I please...
With a big toney voice or a
Soft mellow voice or the
Loud boisterous voice of an opera, opera lady!
With that morning humor,
Morning humor
The kind that wakes you up.
The kind thats in my blood
Morning humor, morning humor, yeah...
But the joke that kills
Is just a joke to you
You need some...
Slippery jack, no more turning back,
All around, morning humor
The kind that wakes you up
The kind thats in my blood...
Morning humor...

song performed by Live
Added by Lucian Velea
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Dont Worry Baby

Well its been building up inside of me
For oh I dont know how long
I dont know why
But I keep thinking
Somethings bound to go wrong
But she looks in my eyes
And makes me realize
And she says dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
Everything will turn out alright
Dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
I guess I shouldve kept my mouth shut
When I started to brag about my car
But I cant back down now
I pushed the other guys too far
She makes me come alive
And makes me wanna drive
When she says dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
Everything will turn out alright
Dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
She told me baby, when you race today
Just take along my love with you
And if you know how much I loved you
Baby nothing could go wrong with you
Oh what she does to me
When she makes love to me
And she says dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
Everything will turn out alright
Dont worry baby
Dont worry baby
Dont worry baby

song performed by Beach Boys
Added by Lucian Velea
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Please, O God of Humor

Please, O God of Humor, give me the gift of being funny
naturally funny
so I can produce poetry and verse that tickles
and makes readers laugh so much their coins roll out of their wallets;
and let the children roll on the floor when my poems are recited;
for indeed my humor is the worst online by any standard
(or lack of standard)
for when I publish poems meant to be funny
my readers never understand me
and what I thought funny, they think tragic
and what I thought was tickle-tickle material
they find pathetic and practically laughable;
I am lectured to or consoled by readers
when I attempt humor;
I am sent e-mails and spam of advice
and words of caution when I attempt to be witty;
and my 113th poem
on the funny side of social networking
brought sympathy and pity for my lack of friends
but no appreciation for what I thought was funny;
and my 213th poem on old ladies at banks
brought outrage at me for hanging out at banks to ogle at wealthy, old ladies;
my 3131th poem on religion, the Divine
and its Power-packed representatives on Planet Earth
provoked no laughter but the ire and wrath of the other God
(you know, not you the Laughing God,
but the Other One, the Only One, the Angry Jealous God)

really neither man nor beast
nor the Highest Being in heaven
truly
nobody laughs at my verse
and nobody finds my offbeat humor at all funny;
Oh please,
God of Humor,
please make my humor a little like that of
Mr Bean or Jim Carrie
so I can have a universal audience
that will laugh at anything I write
(and perhaps incidentally, I’ll make some money)
and then they’ll all say:
See what the God of Humor and Laughter has done
for that simpleton Raj who never knew what humor in poetry is…
Please God of Humor, won't you humor me?

poem by Raj Arumugam
Added by Poetry Lover
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Dont Worry

Theres no need for you,
Baby,
It aint what you think,
So dont worry,
[verse 1]
You remember back in the day when,
We thought it was special,
When we always stayed down,
No matter where we went youd stay in touch,
Two people that were just so in love,
Now you probably aint feelin much,
Like things aint really been the way they used to be,
And you say it seems like I changed,
But Im still the same.
[chorus (2x)]
Theres no need for you,
(to worry bout me)
Baby,
(dont worry bout me)
It aint what you think,
(you still got me)
So dont worry,
(dont worry bout, dont worry bout me)
Even though it seems,
(youre losing me)
And things,
(aint what they used to be)
Baby,
(I aint gonna leave)
Dont worry,
(dont worry bout, dont worry bout me)
[verse 2]
I was headin out to cali,
For a show,
Said that on tuesday,
Id be home,
Left a message on your voicemail
Sayin Id call you later,
To inform you Im alright,
Now you callin,
Just to tell me that you heard,
I was seen in a bentley with my girls,
So Im on my way to a spot where people hang,
But nothings changed.
[chorus (2x)]
[bridge]
Theres no need to
Worry bout what
I do when Im away.
(dont worry bout a damn thing)

[...] Read more

song performed by Aaliyah
Added by Lucian Velea
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Give Me That Signal

Take your hands out your pockets...
And,
Give me every signal...
That you don't have to worry at all.
Give me that signal...
That you don't have to worry at all.
Give me that signal...
That you don't have to worry at all.

If you believe...in!
Whatever that it was that gave you faith.
Believe...in!
Whatever that it was that kept you in faith.
If you 'believed'....
You could move any cloud cover in the sky.
You would not cry.

Give me that signal...
That you don't have to worry at all.
Give me that signal...
That you don't have to worry at all.

If you believe...in!
Whatever that it was that gave you faith.

You wouldn't have to worry at all.
Give me that signal
And wouldn't have to worry at all.
Give me that signal
You wouldn't have to worry at all.

If you believe...in!
Whatever that it was that gave you faith.
You wouldn't have to worry at all.
Give me that signal
No wouldn't have to worry at all.
Give me that signal
No wouldn't have to worry at all.
Give me that signal
No wouldn't have to worry at all.
Give me that signal
No wouldn't have to worry at all.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Added by Poetry Lover
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Dont You Worry bout A Thing

(s. wonder)
Everybodys got a thing
But some dont know how to handle it
Always reachin out in vain
Just taking the things not worth havin
Chorus:
But dont you worry bout a thing
Dont you worry bout a thing (dont you worry, baby)
cause Ill be standing on the side when you check it out
They say your style of lifes a drag
And that you must go other places
Just dont you feel too bad
When you get fooled by smiling faces
Chorus
When you get off your trip
Dont you worry bout a thing
Dont you worry bout a thing
Chorus
Everybody needs a change
A chance to check out the new
Youre the only one who see
The changes you take yourself through
Dont you worry bout a thing
Dont you worry bout a thing (sweet baby)
cause Ill be standin in the wings when you check it out
Dont you worry bout a thing
Dont you worry bout a thing
Dont worry, dont worry, dont worry cause Ill be right here waitin for you baby
Repeat (fade)

song performed by Incognito
Added by Lucian Velea
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All Different, But Still The Same

Some people have short hair, some have long.
Some people have thick hair; some people’s hair is all gone.

Some people have black hair, some have gray.
Some people have brown hair, some blonde, some red.
Some people’s hair a color unsaid.

Some people are short, some people are tall.
Some people will love you; some won’t like you at all.

Some people like hot weather, some like cold.
Some people are timid, some people are bold.
Some people have dark skin, some people have light.
Some people have black skin, some people have white.

Some people eat meat; some won’t touch it at all.
Some people have a good memory, some can’t recall.
Some people accept Christ, some never will.
Some people are stingy, some people give.

Some people like school, some people don’t.
Some people will excel, some people won’t.
Some people smoke cigarettes, some never will.
Some people are honest, some people steal.

Some people have book knowledge;
But don’t know the Holy Book.
Some people burn food, some people can cook.

Some people are old, some people are young.
Some people do smart things, some people do dumb.

Some people just have a diploma
Some people have degrees.
Some people do things slow, some with a breeze.
Some people are complainers, some easy to please.

Some people hate shopping, some stay in the mall.
Some people hate God, but God loves us all.

We are all different, but still the same.

When I get cut, I bleed red;
You get cut, red blood you’ll shed.

Some people are plump, some people are thin.
But we are all the same, we’re all human being.

Copyright © 2010-Phyllis Strong

poem by Phyllis Strong
Added by Poetry Lover
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Art of Humor

The parody, the comic
The irony, the slapstick 
The comedy, the joke
There are many names of humor

A little flirt, a bit sway
A random bait, a strike catch
A prick of crack, a needed pain
So far we go just for humor 

Because it is fun, because it is crazy
Because it is refreshing, because it brings laugh
Lightening the mood, building emotion
Always use humor in a good way

The situation, the mimic
The trap, the surprise 
The movement, the style
Only human could understand humor 

The witty question, the innocence answer
The spontaneous expression, the awaited performance 
The dilemma, the mistake
Everything could turn into humor 

To tease, to distract
To criticize, to attract 
To break the ice, to open the gag
Don't take humor too serious 

In critical condition, in awkward moment
In relaxing time, in happy hour 
In strange fact, in life experience
Do you know that God also has a sense of humor?

poem by Maria Sudibyo
Added by Poetry Lover
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Hunting High & Low

Here I am
And within the reach of my hands
Shes sound asleep and shes sweeter now
Than thewildest dream could have seen her
And I watch her slipping away
Though I know Ill be hunting high and low
High
Theres no end to the the lengths Ill go to
Hunting high and low
High
Theres no end to the the lengths Ill go to
To find her again
Upon this my dreams are depending
Through the dark
I sense the pounding of her heart
Next to mine
Shes the sweetest love I could find
So I guess Ill be hunting high and low
High
Theres no end to the lengths Ill go to
High and low
High
Do you know what it means to love you
Im hunting high and low
And now shes telling me shes got to go away
Ill always be hunting high and low
Hungry for you
Watch me tearing myself to pieces
Hunting high and low
High
Theres no end to the lengths Ill go to
Oh! for you Ill be hunting high and low

song performed by A-Ha
Added by Lucian Velea
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Hunting High And Low

Typed by fjonkman@hotmail.com
Hunting High and Low:
Here I am
And within the reach of my hand
She's sound asleep
And she's sweeter now
Than the wildest dream
Could have seen her
And I watch her slipping away
But I know I'll be
Hunting high and low
Ah there's no end
To the lengths I'll go to
Hunting high and low
Ah there's no end
To the lengths I'll go
To find her again
Upon this my dreams are depending
Through the dark
I sense the pounding of her heart
Next to mine
She's the sweetest love
I could find
So I guess I'll be
Hunting high and low
Ah, there's no end
To lengths I'll go to
High and low
Ah, do you know what it means
To love you
I'm hunting high and low
And now she's telling me
She's got to go away
I'll always be hunting high and low
Only for you (And now she's telling me)
Watch me tearing myself to pieces
Hunting high and low
Ah, there's no end
To lengths I'll go to
For you I'll be hunting high and low

song performed by A-Ha
Added by Lucian Velea
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Ooddled Up

Total open bootle stroking.
Open toking...
To be broken,
Coping.
And ooddled up.
With the stuff.

Soaking near the ropes to toke.
And poking for some hope,
They cope and smoke...
Feeling dope!

To lube and idolize.
Too pooped to analyze,
The people.
Crunking with a blunt!
To lube and idolize.
Too pooped to analyze,
The people.
And peel we do,
With the tools.

Total open bootle stroking.
Open toking...
To be broken,
Coping.
And ooddled up.
With the stuff.

Crunked with their blunts...
And bumping.
Humping, dump and crumping.

Crunked with their blunts...
And bumping.
Humping, dump and crumping.

Soaking near the ropes to toke.
And poking for some hope,
They cope and smoke...
Feeling dope!

Crunked with their blunts...
And bumping.
Humping, dump and crumping.

Total open bootle stroking.
Open toking...
To be broken,
Coping.

[...] Read more

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Added by Poetry Lover
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A Piece Of Myself... And For Myself

people in my place worry about me
why i do not worry about next year
the next planting season after this year's bumpy harvest where every room in the house is filled with corn.

people in my place ask me where shall i live after next year
and you should soon inherit the house that i built for 50 years.

they all worry about me with all those particular items like what shall happen
to the glasses in my cabinet
or the white car in my blue garage
or my gold watch and my silver spoons and my china plates

they worry about my gold fish in my aquarium
who shall feed them when i am no longer home

people worry a lot about me
and i begin sometimes when i get tired listening to all the questions
asking: why me? why do you worry all about me?

i am not even dead yet and have no plans retiring from life's works
like the arts and this
pottery and this poetry

people worry about me
and never about us.

i am tired and all i need is sleep.
and i do not worry at all.

because i know that if i am dead
then i am dead
and i do not ask for more

not even on extended dreams
not even on anything

perhaps they worry about me because they all worry about themselves
perhaps i am their mirror
or perhaps they think that with my behavior
i should not have lived
in the first place.

poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Added by Poetry Lover
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Estimated Prophet

My time coming, any day, dont worry about me, no
Been so long I felt this way, Im in no hurry, no
Rainbows and down that highway where ocean breezes blow
My time coming, voices saying they tell me where to go.
Dont worry about me, nah nah nah, dont worry about me, no
And Im in no hurry, nah nah nah, I know where to go.
California, preaching on the burning shore
California, Ill be knocking on the golden door
Like an angel, standing in a shaft of light
Rising up to paradise, I know Im gonna shine.
My time coming, any day, dont worry about me, no
Its gonna be just like they say, them voices tell me so
Seems so long I felt this way and time sure passin slow
Still I know I lead the way, they tell me where I go.
Dont worry about me, no no no, dont worry about me, no
And Im in no hurry, no no no, I know where to go.
California, a prophet on the burning shore
California, Ill be knocking on the golden door
Like an angel, standing in a shaft of light
Rising up to paradise, I know Im gonna shine.
Youve all been asleep, you would not believe me
Them voices tellin me, you will soon receive me
Standin on the beach, the sea will part before me
Fire wheel burning in the air!
You will follow me and we will ride to glory, way up, the middle of
The air!
And Ill call down thunder and speak the same and my work fills the
Sky with flame
And might and glory gonna be my name and men gonna light my way.
My time coming, any day, dont worry about me, no
Its gonna be just like they say, them voices tell me so
Seems so long I felt this way and time sure passin slow
My time coming, any day, dont worry about me, no
Dont worry about me, no no no, dont worry about me, no
And Im in no hurry, no no no, dont worry about me, no.

song performed by Grateful Dead
Added by Lucian Velea
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Blue In The Face

Just like a bee rushing to a comb of honey
Why cant you see you look so very funny
You worry yourself sick till youre blue in the face
Relax and sleep, tomorrow isnt leaving
And counting your sheep wont relieve you from this grieving
You worry yourself sick till youre blue in the face
But youll make ends meet I know you will so please pull up a chair
Take your time the worlds not going anywhere
Honey, you worry yourself sick till youre blue in the face
Blue in the face
cause youre always in a hurry
Blue in the face
cause you always tend to worry
Youre just like a honey bee, you panic, you sting, then you die
Its just like you to fret like you do
So take the afternoon and maybe someday soon
You wont have to worry yourself sick till youre blue in the face
But youll make ends meet I know you will so please pull up a chair
And take your time the worlds not going anywhere
Honey, you worry yourself sick till youre blue in the face
Blue in the face
cause youre always in a hurry
Blue in the face
cause you always tend to worry
Youre just like a honey bee, you panic, you sting, then you die
Youre just like a honey bee zap!...
Oh, when youre in a state of mind they call anxiety
And you find it very necessary to pull out your hair
Dont be discouraged
Oh, honey have courage
Dont worry yourself sick till youre blue in the face
Like always you worry till youre blue in the face
Honey why worry yourself sick till youre blue in the face
Youre always in a hurry
Blue in the face
You always tend to worry
Cause youre just like a honey bee, you panic, you sting, then you die
Just like a honey bee
Blue in the face
You got no time to waste
Slow down the pace
Youre turning blue, blue, blue
Blue in the face
You got no time to waste
Slow down the pace
Youre turning blue

song performed by Gwen Stefani
Added by Lucian Velea
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You Dont Have To Worry

Turn me up yo
Thats right
New edition
(you dont have to worry)
Chorus:
I know that things aint right
Seems like all we do is fight
And its been on my mind
You dont have to worry
Im gonna make it right
Ill be on your side
No more lonely nights
You dont have to worry
Verse 1:
Bobby
Lady, I know Ive been acting strange
It seems to me youre tired of playing games
Ive been around
Had girls here and there
I did you wrong, but Ill give my life to make it right
Chorus:
I know that things aint right
Seems like all we do is fight
And its been on my mind
You dont have to worry
Im gonna make it right
Ill be on your side
No more lonely nights
You dont have to worry
Verse 2:
Bobby
What must I do to make it up to you?
What can I say, to make you see things my way?
I know its hard for you to understand
I did you wrong but Ill give my life to make it right
Chorus:
I know that things aint right
Seems like all we do is fight
And its been on my mind
You dont have to worry
Im gonna make it right
Ill be on your side
No more lonely nights
You dont have to worry
Bridge:
Dont be afraid
Ill be there whenever you need me
Ill be there trust in me
Just call on me
I wont let you down ohhhh

[...] Read more

song performed by New Edition
Added by Lucian Velea
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Dont You Worry bout A Thing

Everybodys got a thing
But some dont know how to handle it
Always reachin out in vain
Accepting the things not worth having but
Dont you worry bout a thing
Dont you worry bout a thing, mama
Cause Ill be standing on the side
When you check it out
They say your style of lifes a drag
And that you must go other places
But just dont you feel too bad
When you get fooled by smiling faces but
Dont you worry bout a thing
Dont you worry bout a thing, mama
Cause Ill be standing on the side
When you check it out...
When you get off... your trip
Dont you worry bout a thing...
Dont you worry bout a thing...ooh
Dont you worry bout a thing
Dont you worry bout a thing, mama
Cause Ill be standing on the side
When you check it out...
When you get off... your trip
Everybody needs a change
A chance to check out the new
But youre the only one to see
The changes you take yourself through but
Dont you worry bout a thing
Dont you worry bout a thing, pretty mama
Cause Ill be standing in the wings
When you check it out
Dont you worry bout a thing
Repeat and fade

song performed by Stevie Wonder
Added by Lucian Velea
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Forgiveness Is Not the Key

I look down at the people, I worry about their woes
I worry about their joys, their friends, their foes
I worry about their lives and the way they live it
I worry about their dreams and wonder if they’ll heed it
I worry about the tears I see running down their face
I worry about their lies they tell in this time and place
I worry about their truths that always hurt more
I worry about what they will definitely have in store

I look down at the people who never showed compassion
Who hate each other with the strongest passion
Who pushed me aside as though I were nothing
I wonder, do they care about anything?
I realise they treat each other as dirt
And they revel within all the hurt
Not one ever worried for me
I’m so glad that I can finally see

I refuse to worry or care about them and their petty ways
I will never again worry for their days
Because not one ever cared for me
Forgiveness is not the key
Not when I live life so lonely
I want to be loved only
For them I’ll never again feel woe
Because I’ll be nothing but their foe

poem by Lenore Lee
Added by Poetry Lover
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Through the eyes of a Field Coronet (Epic)

Introduction

In the kaki coloured tent in Umbilo he writes
his life’s story while women, children and babies are dying,
slowly but surely are obliterated, he see how his nation is suffering
while the events are notched into his mind.

Lying even heavier on him is the treason
of some other Afrikaners who for own gain
have delivered him, to imprisonment in this place of hatred
and thoughts go through him to write a book.

Prologue

The Afrikaner nation sprouted
from Dutchmen,
who fought decades without defeat
against the super power Spain

mixed with French Huguenots
who left their homes and belongings,
with the revocation of the Edict of Nantes.
Associate this then with the fact

that these people fought formidable
for seven generations
against every onslaught that they got
from savages en wild animals

becoming marksmen, riding
and taming wild horses
with one bullet per day
to hunt a wild antelope,

who migrated right across the country
over hills in mass protest
and then you have
the most formidable adversary
and then let them fight

in a natural wilderness
where the hunter,
the sniper and horseman excels
and any enemy is at a lost.

Let them then also be patriotic
into their souls,
believe in and read
out of the word of God

[...] Read more

poem by Gert Strydom
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Some People

Some people seem to have it all
Some people always have to crawl
Some people pay to be abused
Some people end up destitute
Some people search their souls for truth
Some people try to be of use
Some people pray before they kill
Some people kill just for the thrill
Some people follow one mans vision, some others die on television
Some people build their homes on sand, some people live in garbage cans
Some people think that live is dear, some people hope the end is near
Some people fight for right to life, some people hate to stay alive
Some people dream of life on mars, some people end their life in cars
Some people throw their lives away, some others go on holidays
Some people live and love in vain, some people dont and go insane
Some people always need to win, some other people love to sin
Some people breaking all their vows, some people slashing sacred cows
Some people like to worship stars, some people think the worlds a farce
Some people try to make ends meet, some others end up kissing feet
Some people find their holy grail, some other people go to hell
Some people never catch their breath, some people drink themselves to death
Some people seem to have it all, some people always have to crawl
Some people pay to be abused, some people end up destitute
Some people search their souls for truth
Some people try to be of use
Some people
!
Gold/ocean/1994

song performed by Alphaville
Added by Lucian Velea
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Ordinary People

In a dusty town a clock struck high noon, two men stood face to face.
One wore black and one wore white, but of fear there wasnt a trace.
Two hundred years later two hot rods drag through the very same place,
And a half a million people
Moved in to pick up the pace, a factory full of people.
Makin parts to go to outer space, a train load of people.
They were aimin for another place, out of town people.
Theres a man in the window with a big cigar, says everythings for sale.
The house and the boat and the railroad car, the owners gotta go to jail.
He acquired these things from a life of crime, now hes selling them to raise his bail.
He was rippin off the people.
Sellin guns to the underground, tryin to help the people.
Lose their ass for a piece of ground, rippin off the people.
Skimmin the top when there was no one around, tryin to help the people.
He was dealing antiques in a hardware store but he sure had a lot to hide.
He had a backroom full of the guns of war and a ton of ammunition besides.
Well, he walked with a cane, kept a bolt on the door with five pit bulls inside,
Just a warning to the people
Who might try to break in at night, protection from the people.
Selling safety in the darkest night, tryin to help the people.
Get the drugs to the street all right, ordinary people.
Well, its hard to say where a man goes wrong, might be here and it might be there.
What starts out weak might get too strong, if you cant tell foul from fair.
But its hard to judge from an angry throng of hands stretched into the air,
The vigilante people.
Takin law into their own hands, conscientious people.
Crackin down on the druglords land, government people.
Confiscatin all the dealers land, patch-of-ground people.
Down at the factory, theyre puttin new windows in.
The vandals made a mess of things, and the homeless just walked right in.
Well, they worked here once, and they live here now, but they might work here again,
Theyre ordinary people.
And theyre livin in a nightmare, hard workin people.
And they dont know how they go there, ordinary people.
And they think that you dont care, hard workin people.
Down on the assembly line, they keep puttin the same thing out.
But the people today, they just aint buyin, nobody can figure it out.
Well, they try like hell to build a quality end, theyre workin hard without a doubt,
Theyre ordinary people.
And the dollars what its all about, hard workin people.
But the customers are walkin out, lee iacocca people.
Yeah, they look but they just dont buy, hard workin people.
Two out of work models and a fashion slave try to dance away the michelob night.
The bartender poured himself another drink, while two drunks sat watchin the fight.
The champ went down, then he got up again, and then he went out like a light,
He was fightin for the people.
But his timing wasnt right, for las vegas people
Who came to see a las vegas fight, high rollin people.
Takin limos though the neon night, fightin for the people.
And then a new rolls royce and a company car they went flyin down the street.

[...] Read more

song performed by Neil Young
Added by Lucian Velea
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